"...and now, newborn Egyptian tortoise . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Michael Martin Murphey is on the program tonight and he will be performing the haunting and romantic single, "Wildfire." Yes, the haunting and disturbingly romantic "Wildfire." And then immediately following our show tonight, on our Late Show website you will hear another Michael Martin Murphey performance. It's a very special webcast. . . . it's not available on TV.

The Reagan Diaries: July 18, 1985 - our deal to trade arms with Iran in exchange for hostages fell through when we also demanded flank steaks.

Dave tries to explain the atmosphere in the theater after "Wildfire." I was busy doing something for the show and when I had a chance to look up, I saw Dave impersonating a moody cowboy. Dave has no use for moody cowboys. "Well, I'm not going on the roundup" is what Dave believes a moody cowboy would say.

A new study has found that mental deterioration occurs more rapidly in elderly men than in elderly women. Some of the evidence found is particularly unsettling. We take a look at a clip.
Announcer:

"According to a recent study, the mental capabilities of men decline more rapidly with age then those of women. Researchers came to this conclusion by observing elderly men in a laboratory setting, in the workplace, and on television. (shot of Dave babbling at the desk) Men: Am I right, ladies?"

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: "Information is moving . . . It's moving through the blogosphere . . . and the internets . . ."

ACT 2
Tonight we're playing something that doesn't have a chance of working. It's something we call, "May I Drive Your Car, Please." It can't possibly work.
How we play: Biff is out on Broadway. He stops a motorist. He asks the motorist if he can drive his car around the block.
Dave doesn't think this will work. Does Biff think it'll work? "Not a chance," says Biff. And what are we playing for tonight?
Alan: "Hi, I'm Alan Kalter, TV's Dr. Love. Tonight, we're playing for a Sunbeam Bug Zapper."

OK, whenever Biff is ready. Biff takes a few steps out onto Broadway in this sure-to-fail social experiment. Dave immediately sees a bicyclist, a delivery guy, approaching on his bike. Dave screams for Biff to stop the guy and ride the bike around the block. Biff tries to explain what he wants to do but the poor guy doesn't understand English. Biff gives the guy the universal sign for "Give me your bike" and takes the bike from the delivery guy. Biff hops aboard and away he goes. Biff rides south down Broadway and makes a right onto 53rd. Dave says all over America people are dialing 911 reporting they've just seen a crime take place. We break for commercial and when we return we find the lone delivery guy looking forlorn outside the theater not knowing if his bicycle would ever return. And then we see Biff makes his turn from 54th onto Broadway. Soon, delivery guy and bike are reunited. Plus, the delivery guy got a Bug Zapper. . . . and I heard he was slipped some "green."

ACT 3: CHARLES BARKLEY: An NBA Hall of Famer and an analyst on "The NBA on TNT." This ain't your typical jock talking sports. Sir Charles is one of the most entertaining athletes you will ever find. I've often heard him say some outrageous things, but when he explains himself I find myself agreeing with him. Very funny and very smart. Charles sits and says to Dave he wants to do two things some day: one is to do a Top Ten list; and the other is to get a rubdown from Biff. Charles says he saw Biff giving Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez a shirtless rubdown about a month ago.
Dave calls an audible. "Do we have a top ten list for Charles?" We had one prepared but we took too much time in the top half of the show to do it, so we put it away. But here Charles is asking to do one so we offered him the one we had ready to go. It's about Al Gore and his new book. Charles lets out a disappointing sigh and shrug. How can that be funny? The top ten list is brought over. Will Charles do it? Sure, why not? Charles performs the list like a real pro. Nice job, Mr. Barkley.

Now that Charles is retired, is he keeping in shape? He hasn't been working at it but things are changing now. A while back he made the mistake of seeing himself naked in a mirror. He says it was not a pretty sight. He admits that seeing himself naked like that was humiliating and doesn't know why he never noticed before. Charles vows to make a conscious effort to get in shape. Dave finds that at this advanced age, he can exercise but he never gets in shape. He only becomes an old guy who is exercising. Charles agrees. He says he works out all the time but is only getting fatter. He finds now when he works out he doesn't get in shape, he just gets tired.
Dave thinks the NBA playoffs is missing something and wonders why he doesn't have more of an interest. Charles says it's probably because his Indiana Pacers stink and aren't in the playoffs. Barkley defends the NBA, calling it the only sport where the best team always wins. Hockey can win with a hot goalie; baseball with great pitching at the right time; football is just one game. In basketball, you have to win a bunch of 7-game series before being crowned the champion.
His plans once the NBA season is over: "I'm planning on coming out of golf retirement and gambling as much as possible."

ACT 4/6: SETH ROGEN: from Vancouver, Canada. Seth is in the new film, "Knocked Up" which opens June 1st. Seth got his start in show business at 14 years old when he did stand-up at a lesbian bar. He thought it was Ladies Night, unaware that every night is Ladies Night at a lesbian bar. He wrote a joke for a contest at the bar and the winner got to perform a 5-minute gig. Seth won. And after his stand-up, a guy in a long black coat approached. He wanted Seth to write jokes for him and his business. The business? The guy was a moile. Every cut comes with a gag.

Play sports as a kid? No. But he and his friends did like to play games. One game was "Edward 40 Hands." Participants had a 40 ounce bottle of beer ducktaped to each hand. The first to finish, won. But the faster you drank, the more trips to the bathroom you had to make. There was a lot of thinking involved in this on-the-surface silly game.

In the film, "Knocked Up," Seth's gets to go to bed with actress Catherine Heigl. He admits that the film loses a lot of the audience at this point. Apparently, no one buys a guy like Seth bedding a woman like Heigl. They'll buy a guy shooting spider webs out of his wrists but they won't buy Seth being with Catherine Heigl. Seth was very nervous shooting the scene. He remembers watching Sean Connery on the Actor's Studio explaining what he says to an actress whenever they are about to have a sex scene. Sean Connery tells the woman, "I am sorry if I get aroused . . . and I am sorry if I do not." So Seth tried that line with Catherine. Her reaction was, "Why would you be sorry if you didn't become aroused? I don't want you becoming aroused!" Seth realizes that was another big difference between him and Sean Connery. There probably lots of actresses that wouldn't mind getting Sean Connery excited. There are no actresses who would want to get Seth Rogen excited.
"Knocked Up" - it opens June 1st. From what I've heard and the clips I've seen it looks to be very quirkily funny.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Don't forget, immediately after the show, go to the Late Show website to watch an exclusive web-only performance by Michael Martin Murphey, with special guest Tony Trischka.
The song performed: "Carolina in the Pines" - good fun song.

ACT 7
MICHAEL MARTIN MURPHEY: Singing "Wildfire." You can find the huge 1970s hit on the special Anniversary CD, "Heartland Cowboy: Cowboys Songs, Volume 5" but you have to look for the special anniversary sticker on the front.
Hey, was that Jude Brennan!??
Immediately following "Wildfire," Michael Martin Murphey performed "Carolina in the Pines" for the webcast. Very nice and lots of fun.

And that was our show for Tuesday, May 22, 2007.



Monday's Wahoo is in and complete.

I liked "The Wonder Years" when it first came out back in the late 80s, but I like it even more now. Nothing today comes close.

I've got to stop letting things bother me so much. Things like this . . . I was watching the news the other day. Floyd Landis, the winner of the Tour de France who is accused of using steroids or some other illegal substance, was on his way to court to discuss and plead his case. It was perhaps the biggest and most important day of his life. With him was his wife . . . I guess it was his wife. And this is what bothered me . . . she was carrying a Starbucks coffee. Floyd is on his way to court . . . and she makes him first stop at Starbucks so she could get a cup of coffee. This irked me incredibly. It still bothers me a week later. But why am I the only one who noticed this? Why am I the only one who was bothered by this? It's exhausting letting yourself get this way. And who knows the real story about the Starbucks? Maybe she didn't make him stop . . . maybe . . . . maybe something else was in play. But the way I saw it was . . . . Floyd's got the whole world on his mind. . . . he's on the way to court in the trial of his life . . . and his wife says, "Hon, could we stop at Starbucks first for a coffee?"

And then the other day, this bothered me. I like Rosie O'Donnell. What she says and does may be a bit bizarre, but I find her to be very entertaining; I find her funny; and I always thought she was one of the better guests on the Late Show. So I'm in my local town the other day and I see a car in front of me about to make a U-Turn on a busy street. It wasn't busy at this time but it is generally a busy street. If the driver could make the U-Turn in one turn everything would be fine. The U-Turn would not cause anyone to slow down and wait for the completion of the turn. But the driver could not make the U-Turn in one turn. It turned into a K-Turn. And because it was a K-Turn, I had to wait for the driver to make the full turn around, as did the driver coming in the other direction. We both had to wait for the driver to complete the 180 degree change of direction. And then the driver pulls into the open parking spot at the curb. This is what bothered me. If the driver continued in the original direction, there were ample parking spots just ahead. But parking there would have caused a half-block longer walk to the commercial destination. And if the driver had driven another twenty feet, the driver could have taken advantage of a side street to make the U-Turn on the busy street. The driver would NOT have had to go down the side street but would only need to use the edge of it to make the U-Turn in one turn on the busy street. The use of the side street would have provided a wider turning area on the main street. But the driver decided to make a K-Turn on the busy street causing me and the driver in the other direction to lose 10 seconds of our life. And a week later I'm still stewing about it. Oh, and the driver making the K-Turn was Rosie. C'mon, Rosie, you can say any nutty thing you want . . . I'll still like you . . . but make me wait in traffic because of an ill-advised K-Turn . . . now that irks me.

And now more useless information from "The Book of Useless Information."
-The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000
-Traveling by air is the safest means of transportation. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes
-A car is stolen every 30 seconds in the United States
-It would take more than 150 years to drive a car to the sun
-More than 10% of all the salt produced annually in the world is used to de-ice American roads

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

"Six two and even, over and out."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Formerly of the Westchester delicatessen Danny C's, it's Danny Cocciardi.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER