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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Charles Barkley; and Bill Burr. PLUS: Nude Flights for Valentine’s Day; Doug; Fidel Castro Celebrates; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Late Show Fun Facts; and a CBS Exec Reviews Dave’s performance.
“ . . . and now, straight-talkin’ maverick . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
A German travel agency offered special nudist flights for Valentine’s Day. Of course, there are some special considerations when flying naked, and they’re summarized is this safety video shown to passengers before the flight. We take a look at the clip. Announce: “Thank you for choosing us for you nude flying needs. Passengers must follow the same rules as they would on any other flight, but please note that the following are also prohibited:
- suggested references to the ‘cockpit.
- Remarks about putting anything other than your tray table in the ‘upright and locked position.’
- Asking female passengers if you may use their ‘flotation devices.’
- Asking flight attendants for help with your ‘sack of nuts.’
- And bragging that you got past security with a ‘tool longer than seven inches.’
Thank you, and enjoy your flight.”
Congratulations are in order for our old friend Fidel Castro who was re-elected to the Cuban parliament with over 98% of the vote. We go LIVE to the victory party.
We see a jubilant Fidel Castro approach a raucous ovation from his supporters. Uh oh, Mr. Castro, look out for that step! Ouch! Fidel takes a tumble when he fails to navigate the 12-inch step down.
I can almost hear Howard Cosell: “Down goes Castro! Down goes Castro!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “We must use power to further home . . . . further harm.”
ACT 2: LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
During the Fun Facts, Dave turns to the camera on his left: “Is your dog a hottie or a nottie? Coming up next on ‘Action News’ a survey you and your pet can take together.”
Turns to camera on right.
“And did you know that when airport screeners search you, you’re allowed by law to frisk them? That’s coming up next on ‘Know Your Rights.’”
ACT 3: TOP TEN: Signs You Had A Bad Valentine’s Day #10. You got a ticket to Hawaii. Unfortunately, it’s a bus ticket. #9. There was hanky, but no panky. #5. Night ended with you vomiting in a Red Lobster parking lot.
CHARLES BARKLEY: Charles is in a never ending battle to lose weight and trying to get back into shape. His big problem is when he runs or works out, he gets tired. I know what he means. I’m in such poor shape that I can’t work out long enough to be sore the next day. And when I was younger, after a hard workout my muscles would be sore the following day. Now after any kind of workout, it’s my joints that ache.
As a player, Charles had the reputation of being a ‘bad boy.” Charles says it’s only reputation and has never been convicted.
What’s the deal with the Knicks? Sir Charles calls them not a very good team. They’re bad. They stink.
Dang it! I’m doing this all by memory. Can you tell? For every show I try my best to keep notes and highlight the interesting line of questioning while I watch, but somehow I lost my notes for this show. I can remember writing lots of stuff about Barkley and Dave but can’t recall them right now. I scribbled the following stuff down but I had more detailed notes somewhere else.
- can’t coach today because he would fight with the players
- players make too much money
- good teams vs. bad teams – good teams are self-motivated.
- Super Bowl – Charles lives in the Phoenix area where the game was held but got out of town during that crazy week leading up to the Super Bowl. He went where it was quieter and more calm: Las Vegas. All week he wanted to bet the Giants but then made the mistake of listening to the “experts.” He bet the Patriots by two touchdowns just before the game. Unfortunately for him, all game it became apparent that although the Patriots might win, they wouldn’t beat the point-spread. It was 3 hours of watching his money slip away.
- Charles, to Dave: “You and I are the only 2 guys on television who know what they’re talking about.”
- Politics – will Charles run for governor of Alabama? Rumors have been around for years.
I wish I had my notes. Charles Barkley is one of my favorite guests on the LATE SHOW. He always comes off as very comfortable but says things that aren’t always that comfortable. He’s blunt and honest and, I find, usually right. And as a player, he was one of my top 5 players to watch on an NBA court in the past 25 years.
ACT 5: Announce: “Join us Monday when Dave’s guests will be: Dennis Quaid
The winner of the Daytona 500
And musician Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings.
Don’t miss this one! It’s gonna be hot!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6:
Dave mentions that Charles Barkley will be covering the NBA All-Star game this Sunday night at 8:00 on TNT. And then a gentleman enters by the window. Dave notices the man. DAVE: “Oh, hi.” CBS EXEC: “Dave, how do you feel about the show tonight?” DAVE: “It seems good enough.” CBS EXEC: “Really, Dave?” DAVE: “Maybe.” CBS EXEC: “Well, by your depressingly low standards, I can see how it might seem that way. Do you think Charles Barkley enjoyed talking to you?” DAVE: “I hope he did.” CBS EXEC: “It’s hard to tell, isn’t it? You see, Dave, humans are social animals. We often pretend to enjoy someone’s company because we don’t want to hurt their feelings, no matter how dull, irritating or moronic that person might be. Do you understand the words I’m saying to you?” DAVE: “I think so.” CBS EXEC: “Well, let’s put it this way: Do you think I’m enjoying talking to you?” DAVE: “Probably not.” CBS EXEC: “Now you’re making progress, Dave. We at the network are proud of you.”
He exits.
Odd that he would drop in when he did. Where was our security?
ACT 7: BILL BURR: He’ll be performing at the Improv Comedy Club in Tempe, Arizona, February 21st – 24th. I like the Burr. Tonight he talked about:
- his 100-year-old Grandma
- Old men – why do they always have a look of frightful surprise?
- control the deer population --- how about controlling the human population. It would make traffic a lot better. Plus, there are too many of “those guys” around today . . . those who have no other purpose in life than to get in the way.
And that was our show for Friday February 15, 2008.
Sports stuff . . . I know, I know . . . I talk too much about sports but it’s one of the few things I know a lot about. “Get Smart” is another.
Pitchers and catchers are back, which means two months until the Devil Rays are eliminated from the playoffs.
The big talk in Yankee-town is what to do with their young, 22-year-old pitching phenom Joba Chamberlain. Should he be a starter, or should he be the 7th and 8th inning guy who hands the final inning to Mariano Rivera? The Yankees are going to use him as a middle reliever to start the year. Callers to the talk shows who want him to be a starter think he can be the Johann Santana the Yankees didn’t get. They cry, “He should be a starter! He can be as good as Santana!”
BUT . . . . . Johann Santana became Johann Santana after being used as a middle reliever for the first 4 years in the major leagues with the Minnesota Twins. The Twins always had plans for him to start, but they didn’t want to tax his arm at such an early age. Santana didn’t become a full-time starter until he was 25, his 4th year in the major leagues.
So if callers want Joba to be Johann, that’s exactly what the Yankees seem to be doing.
I have the ESPN on the TV in the background. The sports network is trying to select the greatest sports highlight of all time. The segment is hosted by their Chris Berman. From an original 100, they’ve reduced that number to 16 sports highlights. ESPN pits two highlights up against each other and it’s up to the home-viewer to vote and decide which is greater. The winning clip advances to the next round. So, ESPN shows a highlight. . . . but ESPN’s Chris Berman announces over it. We don’t get the original announce; we get Chris “Back back back back back to me me me me me me” Berman. Much of the thrill of reliving these highlights, highlights we’ve seen many many times over the years, is to once again hear the announcer describe the unbelievable unfolding before him for the very first time. We don’t want to hear no stinkin’ Chris Berman announce Kirk Gibson’s pinch-hit 9th inning, two-out, two run homerun in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. We want Jack Buck.
Someday when I rule the world . . . .
Unbelievable. It happens all the time. Do you see what I just typed above about ESPN? Did you read it? I wrote that on Friday morning at 10:00 AM. Minutes later, I hear a “plop” down the hall. That “plop” was a delivery of 4 newspapers on to the floor in front of someone’s office. Since that person wasn’t in yet, I grabbed the stack and quickly found the New York Post. Friday in the Post is Phil Mushnick. Mushnick writes for the New York Post and has a column entitled, “Equal Time.” He doesn’t examine sports so much, but rather takes a hard look at how sports is covered by the media. It’s my favorite newspaper column by far. So right after I typed the above, I grabbed the Post and turned to Mushnick. This was his third item in Friday’s New York Post:
“Chris Berman now seems to go out of his way to make himself an easy target. It's a common trait among megalomaniacs, from Donald Trump to John Sterling. ‘SportsCenter,’ always eager to do a Top 50 Something Or Other, now has Berman anchoring something called ‘The Greatest Highlights With Chris Berman.’
But it's more like ‘The Greatest Highlights Ruined By Chris Berman.’
Truly remarkable moments - Carlton Fisk's 1975 Series homer, The 1982 Cal-Stanford ‘Band Play’ - are in the mix. But the actual play-by-play is removed and replaced with Berman's call, his forced and tired shtick.
Thus, the highlights become secondary to Berman's smothering presence. That Berman would allow himself to trample these historic highlights - exploit them in service to his relentless self-promotion - is more of the same and more of a shame than it is a surprise.”
You know, if Hillary Clinton ran for United States Senator from her home state of Illinois instead of elbowing her way into New York, she wouldn’t be bothered by the pesky Barack Obama right now.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Toledo, Ohio, it’s Bill Rinehart
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Charles Barkley; and Bill Burr. PLUS: Nude Flights for Valentine’s Day; Doug; Fidel Castro Celebrates; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Late Show Fun Facts; and a CBS Exec Reviews Dave’s performance.
“ . . . and now, straight-talkin’ maverick . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
A German travel agency offered special nudist flights for Valentine’s Day. Of course, there are some special considerations when flying naked, and they’re summarized is this safety video shown to passengers before the flight. We take a look at the clip. Announce: “Thank you for choosing us for you nude flying needs. Passengers must follow the same rules as they would on any other flight, but please note that the following are also prohibited:
- suggested references to the ‘cockpit.
- Remarks about putting anything other than your tray table in the ‘upright and locked position.’
- Asking female passengers if you may use their ‘flotation devices.’
- Asking flight attendants for help with your ‘sack of nuts.’
- And bragging that you got past security with a ‘tool longer than seven inches.’
Thank you, and enjoy your flight.”
Congratulations are in order for our old friend Fidel Castro who was re-elected to the Cuban parliament with over 98% of the vote. We go LIVE to the victory party.
We see a jubilant Fidel Castro approach a raucous ovation from his supporters. Uh oh, Mr. Castro, look out for that step! Ouch! Fidel takes a tumble when he fails to navigate the 12-inch step down.
I can almost hear Howard Cosell: “Down goes Castro! Down goes Castro!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “We must use power to further home . . . . further harm.”
ACT 2: LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
During the Fun Facts, Dave turns to the camera on his left: “Is your dog a hottie or a nottie? Coming up next on ‘Action News’ a survey you and your pet can take together.”
Turns to camera on right.
“And did you know that when airport screeners search you, you’re allowed by law to frisk them? That’s coming up next on ‘Know Your Rights.’”
ACT 3: TOP TEN: Signs You Had A Bad Valentine’s Day #10. You got a ticket to Hawaii. Unfortunately, it’s a bus ticket. #9. There was hanky, but no panky. #5. Night ended with you vomiting in a Red Lobster parking lot.
CHARLES BARKLEY: Charles is in a never ending battle to lose weight and trying to get back into shape. His big problem is when he runs or works out, he gets tired. I know what he means. I’m in such poor shape that I can’t work out long enough to be sore the next day. And when I was younger, after a hard workout my muscles would be sore the following day. Now after any kind of workout, it’s my joints that ache.
As a player, Charles had the reputation of being a ‘bad boy.” Charles says it’s only reputation and has never been convicted.
What’s the deal with the Knicks? Sir Charles calls them not a very good team. They’re bad. They stink.
Dang it! I’m doing this all by memory. Can you tell? For every show I try my best to keep notes and highlight the interesting line of questioning while I watch, but somehow I lost my notes for this show. I can remember writing lots of stuff about Barkley and Dave but can’t recall them right now. I scribbled the following stuff down but I had more detailed notes somewhere else.
- can’t coach today because he would fight with the players
- players make too much money
- good teams vs. bad teams – good teams are self-motivated.
- Super Bowl – Charles lives in the Phoenix area where the game was held but got out of town during that crazy week leading up to the Super Bowl. He went where it was quieter and more calm: Las Vegas. All week he wanted to bet the Giants but then made the mistake of listening to the “experts.” He bet the Patriots by two touchdowns just before the game. Unfortunately for him, all game it became apparent that although the Patriots might win, they wouldn’t beat the point-spread. It was 3 hours of watching his money slip away.
- Charles, to Dave: “You and I are the only 2 guys on television who know what they’re talking about.”
- Politics – will Charles run for governor of Alabama? Rumors have been around for years.
I wish I had my notes. Charles Barkley is one of my favorite guests on the LATE SHOW. He always comes off as very comfortable but says things that aren’t always that comfortable. He’s blunt and honest and, I find, usually right. And as a player, he was one of my top 5 players to watch on an NBA court in the past 25 years.
ACT 5: Announce: “Join us Monday when Dave’s guests will be: Dennis Quaid
The winner of the Daytona 500
And musician Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings.
Don’t miss this one! It’s gonna be hot!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6:
Dave mentions that Charles Barkley will be covering the NBA All-Star game this Sunday night at 8:00 on TNT. And then a gentleman enters by the window. Dave notices the man. DAVE: “Oh, hi.” CBS EXEC: “Dave, how do you feel about the show tonight?” DAVE: “It seems good enough.” CBS EXEC: “Really, Dave?” DAVE: “Maybe.” CBS EXEC: “Well, by your depressingly low standards, I can see how it might seem that way. Do you think Charles Barkley enjoyed talking to you?” DAVE: “I hope he did.” CBS EXEC: “It’s hard to tell, isn’t it? You see, Dave, humans are social animals. We often pretend to enjoy someone’s company because we don’t want to hurt their feelings, no matter how dull, irritating or moronic that person might be. Do you understand the words I’m saying to you?” DAVE: “I think so.” CBS EXEC: “Well, let’s put it this way: Do you think I’m enjoying talking to you?” DAVE: “Probably not.” CBS EXEC: “Now you’re making progress, Dave. We at the network are proud of you.”
He exits.
Odd that he would drop in when he did. Where was our security?
ACT 7: BILL BURR: He’ll be performing at the Improv Comedy Club in Tempe, Arizona, February 21st – 24th. I like the Burr. Tonight he talked about:
- his 100-year-old Grandma
- Old men – why do they always have a look of frightful surprise?
- control the deer population --- how about controlling the human population. It would make traffic a lot better. Plus, there are too many of “those guys” around today . . . those who have no other purpose in life than to get in the way.
And that was our show for Friday February 15, 2008.
Sports stuff . . . I know, I know . . . I talk too much about sports but it’s one of the few things I know a lot about. “Get Smart” is another.
Pitchers and catchers are back, which means two months until the Devil Rays are eliminated from the playoffs.
The big talk in Yankee-town is what to do with their young, 22-year-old pitching phenom Joba Chamberlain. Should he be a starter, or should he be the 7th and 8th inning guy who hands the final inning to Mariano Rivera? The Yankees are going to use him as a middle reliever to start the year. Callers to the talk shows who want him to be a starter think he can be the Johann Santana the Yankees didn’t get. They cry, “He should be a starter! He can be as good as Santana!”
BUT . . . . . Johann Santana became Johann Santana after being used as a middle reliever for the first 4 years in the major leagues with the Minnesota Twins. The Twins always had plans for him to start, but they didn’t want to tax his arm at such an early age. Santana didn’t become a full-time starter until he was 25, his 4th year in the major leagues.
So if callers want Joba to be Johann, that’s exactly what the Yankees seem to be doing.
I have the ESPN on the TV in the background. The sports network is trying to select the greatest sports highlight of all time. The segment is hosted by their Chris Berman. From an original 100, they’ve reduced that number to 16 sports highlights. ESPN pits two highlights up against each other and it’s up to the home-viewer to vote and decide which is greater. The winning clip advances to the next round. So, ESPN shows a highlight. . . . but ESPN’s Chris Berman announces over it. We don’t get the original announce; we get Chris “Back back back back back to me me me me me me” Berman. Much of the thrill of reliving these highlights, highlights we’ve seen many many times over the years, is to once again hear the announcer describe the unbelievable unfolding before him for the very first time. We don’t want to hear no stinkin’ Chris Berman announce Kirk Gibson’s pinch-hit 9th inning, two-out, two run homerun in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. We want Jack Buck.
Someday when I rule the world . . . .
Unbelievable. It happens all the time. Do you see what I just typed above about ESPN? Did you read it? I wrote that on Friday morning at 10:00 AM. Minutes later, I hear a “plop” down the hall. That “plop” was a delivery of 4 newspapers on to the floor in front of someone’s office. Since that person wasn’t in yet, I grabbed the stack and quickly found the New York Post. Friday in the Post is Phil Mushnick. Mushnick writes for the New York Post and has a column entitled, “Equal Time.” He doesn’t examine sports so much, but rather takes a hard look at how sports is covered by the media. It’s my favorite newspaper column by far. So right after I typed the above, I grabbed the Post and turned to Mushnick. This was his third item in Friday’s New York Post:
“Chris Berman now seems to go out of his way to make himself an easy target. It's a common trait among megalomaniacs, from Donald Trump to John Sterling. ‘SportsCenter,’ always eager to do a Top 50 Something Or Other, now has Berman anchoring something called ‘The Greatest Highlights With Chris Berman.’
But it's more like ‘The Greatest Highlights Ruined By Chris Berman.’
Truly remarkable moments - Carlton Fisk's 1975 Series homer, The 1982 Cal-Stanford ‘Band Play’ - are in the mix. But the actual play-by-play is removed and replaced with Berman's call, his forced and tired shtick.
Thus, the highlights become secondary to Berman's smothering presence. That Berman would allow himself to trample these historic highlights - exploit them in service to his relentless self-promotion - is more of the same and more of a shame than it is a surprise.”
You know, if Hillary Clinton ran for United States Senator from her home state of Illinois instead of elbowing her way into New York, she wouldn’t be bothered by the pesky Barack Obama right now.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Toledo, Ohio, it’s Bill Rinehart
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • German Agency's Special Nude Flight • Fidel Castro Re-elected • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Late Show Fun Facts
ACT 3 • Top Ten Signs You Had a Bad Valentine's Day Read now
