" . . . . . and now, your new postmaster general . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Hillary Clinton now admits she misspoke about being under sniper fire in Bosnia in 1996. There's no doubt that John McCain has been in combat, though. We take a look at footage released by the McCain campaign.
We see a battle scene from a Civil War movie. McCain's head is placed on a soldier firing a 19th Century rifle.

We hear a buzz. Dave looks over his left shoulder and hears the familiar buzz from an apartment intercom. Dave approaches the intercom, presses the button and says 'Hello."
The voice from the other end is scrambled and muffled. Dave says again, "Hello?" Once again, the response is garbled. You cannot understand what the visitor is saying. Dave asks, "What did you say?" Again, it's all muddled, just like your typical New York City apartment intercom. And as any New York City dweller would do, Dave buzzes him up. He's sure it's fine.

It's time for the CNN HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT.
From the March 17th program of "Larry King Live" with guest host Dr. Drew Pinsky," we see the guest panelist live via satellite. We hear Dr. Drew's intro:
"And from Rome, Kaveh Zahedi. He is a recovering sex addict himself, a filmmaker. He produced a film called 'I Am a Sex Addict,' about his addiction to prostitu . . . ."
Suddenly, the audio drops out. There is dead silence from CNN. All that remains is the sex addict staring into the camera. And there he stares for a good 20 seconds. Dave calls it creepy, and creepier still if you picture him naked.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: "Where's the rally monkey?"

ACT 2:
It's time for the Late Show Fun Facts. They're both fun and factual.

"Dear Mr. Letterman,
Enclosed are the latest Fun Facts compiled by the FBMI for you to share with your viewers.
Love fancy desserts? The Capitol Bake Shop is now selling a gingerbread model of the FBMI Headquarters with scrumptious icing and candy details. A federal agency has never been so delicious."
Sincerely, Gary Sherman - FBMI - Federal Bureau of Miscellaneous Information."

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Signs New Yorkers Are Getting Too Fat - in the past two years, 173,000 New Yorkers became obese. Citywide, the city gained 10 million pounds.

ELLEN POMPEO
Ellen is from Boston, once lived in NYC, now lives in L.A. but wants to move back to NYC. She wants to get out of Los Angeles before she chokes to death on the air. Yup, when I want clean air I think of moving to New York City, too.
She and her husband were house-hunting in the Village downtown recently and found something they loved. The price was right, too. Too right, in fact. They visited the place with an old-time building inspector. He took them down to the basement. He took out a pen and stab at a beam overhead. The pen went right through the beam. Dust came falling. "See dat?" he says. "Dat's what's holding up the building." Ellen told the owner they were no longer interested.
Hey, did you see the microphone clipped to Ellen's dress? Her dress was a yellowish-tan . . . and the microphone was the same color! I wonder if she brought that with her? I'll have to ask our audio department. I know I mentioned that in the Wahoo some time ago. I wondered why all our clip-on microphones were black. The black mic up against a light-colored dress is jarring. We should have an assortment of microphone clips to match the attire of our guests. Could somebody in a position of power here at the show be reading the Waho . . . ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ellen describes herself as a Goodfellas immigrant kind of kid who grew up in Boston. At 15, she was selling illegal booze in slushie drinks outside Fenway Park, although it may have been legal since the cops knew it and let her do it anyway. She always thought she was a great salesman but the long line at her slushie stand was for the booze.
Ellen's "Grey's Anatomy" starts airing brand new shows once again on Thursday, April 24 at 9:00 on ABC.

ACT 4:
WILL IT FLOAT?
Tonight's item: a hand-held massager. . . . with a cord. . . . with gel grips. Dave says it'll float.
Paul says, "I'll say . . . . just to make it interesting . . . . because thus far . . . . ." Dave laughs at the unneeded punch-line, Paul says it will sink.
The scrim goes up. Once Dave sees the hand-held massager, he changes his guess to Sink.
The Late Show models drop the hand-held massager into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was hard to tell from the overhead angle . . . . . it sank! First it floated, then it sank.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Bruce Willis; Sylvester Stallone, the Teutuls, and musicians The Mars Volta. Remember, you can't laugh if you don't watch. We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
JAY-Z AND MARY J. BLIGE
They're currently co-headlining on their "Heart of the City" concert tour. The idea of touring together came to Jay-Z during his last co-headlining tour with R. Kelly. Jay-Z describes that tour as a nightmarish experience. Mary J. helped out on some future dates and the tour was rebilled "Jay-Z and Friends." It was then decided they would tour together in the future.
Tonight they performed "Can't Stop The Hustle," a song they first did together back in 1996.

And that was our show for Friday, April 4, 2008.



I received an e-mail recently from Wahoo reader Paul Pacholski. Paul took my suggestion to visit some of the old-time drinking establishments when visiting the city. I'm always surprised when I learn that someone reads the Wahoo, but stunned when someone takes my suggestion.
He visited the White House Tavern, the Ear Inn, McSorley's, and the Old Town Bar. Unfortunately, Chumley's had closed down. And now that we have a working dark week coming next week, I'll be heading out to one of the above one afternoon when I'll be pretending to have caught up on all my work. I'm leaning towards the Ear Inn. I've never been there and I'm really looking forward to it. Of course, I'll be going there on business to provide material for a future Wahoo. It's always about business.

And I received this from Wahoo reader Richard Carpenter concerning Barack Obama's recent bowling score of 37.

"People keep mentioning Barack's bowling a 37. But he didn't. They showed a quick snapshot of the scoring screen on television. He had a 37 in the sixth frame, and a spare in the seventh. The total score still showed 37, since you don't score a spare until your next ball. Which he never bowled, ending the game there. With technically a score of 47. So not only 1) was it not a full game, but 2) he had at least a 47 through seven frames. Now, of course this is still a bad score, and would probably have wound up being around 80 if played out. But everyone keeps talking like he had a 37 after bowling ten frames. Very much not the case, but it certainly makes for a good sound bite."

I'm thinking of starting a new business venture. How do you get something copyrighted? Or trademarked?

I just received this in my e-mail box:
"Save the date for the 5th Annual McHugh Foundation 5K Run for Fun and Family Fair!
May 17th Fly Wheel Park in Piermont."

Oh, boy. Every year I swear I'm going to participate and every year my fat and flabby body conveniently finds itself busy with something else to do. Hopefully, this year is different. I have 6 weeks to get into 5K shape. Whether I run or not, I'll be registering early just to get a T-Shirt. It's for a good cause. I really want to run this year because, according to the note, "Chip Technology Timing will be used to Time the Race." Did you see that?! Chip Technology Timing! No stinking wristwatch or stopwatch here! It's Chip Technology Timing.
To find out more about Dennis McHugh, who left us on 9-11, and the Dennis McHugh Foundation, click on:
www.dennispmchugh.org

Due to the NCAA Basketball Championship game and CBS' broadcast of highlights from the Masters, we will be broadcasting previously-viewed programs next week.

Hey, Becky Dilts! Your son, Derrick, will be shown on Wednesday's repeat of Small Town News. Tell your friends.

NEXT WEEK'S PREVIOUSLY VIEWED PROGRAMS
MONDAY: From 1/17/08; #2853: Sylvester Stallone; The Teutuls; Mars Volta; and Bruce Willis sitting in with the band. PLUS: Dave, Bruce, and Sylvester ride motorbikes down Broadway.
TUESDAY: From 2/27/08' #2882: Kid Scientists; Natalie Portman; and Kenna, with Parrell Williams and Hugo Chad. PLUS: Andy Kindler at the Toy Fair.
WEDNESDAY: From 2/25/08; #2880: Will Ferrell; and Michael McDonald. PLUS: Small Town News featuring Bob Borden and Derrick Dilts.
THURSDAY: From 3/10/08; #2885: Jim Carrey; and Paula Abdul.
FRIDAY: From 2/21/08; #2878: Steve Martin; and hand shadow guy, Raymond Crowe. PLUS: Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan in "Kitchen Nightmares"

Check your Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly.

Do you know who I would like to see on our show . . . . A show with Will Ferrell and Pharrell Williams.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Oh, no! Not another one! I have another friend turning 50. From New City, New York and Ramapo Senior High School graduate, 1976, it's Bobby O'Neill's birthday on April 6th.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER