" . . . and now, consumer watchdog . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Have you been following the rice-shortage story? Two large wholesalers are limiting how much you can buy. How bad has it gotten? Dave saw something this morning while doing his marketing. He holds up a box of "A-Roni." No rice included. Yes, it's gotten that bad.

Are you folks excited about "Iron Man"? It's the first big blockbuster of the summer and Dave is a little disappointed in the special effects. We take a look at the promo.
The beginning of the clip looks exciting and dramatic. Lots of action, lots of excitement. And then we see Iron Man. Ohhh, boy. Not much there. Quite the letdown.
I'm sure you're wondering. That wasn't really Iron Man. That was Twiki from "Buck Rogers."
I hope Dave didn't ruin it for everybody but he says the secret to Iron Man is all in the shoes.

We hear the sounds of an impending news bulletin. It catches Dave's ear and he searches for the urgent information. It's not on any of the blue cards. There is nothing on his cue cards. The sound effect then disappears. There is no news bulletin. We had just the sound effects of a news bulletin.

Gas prices are just insane, and they're going higher and higher all the time. And we're starting to see the effects here in New York City. We see a clip.
There's a guy hailing a cab on a city street. After a moment, one pulls up. Except it isn't the usual cab we're familiar with. It a cardboard cut-out of a yellow cab. A guy in the "front seat" is carrying it. The pedestrian walks around and "gets in." They jog off.
I liked that when I saw it on "Romper Room" 45 years ago and I like it now on the Late Show.

The camera shot suddenly lowers and goes off center. Dave notices. He's confused. He asks our cameraman Dave Dorsett what's up. We see Dorsett putting on his jacket. Where's he going?
Dorsett: "They're releasing 'Grand Theft Auto IV' at midnight and I need to go stand on line."
DAVE: "Could you hold off until after the show?"
Dorsett: "I suppose, but I prefer not to." Dorsett exits.
I like how he considered the suggestion but decided to leave anyway.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: says something about "an increase in your energy . . . . ." and then gets stuck. The words are dying to come out but something keeps them inside. I almost wanted to slap the President on the back to get the words out.

ACT 2:
SMALL TOWN NEWS
-The Latrobe Bulletin (Latrobe, Pennsylvania): "Derry area school district is accepting applications for the position of head varsity girls' basketball coach. Persons are asked to send a fianc