" . . . and now, served over a chilled bed of lettuce . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
-"Bernie Madoff has hired a prison consultant. Nice. I think it's Martha Stewart."
-"Bernie Madoff hired a prison consultant. I have the same thing, but he's called a marriage counselor."
-"Sarah Palin gave an interview on the shore wearing fishing waders. She looked so good, Russia was watching her!"

After an eight-month legal battle, Al Franken was finally sworn in as Minnesota's new Senator yesterday. His office released this statement.
Announce:

"Al Franken is proud to have finally become Minnesota's junior Senator. However, due to the unrelenting media scrutiny, Senator Franken had decided to resign and go fishing in Alaska.
Al Franken: Be There."

TOP TEN: QUESTIONS BERNIE MADOFF ASKED TODAY IN PRISON - he's got less than 149 years remaining on his sentence.
7. "Because of my business dealings with the Latin Kings, can you keep my away from the Crips?"
6. "What mixes better in a toilet, Sangria or Daiquiris?"

When we get back from the Top Ten animation, we find Lyle the intern sitting in the guest chair. He has a hand-held videocamera pointing at himself.
LYLE: (into the camera) "Right now I'm in rehearsal. This is where Dave butchers the material because he is still drunk from lunch.
DAVE: "Oh, hello. I know who you are . . . you're that . . . that . . . intern.
LYLE: "Lyle the intern, Dave." (back into camera) "He doesn't know the name of anyone on staff. All he does is drink his Jack Daniel's, smoke Marlboros, eat his fried pork sandwiches, and cry like a wounded animal. Sad, so very sad. Soon the show will start. The magic will happen. The candle will be lit. Let's watch."
DAVE: "This is the show, Lyle. Not rehearsal."
LYLE: "Oooh. The show is death tonight. Maybe try and catch 'Jon and Kate Plus Eight.' Those people are Bat-Shizzle crazy."
DAVE: "Lyle, what are you doing?"
LYLE: "My video blog, D-Dog. I'm showing the people what it's really like here. Gotta get the truth out, like they did in Iran."
DAVE: "Seems about right."
LYLE: (into his camera) "He is so paranoid he carried a buck knife wherever he goes. Yesterday I saw him slice up a CBS Page. Poor bastard didn't know what hit him. DAVE: "That never happened."
LYLE (into his camera) "Don't cut me off, David. Tell my story, America."
DAVE: "Lyle, you must be busy working on the program. How do you have time to produce you little blog?"
LYLE (putting down his camera) "OK, I get it, princess. You don't think I do anything around this dump. I do things, terrible things. Who kills the rats in the theater? Me. When the stagehands spit in your coffee, who tries to clean some of it out? Me. Who shaves you down nice and smooth like a baby? This guy."
DAVE: "I never asked you to do that, by the way."
LYLE: "Shhh, shut your mouth hole. You don't appreciate me, David. But you should. I'm the best intern you've ever had. I look after your needs . . . . your wants and cares. But also, if you prick me I do bleed. Watch it, ass-bag." Lyle exits. Lyle says hello to Paul on his exit.
Dave doesn't know why Lyle hates him so. But is a bit surprised that he gets along fine with Paul.

ACT 3:
QUEEN LATIFAH
Queen Latifah spoke at the Michael Jackson memorial yesterday and read a poem by Maya Angelou, written for the occasion. She says she never met Michael but did do business with him with one of the bands she manages. She heard that Michael once remarked about her "beautiful cheekbones." "That was a compliment, coming from Michael" she chimes. She calls the service touching and beautiful.
She says Michael and the Jackson family had a huge influence on her; their music; their TV show, they even had a Jackson 5 cartoon. She remembers seeing Janet Jackson on TV and Queen Latifah thought, "Hey, wow! Black people . . . young like me! On TV!" It made Queen Latifah think that she could do that, too.
Dave recalls working with Michael many years ago on their variety show. They would call in "dopey comics" to help out in the sketches. Michael was only about 15 at the time. Dave played a barber and Michael played a kid getting a haircut. And then a few years later, young Michael became MICHAEL JACKSON.
I imagine seconds later the research department was fast at work looking for that clip. Queen Latifah attended the Barack Obama inauguration back in January. Her memories? "It was freezing!" But of course it was also inspiring. Queen Latifah says she remembers the flags from all over the world waving for OUR president. There was a feeling of so much joy and so much hope. It was a special day.

ACT 4:
EMMA WATSON
She's in the sure-to-be big summer blockbuster "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." It's so big that it opens on a Wednesday.
Emma is just a kid and recently graduated high school in England with A's. Dave says he himself was in the C and D category. Before you 'A' students mock Dave, realize that it is students like Dave who create a bigger grade-weight. You benefit from his Cs and Ds. And next Emma will be attending college here in the States studying Liberal Arts. Dave has a lot of questions about college in America and Emma tries her best to answer, even though she hasn't yet attended. At one point she shoots back, "Do you live in the States?" The subtle dig sounded even sweeter with the lilting British accent.
What does one do with a Liberal Arts degree? If you're a successful actor, you continue acting. If you are anybody else, you start work as a receptionist and work your way up. Emma also just started driving and finds herself behind the wheel of a Prius. Dave gets into one-way detailed discussion about the combustible engine. Emma showed a lot of poise by being able to add to a conversation on a subject she knew little about.

I liked Emma. Sweet and confident.
"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" - opens this coming Wednesday.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Don't miss tomorrow's Late Show, with guests Daniel Radcliffe, a top ten list with Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno, and music from Levon Helm. We'll be right back."

ACT 7:
QUEEN LATIFAH: From her CD to be released August 25th, "Persona," Queen Latifah performed "Cue The Rain."

I like Queen Latifah. I sense a kind and happy spirit.

And that was our show for Wednesday, July 8, 2008.



I met up with some old cronies from the high school days last week at a snack joint called "Hog Heaven" in Sloatsburg, New York. I arrived an hour late and when I got there I felt I was walking into a Viva Viagra commercial. It was 6 old guys sitting around a table eating bbq and slugging beer. It was a night of fine dining and tales. And I learned that the son of a fellow Ramapo Gryphon graduate is now pitching in the Philadelphia Phillies baseball organization and is one of their bright future stars. Jason Knapp pitches for the Single A Lakewood Blueclaws. His dad was the quarterback of the Gryphs back in the mid 70's and his brother Barry was my age and ran a mean Rock-20. Anyway, who cares about Jeff and Barry; I'm more interested in Jason. So I googled up Jason Knapp. He's still just a teen and doing quite well down in central New Jersey. His record at the moment doesn't reflect it but he appears to be one of the top pitchers in the South Atlantic League with a fine ERA, WHIP, and near the top in strikeouts. His fastball approaches 100 mph and is consistently in the high 90s. I've been meaning to go to a Lakewood Blueclaws game for years now when I vacation at the shore and now I have a reason. I'll be taking in a Blueclaw game in August in a game Knapp will be pitching. But I am getting a funny feeling about something . . . . the Toronto Blue Jays are willing to deal the best pitcher in the major leagues, Roy Halladay, in a trade. The Philadelphia Phillies have expressed interest and they have a lot of young talent to offer. I wouldn't be surprised if Jason Knapp is included in the trade. And that's my expert opinion after perusing the Blueclaws website for 20 minutes.

I have a Wahoo reader who is my Blueclaw connection, but I've forgotten who it is. Remind me who you are.

I have one more thing to mention about my trip to Hershey/Harrisburg, Pennsylvania last week. I needed to pick up some beer . . . . . oops, I mean I wanted to pick up some beer and I stopped at a small beverage store called Breski's. It was a tiny place . . . but then I saw it continued in the back. It was huge. I browsed for a few minutes at their incredible variety and then discovered the beverage store went back even farther. They had a walk-in freezer to pick up beer cold. I've never been in such a place; the best beverage store I ever stepped foot.
Check it out at www.breskibeverage.com
I just visited the website again and was visitor #13664.

Oh, and the diner I went to for the Dutch Omelet with gravy in Harrisburg/Steelton was called the Highspire Diner.

Hey, hungry for a snack? Hungry for a meal? Try some Chick-fil-A. I just had some and it satisfied my hunger spot.

I'm looking through Wednesday's newspaper and check out the "This Date in History" column, followed by Today's Birthdays. In the listing for Today's Birthdays is writer/producer Rob Burnett. Huh? "Our" Rob Burnett? He's listed in "Today's Birthdays?" He's a somebody? Wow, I guess so. I always thought he was just "Rob". I feel that if you get a mention in "Today's Birthdays" or if you are an answer in a crossword puzzle, you've really made it.
Congratulations, Rob. I guess you've made it.

LATE NIGHT THE DAY THEY WERE BORN
Emma Watson: born April 15, 1990 April 15, 1990 occurred on a Sunday; there was no Late Night aired on that date. The following day, April 16, was a repeat of February 26, 1988.
So, what happened on Late Night on Friday, April 13, 1990, two days before Emma Watson was born?
Guests: Gwen Matthewman knitting in the green room, Dana Delaney, and Sam Kinison. Top Ten Signs That Your Kid is a Loser.
The Robotic Arm.
Viewer Mail: Pete Fatovich doesn't give a rat's ass; Gorbachev footage; Hal and dwarf and goose and Gordon in the control room.
Dave interviews NBC Job Applicants.
And that's what happened on Late Night two days before Emma Watson was born.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, this was the Late Night repeat the day after Emma Watson was born:
Late Night - February 26, 1988.
Guests: actor Kathleen Turner, rodeo star Lynn "Johnnie" Jonckowski, and musician Lou Reed, who performed "New Sensations"
Comedy:
Top Ten Anthony Kennedy's Problems of Being the New Guy at the Supreme Court
10. Have to rent robe until custom-tailored one comes in
9. Stuck with worst equipment in Supreme Court weight room
8. Have to go to liquor store on Fridays to cash everybody's paycheck
7. Sandra Day O'Connor calling your legal opinions "cute"
6. Can't get high with Judge Ginsburg anymore
5. Only get to write opinions for fender-benders and complaints about the CBS Record Club
4. Have to sell Supreme Court albums at table in lobby during intermission
3. Last one to see Hustler magazine left over from Falwell case
2. Can't put off reading the Constitution any longer
1. Nobody takes you seriously when you sentence a guy to death by electrocution

Viewer mail, featuring Gerard Mulligan as Adam West as Batman
Remote: Tour of 14th floor's new offices being renovated for Late Night staff
And that's what happened on Late Night the day after Emma Watson was born.

CAMEO MENTION OF WAHOO READER
1727-054
This concluded another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com