DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Daniel Radcliffe; Veronika Part; and Levon Helm. PLUS:What Sarah Palin Did Today; Why are We Afraid of Ahmadinejad; The Dave Letterman Memorial; and a Very Funny Top Ten List with Bruno.
" . . . and now, jowly chubster . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1: MONOLOGUE
- "Celebrity birthday: OJ Simpson turned 62 today. This afternoon he led an armed raid for cake."
- "It's OJ's birthday. He cut the cake and out of habit, ditched the knife."
- "Ruth Madoff is searching for a new apartment. She's looking at an apartment in the $400,000 range. In New York, that's a place about the size where her husband is."
- "In Connecticut, a guy showed up at his dentist naked. He said he needed something pulled."
And during the monologue, we saw the Statue of Liberty with a can of Raid; Terrell Owens taking the resignation of Sarah Palin kind of hard; and the Bernie Madoff Countdown clock.
Since she announced she would be stepping down as Governor of Alaska, we've been keeping a watch on WHAT DID SARAH PALIN DO TODAY? Announce: "What did Sarah Palin do today? She watched a video about making balloon animals, went snowmachining with Todd, and relaxed by the pool with her pet moose." (we see footage of the above, including a moose in a swimming pool).
"This has been 'What Did Sarah Palin Do Today?'"
The moose in the pool . . . hey, we got the footage, might as well use it.
Dave's been wondering about something lately: WHY ARE WE AFRAID OF MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD?
We take a look at a recent clip.
He unsuccessfully swats at a fly. If only all the world's disagreements could be decided by who is the best fly swatter. Obama would be the best in the business.
ACT 2:
Dave billboards tonight's show and is interrupted by a gentleman behind him in the skyline. DAVE: "Excuse me?"
JOE: "Is this the line for the Dave Letterman Memorial? DAVE: "No, there is on Dave Letterman Memorial. I'm alive.
Joe checks a program he shoved in his pocket.
JOE: "I was told it was here." DAVE: "Aren't you Joe Grossman, one of the writers?"
JOE: "Yes." DAVE: "I think somebody is playing a joke on you."
JOE: (again checking his program): "It says 'Ed Sullivan Theater.'" DAVE: "Get out of here."
Joe begins to walk forward past Dave's desk but Dave directs him back out the way he came.
TOP TEN: REASONS TO SEE THE NEW MOVIE, " BRUNO."
On the informational blue card to help explain tonight's topic, I included:
"'Bruno' opens tonight at midnight, which is in just a few minutes."
Dave rarely looks at the info card until he reads it on the air.
I was curious how he'd react to Bruno's opening at midnight, "which is in just a few minutes." It worked just the way I had hoped.
Bruno walks in wearing a yellow micro lederhosen. Someone much different from me might consider it sexy. Dave eyes the outfit and he says to Bruno, "Put that back in my closet when you're done with it."
Check out the DAVE TV on the Late Show website at www.cbs.com/lateshow. And while you're there . . .well, you know the rest.
ACT 3: DANIEL RADCLIFFE
Daniel did his first Harry Potter film when he was 12 years old. He's now 19 and on his sixth. Seven and eight are on the way. And he has a Broadway stage credit, portraying an unstable stable boy in the play, "Equus." In the play, he's naked. There was a lot of controversy over Harry Potter being seen naked on stage. Worst than that, he also smoked a cigarette. That caused a big outcry. Nobody seemed to be bothered that Harry Potter blinded 6 horses in "Equus." Everyone was totally fine with that.
Daniel turns 20 in two weeks. He doesn't think it's such a big deal. He loved his teenage years . . . gee, I wonder why . . . . did anything real exciting happen from 13 to 19? He's now living on his own and for his birthday he asked his mom for something he could use . . . . a hand-held vacuum cleaner. I see nothing wrong with that. I think that's a very practical gift. But when I got my wife a hand-held vacuum cleaner for her 40th birthday, she was livid. I don't know . . . if it's good enough for Harry Potter . . . .
"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" opens Wednesday, July 15th. We see a clip, but first we see a fake Shecky clip. It was funny and had nothing at all to do with Harry Potter. We do this often. I still think we should include a shot of the celebrity's surprised reaction in the corner of the screen when the Shecky footage comes on. It could be added after the show.
And before we say goodnight, Dave presents Danielle with a hand-held vacuum cleaner. Happy Birthday, Daniel. I hope you mom hasn't bought one already.
ACT 5: ANNOUNCE: "Join us tomorrow as Dave welcomes Rainn Wilson, comedian Larry Miller, and music from Maxwell.
Tomorrow's Late Show forecast calls for rain . . . . Rainn Wilson, that is.
The forecast also calls for Maxwell. That one didn't really work.
We'll be right back."
ACT 6: VERONIKA PART: She's the newest Principal Dancer for the prestigious American Ballet Theatre. Veronika was born in St. Petersburg, Russia. Hmmm. It wasn't always called St. Petersburg, right? I checked the Wikipedia and found that when I was schooling, St. Petersburg was called Leningrad.
How did Veronika become involved with ballet? She says when she was born someone remarked she had long skinny legs and should become a ballerina. That person knew something because no one in Veronika's family knew anything about the ballet.
Dave admits to knowing little about ballet but does know that it is very physical and very demanding. He says, "People are constantly lifting you . . ." Veronika says that is true. Dave then adds, "And that's just in the lobby!"
We see a photo of Veronika doing an arabesque in "Le Corsaire." And then a photo of Veronika in "Swan Lake" just before taking the big leap.
Afterwards, we take a look at Ms. Part's block toed ballet shoes. She steps into them and ties the ribbon around her ankle. She does a quick pose "sur les pointes." Dave takes her hand and shows off his partner to the audience. Dave then attempts an arabesque. I was hoping for a fouette.
For another point of view of Veronika's appearance, and more detailed, check out
www.tonyaplank.com and click on "Swan lake samba girl."
Thanks to Veronika, I've decided to finally attend a ballet. It's been on my list of things to do for years but for some reason I've never gotten around to it. It must be on the same time as the Yankees. There are a few people on the staff who are big fans of the ballet and I think I'll check in with them for a good starter to attend.
It seems ballet isn't as popular here in the States as it is in Europe. My guess is because we are turned off by the 5-hour dance recitals parents, aunts, and uncles are forced to sit through to watch the 3-minute routine by little Suzie.
I hope we have Veronika back again for more ballet stuff.
ACT 7: LEVON HELM: a founding member of "The Band," Levon Helm and friends performed "Tennessee Jed" from his new album, "Electric Dirt."
During the commercial break, they performed "The Weight."
And that was our show for Thursday July 9, 2009.
Regrets. Back in the early to mid 70s, the Jackson 5 were to perform at the local Nanuet Theater Go Round. I was always fascinated by the way Michael could dance, but being a high school "jock" I couldn't allow myself to attend. I should have gone. My weakness of character kept me home. But like many things, I now make believe I went and tell people it was great.
One more thing about my trip to Hershey/Harrisburg, Pennsylvania last week. With my girls busy with their basketball team back at the hotel, I had a lot of free time. I would go out for a drive through the country side and through the old towns to catch a glimpse of Americana. There was no direction, no place to go, no final destination. After a half-hour, I would try to find my way back. This would take another half-hour. And then when I admitted to being lost, I'd take out the GPS to direct me back to my campsite. The GPS made my nomadic journeys care-free. There was no need to leave bread crumbs. Oh, and at one point on one of my drives, from high on a mountain top, I saw in the distance . . . . the Three Mile Island nuclear plant. That was neat.
I was watching the TCM channel the other day and fell into "The Women", a 1939 film about a bunch of dames and their trouble with men. It was all about men but there wasn't a male in the entire film. One line made me sit up and gasp a laugh. A mother of a newly divorced woman tries to cheer up her now single daughter. The mom says, "Well, cheer up, Mary. Living alone has its compensations. Heaven knows it's marvelous being able to spread out in bed like a swastika."
Wow. Great image of lying in bed alone, but . . . . . like a swastika?
I read in the wikipedia that the swastika was a popular symbol for good luck in the United States prior to its association with Nazi Germany. But by 1939 I'd imagine that "good luck" meaning was nearly over.
There were some delicious lines in "The Women" and if you Google the film, or better yet, look it up on www.bing.com, you'll find quite a fan-following and a list of some of the enjoyable snarky quotes from the film.
July 10 -- the worst day of the year for a bowler. Do you know of any bowling alleys that celebrate the 7-10? I'm surprised the Bowlers of America would let this marketing angle . . . . the 7-10 split . . . slip by. How about "A free game at Brunswick for every 7-10 split on 7-10" and "Make a 7-10 split for a spare and win $100."
And on Saturday, go out and enjoy a free Slurpee at 7-11.
And now it's time for "Late Night The Day They Were Born."
Daniel Radcliffe was born July 23, 1989.
So, what happened on Late Night they day Daniel Radcliffe was born?
From the Donz: Daniel Radcliffe: born July 23, 1989 Late Night: July 23, 1989: a Sunday. No show aired that day.
The day after Daniel Radcliffe was born: Late Night: July 24, 1989: a repeat from March 2, 1988
So what happened on March 2, 1988?
All night: live satellite coverage of luggage area at St. Louis Airport. But due to low visibility, flights are diverted to Kansas City, so luggage area is empty until end of show
Guests: Tim Reid (promotes tv show "Tim's Place"); Child Inventors Lindsay Silver (breakfast pizza, with eggs, cheese, and bacon); Lindsay Silver (musical pacifier connected to a radio); Elise Morgan (envelope sealer); and Jess Faneuf (safety lunchbox with alarm)
Bumped: Carol Leifer (to promote her Cinemax special "Carol Doesn't Leifer Anymore")
And that's what sort of happened on Late Night the Day Daniel Radcliffe was born.
CAMEO MENTION OF WAHOO READER
He's 21 today, from the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup, it's Boston Bill.
This concluded another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Daniel Radcliffe; Veronika Part; and Levon Helm. PLUS:What Sarah Palin Did Today; Why are We Afraid of Ahmadinejad; The Dave Letterman Memorial; and a Very Funny Top Ten List with Bruno.
" . . . and now, jowly chubster . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1: MONOLOGUE
- "Celebrity birthday: OJ Simpson turned 62 today. This afternoon he led an armed raid for cake."
- "It's OJ's birthday. He cut the cake and out of habit, ditched the knife."
- "Ruth Madoff is searching for a new apartment. She's looking at an apartment in the $400,000 range. In New York, that's a place about the size where her husband is."
- "In Connecticut, a guy showed up at his dentist naked. He said he needed something pulled."
And during the monologue, we saw the Statue of Liberty with a can of Raid; Terrell Owens taking the resignation of Sarah Palin kind of hard; and the Bernie Madoff Countdown clock.
Since she announced she would be stepping down as Governor of Alaska, we've been keeping a watch on WHAT DID SARAH PALIN DO TODAY? Announce: "What did Sarah Palin do today? She watched a video about making balloon animals, went snowmachining with Todd, and relaxed by the pool with her pet moose." (we see footage of the above, including a moose in a swimming pool).
"This has been 'What Did Sarah Palin Do Today?'"
The moose in the pool . . . hey, we got the footage, might as well use it.
Dave's been wondering about something lately: WHY ARE WE AFRAID OF MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD?
We take a look at a recent clip.
He unsuccessfully swats at a fly. If only all the world's disagreements could be decided by who is the best fly swatter. Obama would be the best in the business.
ACT 2:
Dave billboards tonight's show and is interrupted by a gentleman behind him in the skyline. DAVE: "Excuse me?"
JOE: "Is this the line for the Dave Letterman Memorial? DAVE: "No, there is on Dave Letterman Memorial. I'm alive.
Joe checks a program he shoved in his pocket.
JOE: "I was told it was here." DAVE: "Aren't you Joe Grossman, one of the writers?"
JOE: "Yes." DAVE: "I think somebody is playing a joke on you."
JOE: (again checking his program): "It says 'Ed Sullivan Theater.'" DAVE: "Get out of here."
Joe begins to walk forward past Dave's desk but Dave directs him back out the way he came.
TOP TEN: REASONS TO SEE THE NEW MOVIE, " BRUNO."
On the informational blue card to help explain tonight's topic, I included:
"'Bruno' opens tonight at midnight, which is in just a few minutes."
Dave rarely looks at the info card until he reads it on the air.
I was curious how he'd react to Bruno's opening at midnight, "which is in just a few minutes." It worked just the way I had hoped.
Bruno walks in wearing a yellow micro lederhosen. Someone much different from me might consider it sexy. Dave eyes the outfit and he says to Bruno, "Put that back in my closet when you're done with it."
Check out the DAVE TV on the Late Show website at www.cbs.com/lateshow. And while you're there . . .well, you know the rest.
ACT 3: DANIEL RADCLIFFE
Daniel did his first Harry Potter film when he was 12 years old. He's now 19 and on his sixth. Seven and eight are on the way. And he has a Broadway stage credit, portraying an unstable stable boy in the play, "Equus." In the play, he's naked. There was a lot of controversy over Harry Potter being seen naked on stage. Worst than that, he also smoked a cigarette. That caused a big outcry. Nobody seemed to be bothered that Harry Potter blinded 6 horses in "Equus." Everyone was totally fine with that.
Daniel turns 20 in two weeks. He doesn't think it's such a big deal. He loved his teenage years . . . gee, I wonder why . . . . did anything real exciting happen from 13 to 19? He's now living on his own and for his birthday he asked his mom for something he could use . . . . a hand-held vacuum cleaner. I see nothing wrong with that. I think that's a very practical gift. But when I got my wife a hand-held vacuum cleaner for her 40th birthday, she was livid. I don't know . . . if it's good enough for Harry Potter . . . .
"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" opens Wednesday, July 15th. We see a clip, but first we see a fake Shecky clip. It was funny and had nothing at all to do with Harry Potter. We do this often. I still think we should include a shot of the celebrity's surprised reaction in the corner of the screen when the Shecky footage comes on. It could be added after the show.
And before we say goodnight, Dave presents Danielle with a hand-held vacuum cleaner. Happy Birthday, Daniel. I hope you mom hasn't bought one already.
ACT 5: ANNOUNCE: "Join us tomorrow as Dave welcomes Rainn Wilson, comedian Larry Miller, and music from Maxwell.
Tomorrow's Late Show forecast calls for rain . . . . Rainn Wilson, that is.
The forecast also calls for Maxwell. That one didn't really work.
We'll be right back."
ACT 6: VERONIKA PART: She's the newest Principal Dancer for the prestigious American Ballet Theatre. Veronika was born in St. Petersburg, Russia. Hmmm. It wasn't always called St. Petersburg, right? I checked the Wikipedia and found that when I was schooling, St. Petersburg was called Leningrad.
How did Veronika become involved with ballet? She says when she was born someone remarked she had long skinny legs and should become a ballerina. That person knew something because no one in Veronika's family knew anything about the ballet.
Dave admits to knowing little about ballet but does know that it is very physical and very demanding. He says, "People are constantly lifting you . . ." Veronika says that is true. Dave then adds, "And that's just in the lobby!"
We see a photo of Veronika doing an arabesque in "Le Corsaire." And then a photo of Veronika in "Swan Lake" just before taking the big leap.
Afterwards, we take a look at Ms. Part's block toed ballet shoes. She steps into them and ties the ribbon around her ankle. She does a quick pose "sur les pointes." Dave takes her hand and shows off his partner to the audience. Dave then attempts an arabesque. I was hoping for a fouette.
For another point of view of Veronika's appearance, and more detailed, check out
www.tonyaplank.com and click on "Swan lake samba girl."
Thanks to Veronika, I've decided to finally attend a ballet. It's been on my list of things to do for years but for some reason I've never gotten around to it. It must be on the same time as the Yankees. There are a few people on the staff who are big fans of the ballet and I think I'll check in with them for a good starter to attend.
It seems ballet isn't as popular here in the States as it is in Europe. My guess is because we are turned off by the 5-hour dance recitals parents, aunts, and uncles are forced to sit through to watch the 3-minute routine by little Suzie.
I hope we have Veronika back again for more ballet stuff.
ACT 7: LEVON HELM: a founding member of "The Band," Levon Helm and friends performed "Tennessee Jed" from his new album, "Electric Dirt."
During the commercial break, they performed "The Weight."
And that was our show for Thursday July 9, 2009.
Regrets. Back in the early to mid 70s, the Jackson 5 were to perform at the local Nanuet Theater Go Round. I was always fascinated by the way Michael could dance, but being a high school "jock" I couldn't allow myself to attend. I should have gone. My weakness of character kept me home. But like many things, I now make believe I went and tell people it was great.
One more thing about my trip to Hershey/Harrisburg, Pennsylvania last week. With my girls busy with their basketball team back at the hotel, I had a lot of free time. I would go out for a drive through the country side and through the old towns to catch a glimpse of Americana. There was no direction, no place to go, no final destination. After a half-hour, I would try to find my way back. This would take another half-hour. And then when I admitted to being lost, I'd take out the GPS to direct me back to my campsite. The GPS made my nomadic journeys care-free. There was no need to leave bread crumbs. Oh, and at one point on one of my drives, from high on a mountain top, I saw in the distance . . . . the Three Mile Island nuclear plant. That was neat.
I was watching the TCM channel the other day and fell into "The Women", a 1939 film about a bunch of dames and their trouble with men. It was all about men but there wasn't a male in the entire film. One line made me sit up and gasp a laugh. A mother of a newly divorced woman tries to cheer up her now single daughter. The mom says, "Well, cheer up, Mary. Living alone has its compensations. Heaven knows it's marvelous being able to spread out in bed like a swastika."
Wow. Great image of lying in bed alone, but . . . . . like a swastika?
I read in the wikipedia that the swastika was a popular symbol for good luck in the United States prior to its association with Nazi Germany. But by 1939 I'd imagine that "good luck" meaning was nearly over.
There were some delicious lines in "The Women" and if you Google the film, or better yet, look it up on www.bing.com, you'll find quite a fan-following and a list of some of the enjoyable snarky quotes from the film.
July 10 -- the worst day of the year for a bowler. Do you know of any bowling alleys that celebrate the 7-10? I'm surprised the Bowlers of America would let this marketing angle . . . . the 7-10 split . . . slip by. How about "A free game at Brunswick for every 7-10 split on 7-10" and "Make a 7-10 split for a spare and win $100."
And on Saturday, go out and enjoy a free Slurpee at 7-11.
And now it's time for "Late Night The Day They Were Born."
Daniel Radcliffe was born July 23, 1989.
So, what happened on Late Night they day Daniel Radcliffe was born?
From the Donz: Daniel Radcliffe: born July 23, 1989 Late Night: July 23, 1989: a Sunday. No show aired that day.
The day after Daniel Radcliffe was born: Late Night: July 24, 1989: a repeat from March 2, 1988
So what happened on March 2, 1988?
All night: live satellite coverage of luggage area at St. Louis Airport. But due to low visibility, flights are diverted to Kansas City, so luggage area is empty until end of show
Guests: Tim Reid (promotes tv show "Tim's Place"); Child Inventors Lindsay Silver (breakfast pizza, with eggs, cheese, and bacon); Lindsay Silver (musical pacifier connected to a radio); Elise Morgan (envelope sealer); and Jess Faneuf (safety lunchbox with alarm)
Bumped: Carol Leifer (to promote her Cinemax special "Carol Doesn't Leifer Anymore")
And that's what sort of happened on Late Night the Day Daniel Radcliffe was born.
CAMEO MENTION OF WAHOO READER
He's 21 today, from the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup, it's Boston Bill.
This concluded another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
©MMVII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.