" . . . and now, the woman who taught us all the art of French cooking . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
-"Summer is going way too fast. I was talking to mom and she said, "David, try to look on the bright side . . . . 6 more weeks till Jay is back."
-"Brett Favre is retiring . . . . maybe. I'm not saying he's getting old, but his last successful pass was a kidney stone."

During the preshow Q&A, a guy told Dave how much he enjoyed pie. Well, doesn't everybody? And with that, certain staffers started scurrying to find some pie. Soon sitting back stage was a blueberry pie, an apple pie, and a cherry pie. Trivia question: what is Dave's favorite pie?

Yesterday in Virginia, Barack Obama held a town hall meeting at a supermarket to talk about health care. I'm not sure he really got his message across, though. We watch.
We see President Obama in a supermarket talking to those gathered about health care. As he speaks, he is drowned out by a supermarket announcement, "Larry to the front register, please. Larry to the front register . . . . . . . . . Would Larry please come to the front register!?"
I hate price checks.

President Obama had Henry Louis Gates and James Crowley over to the White House for some beers today, and it looks like they have a very productive meeting. We take a look.
Announce:

"Three men gather at the White House to settle their differences over a few beers. But what happens when they have a little too much to drink and can't remember anything the next morning? From the director of 'Old School' . . . Henry Louis Gates, Sgt. James Crowley, Barack Obama . . . and Zach Galifianakis as Joe Biden.
'The Hangover 2': Now playing at theaters everywhere."

Good news: Dave says he's been sick all week. He was sick Monday. He was sick Tuesday. He was sick Wednesday. No, that's not the good news. The good news is he's not sick tonight. Dave's been feverish all week but the Man of Granite would never let on. Never a peep out of him. Dave has had shingles; he had a little something called a quintuple bypass . . . but THIS past week was the worse of the three. He was finally able to find out what the problem was: Human Anaplasmosis. It is a tick-borne disease and Dave is being treated with antibiotics. If left untreated, though death is rare, complications could occur.
Dave holds up a photo. It's a picture of white blood cells being attacked by the ticks. That's what was going on inside Dave's body. But now he's on the mend. Dave says the wife would say, "Do you think you should do the show?" Dave sighs and says he lives by the motto: "If you can walk, you don't walk away from the show."

Dave opens up tonight's Top Ten list . . . but is interrupted by someone in the audience.
Guy: "Dave! Excuse me, Dave! Hey, Dave!"
DAVE: "Yes, there's someone in the audience . . . .?"
Guy: "Dave, I have a question."
DAVE: "We weren't exactly planning on taking questions from the audience, but go ahead, sir."
Guy: "Yes, I wanted to know, is tonight's show a rerun?"
DAVE: "That's a question we don't usually get. I'm sorry?
Guy: "I wanted to know if tonight's show is a rerun."
DAVE: "No. No, it's not."
Guy: "Are you sure it's not a rerun?"
DAVE: "Yes, I'm sure it's not."
Guy: "I'm pretty sure this is familiar, like I've seen this before."
DAVE: "Sir, how could it be a rerun if you are here?"
Guy: "What?"
DAVE: "If you are here, how could this be a rerun?"
Guy: "I don't understand."
DAVE: "You are here right now in our audience . . .
Guy: "Right."
DAVE: "So if this is a rerun, you would be home right now."
Guy: "How do you know I'm not home right now? Can we get a shot of my house?" (Cut to the man's living room. We see him watching the Late Show on TV.) Guy: "Man, I knew it! This IS a rerun." (to his wife sitting next to him) We're leaving." (the angry guy and wife leave out the back of the theater.)
DAVE: "I'm not really sure what just happened.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Things Overheard At The White House Beer Summit
8. "Listen to your mother-in-law, Barack. Three beers is enough."
7. "Let's call Limbaugh and take this party to the next level."
5. "Guys, stop me if I try to drunk dial Nancy Pelosi."

ADAM SANDLER
The very successful movie actor is also successful in love, soon to celebrate his 11th Anniversary. His secret? "You have to know how to make love to the ladies." His wife likes to keep things interesting and the other night she suggested "let's try to last an entire album." They could only find one of the kids' albums and Adam is proud to say he lasted up to the "clap I-N-G-O".
Adam had an awkward moment the other day when his 3-year-old daughter saw him naked in the shower. She pointed at Adam's "thing" and said, "baby." Adam thought that meant one of two things: She knows that "thing" makes babies, or she thought that "thing" belonged on a baby. From the other room, he heard his wife yell out, "The second one!"
Dave tells Adam he looks to be in good shape. What's his secret? Adam says he's not in shape, but his secret is to wear baggy clothes. (My clothes are tight around the stomach but very loose around the biceps.)
Adam's new film, "Funny People" opens Friday. Somehow, this huge superstar remains well grounded. Adam realizes that it is easy to fall into jerkdom when you become so rich and successful. In fact, on the production site he always makes sure that his trailer is never bigger than the one his sister lives in. And you know how some celebs will not permit the crew and staff to look at them? Well, Adam isn't like that at all. In fact, he MAKES the staff and crew look at him at all times . . . full eye contact. He demands constant eye contact all the time. If anyone averts their eyes, they better have a good reason . . . . . and there's never a good reason.

"Funny People" - it opens Friday.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Tomorrow's Late Show is another winner! Dave welcomes Regis Philbin, comedian Ted Alexandro, and Dave Matthews Band. Wondering what to wear when watching the show? The Late Show recommends that viewers 'dress to impress.' Thank you.
We'll be back in a moment."

ACT 7:
CAGE THE ELEPHANT: From the eponymous CD, Cage the Elephant of Bowling Green, Kentucky, performed "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked".

And that was our show for Thursday, July 30, 2009.



I was very relieved to learn that Dave's fever was from a tick. I was afraid I might catch it.

Things got ugly at the White House Beer Summit. When asked what they thought of the beer, Sgt. James Crowley yelled, "Tastes great!" to which Henry Louis Gates bellowed back, "Less filling!"

Having trouble reading the Wahoo Gazette with the white lettering over black? Try this . . . go to the top of the Wahoo Gazette, right hand side, up to "change text color" and click on "black". Better?

Beer of choice at the Beer Summit:
Barack Obama: Budweiser Light
Henry Louis Gates: Red Stripe
Sgt. James Crowley: Blue Moon

Where's the Ballantine? Where's the Schaeffer? Where's the Rheingold? Would it have hurt if one of them ordered a Schlitz? What, no PBR in a can? No 7-ounce Miller nips?

I like to drink my beer from a can. Next preference is a bottle. And lastly, from a mug. Styrofoam cups to me are a big no-no. But my top pleasure is beer from a quart bottle poured into a 7-ounce pilsner glass.

I bought a 10-speed bike at a garage sale a few months ago. $50 for a Miyata 100. I finally got it out on the road the other day. The first thing I did was I rode it to the bar I usually walk to.
Now that I've got a bike, I'll have to pick up a helmet. I gave a quick look on the internets and found my helmet might cost more than the bike. Uh oh, and if I start riding for real, will I have to buy a fanny pack? I'll need a fanny pack to put my money in case I come across a window with a neon sign in it. And I'll need a bicycle lock for when I'm inside the establishment with the neon sign. And I'll need the fanny pack to store my cell phone so I can call home to have my wife pick me up after I spend too much time in the establishment with the neon sign in the window.

Anybody want to buy a Miyata 100?

Answer to trivia question, the best I remember. Dave's favorite pie is . . . . . Cherry.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Taking Route 66, it's Janna Giunta, the first girl I ever talked to!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com