Butter(not) Squash Apple Soup

Ingredients
2 large butternut squash (2 ½ lbs)
1 pint of heavy crème
4 cups chicken stock
8 ounces apple cider
2 tablespoons fresh herbs (sage, thyme)
1 medium chopped onion
1 chopped granny smith apple
dash cinnamon
dash cumin
1 to 2 tablespoons honey
5 tablespoons butter
salt
pepper


Directions
1. Wait almost 5 hours for teammates to get back from the grocery with one small squash. Realize this won't be enough for soup and steal an acorn squash from the centerpiece. This will allow you exactly 20 minutes to try and roast the squash at 350 degrees. (Normally this would take about an hour). Pull the scalding hot squash from the oven at the last possible second and throw it in a ziplock bag while praying it will steam through and cook while you are in the design center…kitchen time is up.
2. Take a 4 hour break to haul apples around the mansion before you head back to the kitchen. Suddenly realize that your challenge (menu) calls for five edible items and that your team has basically made only two. Try to prepare the other three while making soup. This will ensure you are completely distracted. Rest of team (or family at home) should continue with their own projects.
3. Melt butter in a stockpot and sauté onion and granny smith apple. Pull not quite cooked ziplock bag of squash from fridge, seed the squash and microwave before you add to stockpot. (Realize that Crafty Beavers have left extra Crème Fraiche on the counter and negotiate with pastry chef to share it.)
4. If you are making the soup at home, you may not want to accidentally add twice the fresh crème the recipe calls for like I did. Add chicken stock and apple cider. If you do add too much crème, bring to a boil and reduce like your life depends on it. (Silently wish you had measured carefully and remind yourself you have never screwed up soup.)
5. After you play with the spices (salt, fresh pepper, cinnamon and cumin) until the soup tastes almost like it is supposed to taste, add fresh herbs and puree. (Having your electric puree tool fall apart in the soup like mine did is optional).
6. Finish the soup with honey to taste. Make everyone around you also tastes the soup many times and gives completely contradictory suggestions and reactions.
7. For a big finish…heat and reheat the soup about six times before it is judged…I mean served. This will ensure it takes on the color and consistency of modeling clay for your guests.
8. If you are entertaining a group with a good sense of humor, go ahead and serve the soup directly from the stockpot RIGHT NEXT TO an empty china bowl with perfect herb bouquet garnish. Depending on the amount of time the soup sits before serving you may want to omit the potholder I left hanging on the side of the stock pot. Enjoy!