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Season 27: Episode 1 - A Little Too Much Beefcake
Posted on Sep 25, 2015 11:00pm

In Rio de Janeiro, Justin & Diana went for the Fast Forward – but when the task shut down due to weather, they dropped to last place. Teams struggled at Detours on the beach, but after taking nearly four hours to complete a slide puzzle, TMZ personalities Kelly & Shevonne were eliminated.

TOO MUCH BEEFCAKE Hip, sun-drenched Venice Beach, California was the starting point for the Race. A sizeable group of fans, along with Season One winners, Rob & Brennan, gathered in the sand to see the teams off. They shouted out the first destination: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Phil explained that teams would first take taxis to nearby Mother’s Beach, where they’d participate in a bike race. The winners of that would win the only tickets on the first flight, set to land thirty minutes before the second one. The winners of the entire leg would win the Express Pass.

Phil said “go,” and teams sprinted to a row of waiting taxis. At Mother’s Beach they came upon water bikes, which they shoved into the marina and began pedaling. Texas friends Tanner & Josh got out to a quick lead, with engaged couple Justin & Diana just behind them. Soon, however, the boys’ boat broke. Justin said, “I’d tow you, but you guys are beefcakes.” He and Diana kept going, leaving Tanner & Josh behind. “See you at the finish line!” They continued to a dock in the distance where Phil was waiting, with mother/son team Denise & James Earl surprisingly in second place. Meanwhile, other teams passed Tanner & Josh, who continued to struggle with their broken boat.

Justin & Diana ran to Phil and grabbed the only tickets for the first flight. At the dock, multiple racers fell in the water while disembarking from their boats. Nine more teams then filed onshore to claim tickets on the second flight. In the first taxi to the airport, Justin said, “That Express Pass is everything.” He added, “The two beefcakes next to us had a little too much beefcake and not enough finesse.” Finally Tanner & Josh came ashore, and Phil asked if their muscles had broken the boat.

NORMAN BATES AND PRIMPERS At LAX Airport, Justin & Diana took off on a 10:35 a.m. flight, confident that they’d win the leg. As the rest of the teams gathered, TMZ personalities Kelly & Shevonne likened James Earl & Denise to Norman Bates and his mother. They figured Tanner & Josh did a lot of fist-bumping, and thought NFL cheerleaders Tiffany & Krista looked very prissy. Shevonne said, “I have a lot of questions about their primping process.” Kelly added, “Sometimes I think people are here to look good, verses do good in the competition.” As the remaining ten teams boarded the second flight, dating news reporters Kelsey & Joey said they didn’t mind being with the pack, since the one team out front was alone if anything went wrong. The second flight took off at 11:05 a.m.

Phil explained that when teams landed in Rio de Janeiro, they’d have to make their way to the Lagoa Helipad and sign up for a helicopter ride. Traveling from the sunny beaches of California to the even sunnier beaches of Brazil, the first flight touched down… twenty minutes late. It was almost immediately followed by the second flight, which arrived five minutes early. Engaged couple Justin & Diana jumped in a taxi just ahead of the rest of the pack. Justin said he didn’t care if they won by one second – he just wanted the Express Pass.

FAST FORWARDING En route to the helipad, teams took in Rio’s dramatic scenery, which included green mountains and the city’s notorious slums, the favelas. Brothers/street dancers Ernest & Jin were awed by the latter, saying, “This is like, the hood of Brazil.” At Lagoa Helipad, Justin & Diana ripped the clue in first place… and found a Fast Forward. It said to travel to a nearby hang gliding club for a chance to soar above Rio. It also warned that the task was weather-dependent. Justin immediately opted for it, figuring the weather was fine. Dentist and doctor newlyweds Cindy & Rick (a.k.a. Chacattack) arrived next, but thought attempting the Fast Forward was too risky. They chose to take the helicopter, which would provide them a bird’s eye view of Rio, including the famous Christ the Redeemer statue. When they landed, they’d have to correctly answer a question from the heliport manager about what they’d seen.

RACE SUICIDE Mother/son Denise & James Earl ripped the clue next, followed by Texas friends Tanner & Josh. As Chacattack started off on their ride, college track stars Jazmine & Danielle ripped the clue fifth, followed by Kelly & Shevonne, dating paparazzos Logan & Chris, and news reporters Kelsey & Joey. Nobody opted for the Fast Forward. Soaring above the beaches and mountains of Rio, Chacattack admired the view, and started looking for anything they might be questioned about. Denise & James Earl started up next, followed by Tanner & Josh. Back on the ground, little people cousins Alex & Adam, and street dancers Ernest & Jin got in line in ninth and tenth place, followed by cheerleaders Tiffany & Krista.

En route to the Fast Forward, Justin was confident that they’d win the Express Pass. But when he and Diana arrived at the hang gliding club, the pilot informed them that the wind was too strong. When Justin asked how long they’d have to wait, the pilot said, “Just God knows.” But he didn’t think they’d be flying at all that day. Justin said, “We just killed ourselves.”

TAXI TEARS Returning to the helipad, Justin was in tears, kicking himself for going for the Fast Forward. “It could ruin the whole Race.” Diana tried to console him, saying they still had a lot to do. Of the possibility of being the first team eliminated, Justin said, “It really just rips your heart right out of your chest.” Up in the helicopters, Chacattack spotted Christ the Redeemer. Tanner & Josh added, “It’s hard to put into words how amazing that is, how much that means to us.” They added that they were blessed to be able to travel the world.

As Justin & Diana ended their taxi ride (using up all their money in the process), Chacattack landed. They were then asked the name of the monument they saw, and said Christ the Redeemer. They ripped the clue in first place, and found a Detour: Sand or Sidewalk. In Sand, teams had to play footvolley (soccer on volleyball courts) against professionals, while being allowed to use their hands. If they could score six points before their competitors scored eighteen, they’d receive their next clue. In Sidewalk, teams had to assemble a large, geometric slide puzzle with the same wave pattern as the sidewalk pavement.

ATTACK OF THE SHORT SHORTS Cindy & Rick chose Sidewalk, followed by Denise & James Earl. As TMZ personalities Kelly & Shevonne and track stars Jazmine & Danielle took off in their helicopters, street dancers Ernest & Jin studied a map that detailed all the sights the helicopter ride passed, writing down anything they might see. Kelly & Shevonne passed Christ the Redeemer, Kelly saying, “I can almost give him a high-five!” They were followed by reporters Kelsey & Joey, who agreed, “This is the way to see Rio!”

Down on the beach, Chacattack changed into skimpy white swimsuits. Cindy complained that she hated Rick in short shorts. He countered, “But that’s the style here!” They got started on one of the slide puzzles, saying they never had to do this in dental or medical school. As mother/son Denise & James Earl arrived, Rick became bossy, telling Cindy to wait and let him work the puzzle out. Paparazzos Logan & Chris took off in their helicopter, Chris saying it wasn’t his first ride. “We have to do aerial shots often of celebrity homes.” In the air he wished for his camera, but Logan said she liked not having hers, “and just really feeling everything.”

WHAT A TREAT! Cousins Alex & Adam started their ride, Alex gripping the seat and freaking out a bit – while Adam laughed at him. Back on the beach, Texas friends Tanner & Josh started playing footvolley. They said they felt confident since they only had to get six points versus their opponents’ eighteen, and they could use their hands while the pros could only use their feet and heads. They realized how tough their competition was, however, when the Brazilians immediately overhead-kicked their way to two points. Track stars Jazmine & Danielle faced a similar problem as they dove for their ball, trying to score. “This is so crazy!”

At Sidewalk, Denise said that when James Earl was growing up, “We did puzzles – that was our treat at night.” James Earl quipped, “What a treat! Most kids get desserts. I get puzzles.” Meanwhile, Cindy continued to deal with Rick’s bossiness saying, “He’s used to that back in the O.R. when he’s talking to his nurses. He uses a certain tone.”

FROM FIRST TO LAST On the footvolley courts, Jazmine & Danielle’s competitive side had come out, and they were up to five points. Tanner & Josh had also hit their stride… and they scored their final point. They ripped the clue in first place, and it told them to make their way to the Pit Stop – the scenic overlook of Arpoador Lookout. The Texas boys took off, and learned they could walk there. Meanwhile, Jazmine & Danielle also scored their last point, but jumped in a taxi. Chacattack and Denise & James Earl battled it out at Sidewalk, but the mother/son team finished first, and got the clue in third. Cindy wanted to switch Detours, but Rick insisted they were okay. Denise & James Earl learned the Pit Stop was two kilometers away, and James Earl wanted to run it. Denise was flabbergasted. “Are you kidding me?”

Back at the helipad, engaged couple Justin & Diana arrived to find that all the numbers had been taken, and they were in last place. After lifting off, Justin said, “I can’t fathom being the first team eliminated. Christ the Redeemer, please redeem us from our stupid mistakes, sir.” Meanwhile, it was a race to the Pit Stop between Tanner & Josh on foot, and Jazmine & Danielle in their taxi. The Texas boys arrived first, however, and were awarded the Express Pass. Phil explained that they could use it to skip any task they wanted before the end of the fifth leg. They then had to hand it over to another team, who’d have to use it on the following leg. The boys realized how quickly things could change on the Race, going from last place at Mother’s Beach to being first on the mat. Tanner said, “No looking back.” Josh added, “Watch what we do.”

TAN AND PINK The track girls arrived next, shocked and screaming when they learned of their second-place finish. Back on the beach, TMZ personalities Kelly & Shevonne began playing footvolley – and were dismal at it. After multiple misses, they decided to switch to Sidewalk. They passed Chacattack, who worked through the last of their puzzle. The newlyweds then ripped the clue in fourth place, and jumped in a taxi. Kelly & Shevonne, meanwhile, didn’t seem to have much more luck on that side of the Detour. Back at the end of the helicopter ride, little people cousins Alex & Adam chose Sand. Then street dancers Ernest & Jin arrived, gave the name of Christ the Redeemer (after reading off the list they wrote down earlier) and got the clue in ninth place. At the Pit Stop, Chacattack arrived third, Phil commenting on the fact that Rick was still in his swimsuit. Rick said, “I’m working on my tan!” Denise & James Earl arrived next, Denise having donned pink lipstick. NAKED AND STRANDED At Sidewalk, reporters Kelsey & Joey had gotten started, while Kelly & Shevonne continued to struggle. Meanwhile, Alex & Adam and Ernest & Jin got changed for Sand. Jin complained about the short shorts, saying, “I don’t like being naked.” Ernest countered, “It’s Brazil – who doesn’t like being naked?” Both teams then began getting hammered by their opponents. Paparazzos Logan & Chris, meanwhile, fared better, scoring their fifth point. After a few more attempts, they finished the task and ran for a taxi in fifth place. As cheerleaders Tiffany & Krista headed to the beach in a taxi, Justin & Diana were reduced to begging for a ride, since they’d spent all their money getting to and from the Fast Forward. A sympathetic driver took pity on them, and they were off. The cheerleaders, meanwhile, had less luck after arriving at the far end of the beach. Rather then taking them to Posto 4, the designated spot on the sidewalk, their driver immediately kicked them out. Krista argued, “This beach could be humungous – we can’t just get out.” But their driver was done with them. Krista grumbled, “I guess we’re starting at the end. We have no idea how far this is.” As Justin & Diana approached in their taxi, the cheerleaders asked a local where Posto 4 was. The man said, “Too far.” Frustrated, the girls took off running, Krista repeating, “We’re not giving up, we’re not giving up.” BACK IN THE GAME As Logan & Chris arrived at the Pit Stop fifth, Justin & Diana arrived at Posto 4, thrilled to find teams still working. Reporters Kelsey & Joey were happy to see them as well, thinking they’d been far ahead of the pack. Justin & Diana changed into swimsuits and ran for a puzzle, while over at Sand, cousins Alex & Adam scored their fourth point. They then ribbed street dancers Ernest & Jin, who only had three points. When Tiffany & Krista finally arrived at Posto 4, Justin shouted, “There’s people behind us! We are so in this Race!” As reporters Kelsey & Joey gave up on the puzzle and switched to Sand, Justin & Diana started on their puzzle, Justin saying, “Put that beautiful brain to work.” Cousins Alex & Adam then scored their last point. Jin said, “We thought we had the physical down, and then we see the little people and then they end up beating us. Don’t underestimate the little people.” Alex & Adam jumped in a taxi in sixth place. The cheerleaders had less luck at Sand, missing balls right and left and spazzing around the court. Krista said, “We’re athletic, but… we’re both five-foot nothing. This must be impossible.” Tiffany was reduced to tears, and they finally switched to Sidewalk. Alex & Adam checked into the Pit Stop in sixth place, while Kelsey & Joey scored their last point in footvolley. As the reporters hailed a taxi, Justin & Diana quit the puzzle and ran to Sand. Street dancers Ernest & Jin then scored their last two points. OPEN SEASON At Sidewalk, TMZ personalities Kelly & Shevonne and cheerleaders Tiffany & Krista battled it out, although both teams seemed baffled. Krista said, “My biggest fear is losing. I don’t think I’ve ever lost at anything I’ve ever done in my life.” Meanwhile, Ernest & Jin and Kelsey & Joey checked into the Pit Stop in seventh and eighth place. Back on the beach, Justin & Diana scored their last two points in footvolley, and left in ninth. That left Kelly & Shevonne and Tiffany & Krista struggling at Sidewalk. Tiffany insisted that they could get it. Kelly said if they were eliminated first, it’d be hard to return to TMZ because they work with a lot of guys who underestimate them anyway. “It would be open season.” She snapped at herself, “Be not stupid. This is so embarrassing.” Tiffany was in tears again, saying, “We didn’t come all this way for this.” In a taxi to the Pit Stop, Justin & Diana were thrilled to still be in the Race. Justin swore they’d never make a stupid mistake again. Diana agreed. “We’re going to play a lot smarter.” On the mat Justin said, “I want to make all her dreams come true, and this would be a nightmare – get here and two days later you’re gone.” He added, “I’m still confident, but I’m definitely not cocky.” ANNIHILATION The last two teams fought to finish their puzzles. The cheerleaders seemed to see a light at the end of the tunnel, having only one more piece to get into place… and they finally got it. As they received the clue, Kelly said, “You know what’s so sad? I really thought we were smarter than the cheerleaders. And you know what? We’re not.” Weeping with joy in the taxi, Krista said, “See, we’re smart.” Back at the beach, Kelly donned a long sleeved shirt, quipping, “I went to Rio de Janeiro and all I got was skin cancer!” She was certain they’d be annihilated in their newsroom, adding, “I would annihilate me if I were them, so I totally get it.” As Tiffany & Krista checked into the Pit Stop in tenth place, the TMZ girls kept on working. And after nearly four hours, they finally finished. Shevonne was in tears as Phil arrived on site to eliminate them. He congratulated them for at least finishing before the sun went down, and Shevonne said, “It took too long. This was awful.” They remained in self-deprecating good spirits, however, Kelly saying, “I am the. Biggest. Loser. That’s ever played this game.” She wondered if this was “a karma thing,” and Shevonne wondered if they should be nicer. Kelly disagreed. “Puh-lease.” 2701 ROUTE MARKERS DETOUR A Detour is a choice between two tasks. In this Detour, teams chose between Sand and Sidewalk. In Sand, teams had to play footvolley (soccer on a volleyball court) against two professionals. While being allowed to use their hands, teams had to score six points before their opponents scored eighteen. In Sidewalk, teams had to complete a geometric slide puzzle, with a pattern matching that of the sidewalk. Sand: Tanner/Josh, Jazmine/Danielle, Logan/Chris, Alex/Adam, Kelsey/Joey, Ernest/Jin, Justin/Diana Sidewalk: Denise/James Earl, Cindy/Rick, Tiffany/Krista, Kelly/Shevonne FAST FORWARD Teams had to hang glide over Rio de Janeiro to earn the Fast Forward. (Justin & Diana went to the Fast Forward, but it was closed due to wind.) Order of Finish: 1. Tanner & Josh 2. Jazmine & Danielle 3. Denise & James Earl 4. Cindy & Rick 5. Logan & Chris 6. Alex & Adam 7. Ernest & Jin 8. Kelsey & Joey 9. Justin & Diana 10. Tiffany & Krista 11. Kelly & Shevonne