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Barney's Blog: Personal Brolongings

Posted on Feb 11, 2013 05:30pm

PERSONAL BROLONGINGS
You know how your significant other doesn't allow you to keep really awesome things in your apartment even though – as I said - they're really awesome? And how you're then forced to store them at your best friend's apartment because he's unlikely to ever lock down someone long enough to prevent him from letting you do that? Well, to make sure I don't lose track of my impressive array of legendary stuff, I've generated a list of items I'm currently storing at Ted's place:

• Boba Fett costume
• Motorcycle
• Canoe
• Giant hollowed-out birthday cake (strippers not included)
• Cobra farm
• Ming Dynasty gong
• Ted's dream journal
• Strippers (for the hollowed-out birthday cake)
• Animatronic Abe Lincoln
• Dune buggy
• First edition Bro Code
• Ark of the Covenant-themed coffee table
• Nuclear code briefcase
• Giant pickle Costume
• Armadillo
• Wall trampoline
• Lily's old underwear drawer
• Original deed documents concerning the sale of Manhattan to the East India Trading Company
• Fidel Castro piñata
• Pelican
• Life-sized sculpture of me posing as Michelangelo's David
• Inflatable bouncy house
• Inflatable bouncy house pump
• Inflatable bouncy house personal injury/death waivers
• Hovercraft
• Stinson's Complete English-to-Awesome Dictionary
• Dunk tank
• Passports and currency for every European country
• Jet pack
• Identical novelty jet pack that shoots out confetti instead of flames
• Shake weights
• Shipping palette of Brobibs overstock
• Baby elephant
• Baby elephant pooper scooper
• 1/6th scale Death Star (fully operational)
• Trained Spider Monkey acrobatic team
• Hot pink pogo stick with attached hidden camera
• Blow-up doll with Bar Refaeli's face
• Blow-up doll with Pam Anderson's body, but blow-up doll face
• De-clawed Bengal tiger (gift of Siegfried & Roy)
• Giant aquarium with bikini scuba diver
• Remote-controlled blimp
• Cash
• Gravitron amusement ride
• F-16 cockpit
• Alex Van Halen's drum-set
• Complete beanbag living room set
• Cotton candy machine
• Pictures of Ted's mom
• Home sheep-shearing shed

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