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Barney's Blog The Great Barndini

Posted on May 15, 2012 12:00am

POOF! The Great Barndini returns! Today, as always, I'm here to educate you in the field of chick-pickuppery. But this time I've got a little something up my sleeve. Well, it's not that little. It's actually a decent size. I mean, it's not gonna win any contests, but it's not like you need a microsco-- SILENCE!

As I was saying… If there's one thing ladies love more than Cool J, it's a magician. That's just science. So what better way to reach their heart and underpants than through their mind? Today, I will teach you one of the greatest sleights of hand in the history of prestidigitation. But first, you must know that every magic trick contains four parts:

PREPARATION
PERFORMANCE
MISDIRECTION
GETTING LAID

That last one is super important. I really can't stress that enough. Just follow these simple instructions and you're on your way to sawing your lady in half. So to speak.

"THE SPONGE"

PREPARATION

1. Find a clean coffee mug.
2. Place a dry dish sponge at the bottom of the mug so it fits nice and snug. (Hehe, snug.)
3. Drop two ice cubes on top of the sponge.
4. Fill a small glass with cold water and set aside.

PERFORMANCE

5. Find a foxy female spectator.
6. Tell her to turn around. Lookin' good back there? Great, you may continue.
7. Make some small talk (patter) to put her at ease. Gently rub her neck if you have to.
8. Pour the water into the coffee mug.

MISDIRECTION

9. By now, the sponge should have absorbed all of the water, but left the ice cubes intact.
10. Wave your fingers over the mug, say some naughty magic words, and slowly turn the mug upside down, pouring the ice cubes onto the table. You've made the water disappear!
11. Take a bow, give your lady a wink, and escort her to the bedroom.

GETTING LAID

12. Dim the lights, turn on the video camera and ask her to presto chango out of her clothes.
13. Now make something else disappear.
14. Applause.

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