CBS

Show #3747
Donald Trump, Adam Levine, and Carly Rae Jepsen.
PLUS: The 4th Presidential Debate; the iPod Sparky; Lies on the Campaign Trail; the Letterman Boys; a Sneak Peek at the New "Lincoln" Movie, and a Top Ten List.
" . . . and now, the inventor of the caramelized pistachio . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "A list came out of the top earning dead performers; performers who are dead yet are still making money. I'm number 5."
- "A New York City judge ruled that lap dancing is not an art, like ballet. It's true. You rarely leave Lincoln Center with glitter on your crotch."

You thought there was only going to be 3 presidential debates, right? Well, last night they had a fourth. It was unexpected. It was a special 2012 Halloween Debate.
We see Romney and Obama in a debate . . . . while wearing Halloween masks. Romney is wearing a Hulk mask; the President a Spider-man mask. Quick cut to moderator Bob Schieffer who is in kitty kat face make-up. How cute was that?!

Did you rush out and buy the new Apple product yet? The iPad Mini is the new hot thing. But that's not the only thing Apple has come out with. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "Apple is pleased to announce the latest in cutting edge technology, the iPad Mini. It's the iPad you know and love, just smaller. And in the coming weeks, look for the iPod Sparky."
We cut to a guy working on the iPod Sparky. The thing starts to spark, go aflame, then explodes.
ANNOUNCE: "Apple! Available at Woolworths!"

Politicians will say anything to get a few more votes, especially right before an election. Dave shows just what he's talking about in this clip. We watch.
ART CARD: "LIES ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL"
The name "Barack Obama" appears in white over black.
Cut to the President as a guest with Jay Leno.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: "You are always funny, Jay."
ART CARD: "LIES ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL"

It's just so sad what politicians will do.

ACT 2:
Dave has been watching the debates and although they got progressively boring, there was something he did enjoy. At the end of each debate, the family of the candidates would come on stage and hug their paternal head. Dave would like to do that here tonight. Dave introduces his five sons; Borg, Mott, Blip, Plonk and Glub, Joe, and Nugg. They are dressed all Utah-like in tan khakis pants and a light blue, long-sleeved, buttoned shirt. Yes, Dave is a proud dad. The sons . . . I'm not sure how proud.

We added two new sons from yesterday. The above names were as scripted. Not so sure that's what Dave may have called them. But he should know; they're his sons.

Are you excited about the new Spielberg "Lincoln" movie? It's opening next month and it's sure to be a big blockbuster. Whenever there is a Spielberg project, everyone wants to get in on it. We take a look at a trailer for the film.
We find Mr. Lincoln in the balcony of Ford's Theater to watch "Our American Cousin." He is there with Mrs. Lincoln, along with an assistant or friend or confidante, played by Tom Hanks. Tom's character seems to be all thumbs. He is holding a big container of popcorn and an illegal-in-New-York large soda. Tom is gobbling at the popcorn and taking huge slurps from the Big Gulp.
TOM: "I am so excited for this play! I've heard such great things about it! I hear the guy who plays the clerk is hilarious." Tom sees someone down below. "Oh, look, there's my friend Cyrus! Cyrus!
Hey, Cyrus, up here!"
Tom spills some of his soda and popcorn on the President.
TOM: "Oh, my God, I am so sorry, Mr. President. This must be the worst thing that's ever happened to you in a theater balcony . . . . ."
Go to black.
Closing graphic: "Steven Spielberg - 'Lincoln'"

Oh, what foreshadowing!

TOP TEN: THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH THIS BABY'S MIND AT THIS MOMENT - Dave holds up a photo of Mitt Romney holding up a crying, unidentified baby during a campaign stop. THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH THIS BABY'S MIND AT THIS MOMENT
8. "Don't put my mom in a binder!"
6. "I can't count and I know his tax plan doesn't add up."
4. "This guy's squeezing me like he'll squeeze the middle class . . . hey-ohh!"
2. "Check my diaper for an 'October Surprise.'"

And my submittals:
- Why did you fire my daddy?
- I hate the smell of Vitalis
- You're not going to put me on the roof of your car, are you?
- Don't send me to China like you did to my daddy's job
- Why did you pick a vice president who is my age?
Like Robinson Cano in much of the playoffs, I went hitless tonight.

ACT 3:
Dave recaps the history of Donald Trump on the Late Show. He's been a good friend to the show for many years. Dave says the Late Show is on CBS and Donald's show is on NBC, yet Donald always comes to our show. Dave believes the Donald does it for two reasons:
1. We're close by, only a taxi ride away, so it's easy for Donald to get here.
2. He likes to piss off NBC.
Dave says he always admired how Donald Trump could take a punch. You could say anything about him, even right to his face, and he never became flustered or bothered. He always kept his cool. Well, Dave recently referred to Trump as a racist for an insinuation he made about President Obama. Dave soon learned that Donald Trump doesn't like to be called a racist. After much thought, Dave apologized for calling Trump a racist. He feels the Donald isn't racist. Only stupid people are racist and Donald Trump certainly is not racist. Dave learned that Donald was apprehensive to come back to the show since Dave has been beating him up on the show for quite a while now. Dave made a phone call, begged Donald to return, and here he is.

DONALD TRUMP
Dave greets Donald Trump more than halfway across the stage. As they sit, Dave admits "If I were you, I would never come back here." Dave admits to having called many guests to apologize, but this is the first time he's called anyone begging them to come on the show. Yesterday, Donald pledged $5 million to charity if President Obama met the request to see his college transcripts and passport. Dave asks why the interest? Donald says it all comes down to transparency. He says other presidents have released their records, why not Barack Obama? What is he hiding? Dave says GWBush's college records came out only because somebody leaked them. They weren't given freely. Trump says he WANTS to believe everything is above board, HOPES it is all true, but he would like some proof. It's all about transparency. Dave asks The Donald where he thinks the President was born. He blurts, "I don't know!" And that's his point. A long-form birth certificate would answer a lot of questions. The birth certificate . . . . Dave asks Donald how long it would take him to come up with his birth certificate. Donald says he could have it in less than an hour. Dave says it would take him at least 7 months. He thinks he lost it years ago during his first move. Wow! Without his birth certificate, how can Dave prove he was born? And as for his college records, Dave admits he would be embarrassed if they were revealed to the public. He says he drank his way through his entire sophomore year. DING! Yeah, you could probably put a check mark near my name for that, too.
So, where do we stand? Donald expects transparency in our President. Dave doesn't think it is necessary in this case.
Dave shows off the Donald Trump clothing line. He puts a few of the Donald shirts on the desk. He then presents three ties. The Donald Trump shirts . . . . they're made in Bangladesh. The ties are made in China. Hey, business is business. Donald blames it on China's manipulation of its currency. American can't afford to do business in America. Donald says he has nothing against China; it's just that he hates the fact that China's leaders are so much smarter than ours.

Look for Mr. Trump on his successful "Apprentice" program, now shooting its 13th season. It returns to NBC in March.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Pace yourself tomorrow so you don't miss Dave with Dennis Quaid, from 'Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23' Krysten Ritter, and Diamond Rings. And now, 'Did You Know?' Arnold Palmer, inventor of the half-lemondade/half-ice tea, was an accomplished golfer. Don't move."

ACT 6:
ADAM LEVINE
Adam is the lead singer for Maroon 5 and he's also a voice coach on "The Voice," a music competition reality show. I've leafed through it a couple times as I scanned through the TV channels in search of a Yankee game or a "Get Smart" rerun. I think "The Voice" has singers audition for a team of judges/coaches. Afterwards, the coaches vie to have them on their team. The singer then picks his coach. Adam is one of the coaches. The other coaches/team captains involved are Cee-Lo, Christina Aguilera, and Blake Shelton. With big names like that, Dave wonders how they all got along at first. Adam hesitates just a bit to answer. Oh, good! There must have been something! Adam says the chemistry between the coaches and judges and whatever other celebs are on the show needed to develop. There were a lot of egos on the set . . . explosive egos. Everything seemed to be over-dramaticized. In the end, they all must have realized they could make money the easy way and get along, or the hard way with bickering and backstabbing. They finally opted to go the easy way.

Adam tells a story of jamming with Prince. Adam invited some friends over for some soda and nachos and to jam away. Adam leaked the get-together to Prince's assistant. Much to Adam's surprise, Prince showed up. He didn't mix much with the guys; instead standing off to the corner sipping on a Coke through a straw. When Prince was ready, he and his comrades commandeered the instruments and started jamming. Soon later, Prince snapped his fingers and everything stopped. Something happened, maybe a blown amp, but Prince decided to move the jam session back to his place. Adam and his friends quickly made it over to the Prince palace and they played music all night long. In the morning, Prince offered them pancakes. Funny, I picture Prince more of a waffle guy.

Look for Adam Levine and Maroon 5 as they kick off a North American tour in February.

And my daughters forced me to watch "American Horror Story" the other night on the FX. You'll find Adam Levine there, too, from time to time.

ACT 7:
CARLY RAE JEPSEN
From her new CD, "Kiss," Carly Rae Jepsen performed "This Kiss."

And that was our show for Thursday October 25, 2012.


WAHOO EXTRA:
New York judge rules a lap dance is not art. Oh yeah? Well then, explain the lap dance I got last night from the Moaner Lisa. Hey-Ohhh!

"Lincoln" spoiler alert!
He dies at the end.

I've been thinking about this. When I was growing up, there were only 6 channels on the TV, 7 if you include the PBS channel 13. Now there are hundreds of channels, right? With so many more channels today, we must be so much more enlightened since we are exposed to such variety and diversity. Right? Wrong! This is the way I look at it. With so many channels today, I can watch what I want when I want it. I can go directly to the program I am interested in and skip anything else in my way. I like sports, particularly baseball and football. For ten months of the year I can find a baseball game or a football game on any night of the week. And if I like conservative talk, I can go to FOX News to listen to my conservative points of view. Liberal? I can go to MSNBC. Whatever I want, I can have. BUT . . . is that good? Years ago when he had limited choices, we may be "forced" to sit through a program with a liberal viewpoint to get to the show with the conservative point of view. I wouldn't be listening to what I "know," but I would be watching something which I am unfamiliar. I like sports. I like competition. If there is not a baseball game or football game on one of the 7 channels, I may sit to watch a soccer match or a tennis match or a track meet on the TV. 7 channels and nothing good on? Back in the day I may sit through a documentary instead of another Seinfeld repeat like I do today. So that's your assignment tonight, class. Are we exposed to more points of view with hundreds of different channels on the TV, or are we less exposed? I believe when we have limited choices, we become more diverse. More choices, less diverse. Odd, but true.

I'm an Alpha male in lazing

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CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Barryville, New York and former Harriman State Park ranger, from Ramapo Senior High School, it's birthday boy Frank DiGianni.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike