Sign In to CBS
With Social Account
With Email
Don't have an account? Create one for FREE!
Sign Up
Search By Date
M T W Th F
Monday, November 12, 2012 Ladies and gentlemen...Dave tries on a toupee!
Show #3758
Bradley Cooper, Robert Klein, and Soundgarden.
PLUS: CIA Update; The Walking Dead; Romney getting on with his life; a Top Ten list; and Dave tries on a toupee.

" . . . and now, Boy Scout bugler . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1;

-"General Petraeus had sex with his biographer. Now he'll only be having sex with his autobiographer."
-"'Lincoln' is in theaters, which traditionally is not a good place for him."

Time now for a CIA Update.
ANNOUNCE: "In a surprise move, General David Petraeus resigns at the director of the Central Intelligence Agency on Friday. The CIA would like to announce that until we complete the rigorous vetting process to choose a replacement director, we will be led in the interim by Intern Todd."
We see Intern Todd standing in front of an American Flag.
ANNOUNCE: "Intern Todd: It's on!"

At least we can be pretty sure there will be no hanky-panky going on with Todd. Hey-Ohhh!

Did you folks see last night's episode of "The Walking Dead"? It's crazy popular these days. Dave isn't quite sure what to make of this plot twist in the show's closing moments. We take a look.
We see a bloodied and weary Rick alone in a dark prison. He is beside a dead zombie. The phone rings. He slowly makes his way over to the phone. Could it be a walking dead on the other end? Rick picks up the phone with trepidation. He mumbles, "Hello." We hear on the other end: "Hell, this is Mitt Romney calling . . . ."

ACT 2:
It's a boy! Congratulations to Late Show staffer Joanna DeMartin and David Guglielmo who are now the proud parents of a baby boy, Gillan Carr DeMartin.
Born: Sunday, November 11th
9:07 PM
6 pounds, 9 ounces
20-and-a-half inches.
Play those numbers!

Dave continues to show gleeful concern for the health and well-being of Republican campaign engineer Karl Rove. He accepted a whole lot of money from the Koch Brothers to get Mr. Romney elected. He took the money, but didn't deliver on his promise. Dave suspects Mr. Rove will be on the receiving end of a good beatin' by a Koch team of "persuaders."

Losing an election is a very tough thing to go through, but it looks like Mitt Romney is already putting it behind him and getting on with his life. We were able to get a recording of this phone call by the Republican nominee.
ANNOUNCE: "Today, Mitt Romney paid a phone sex operator $500 to call him 'President Romney.'
We cut to Romney audio on the phone.
ROMNEY: "And so what I do is bring down the tax rates."
SEXY WOMAN VOICE: "Yes, President Romney, lower tax rates."
ROMNEY: ". . . lower deductions and exemptions . . . "
SEXY WOMAN VOICE: "Good idea, President Romney."
ROMNEY: " . . . the same idea behind Bowles-Simpson, by the way."
SEXY WOMAN VOICE: "Of course it is, President Romney."
We cut to a seal of Pretend President of the United States.
ANNOUNCE: "A message from Pretend President Romney."

TOP TEN BEVERAGE BREAKTHROUGHS - Pepsi has come out with a new fat-blocking cola with fiber called Pepsi Special. It'll be test marketed in Japan.
7. Non-Snooty Perrier
4. Red Bull PM
2. Brokeback Mountain Dew, the first gay soda
1. Mustache-Resistant Milk.

ACT 3:
Before introducing our first guest, Dave talks about Thanksgiving in America and how Canada celebrates it at a different time. Dave asks Paul when Canada celebrates Thanksgiving. Paul says October. And why is that? Paul: "The early harvest." And this same conversation has been going on between Dave and Paul for nearly 3 decades now.

He's in the new film, "Silver Linings Playbook" with Jennifer Lawrence. Bradley enjoys working with Jennifer because she has no "filter." She says whatever's on her mind. He says the character she plays in Silver Linings isn't too far from who she is. The film takes place in Philadelphia and Bradley didn't have too much trouble in capturing the Philly accent . . . . because he grew up just outside of Philadelpha. Robert DeNiro, who is also in the film, worked hard in getting it right. DeNiro had Bradley's Uncle Ernie come in to read his entire role out loud. It took a lot for Bradley to take it all in. He couldn't quite get his mind around DeNiro studying Uncle Ernie to better his acting. In one scene in the film, DeNiro is beating up Bradley in his bed. Bradley was in very thin pajama bottoms, as was Mr. DeNiro. The fight scene went on for quite a long time, repeating and repeating until they got it right. Bradley says he must admit that through his thin pajamas, "I could feel the heat of DeNiro." With that, Dave holds up the People magazine that proclaimed Bradley Cooper to be The Sexiest Man Alive. Yes, the sexiest man alive was feeling the heat of Robert DeNiro in a bed scene.
We watch a clip from "Silver Linings Playbook." It opens November 21st, the day before America's Thanksgiving. I saw some commercials for the film this weekend while watching football. The film has a lot of references about the Philadelphia Eagles . . . but don't let keep you from going to the movie. For a long time I wasn't much of a fan of Bradley Cooper, and I wasn't quite sure why. Then I realized I didn't like him because of his annoying and pompous and rich frat-boy role on "The Wedding Crashers." It wasn't Bradley who I didn't like; it was his portrayal of that guy. For the same reason I didn't like Mary Tyler Moore for years due to her role in "Ordinary People."

ACT 4:
It's just about time for . . . . . . Dave Tries On a Toupee!
Music from Paul, something like: "G.O. Gosh and Oy Vey! Dave's about to try on a toupee!" Paul had about 15 seconds to put this together.
Dave wheels around in his chair with his back to the audience and camera and leans down to put on a toupee. He hunches down to keep us from seeing before the big reveal. He quickly checks himself in a hand mirror. And when he is ready, he wheels around to show off his toupee.
Wow! The toupee made him look days younger!

I'm thinking of getting a toupee. To make it look real, I'm going to order the bad combover toupee.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Visit to watch Soundgarden Live on Letterman. Soundgarden's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Also, The Mayor's Fund to Advance New York City is providing relief to city residents affected by Hurricane Sandy. You can help. Visit to make a donation. Thank you."

ACT 6:

Robert Klein enters, dressed in all black except for his socks. There was a time many years ago when just about every male guest would wear all black. Yes, I kept a log on that, too. Robert Klein reached a milestone this year: 70 years old! He says he finally joined AARP for the discounts. He can get a great steak in Florida on the cheap, except he has to eat it at 8:30 in the morning. Klein's career goes back over 45 years. It hasn't all been great. He remembers making a movie called "Goose." If you say you never heard of it, Robert would be greatly relieved. In the film, he had to do a love scene with Joan Rivers. He says she is quite a talent. During the scene, she sold Robert 4 bracelets.
Robert is in town for a benefit performance for Laugh For Sight, a non-profit organization to raise funds to increase public awareness for retinal degenerative eye diseases. He will be performing at the Gotham Comedy Club here on 23rd Street December 10th. Learn more here:

ACT 7:
: From their brand-new album, "King Animal" in stores on Tuesday, Soundgarden performed "Been Away Too Long."

And that was our show for Monday, November 12, 2012.

The title of Paula Broadwell's bio about General Petraeus, "All In," now takes on a whole new meaning.

I'm hearing commercials on the radio for stores that will open Thanksgiving night to kick off the big holiday gift-giving/gift buying season. Make a note of who will open Thanksgiving night to impede on the cherished American holiday, inconveniencing the working staff and taking them away from family and friends. And then when you have to buy a blender someday, consider the other store that did not open Thanksgiving night. Go to that one.

Jets' coach Rex Ryan is easing up on his bluster. This week he guarantees to win the coin toss.

Hey, big kudos to SUNY Cortland for grabbing a victory Saturday in the Biggest Little Game in the Nation, Cortland vs. Ithaca. The 54th Annual Cortaca Jug Bowl ended with the Red Dragons of Cortland winning 16-10, highlighted by a last-minute goal line stand on the one-inch line. It was Cortland's third-straight Cortaca Jug victory, something they haven't done since the 60s. The game wasn't much when I went to C-State in the late 70's, probably because Cortland was in the process of losing 21 of 24 games to Ithaca at the time.

It's his 59th birthday today! From Goshen, New York, it's my big brother Bob McIntee.
Ugh, next year I become one of those people with a brother who is 60. This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, May 18
Hovering! with Tom Hanks
Saturday, May 16
Oprah and Dave indulge in a selfie.
Thursday, May 14
Tom Waits, Dave and what's-his-name.
Wednesday, May 13
Julia and Dave squeeze in one last hug.
Tuesday, May 12
Adam Sandler performs a musical ode to Dave.