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Wednesday, November 14, 2012 Stagehand Tom O'Brien plants the David Letterman Park Christmas Tree.
Show #3760
Alec Baldwin and Dirty Projectors.
PLUS: A Shirtless FBI Agent; A Scene from "Lincoln"; Mitt Moving On; a Top Ten List; and the Dave Letterman Park Christmas Tree.

" . . . and now, the trapper who only comes to town once a year . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
MONOLOGUE
- "The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree was set up today. It came from New Jersey. It was forced to chop itself down at gunpoint."
- "Did you hear about the FBI agent who sent a shirtless, bare-chested photo of himself over the internet to someone he hoped would be impressed with such a photo. This guy shouldn't be in the FBI, he should be in Congress!" With that, a shirtless FBI guy in the audience becomes offended and storms out. Dave correctly points out, "We know he's with the FBI because of the sunglasses."

Excited for the new "Lincoln" film opening this Friday? Word on the street is the story if more timely than ever. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "This Friday, learn the compelling, true story of our sixteenth President as he struggles with carnage on the battlefield, in-fighting with his cabinet and a top general who's been sending inappropriate messages to a married woman."
We see a piece of parchment with telegraph-type: "My nether organ is impressive. --- Ulysses S. Grant"
Graphic: "'Lincoln': Opens Friday."

Could be true. I heard that the S in Ulysses S. Grant stands for "schlong".
Oh, come on! Really? "Schlong"? The Wahoo is better than that!
I agree, the Wahoo is better than that. I apologize. But it's staying.

Losing an election is a very tough thing to go through, but it looks like Mitt is putting it behind him and getting on with his life. We take a look.
ART CARD: "How Mitt Romney Is Moving On"
ANNOUNCE: "Today, Mitt Romney drew a picture of the House of Representatives chamber and gave a State of the Union address in front of it."
Cut to a shot of Mitt speeching. He stands in front of a crayon-drawing of the V.P. and the Speaker of the House as Mitt speaks before Congress. Like always, half the chamber applauds what he says.
ANNOUNCE: "A Message from Pretend President Romney.' "

ACT 2:
You know those pedestrian plazas the mayor has put up on every block . . . those traffic islands . . . . well, as you should know, we adopted on and created Dave Letterman Park. With Rockefeller Center getting their tree installed today, we decided to do the same. We take a look at Dave Letterman Park. Nearby is a large truck that has transported the Dave Letterman Park Christmas Tree. We see a team of stagehands and teamsters carrying the tree out of the truck. Huh? We soon see it's not all that big. The tree is passed on to the cigarette smoking Tom O'Brien who plants the tree with a thud in Dave Letterman Park.
If you're interested, the Dave Letterman Park Christmas Tree measures:
- 30 inches high
- 38 inches in circumference
- 6 and a half pounds
- From White Plains, New York.
If you can't make it to Rockefeller Center, check out the Dave Letterman Park Christmas Tree at 53rd and Broadway.

Dave seems a big unsatisfied with the results of the effort put into the tree at DL Park. He mutters, "What did it cost to rent the truck?"

TOP TEN: DISCONTINUED GUY FIERI MENU ITEMS - Guy Fieri . . . the guy from "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" . . . he just opened a restaurant in Times Square and it received a scathing review in the New York Times today. After you're done with the Wahoo, Google "Guy Fieri/restaurant/Pete Wells" for a good laugh.

DISCONTINUED GUY FIERI MENU ITEMS
10. Inappropriately Rubbed Brisket
8. Pushed Pork
3. Crust-Crusted Crust

This just in: the cost of the rental of the truck for tonight's Dave Letterman Park Christmas Tree: $625
Yup, they saw us coming.

ACT 3:
Back from commercial, we see the shirtless FBI agent trying to hail a cab by Dave Letterman Park.

ALEC BALDWIN
A fellow New Yorker . . . how did he fare in the hurricane? He says he lost a tree at his house on Long Island. In the city, he was about to walk his dog before the storm really hit. He took the elevator down to the lobby and was hanging out with some other dog walkers who like to linger. While in the middle of his linger, all the lights went out in the building and everything south of 23rd Street. He called his wife upstairs and told her he'd be back up when the power came back. Alec didn't want to take the stairs. Six days later he went upstairs. Alec says the apartment dwellers all united to help out the elderly in the building and made sure everyone was safe. Dave says what the people in the city need most after more than two weeks after the disaster . . . . is facials. Alec understands, and adds that he desperately needs his hair tinted. Yes, the storm has affected us all in the New York metro area.
What did Alec think about the election? Alec says it is a time for all Americans to join and work together to better America. It's no time to gloat. But then he can't help himself. Alec gloats. He says there are now states that want to secede due to the results. Coincidentally, Alec wants them to secede, too! Finally they agree on something! Alec says when you do the math, there were 750,000 signatures of those who want to secede. That comes to one-quarter of 1% of the entire nation. Nothing to get too alarmed about.
Dave raves about the team of Fey and Baldwin on "30 Rock" and likens them to Tracy and Hepburn. It's been 7 years on the "Rock" and it all ends next year. Alec says they convinced to sign on for another year and before the ink had dried, it was announced that this would be the final season. And Alec is a voice in THE Christmas holiday movie this year. He is the voice of Santa Claus in "The Rise of the Guardian" which opens November 21st. How cool is that? Who doesn't want to be Santa Claus? Even my friend Howie would want to be Santa Claus.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch Soundgarden Live on Letterman. Soundgarden's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Also, The Mayor's Fund to Advance New York City is providing relief to city residents affected by Hurricane Sandy. You can help. Visit NYC.gov/fund to make a donation. Thank you"

ACT 6:
While Dave lauds the talents of Alec Baldwin, Mr. Baldwin re-enters and takes a seat by Dave. Alec places on a headset.
ALEC: (not talking to Dave, but to the person on the other side of the headset) "Yeah . . . Yes, I can hear you."
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Alec . . . .uhhh, what are you doing?"
ALEC: "Sorry, Dave, I know I was just out here but I have a voiceover session for another new animated film and your studio was the closest one available. Only take a minute."
DAVE: "Uh, Alex, we're in the middle of the show. . . . "
ALEC: "Shhh, they're recording. . . . . . Hi, Barry. Yes, I can hear you just fine. Okay, here we go . . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . . (with an accent) 'What a glorious day in my forest kingdom! All my favorite woodland creatures are here!' What? You need it again? . . . . . . . I think we got it on the first take. Okay, line number 2 . . . . . . In 3 . . . 2 .. . . 'If we work together, we can stop those evil developers from destroying our home!' Ready for the next one? In 3 . . . 2. . . . 'After last night, my lower body is covered with hideous umbilicated lesions."
DAVE: "Excuse me, Alec, in my opinion the film doesn't seem like the best career move."
ALEC: "Oh, that's right, you were in 'Cabin Boy'."
DAVE: "Who are you playing in this film?"
ALEC: "Well, they try to match up actors with animals whose characteristics they embody. For instance, I play a handsome, majestic eagle who rules the kingdom. . . . . wait . . . What's that Barry? (to Dave) . . . The director wants to know if you want to play a wombat?"
DAVE: "No, I'm good."
ALEC: (to Barry) "Got everything you need? Okay, take care." Alec removes his headset. Before leaving, he has one more request.
ALEC: "Thanks, Dave. How about a little wombat for me."
DAVE: "I'm covered with hideous umbilicated lesions!"
Alec exits.
Not sure if this film will be in 3D.

ACT 7:
DIRTY PROJECTORS
From their album, "Swing Lo Magellan," Dirty Projectors performed "About To Die."

And that was our show for November 14, 2012.

Seeing the shirtless FBI agent trying to hail a cab reminded me of the time the show had me try to hail a cab on Broadway . . . . . without wearing pants. The bit was two of us on the opposite side of the street would try to hail a cab. One was wearing a Yankee shirt and no pants; the other was wearing a Mets jersey and no pants. I was the guy in the Mets shirt, I think. When signaled, we dropped our robes and started to wave for a cab. Within seconds, a cab came flying up to me and I got in. I told him to go straight till I told him to stop. He says with great excitement, "Did you see that guy across the street trying to get a cab? He wasn't wearing any pants!" I told, "I'm not wearing any pants, either." He cried out, "What!?" and jerked around to take a look. He didn't slow down a bit. I told him to pull over. That's when I realized I didn't have any pants and I was two blocks away from the theater. We sat there a few minutes until someone from wardrobe came running up with a robe. June 17, 1997. The other guy who was pantsless on 53rd Street was Jeff Boggs. He was a bit apprehensive to go outside without pants. I coached him along. I told him, "It's not YOU who is going to be out there without pants; it's you playing someone out there without pants." It worked for me.

Call me cynical but I believe all this secession-talk is being generated by the producers of "Lincoln."

In yesterday's Wahoo, Julianna Margulies mentioned German singer Max Raabe, performer of cabaret songs from the 20's, 30's and 40's. Dave was unfamiliar with the singer/composer, and so he threw out an obscure name, Kurt Vile. I looked up "Kurt Vile" and came up with this in the Wikipedia:

Kurt Vile (born 1980) is an American musician and producer, best known for his solo material and as a founding member of indie rock band The War on Drugs.

Naturally, I was surprised that Dave had knowledge of this Kurt Vile. Well, our Sound Effects guy Gary Kiffel educated me earlier today. Dave wasn't referring to Kurt Vile of the band The War on Drugs; he was talking about Kurt Weill . . . . not Kurt Vile.
From the Wiki:

Kurt Julian Weill (March 2, 1900 - April 3, 1950) was a German composer, active from the 1920s, and in his later years in the United States. He was a leading composer for the stage who was best known for his fruitful collaborations with Bertolt Brecht. With Brecht, he developed productions such as his most well-known work 'The Threepenny Opera,' a Marxist critique of capitalism, which included the ballad 'Mack the Knife.'

Ahh, that makes a whole lot more sense now.
I'm imagining Kurt Vile sitting home reading this yesterday and getting all excited that Dave mentioned his name on the TV. Sorry, Kurt, wrong Vile. But as a consolation prize, you were mentioned in the Wahoo Gazette!

Wahoo readers who are smarter than me . . . . . . please, hold your jokes . . . . Wahoo readers who are smarter than me did not hesitate to let me know of my error, as they should.
Andy Mace: "Just wondering...might it have been Kurt Weill Dave was thinking about?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Weill
Arguably best known for 'Threepenny Opera' and the song 'Mack the Knife'!


Tom Wolper quietly informed me on the public Facebook: "Note to Michael McIntee. Dave did not ask Juliana if she knew anything about Kurt Vile, he was asking about Kurt Weill."

Jim Cammisa: "I think this is who Dave was referring to:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Weill
Check the 'Influence' section."


LJ Crye: "It's Kurt Weill. Think 'Mack the Knife.'"

I'm sorry, but I'm not familiar with "Mack The Knife." Do you mean "Die Moritat von Mackie Messer"?

More letters tomorrow.

This reminds me of the time I didn't know who Al Jardine was.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Port Washington, Wisconsin, it's Bob Norman. Thanks for telling me who Al Jardine is.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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