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Thursday, November 15, 2012 The shirtless FBI guy, who apparently smells nice.
Show #3761
Zooey Deschanel, Lisa Lampanelli, and Donald Fagen.

PLUS: Bloomberg Standing Tall; the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Arrives; Obama Reacts to Texas' Secession Plans; a Scene from "Lincoln"; a Top Ten List; the Shirtless FBI Agent; and Is This Anything?

" . . . and now, available in fun size . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Channing Tatum is People's Sexiest Man Alive. Tatum knew he had it when he took Ohio."
- "President Obama is visiting people who lost power . . . . Republicans."
- "One week from tonight is Thanksgiving, or as Chris Christie calls it, 'The Show'"

We take a look at Mayor Bloomberg who was in Staten Island with President Obama observing the damage from Hurricane Sandy. All we could see of the Mayor was the top of his head behind the President. Couldn't one of his handlers find something for him to stand on?

The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree arrived in town yesterday. They did something a little different this year to hoist it into place. We have footage.
We see the tree in the spacecraft that dropped the daredevil Felix Baumgartner miles above the surface of the earth.
ANNOUNCE: (describing the events) "The 80-foot Norway spruce is in place at 128,000 feet. Now begins the free fall . . . . descent appears stable, speed 725, parachute deployed . . . . here's the landing . ... . (the tree falls hard in Rock Center, the parachute deflated) . . . . . ooh, that can't be good." (a cloud of dust is all that remains)
ANNOUNCE: "Cathryn Reester, CNN."

Texas received enough petition signatures to potentially secede from the United States. We take a look at the official response from President Obama.
ART CARD: OFFICIAL RESPONSE FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA
Photo of the President smiling, waving.
ANNOUNCE: (cheerful) "See ya!"
ART CARD: OFFICIAL RESPONSE FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA

Hey, it's the shirtless FBI agent! He enters after Dave tells a joke about the shirtless FBI agent. He says to Dave, "If it weren't my day off, I'd arrest you." And, yes, we know he's with the FBI from his sunglasses.

Steven Spielberg has another blockbuster on his hands with the new film, "Lincoln." We take a look at a trailer.
ANNOUNCER: "In a nation divided, one man united us all. His legendary cabinet . . . . loyal, passionate, and not above the occasional practical joke . . . ." (we see the silhouette of Abraham Lincoln gazing over the window of the White House. He slowly turns to put on his stovepipe hat. He places it on his head . . . . and it's WAY too big! Somebody on the staff switched hats on him. Oh, those guys!
Lincoln turns around, towards the camera and addresses someone off camera. The President is not happy: "Real 'givl'ing funny, jerks!"

ACT 2:
Dave tells a story of a staffer who sludged through the week fighting a flu. Commendable, but now Dave fears he might be coming down with the same flu. He shares his symptoms with us and imagines the scene at home later this week of his battle with the flu. He'll probably be sickened starting next Wednesday and have it for a week and a half. Should be fine by December 3rd.

Mitt is still bothered by the election results. He's been whining that it was this person's fault, or that person's fault, or the fault of lies and innuendos and gifts for the less fortunate. Yes, Mitt was whining, not unlike Dave's whine about his imagined flu moments before. Losing an election is a very tough thing to go through, but it looks like Mitt Romney is putting it behind him and getting on with his life. We take a look.
ART CARD: "HOW MITT ROMNEY IS MOVING ON"
ANNOUNCE: "Last night, Mitt Romney broke into Disney World and installed an animatronic model of himself in the Hall of Presidents."
We see an animatronic Mitt in the Hall. As he speaks, the Mitt machine begins to spark, then explodes . . . . just like his campaign.
ANNOUNCE: "A message from Pretend President Romney."

TOP TEN: MITT ROMNEY SCAPEGOATS - Mr. Mitt is blaming his loss on the President giving gifts to African Americans, Latinos, and young people.
MITT ROMNEY SCAPEGOATS
9. Properly functioning voting machines
7. Actual goats
3. Fact-checkers
2. The Republican Party . . . for nominating him.

ACT 3:
ZOOEY DESCHANEL: She a "New Girl" on the block. She bears a resemblance to singer, Katy Perry, especially the eyes. Yes, I have a Katy Perry photo at home. My daughters are also in it.
Dave asks Zooey about her name. Dave has seen Zooey spelled other ways. Zooey says her parents named her after the main character in the JD Salinger book, "Franny and Zooey." Oh, cool. And her sister is named? . . . . . . . . Emily.
And Deschanel . . . is French. There was a French President who had dies in a brothel. Dave wonders what he ordered. Zooey then tells a fascinating story about President Deschanel being placed in a psychiatric hospital when he missed a train and wandered to a strange house and explained, "I am the President of France."

Zooey wanted to be an actor and singer for as long as she can remember. She signed up for a talent show when she was 14 years old, paying a $50 fee. When she showed up she learned it was a youth (beauty) pageant, not really a talent show. She wanted to run, but didn't want to lose the $50. She stayed and hoped no one from school would discover she was in this beauty pageant. The coordinator of the pageant was a southern belle woman named Bunny. It became obvious to Zooey that Bunny ran the pageant simply to show off her own talents. During the Q&A portion of the pageant, Bunny the coordinator would answer some questions from the audience. And half way through her answer she would break out into a show tune. Zooey didn't win the contest, but she won the consolation prize: tickets to see Bunny in the local performance of "Easter Parade." "Easter Parade" . . . . seems appropriate for a woman named Bunny.

Zooey is the new girl on the Fox show, "New Girl." In the Thanksgiving episode, Rob Reiner and Jamie Lee Curtis play her parents. "New Girl" - Tuesdays at 9PM on FOX, not CBS.

ACT 4:
IS THIS ANYTHING?
It's a beefy guy of obvious strength playing the spoons upon his body to the tune of Madonna's "Material World." The shirtless FBI agent looks on, clapping to the rhythm. Is it anything? Paul disqualifies himself, since he accompanied the act with the Madonna tune. Dave says it was something simply because of the shirtless FBI agent. Dave seems to really like the shirtless FBI agent.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch Soundgarden Live on Letterman. Soundgarden's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Also, The Mayor's Fund to Advance New York City is providing relief to city residents affected by Hurricane Sandy. You can help. Visit NYC.gov/fund to make a donation. Thank you"

ACT 6:
LISA LAMPANELLI
When Ms. Lampanelli takes the stage, it's best to fasten your seatbelts because it's going to be a bumpy night. Lisa has lost a lot of weight of recent. She credits it on great self-control, determination, inner-strength, and the lap-band she had surgically implanted to shrink her stomach. Lisa and her husband each decided to do it and she's lost over 90 pounds; he over 80. She's very proud of her husband, Jimmy Big Balls. Huh? That's his name? She says it is, and deservedly so. Is that the way he introduced himself when they first met? No, he was known as Jimmy Sacks. Ah. Lisa admits to not being much of a fan of his "attributes" but at least she can save money on pillows. Has the weight loss changed her life? Lisa beams with pride. It really has, and getting the lap-band and losing the weight while married was a great idea. If she lost the weight while single she knows she would have been whoring around like crazy. She decided to go through with the surgery when she just couldn't handle the thought of going through another summer as a fat bitch. She was tired of sweating just from getting dressed. And the summer sleeveless dresses always showed off her "Bingo" arms. Bingo arms? Yeah, go to a bingo parlor and you'll always see the grandmas waving their arms yelling "Bingo!" The flab of the triceps swings left and right, up and down. Lisa didn't like that anymore. Time for the lap-band. If she's like this on TV, imagine what Lisa Lampanelli will be like Friday night at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark! Yikes! Very funny, and a bit frightening. I wouldn't sit in the front row.

ACT 7:
DONALD FAGEN: from the legendary band, Steely Dan, Donald Fagen performed a song from his most recent solo album "Sunken Condos" called "Weather In My Head." I enjoyed that. He always supplies a good sound.

And that was our show for Thursday November 15, 2012.


And now, something you'll only learn here! We had the shirtless FBI guy on again tonight. He was here last night, too. But he wasn't scheduled to be on. We called him in to play the Lincoln part, the Lincoln who put the giant stovepipe hat on his head. Yup, the shirtless FBI agent and our Lincoln was the same guy. Just before the show, Dave said he wanted the shirtless FBI agent back again tonight. This is usually met with a mad scramble to find if the person is available. We were lucky to have him on site.
That's right, Lincoln with the big hat and the shirtless FBI agent . . . same guy.

Time for Guy Fieri to call "Restaurant Impossible"

Congratulations to knuckleballer R.A. Dickey of the New York Mets on winning the National League Cy Young Award. I have an autographed baseball by R.A. Dickey. Coincidentally, it looks like he signed it with his knuckles.
Before this year, R.A. Dickey has a career record of 41-50. He could best be described as a journeyman pitcher . . . before he picked up the knuckleball. But I referenced him back in 2003. He was 28-year-old rookie pitcher for the Texas Rangers. Following the 2003 World Series where the Florida Marlins defeated the New York Yankees, Josh Becket of the Marlins was being touted as one of the best pitchers in baseball. He had a great Series. But his season record was only 9-8. How could a 9-8 pitcher be considered one of the League's best? I went through the baseball record books after the 2003 Series and wrote the following on October 28, 2003:
"Josh Beckett had a record of 9-8 this season and is now considered one of the best pitchers in baseball. And that's good news for the Rangers' 9-8 R.A. Dickey, I guess.

I remember looking up another major league pitcher with a 9-8 record that year to make the reference. I came up with the nobody, R.A. Dickey. And now nine years later, R.A. Dickey is the Cy Young Award winner, the best pitcher in the National League. Dickey's career record is now 61-56, yet he's considered one of the best pitchers in baseball. And that's good news for the Cleveland Indians' Scott Elarton, I guess.

SPOILER ALERT!
Lincoln dies at the end.
End of SPOILER ALERT!

The voice of Elmo was accused of having an affair with an underage. It made the front page headline of the New York Post. When the accuser recanted his claim the next day, the story was placed on Page 18.

Looking for something to do this weekend? Check out The Fab Faux at Queens College this Saturday, November 17th, at 8:00 PM right here in New York City.
Check it out at www.thefabfaux.com

Kurt Vile vs. Kurt Weill
From Denis Blanchet of Winnipeg:
"Greetings, Mr. McIntee!
BUZZ!
I'm sure lots of people are going to jump on you about this, but allow me to pile on.
Dave is smarter than you think: he was not referring to 'Kurt Vile', but rather to Kurt Weill, a famous German popular composer dating back to the 1920's (e.g., 'Mack the Knife'). This was of course completely relevant in the context of a discussion about a German singer of songs from that era. Check him out on Wikipedia. Meanwhile, the Wikipedia article on Max Raabe indicates that he played Mack the Knife in 1999 alongside Nina Hagen. I don't know how much of this Dave knew, but even if it was a lucky guess he was very much on the mark."


From Susan Peterson:
"Pssst Mike,
Dave was probably referring to Kurt Weill on Tuesday night. Weill was a German composer--probably best known in these parts for writing (with Bertolt Brecht)The Threepenny Opera in 1928. Do you remember 'Mack the Knife'?
I was a little surprised that Julianna Margulies had not heard of him, given her husband's love of German music from between the old wars.
Keep up the good work."


Thank you, Susan, for considering this "good work"

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday on Thursday, Ramapo High School alum, from River Vale, New Jersey and missing his NHL hockey, it's Stephen Carbery.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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