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Thursday, November 22, 2012 Mitt Romney works the Late Show Thanksgiving party.
Show #3765
Scarlett Johansson, Willie Nelson, and Gary Clark Jr.
PLUS: Hostess; Black Friday sales; a message from the U.S. Postal Service; the Late Show Thanksgiving Dinner; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, thankful for the big things . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-"Thanksgiving tomorrow. Tonight at midnight, don't forget to turn your bathroom scale back ten pounds."
-"It's the busiest travel day of the year. It's like Chris Christie after Thanksgiving dinner . . . . every major artery is clogged."

Hostess, the makers of Twinkies, and striking bakers are trying to work out a deal which would put the company back in business. Dave saw this announcement earlier today.
ANNOUNCE: "If a deal is made between striking bakers and management, production would resume of Hostess' most famous products, including Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Sno Balls, Zingers, Yub Yubs, Chocologs, Jimleynibs, Wing Wants, Q-Zerps, and Wingly Wingly Chim Cham Zippy Woo Woos.
Hostess: Uh Huh!"

The day after Thanksgiving is traditionally when retailers offer discounts to kick off the holiday shopping season. Dave saw an odd sale advertised today. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "Mitt Romney losing the presidential election may have been bad news for Republicans, but for you it means low, low Black Friday prices. That's right, the official Romney-Ryan 2012 online stores is offering half-off holiday discounts on bumper stickers, Romney-Ryan pins, khakis, hair products, crooked voting machines, more khakis, yacht wax, and mom jeans.
The official Romney-Ryan 2012 Online Store. We did it!"

Dave saw an odd commercial over the weekend. He just found the clip so we're showing it tonight.
ANNOUNCE: "At this festive time of year, your friends at the U.S. Postal Service remind you: Monday, November 19th is the last day to mail a live turkey for guaranteed Thanksgiving delivery."
We see stagehand Tommy O'Brien trying to close a cardboard box that is dancing and jiggling around with a live turkey inside trying to get out.
TOMMY: "Settle down . . . you're going on a trip!" Tommy tapes it shut.
ANNOUNCE: "The U.S. Postal Service. We deliver live poultry for you."

ACT 2:
Even though we don't shoot a show on Thanksgiving anymore, we still enjoy the Late Show Thanksgiving Dinner. We take a look at some of the highlights at this year's dinner.
-There's Sarah Connell, Biff Henderson, and Sheila Rogers
-We see Dave's sons from his first marriage.
-The shirtless FBI agent was there.
-And Dave's son, Harry, from his second marriage was here. (we see young Harry flipping people's plates over and acting impossible. No one complained.)
-Stagehand Gene Szymanski was busy making his famous Turkey-tinis - we see Gene squeezing a turkey. Juice oozes into a waiting cup held by cue card boy Todd Seda. Todd drinks.
-The creepy intern was fondling the yams
-As usual, Shecky brought high-end escorts. I have to say, when it comes to escorts, Shecky doesn't go cheap.
-Somehow, we ran out of knives, so our stagehand Tommy O'Brien was in charge of running the turkey through a paper shredder.
-For some unknown reason, Pat Farmer was siphoning gravy.
-Writer Steve Young regaled the staff with tales of the Pilgrim days. The selection chosen was a bit of a downer. For more Steve Young, catch his fabulous Celebrigum website at www.celebrigum.com. For fun, try explaining the website to your family over Thanksgiving dinner!
-Dave's stand-in was at the dinner. Dave will be CGI'd in later.
-And we had a familiar server dishing out the turkey. It's Mitt!
-And that was our Late Show Thanksgiving Dinner.

WAHOO GAZETTE PEAK BEHIND THE SCENE AT THE LATE SHOW! Todd drinking the turkey-tini ---- Originally, we were going to see Todd getting the turkey juice and then cut to him drinking the turkey-tini, switching it to apple cider during the cut. But Todd, the champion that he is and young enough to think he will live forever, said he would drink the actual turkey juice right from the turkey. No need to cut during the shoot. He immediately spit it out as soon as he was off camera.

TOP TEN: FACTS ABOUT THANKSGIVING - on my informational blue card, I had a dilemma. I usually include a fact or two about the night's Top Ten topic, but this topic was all about facts already. What should I put? I decided to go with:
-In the United States, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November.
-In Canada, it is celebrated on the second Monday in October.
I included this tidbit of information just for the Wahoo readers. I know how much you enjoy Dave's asking Paul, "Why does Canada celebrate Thanksgiving in October?" to which Paul will respond, "Because of the early harvest." I'm not sure how many years that back-and-forth has been going on but I enjoy it every time.
FACTS ABOUT THANKSGIVING
7. 37% of turkeys eat human on Thanksgiving.
6. After Thanksgiving, the busiest travel day is Elvis Presley's birthday.
5. Plymouth Rock had a secret compartment where the Pilgrims hid their house keys.
3. 85% of Thanksgiving dinners end in a fistfight.

Okay, quick, when is Elvis Presley's birthday? Hmmm, I know he died on August 16th . . . his birthday is either January or February. I'm gonna go with . . . . January 8th. I think Reagan's is February 8th. I'll be right back. I'm going to Google.

Google search results:
Elvis Presley's birthday: January 8th - DING!
Ronald Reagan's birthday: February 6th - BUZZ. Missed by two days.

ACT 3:
SCARLETT JOHANSSON

She's in the new "Hitchcock" film. Dave is a big fan of Mr. Hitchcock and really enjoy the film, the feel, the time, and the era. Hitchcock never won an Academy Award except for the Lifetime Achievement. Dave says Hitchcock was not beloved by all and Scarlett shares that indeed he wasn't. You can get a bad reputation when you throw live birds at Tippy Hedren.
Dave notices a tattoo on Scarlett's arm. It looks to be a sunrise or a sunset. Scarlett says it's all how you look at it. Dave asks, "Well, what did you ask for?" And she has a tattoo on her ankle and one on her ribcage. She can't show us the one on her ribcage, but Dave has a photo of it. We see the photo of Scarlett lifting her shirt to reveal the "Lucky You" on her ribs. She seems as if she preferred that to be kept secret. Dave asks the obvious question, "So why did you pose for a photo of you lifting your shirt?" Scarlett laughs and agrees that if she really didn't want people to see it, she wouldn't have agreed to the photo in the first place.
"Hitchcock" - it opens this Friday. Scarlett plays Janet Leigh, the one in "Psycho."
I plan on catching up on some Hitchcock's before I watch "Hitchcock." I think I'll introduce my girls to "Rear Window."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "More fun tomorrow as Dave welcomes Taylor Swift, and Rachel Maddow. The Mayor's Fund to Advance New York City is providing relief to city residents affected by Hurricane Sandy. You can help. Visit NYC.gov/fund to make a donation. Thank you.

ACT 6:
WILLIE NELSON

He's been in the music business for over 6 decades, sold more than 200 million albums, and his multiple Grammy Awards. And he's a best-selling author. His new memoir is entitled, "Roll Me Up And Smoke Me When I Die." Little did I know that Willie Nelson penned the song, "Crazy," made famous by the great Patsy Cline. "Crazy" is the most-played song on the jukebox in the nation. He wrote the song on a car ride from Houston to Nashville. Once in Nashville, he dined at a bar called "Tootsie's Orchid Lounge." We met up with Patsy Cline's husband and Willie played him the song he just wrote. The husband liked it so much that he wanted Patsy to hear it right then. They drove to the house, woke Patsy, and they listened to the song. Patsy recorded it a week later. It's one of my favorite songs and I do play it at the bar whenever I got a spare quarter. On that same car ride from Houston to Nashville, Willie wrote "Funny How Time Slips Away," another throat grabber. Sounds like it was a pretty lucrative car ride for Willie. He says the ride paid for the car.
Dave asks Willie about his guitar. He's been playing the same one for decades. Back in 1969 he was playing some honky tonk and after the show someone stepped on his guitar. He needed a new one quick. He ended up buying a guitar that Willie says had the same sound as Django Reinhardt's guitar, whom Willie considers the greatest guitar player ever. Willie bought the guitar for $750, a load of money back then. He named the guitar "Trigger," after Roy Rogers' horse. As soon as he bought it, Willie says he knew he had something special. "Do you have any weed on you?" Dave asks out of the blue. Willie doesn't quite answer, but the horn section raise their hands.
"Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die" - I can imagine the stories.

ACT 7:
GARY CLARK JR.
: From his album, "Blak and Blu," Gary Clark Jr. triumphs with "Numb." It's a lot of loud, fierce guitar, just like the old days. I liked it.

And that was our show for Wednesday, November 21, 2012.

The theater is quiet on Thanksgiving Day now. We used to do a show and it was actually very enjoyable. The staff would bring in their families and we'd all watch the parade march by on Broadway from our office windows. Meanwhile, we'd try to prepare for a show. A lot was prepared the days before but there was always something that had to be done. It was hard to keep your eye on your kids while tending to the daily duties. I would tell my girls that they could run free among the three floors but they couldn't go on the elevator. I once lost one of my girls for a while. I found Danielle in an office down the hall, but I couldn't find Dominique. They were probably about 3 years old at the time. I checked every office and still no Dominique. I checked every office . . . . every office but one. Oh, no. I slowly walked down the hall to Dave's office. I looked around. No Dominique. I asked Dave's assistant, "Is . . . . is she in there?" eyeballing towards Dave's private office. She smiled and nodded. Oy. I walked in, said hello to Dave who was at his desk reading up on the night's guests, and made my way over to Dominique sitting in the middle of the floor playing with pencils. I picked her up to return her to my office. Dave said she could stay, that they were friends now. I thanked him and let the Big Man prepare for the show.

I've been pretty surprised with some of the talk on the talk radio shows this week. Way too many people support the retail stores for opening Thanksgiving night to kick off the Black Friday holiday shopping season. They say the employees have no right to complain. It's what they signed up for. Radio hosts chime, "I've had to work at the radio station on Thanksgiving! If I can do it, why not them?" Well, for one reason, because you're in radio. At one time it was a 24-hour entity run by humans. Plus, it's radio, a somewhat glamorous field to be in. I've had to work Thanksgivings most my life, be it as a police officer or here at the Late Show. Policing is a 24/7/365 business. The Late Show made it fun to work Thanksgiving and it is a place you are proud to work. It's TV! I accepted the fact that I had to work on Thanksgiving. And it helps that the big boss, Mr. Letterman, was also working on Thanksgiving. Is Mr. WalMart working on Thanksgiving, or Mr. Target? And I worked in a factory which ran a huge kiln that fired up ceramic substrates. It had to run 24/7. It cost too much to shut down. I understood that and had no problem with working on Thanksgiving. But really, do these retail stores have to open on Thanksgiving? And have they crunched the numbers to figure out how many people will refuse to shop there throughout the year because of their Thanksgiving policy? And I have to think that those who are forced to work will develop an "us vs. them" mentality with the company. The short-term may be profitable, but I'm not so sure about the year-round bottom line.
And that's a memo.

Nothing makes less sense to me than the delirious excitement of shopping on Black Friday. But then I have to remind myself that it's other people's baseball opening day, or the opening day of trout season. You feel as if you have to be there, no matter how inconvenient it may be. But c'mon . . . . shopping? It's just things.

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade no longer goes down Broadway past the theater. It now runs two blocks east of B'way on 6th Avenue. If it still ran on Broadway, a lot of us would still come to the office on Thanksgiving just for the parade, but now it's the March of the Wooden Soldiers at home on TV.

Big day on Saturday! I turn 20,000 days old!

And a big day on Sunday! The Wahoo Gazette turns 16 years old! Here now is the very first Wahoo Gazette.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1996
Tonight is the Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony in New York City's Rockefeller Center, so if you like pushing, shoving, and pickpockets while listening to "Silent Night," that's the place to be.

Mailboy Bob Borden is scheduled to appear LIVE on tonight's show, and is in his dressing room at this very moment running his lines. Bob is wearing a navy blue terry-cloth robe, white towel around his neck, open back slippers, and is sipping from a green coffee mug.

Can you believe we have a grown man on our staff who calls himself "Corky"?

Some plans by Late Show staff members for the Thanksgiving holiday...
Nancy Agostini - work
Zoran Zgonc - work
Chris Schukei - work
...... more tomorrow

Oh, boy, that was it. And who knew that " . . . . more tomorrow" would involve thousands more tomorrows?
The Wahoo was sporadic the first two years, then fell into a two-issues-a-week schedule, on Tuesday and Friday in 1997. In mid-'98, it had the misfortune of going 5 days a week, an issue covering each show.

The Wahoo Gazette --- still a wry delight.

Now go turn on VH1 Classic and watch the Rocky and Bullwinkle marathon!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
The lovely Mrs. Denise McIntee and the darlings Dominique and Danielle. Happy Thanksgiving!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Zoe Saldana
Jay Carney
Crash

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, July 28
Things turn ugly when Spider-man meets Elmo during Dave's monologue.
Friday, July 25
From an ad in a newspaper... "Click here"?
Wednesday, July 23
The PonyCycle gets put out to pasture.
Tuesday, July 22
Naked daters and their disgusted chairs.
Monday, July 21
The Late Show turns into "MacArthur Park" for one night.