CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Tuesday, December 11, 2012 Dave helps Amanda Seyfried keep her talk show streak intact.
Show #3772
Amanda Seyfried, Natalia Makarova, AWOLNation, and a very special Top Ten list presented by Mick Jagger.
PLUS: Hanukkapolcalypse; the IKEA monkey; Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells; and what Joe Grossman learned birthing class.

" . . . and now, reclusive mountain man . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"It's the holiday season. FedEx handled 19 million packages yesterday. They didn't deliver them. They just handled them." Hmmm, my "Heard That Last Year" sensor went off on that one.

Gee golly gee, it's been a crazy month. As if we didn't have enough to worry about, Dave saw this odd announcement. Will it ever end?
ANNOUNCE: "According to the ancient Hebrew calendar, only four days remain in the eight-day Festival of Lights . . . . and then it's Hanukkapocalypse."
We see the earth going through some kind of total destruction.
ANNOUNCE: "Prepare yourselves. A message from kooks."

The story about the monkey running around an IKEA has gotten a lot of attention of late. And why not? It's a little monkey running around an IKEA! Is the monkey on the IKEA staff? That's what you get when you vote your state a right-to-work state. Hey-OH! Look at that! I made a "right-to-work state" joke!
Anyway, the IKEA is in Toronto and as happens all the time, another company tried to jump in and cash in on the monkey idea. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "This winter, make sure your monkey is both warm and stylish when you go out on adventures. Bring your monkey to Burlington Monkey Coat Factory." We see monkeys in various Burlington coats.
ANNOUNCE: "Choose from the latest monkey styles, at prices you and your monkey can afford. Plus, all our coats are generously cut to accommodate monkey diapers. Burlington Monkey Coat Factory: An educated monkey is our best customer."

And while we're at it, let's take a look at the driving dogs. The control scrambles to get the driving dog video clip. It is found in seconds.
We see dogs of New Zealand driving cars. And when will we finally get Mitt Romney banging on the driver's side window from the roof?

And once again, "Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells"
ART CARD: "Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells"
We hear sleigh bells.
ANNOUNCE: "Eye surgery
We see some eye surgery, accompanied by sleigh bells
ANNOUNCE: "Yes, everything's festive with sleigh bells
ART CARD: "Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells"
Icky . . . . this clip could have used more sleigh bells.

What will be Wednesday's "Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells" video clip? We usually use what we have in-house; something we've done before? Knee surgery? Heart surgery? The clip of the exploding head from "Scanners"?

ACT 2:
TOP TEN: THINGS I, MICK JAGGER, HAVE LEARNED AFTER 50 YEARS IN ROCK 'N' ROLL

-The Rolling Stones are celebrating their 50th anniversary in Rock and Roll.
-The Rolling Stones appeared 6 times on the Ed Sullivan Show, five times on this very stage. The first time: October 25, 1964.

And here to present tonight's Top Ten list, the lead singer and songwriter for the Rolling Stones, one of the most influential figures in Rock and Roll, the legendary Mick Jagger!
Mr. Mick enters to deserved thunderous applause.

THINGS I, MICK JAGGER, HAVE LEARNED AFTER 50 YEARS IN ROCK 'N' ROLL
I give you permission right now to click off the Wahoo to watch Mr. Jagger present tonight's Top Ten list on the Late Show website.

10. Nobody wants to hear anything from your new album
9. Never take relationship advice from Phil Spector
8. Before shouting, "Hi, Seattle", make sure you're in Seattle
7. You don't earn a cent when someone does a song about having "moves like Jagger"
6. Everybody you meet after you become famous is only interested in you as a person
5. Song royalties are great, but even they can't match the guaranteed cash flow from a reverse mortgage
4. A good way to keep yourself entertained is to sign every tenth autograph "Doris Goldblatt"
3. Be considerate of other hotel guests- trash your room by 10 PM
2. You can't always get what you want- like a good joke on the top ten list
1. You start out playing rock 'n' roll so you can have sex and do drugs, but you end up doing drugs so you can still play rock 'n' roll and have sex

The Rolling Stones LIVE pay-per-view concert, "One More Shot" can be seen this Saturday at 9 PM Eastern, 6 Pacific, featuring Bruce Springsteen, Lady Gaga, and The Black Keys.
I'm in!

ACT 3:
AMANDA SEYFRIED
(sigh-fred)
She's starring in the winter blockbuster, "Les Miserables," opening Christmas Day. Just so you can say it with confidence over the holidays, we've been told by their people to pronounce it "Lay mizzer-rob." You don't have to add the "bluh" at the end of it. Mizzer-rob will do.
Did Amanda meet Mick Jagger backstage? Yes and no . . . or neither. Not quite sure. And I'm not sure Amanda knew. She was either so totally intimidated by his greatness that she couldn't speak in his presence, or she didn't recognize who he was. Her answer is currently being studied in the Late Show lab. I hope to have an answer by the end of today's Wahoo.

Amanda does a lot of singing in the "Les Miserables" musical. It's not easy. She isn't used to doing all that singing and you really have to take care of your voice. The hardest part was "no alcohol, no cigarettes." Dave asks about her drinking. Amanda says she's never done a talk show sober. Is she drunk now? Amanda says she had maybe 3 drinks before coming on tonight. She says the change is more inside than apparent to the outside. (Psst, that's what I always thought) Dave says he started drinking at around 12 years old and took it up to 33. What kind of drink does Amanda prefer? She says she sides with the whiskey. She asked for, and received, some Jameson Irish Whiskey upon her arrival. Dave wonders if we may someday read about her being in a program. (If she's thinking about it, she should check out www.12stepmeeting.com)

"Les Miserables" opens Christmas Day. When we went to the clip, I was standing by the spiral staircase about to relay a message to cue cards. I heard some laughter from the audience which confused me since I hear "Les Miserables" is not a laugher. I was concerned they were laughing at Amanda's singing. Not till the end of the clip did I see that Dave had placed a bottle of Jamesons and two glassed on the desk. That's what caused the tittering. Dave pours each a glass, and then swigs from the bottle. Oh, too bad . . . . . and Dave has been so good!

ACT 4:
This is exciting. One of our writers, Joe Grossman and his wife are expecting a baby in just a few months. Every Monday night they attend a birthing class. With us tonight is Joe to tell us what he learned last night at the birthing class.
Joe enters in his usual upbeat dourness.
DAVE: "Hello, Joe. I very excited for you and your wife. By the way, did you see Mick Jagger?"
JOE: "No." (HA! I laughed at his usual bad luck. Well played, Mr. Grossman.)
DAVE: "So, what did you do this weekend, Joe?"
JOE: "I accidentally ate a staple."
DAVE: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Last night was the birthing class. Did you learn anything new?"
JOE: "Hold on." Joe looks through his handy-dandy notebook to look for his jotted information. After a while . . . . .
JOE: "I found it."
DAVE: "OK, please go ahead."
JOE: (reading from his notebook) "In the third trimester, some women may experience a localized electrical sensation in the cervix, known as 'Lightning Crotch.'" DAVE: (I "Played the Dave" - I guessed that Dave would reach for the bottle and take another swig and then deliver his line. BUZZ)
DAVE: "Get out! Just get out!"
Joe begins to exit in the wrong direction until Dave points him the right way.
ALAN KALTER ANNOUNCE: "'What Joe Learned in Birthing Class This Week' is brought to you by Goya dry brown lentils. Goya! Oh, boya!
Back to you, Dave."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Catch Dave again tomorrow as he welcomes Billy Crystal, from 'Chasing Ice' photographer James Balog, and Grizzly Bear. The Robin Hood Foundation is providing relief to people affected by Hurricane Sandy in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut. You can help. Visit www.Robinhood.org/rhsandy and make a donation. Thank you."

ACT 6:
NATALIA MAKAROVA

She's the finest prima ballerina of her generation and a recent recipient of the Kennedy Center Honors. Though born in Leningrad, Russia, Ms. Makarova complains about the chill in the Ed Sullivan Theater. Dave asks if she would like some whiskey. She declines, saying "I drink wine." Ever the gentleman, Dave removes his coat to put on Natalia.
Ms. Makarova started dancing at the age of 12, old for a beginner. Her late start was cause of much struggle with the mechanics of ballet throughout her life but it seems she did pretty well anyway. She squeezed 9 years of training into six and was on her way to stardom. Her "debut" in Giselle propelled her to international prominence in 1961. She attained Prima Ballerina status and a decade later defected from Russia to the west in 1970. Her pursuit towards creativity in her art compelled to make the life-changing decision. 19 years after that, the made a triumphant return to the Soviet Union in 1989 and danced with the Kirov Ballet on the same stage she began her career. After that performance, she retired from dancing. During her story, a loud noise came from Paul's area. He must have accidentally hit a button or something. Paul apologizes. Dave thought we were being attacked by Martians. Natalia calmly says, "No, it's the KGB." Ah, Natalia, quick on her feet in more ways than one.
Dave holds a photo of Ms. Makarova meeting with Elizabeth Taylor. Liz gushed, "I always wanted to be a ballerina!" Natalia sighed. Says Natalia about the comment, "And then I looked at her breasts . . . . ." Breasts are good for the movies, not for ballet.

ACT 7:
AWOLNATION

From their debut album, "Megalithic Symphony," AWOLNATION performed "Kill Your Heroes."

And that was our show for Tuesday, December 11, 2012.

All day I was concerned about the pronunciation of Natalia Makarova's last name. I would think it was MACKa-ROva. That's how we Americans would say it. But the accent is on the 2nd syllable, muh-KAH-rova. I had a hard time disciplining myself to get it right until I came up with the thinking of . . . . "Bring my car over . . . . my car over . . . Natalia Makarova." See how easy it is?

Ravi Shankar died yesterday. He is considered the pioneer of the benefit rock concert, instrumental in the Concert for Bangladesh in 1971. Yes or no . . . . will he be mentioned tonight at the 12/12/12/ concert?

What would a Wahoo be without a gripe from me? Here's what's bothering me today. I was watching some football this weekend and I saw quite a few times this Buick car commercial. We see a guy who has just presented his wife with one of those tiny Smart cars for Christmas. It's in the driveway with a ribbon on top. She likes it . . . . unitl she sees a Buick Verano pass by. Ooh, that is so much better than the car her husband gave her. She wrinkles her nose disapprovingly at her husband. Her husband, who just bought her a new car, feels like a failure. He was hoping to please his wife with a new car but the car he bought her wasn't good enough. And then we see another guy on a Segway. He got a Segway for each of his two kids and wife. We see the four of them riding their Segways around on the driveway. They are all pleased with the Segway. And then they see a Buick Verano pass by. All of a sudden, they become disappointed in their Segway. They would rather the Buick Verano. They look at husband and dad with the usual disappointment. You can tell this isn't the first time they've reacted this way to dad's wanting to do good. Dad feels like a loser. My advice to both men in the commercial: Turn around and run! Run as fast and as far away as you can. You're living with a bunch of ungrateful pigs. They don't deserve you. And guess what? Buy them a Buick Verano and they'll soon see a better car drive by. There will always be something better and you will never satisfy them. Run! Run like hell!

Youkilis a Yankee! That makes me very happy. I always liked his moxie on the BoSox. If the Sox were going to beat the Yankees, I usually hoped it would be Youkilis who did the damage.
Now all we need it Terry Francona and Dustin Pedroia.

Time now for Late Night The Day They Were Born.
Amanda Seyfried was born December 3, 1985
What happened on LATE NIGHT the day Amanda Seyfried was born?
LATE NIGHT, December 3, 1985 --- it was a repeat from June 11, 1985.
Late Night seen on 12/03/85.
LATE NIGHT, June 11, 1985 (#566): "Miami Vice" star Don Johnson; narcotic agents Morris Berkowitz and Bill Chessman, with their dog Rusty; and a Stand-Up by George Miller. Plus a Late Night Phone-In.
And that's what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Amanda Seyfried was born.

Thank you, Mr. Donz for the above.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Happy birthday, Mommy!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Robert Downey Jr.
Sarah Paulson
Lizzo

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, October 18
Do Alan and Foo Fighters' Pat Smear have something going on ?
Thursday, October 16
Dave takes the temperature of a home viewer.
Wednesday, October 15
Run, Bill Murray, run!
Tuesday, October 14
The Wilson sisters, Nancy & Ann, rock out with Foo Fighters.
Monday, October 13
Five nights of Foo Fighters kicks off with Zac Brown.