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Wednesday, December 12, 2012 Santa has some shocking news from the North Pole.
Show #3773
Billy Crystal, James Balog, and Grizzly Bear.
PLUS: Cable News Bloopers; Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells; Irani YouTube; another Superman movie, and another Christmas special.

" . . . and now, Mayor of Palookaville . . . . . . . David Letterman!!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"The end of the world is next week, December 21st. Programming note: in the east, the Apocalypse is scheduled for 9 o'clock. In the west, 3 hours earlier."

Here's something new. It's Cable News Bloopers! From earlier today on the CNBC Squawk on the Street segment, we see former Romney Chief Economic advisor Glenn Hubbard speeching about something. In the middle of his diatribe, part of the CNBC ceiling falls on his head. Mr. Hubbard barely blinked. He kept on going, shooing the asbestos tile off his shoulder.

And once again, "Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells"
ART CARD: "Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells"
We hear sleigh bells.
ANNOUNCE: "Field dressing a squirrel."
We see a squirrel being torn asunder prepping it for a nice stew. The skin-peel was particularly . . . . festive, thanks to the sleigh bells.
ANNOUNCE: "Yes, everything's festive with sleigh bells
ART CARD: "Everything's Festive with Sleigh Bells"

Are you familiar with the YouTube? Are you familiar with Iran? Well, Iran has sanctioned their own version of the YouTube and as you can guess, the control what goes on. We take a look at their first YouTube video.
We see a cute baby sitting in his highchair. We hear dad say to the baby in an Irani accent, "Death to the great Satan, America!" The baby responds with a big belly laugh
Wow! I bet the baby loves Psy!

Another one? Yup! There's a new Superman movie coming out in June and it's a wonder that they can come up with a new storyline for the man of steel . . . and that's the name of the film, "The Man of Steel." We take a look at the trailer for the summer blockbuster.
SUPERMAN: "I have so many questions. Where do I come from?"
DAD: "You just have to decide what kind of man you want to grow up to be, Clark. Whoever that man is, is gonna change the world."
Cut to Superman outside the fortress of solitude. He then soars up into the sky, into outer space, and right into the moon. His body is planted halfway into the moon cheese. All we see are his red boots, a la the Wicked Witch of the East.
It's coming to a theater near you this summer.

ALAN ANNOUNCE: "Just ahead, Billy Crystal! The official 2013 'FDNY Calendar of Heroes' is available at FDNYFoundation.org. Proceeds go toward fire safety education, as well as training and development programs for FDNY members. We'll be right back."

ACT 2:
You can't turn on the television without running into another Christmas special. Did you see what was on CBS earlier tonight? We take a look at this most recent Christmas special offering.
We see Santa talking to Mrs. Claus. The characters are animated in the style of Davy and Goliath.
SANTA: "Toys, video games, iPads . . . . everybody wants something from Santa. I can't take it anymore!"
Santa gets up from the table to address his working elves.
SANTA: "Christmas is canceled, everyone. Santa's becoming a Jew."
The elves are shocked. They realize layoffs are probably down the road.
ANNOUNCE: "'Santa Converts to Judaism' will return in a moment."

BILLY CRYSTAL
How is Billy enjoying the holidays? He says tonight is the 5th night of Hanukkah. Nobody cares anymore, there's no excitement. And Hanukkah can't compete with Christmas. Dave reminds Billy that it isn't a competition. Billy exclaims, "Oh, for us it is!"
Billy is still having trouble with raccoons around the house. Billy is now on a gluten-free diet and has his wheatless food delivered. Well, the raccoons got wise to this and now help themselves to it. And the raccoons have never looked better. They're healthier, look better, and seem to feel great! It's good to know the gluten-free is benefiting somebody.
Billy has been busy promoting his new film, "Parental Guidance." It opens here on Christmas; in the UK on Boxing Day. Boxing Day is the day following Christmas when the rich box up the gifts they don't like and give them to the help. It's what we do here in America except we give those gifts to our in-laws next Christmas. Billy tells a story of meeting Princess Diana when he was promoting "When Harry Met Sally" many moons ago. She was an absolute delight. At a screening of the film, Billy was sitting next to Lady Di. It was awkward when Sally had the fake orgasm scene in the diner. How would Princess Di react? The entire audience turned to her to watch her reaction. Billy says she laughed like a honking goose. Oh, boy, who knew she had one of those laughs? Billy also mentioned how Rob Reiner looked like Sebastian Cabot during the shooting of "When Harry Met Sally." Dave laughs at the four-decade-old reference and says this is the first time Sebastian Cabot was mentioned on his show. Dang it, I don't have that in my database, but I sort of remember a Mr. French reference. I doubt if I have it.
"Parental Guidance" - opens Christmas Day.
After the show, Billy will be heading over to the Madison Square Garden to participate in the 121212 Concert to Benefit Hurricane Sandy Relief. His hometown of Long Beach, Long Island got hit particularly hard. He thanks the nearby Lynbrook movie theater for hosting seven free screenings of "Parental Guidance" for those of Long Beach.

ACT 4:
JAMES BALOG

He's an award-winning photographer, founder of the Extreme Ice Survey, and is featured in the new documentary, "Chasing Ice." He set up cameras to record glacial activity. Through time lapse photography, we can see how quickly and how massive the destruction of the glaciers has become. It makes it obvious that climate change is in action right now! We've been hearing about it since Al Gore brought it to the forefront but with this visual evidence, people are reacting with much more alarm. It's an "Oh, I get it now" moment. Even a few degrees difference can have disastrous results. The receding of the glaciers has increased tremendously in the past 20 years and we aren't really dealing with it. Dave feels the politicians realize there isn't anything we can do about it which is why they don't talk about it. He says it's not about fixing the problem; it's about adapting to the problem. It's here, and we'll have to deal. I think there is little question that we are in the midst of a climate change. The only question that remains is if it is man-made.
If the climate change brings another dust bowl-type reality to our heartland, how will we feed ourselves? I heard someone ask this the other day, "Can't we just move our farming farther north into Canada and Alaska." It was said the weather may be fine for farming, but the soil is not there.
"Chasing Ice" - now playing in select theaters nationwide. The concern isn't so much for me and you, but for the world of our children and their children. We have to do something NOW to make it better for them then.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Saddle up again tomorrow and join us for Jamie Foxx, Julie Chen, and DIIV. The Robin Hood Foundation is providing relief to people affected by Hurricane Sandy in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut. You can help. Visit www.Robinhood.org/rhsandy and make a donation. Thank you."

ACT 6:
GRIZZLY BEAR

From their album, "Shields," Grizzly Bear performed "Yet Again."

And that was our show for Wednesday, December 12, 2012.

Thursday is the final day to stuff the ballot box for the People's Choice Awards. Rush on over to www.peopleschoice.com and vote for Dave as Best Late Night Talk Show Host. Other nominated for the award are Chelsea Handler, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, and Jimmy Kimmel. You probably never heard of them.
Get going and get cheating!

We had a Top Ten list prepared but it didn't get on. Dang it, because I had two on the list.

TOP TEN STORES POPULAR WITH MONKEYS - based on the adorable monkey running loose at a Toronto IKEA. Our list:
10. Bed, Bath, and Beyond
9. Abercrombie & Nits
8. Banana Republic
7. Rite Ape
6. Chimpanzales

5. Curious Giorgio Armani
4. Simian's Wearhouse
3. Opposable Thumbs Remembered
2. Bigfoot Locker
1. Jane Goodall's Secret

My offerings:
Banana Republic - DING
Bed, Bath, and Baboon - DING
Apes Hardware
Burger King Kong
The Stage Deli (I have some bad news for you, monkeys)
Tire Swings R Us
The A&P . . .& E Supermarket
Nieman Monkey

Yikes, I didn't expect a 6-hour concert! I wouldn't be surprised if the 121212 Concert last night lasted 6 hours, 6 minutes, and 6 seconds. I enjoyed it all from start to finish. Kanye West is getting some scorn from viewers for his music, but it's who he is, it's what he does. It may have been the wrong venue for him, like Neil Diamond on The Last Waltz, or Sha Na Na at Woodstock. And if I knew it was going to last 6 hours, I would have paced my drinking a bit differently. I became a big fan of Alicia Keys last night.
Yes, I know I'm late to that party. And outside of her, where were the women at?
Some of the acts . . . they looked kind of old. I don't know. Maybe the front row isn't the best seat.
I watched the concert on my big screen projection TV in the basement with the sound blasting. It's Christmas, people. Look into getting one of these things. I got the Epson MovieMate 60. Best thing I ever got.

I'm signing up tonight for the Rolling Stones LIVE pay-per-view concert for Saturday night. It's the first time I'm doing a pay-per-view and I hope I don't screw it up. I mentioned it to a neighbor or two to get a sense if it was worth it or not. I have the big projector TV in the basement hooked up to a surround sound system which would be perfect for a Stones concert. A neighbor with a regular TV was planning the same thing and invited people over to her house. Uh, oh, two houses to choose from. This is what the neighborhood decided. We will party at her house for the preshow and then head over to my house for the concert. I like the compromise. I think the concert will cost about $45. The first concert I ever went to was a Rolling Stones concert at Madison Square Garden in June of 1975. My friend Steve and I bought from a scalper outside the Garden: 2 for $25. Great show. Opened with Honky Tonk Women. I then saw them years later at Shea Stadium in October 1989. The Mets did not need the Stadium in October of '89.

I haven't gone to too many concerts in my time. The concert I most enjoyed would probably be any Bruce Springsteen concert or Joe Cocker at Radio City Music Hall in . . . . '92, perhaps. And for some unknown reason, I went to a lot of Charlie Daniels concerts. Not sure why. I would be asked, "Want to go to a concert?" I would answer, "Yeah, sure. Who?" It was always "Charlie Daniels."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
My Long Beach, Long Island friends from SUNY Cortland, it's Katie O'Byrne, Cecilia Horan, and Linda Kellerman!!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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