Samuel L. Jackson, Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen, and Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit.
PLUS: Regis's House of Christmas Lights; Jenna Bush Expecting; Mitt's Dancing Horse; a Top Ten list; and Alan Kalter Wants to Go to Barcelona.
" . . . and now, nature's energy drink . . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
- "Hugh Hefner's fiancee, Crystal Harris, is taking his name . . . . and anything else she can get her hands on."
You've seen some of those houses that are adorned from top to bottom with Christmas lights. Regis has such a place. He has little to keep him busy these days. We have a hookup at his residence and the lights, on a timer, are about to come on. We take a look in.
We see Regis' house. Ta da! The lights come on and blink to a festive tune. And then, much like yesterday's iMac computer, it sparks and then explodes.
I think Reege better call an electrician.
Congratulations to W's daughter, Jenna Bush. She's expecting her first child. In light of this wonderful news, we decided to offer the former first daughter some helpful parenting advice.
ANNOUNCE: "Exercise extreme caution when allowing Grandpa to hold the baby."
We see the former President dropping Barney the dog.
ANNOUNCE: "Best of luck, Jenna."
We know what Mitt Romney's been up to since the election, but that's not the whole story. Here's a segment called, "Mitt Romney's Dancing Horse --- Where Is He Now?"
ANNOUNCE: (with accompanying photos) "After the disappointing loss on election night, Rafalca drifted apart from Mitt. Sinking into depression, he started drinking heavily. He began dancing at seedy nightclubs. Rafalca is now living in a trailer park and is in an on-again, off-again relationship with a moose. He's hoping things will turn around in the new year.
This has been 'Mitt Romney's Dancing Horse.'"
Did you hear about this? Very odd. At a Barcelona airport, a woman was acting strange. Agents grew suspicious and investigated. They found cocaine concealed in . . . . her breast implants. Can you imagine that? Cocaine in her breast implants. Dave tries to make sense out . . . . . where's Alan Kalter going? We see Alan with coat in hand on his way out the guest entrance. Where is he going? Says Alan: "I'm going to Barcelona! Sounds like they know how to party!" Alan continues his exit.
Dave takes a moment to collect himself. And then reveals it is all just a skit. He calls Alan to come back out to take a bow. Alan returns to center stage. He takes a deep theatrical bow. Alan then motions to the wings by the guest entrance and waves out those also in the "skit." A cheerleader runs out, followed by a cop and an airline pilot. They join Alan. The all bow. And then exit.
Explanation? Nothing more than it was just a skit. And the extras? The cheerleader? The cop and pilot? Dave isn't sure.
That was me, the cop! I was a cop in another life. After the show I was asked if I was happy to be out of the costume. I said, "It was ALWAYS a costume."
TOP TEN: LEAST BELOVED HOLIDAY TELEVISION SPECIALS
Some favorites include: "It's A Wonderful Life," "A Charlie Brown Christmas," and "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
TOP TEN: LEAST BELOVED HOLIDAY SPECIALS
10. "It's A Wonderful Life For The Wealthiest 1%"
8. "Frisky, The Oversexed Snowman"
2. "Nick, the Red-Nosed Nolte"
SAMUEL L. JACKSON
Samuel L. is pleased with the cool music intro from Paul. He says it's the coolest he's ever had. Who? Why? Dave explains that we recently had Led Zeppelin on the show and the name of Django Reinhardt came up, the great jazz guitarist. When Dave and Paul heard the name of Samuel L's movie, "Django Unchained," they thought it was going to be about Django Reinhardt. Paul prepared the entrance music for Jackson and decided to keep it when he found out the movie had nothing to do with Django Reinhardt.
It's an anniversary, of sorts, for Samuel L. About 20 years ago he was almost killed here in New York City. Samuel lets out a big laugh at the incident. It's an odd reaction to almost losing your life. Samuel was helping a woman on the subway platform who just dropped some packages. The subway car door then closed on his ankle. Samuel was dragged the length of the platform and was heading straight and fast for the too-narrow tunnel. Seeing the tunnel approaching, Samuel could only think what a downer it'll be at Christmas this year. Luckily, the subway came to a stop when someone inside pulled the emergency stop cord. Why it took so long for the subway to stop was because the guy who pulled the cord was on crutches. Samuel was two subway cars away from a really tight squeeze, too tight for him to fit.
His new film, "Django Unchained" takes place in Mississippi around Civil War times. Samuel plays a guy who may go down as the most hated man in cinematic history. He's a slave who has total loyalty to the slave owner, a real "Yes'm, massah." It's a Quentin Tarantino film so you can probably expect some good plot twists and bits of creative brutality. It opens Christmas Day.
ANNOUNCE: "It's gonna be a great one Monday as Dave welcomes Tom Cruise, and MNDR. The Robin Hood Foundation is providing relief to people affected by Hurricane Sandy in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut. You can help. Visit www.Robinhood.org/rhsandy and make a donation. Thank you."
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN AND FRED ARMISEN
They are the creators and stars of the very funny series, "Portlandia," on the IFC (Independent Film Channel). Dave speaks very highly of the very peculiar, very funny show that takes place in Portland. Carrie and Fred describe Portland as being a very comfortable and effortless place which has lots of pottery can yoga classes. Dave admits he can't quite explain what he loves about the show. He knows the characters aren't stupid or dumb, but what is it? Carrie and Fred describe the characters as being earnest, happy, and pleasant who over-articulate the obvious. They are too concerned about the minutiae.
Fred was here 5 months ago on July 10th. I remember wanting to watch the show back then, and yet, I haven't done so. This time I will actively search it out.
The third season premieres January 4th at 10:00 PM.
JASON ISBELL AND THE 400 UNIT
From their album, "Live From Alabama," Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit performed "Outfit."
And that was our show for Friday December 14, 2012.
I have nothing today.
Michael Z. McIntee