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Monday, December 17, 2012 The IKEA Monkey sings your favorite holiday tunes--available at monkey grooming salons everywhere.
Show #3776
Tom Cruise and MNDR.
PLUS: the Mayan Apocalypse; the new Superman movie; the IKEA monkey; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . . and now, with an atomic weight of 196 . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:

-"It's the anniversary of the first flight by the Wright Brothers. There was Orville, there was Wilbur, and there was the hot-headed Sonny."
-"Hillary Clinton fainted and suffered a concussion. She's listed as 'questionable' for Sunday's game."
-"Mayan Doomsday is Friday, the 21st, or the 28th if you're a Greek Orthodox Mayan."

The Mayan Apocalypse is predicted for this Friday. People are wondering if the Mayan predictions have any credibility. We have something that may shed light. It's "Mayan Predictions That Have Come True."
ACT CARD: "Mayan Predictions That Have Come True."
ANNOUNCE: "In the 5th Century, the Mayans correctly predicted that Nostradamus would be a blowhard trying to impress babes at parties. This has been 'Mayan Predictions That Have Come True.' "
Sounds like a bit of competitive ill-feelings between the prognosticators.

There's another Superman movie in the works that will be coming out in June. Dave then recites the Superman opening without cue cards: "Superman came to earth with powers and abilities far above those of mortal men. Superman. Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman! Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. And who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way. Superman." Kudos, Mr. Letterman. The only superhero theme lyrics and opening I know is to "Batman." This new Superman film promises a more edgy Superman. We take a look at this trailer to the new Superman movie, "Man of Steel." We take a look. Yikes. How . . . why . . . someone on the staff remembers this is a mystery to me, though something like this could be difficult to forget. It's a Superman Broadway musical that was then made into a TV special in 1975, entitled, "It's a Bird . . . It's a Plane . . . It's Superman!"

Remember that IKEA monkey that made a monkey of itself by romping around an IKEA in Toronto? Well, it got so many viewings on the internets that you knew somebody was going to take advantage and cash in on the event. We take a look. ANNOUNCE: "Last week, he made headlines after getting lost at a Toronto IKEA. Now, the IKEA monkey is back, with an album of all your holiday favorites." We see and hear the IKEA monkey "performing" such holiday fare as "Silent Night," "Let It Snow," and "Joy To The World."
ANNOUNCE: "Now, receive a special bonus track, featuring the Sneezing Monkey. Available at fine retailers and monkey grooming salons everywhere."

ACT 2:
Dave addresses the horrific events from Friday in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. He knows something has to be done about this, but like all of us, isn't sure exactly what. Do we really need semi-automatic rifles with clips of 30 rounds? 50% of American homes have guns so he knows we can't get rid of them. He also knows you don't need 30 rounds to down a deer. You need one or two, that's it, then the deer is gone. It's not a gun issue, it's not a mental health issue necessarily, but there's an X factor that we don't quite know what that is. Since 1994, there have been 70 school shootings in the United States, when one is too many. We can't take guns away from everybody; and we can't cure mental health. The President spoke in a gymnasium in Newtown Sunday night. He said something will be done. And that's about all we can hold on to. Something will be done. The President said so. Now we'll wait to see what will be done.
Dave is like any father. He's extremely sad, confused, scared for his own son, looking for answers. Something needs to be done. We wait. We'll watch.

ACT 3:
- Dave begins to explain the evening's topic and Tony Cue Cards interrupts to remind Dave to open the Top Ten thing. Dave tells Tony he's getting to it and scolds Mr. Mendez to go back upstairs and sniff some ink.
We've prepared 173 Top Ten lists in 2012, consisting of 1730 items. Tonight's list holds the top ten entries from those 173 lists. Dave begins to read from the list and Paul barks out that he forgot to open the thing. An angry Dave looks Tony's way and reprimands, "Why didn't you tell me?!"

10. "Your accountant is so dumb, he thinks the 1040-EZ form is for sluts"
9. "No shirt, no shoes; That's the manager"
8. You don't have to be gay to enjoy a cruise
7. "Franklin Delano Robocop"
6. Store policy: "You break it, you eat it"
5. We're out of meat--someone run to the zoo!
4. Lettuce is 96% water and 4% lettuce
3. "Worst seminar since Deepak Chopra's 'Groinkick Experience'"
2. People put tokens in your nose thinking you're a bus
1. "Please mom, put your top on" Damn! None were mine, but I just started submitting recently. The fun part was trying to imagine the Topic each entry went with.

It's big time movie star Tom Cruise. I must admit I was never much of a Tom Cruise fan. My wife would blame it on jealousy. She was wrong. I think it was envy. Anyway, after I saw his performance in "Tropic Thunder" I had to admit I was wrong. He's good. I'm now in the Tom Cruise Fan corner. Now when I watch some of his old movies, I have to admit I probably was jealous. With some hair, talent, and looks, it could have been me.
Tom has a 17-year-old son. What was Tom like when he was 17? Tom had two plans - he was either going to come to New York to become an actor, or he was going to go to Europe. Dave laughs. He wonders if Tom was planning on one of those "hiking through Europe with a backpack" guys. Tom nods. Yes, who among us didn't pretend-plan on hiking through Europe right out of college? Will Tom's son take that Europe hike? Daddy Tom quickly says, "No." Dave asks Tom if he's had the "girl" talk with his son yet. Tom says he's been warned by his son not to talk about him. Dave can understand. Harry's friends are just now beginning to think that Harry's dad is Ed Sullivan. Dave says he should have had the "Girl" talk with Harry already but has been putting it off. I'm not sure how necessary the "girl" talk is. Besides, it's so much easier not to. Dave says he talked to Harry about the use of bad words. Harry told daddy Dave, "I know the 'S' word. I know the "B' word, and I know the 'F' word."
Dave pushed on.
What is the 'S' word? Harry said, "Stupid."
What is the 'B' word? Harry said, " Bad."
What is the 'F' word? Harry said, 'Givl'
(To decipher "Givl" simply look to the left of each letter of "givl" on your keyboard.)

Tom's new film, "Jack Reacher" looks to be a real action adventure. He gets into fights a lot. He's not afraid. He actually looks forward to it. And the best thing is before the fight, Jack Reacher tells the combatant exactly how he will beat him up. Dave wants to be that guy. Get in line, Dave. There's a real long line for that. The entire movie was shot in Pittsburgh and Tom and Dave rave about the Iron City. Speaking of which, Dave remembers with warmth the great taste of the Iron City Beer. Hear that, Iron City beer? Dave gave you a plug . . . a free plug!
1697 Broadway
New York, New York
Dave really enjoyed the muscle cars in the film, "Jack Reacher." Just the sound of the Camaros and Chevelles was worth the price of admission. Tom wrecked up 8 Chevelles in the making of the film. He got to keep the one he didn't wreck. I imagine if there were 10 Chevelles, he would have smashed up 9 of them.
"Jack Reacher" - it opens Christmas Day.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us tomorrow for Dave and his guests Paul Rudd, and Alicia Keys. Back in two."

ACT 7:
: from her album, "Feed Me Diamonds," MNDR performed "Feed Me Diamonds."

And that was our show for Monday, December 17, 2012.

Hey, you people on the Linkedin, I'm not ignoring you. I'm not ignoring your requests. I'm still a bit unfamiliar with the Linkedin and I get ascared with the unfamiliar. I'm working at it.

Great news! I already have Friday's show recap written for the Wahoo.

I was thinking of this the other day. Christmas has become such a big deal I feel that maybe it should be like the Olympics, celebrated only every four years.

A lot of movies open on Christmas day. I always wondered if that was a good idea. Do people go to the movies on Christmas? I figure the thinking behind it is families run out of things to talk about and movies are always a good subject as filler. "See any good movies lately?" This is then followed up with the new movies about to open. And then with a lot of people having the Christmas-to-New-Years' week off, there you go! Movie-goers with time to fill. My guess is the movies open on Christmas not for the day, but for the week that follows.

Hey, did you watch the Stones concert on Saturday? I had it blasting in the basement on the projection TV and surround sound. Good show! I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

I discovered a local radio station in my county. I knew it existed but it never reached my house. They've amped up their signal and now I can hear all the small town local chatter about politics, the roads, the taxes, the schools, and so on. Yesterday a caller phoned in to report he dropped his car keys between the driver seat and the console. He couldn't reach them. And now he would be late to work!
I can't wait to tune in tomorrow to hear the thrilling conclusion of how this turned out!

N.R.A. - No Rational Argument.

He's getting a clean-out and re-route, from Congers, New York, on his way to receiving a double-bypass, it's Jim Seidel
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, May 18
Hovering! with Tom Hanks
Saturday, May 16
Oprah and Dave indulge in a selfie.
Thursday, May 14
Tom Waits, Dave and what's-his-name.
Wednesday, May 13
Julia and Dave squeeze in one last hug.
Tuesday, May 12
Adam Sandler performs a musical ode to Dave.