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Tuesday, December 18, 2012 Dave takes a look at the Story of the Late Show Meatball.
Show #3777
Paul Rudd, and Alicia Keys.
PLUS: The Sneezing Monkey Sings Christmas Songs; the Mayan Channel Forecast; Good Things About the Mayan Apocalypse; the Story of the Late Show Meatball; and a Top Ten list with 10 Local Department Store Santas.  

" . . . .  and now, an Aries who acts like a Gemini . . . . . . . .  David Letterman!"  

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Christmas with the family can be tough.  You used up all your small talk on Thanksgiving."
- "The World's Oldest Person died.   I think that title may be cursed."
- "According to the Mayans, Friday is the end of the world.  That's why we're taping Friday's show on Thursday."  

Here's something very special, it's the "Sneezing Monkey Sings Christmas Carols."
We see the sneezing monkey sitting patiently for his cue.  Near the end of the chorus of "Deck the Halls," the sneezing monkey sneezes.  

Hey!  How ‘bout another!  It's another installment of it's the "Sneezing Monkey Sings Christmas Carols."
This time he performs "Angels We Have Heard On High."  

Time now for the Mayan Channel Forecast.
ANNOUNCE: "And now, the ‘Mayan Channel Forecast.'
Thursday: cloudy, chance of showers, high 39.
Friday: volcanoes, asteroid strikes, apocalypse.
Saturday: Mostly sunny, pleasant, high 44.
Stay tuned for The Mayan Business Traveler Report, up next."
Sounds like a nice weekend, if we get there.  

All we hear is the bad stuff about the Mayan Apocalypse, but there is a bright side.  We take a look.
ART CARD: GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE MAYAN APOCALYPSE
ANNOUNCE: "It will put an            end to those disgusting commercials where cartoon bears use toilet paper."
We see a clip of the Charmin bears with stuck pieces of toilet paper to the hind.
ANNOUNCE: "Thanks, Mayan Apocalypse."  

And one more time, it's the "Sneezing Monkey Sings Christmas Carols."  A rendition of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen."  

ACT 2:
Dave points out our annual Christmas holiday decorations, specifically our tree.  He mentions the top piece consisting of a pizza from Angelo's, a replica of the Empire State Building from K&L Rock America, and a meatball.  But where do we get the meatball?   It's the #2 question asked of Dave by passersby.   Tonight, we take a look at the Story of the Late Show Meatball. We cut to a couple sitting in an Italian Restaurant enjoying some spaghetti and meatballs, not unlike Disney's "Lady and the Tramp."   Suddenly, Late Show security chief Bill Delace enters.  He reaches for the man's three meatballs and smashes them together to make one large meatball.  He thanks the guy, then splits.
And that's the story behind the Late Show Meatball.
That last part was very unlike the "Lady and the Tramp."  

TOP TEN: DEPARTMENT STORE SANTA PET PEEVES – and here to present tonight's Top Ten List, ten local department store Santas.
Enter 10 Santas of various size and costume.
10. "No time off for Hanukah."
4. "Parents, you're in line for 40 minutes --- maybe use that time to learn how to operate your camera."
3. "Lap rash"
2. "Pretending to be jolly gets old pretty fast ---- like I need to tell this audience."
1. "How come no one ever asks what I want for Christmas?"  

ACT 3:
PAUL RUDD
He stars in the new film, "This Is 40," and in the Broadway play, "Grace."  Dave needs to know the story about the incident at "Grace" a few weeks ago.  Apparently, right when Paul was about to go into an important monologue, a guy in the balcony . . .  front row balcony . . . . a guy heaved up on the people below.  Yeah, he emptied his stomach on the heads below.   What was Paul Rudd supposed to do at that moment?   Paul admits the proper reaction can't really be found in the rule book.   He wasn't aware of what the commotion was about till later.  If he knew at the time would he have done something?   He's still not sure.   How would he rate that night's performance of ‘Grace'?   "Gross" is Paul's well-played answer.
The surprising part was the guy was taken outside for some air, and then returned for the rest of the play.  Whenever I threw up on someone, I left and didn't come back.  

Paul started his acting career in Los Angeles but decided to leave to come to New York.   That's a bit surprising since L.A. offers more opportunity than New York.  What made his decide?   After his first movie, "Clueless," Paul bought himself a new car in Los Angeles.  It was stolen in a week.  He rented one and that day it was struck by a hit-and-run driver.   He borrowed a friend's car and hydroplaned into a parked car destroying both.  He rented another car and within hours got into another accident.  It was right about at this time that he decided to go to New York.
He flew to New York the next day for an audition.   He was going to recite a monologue from the movie, "Amadeus."   He worked hard at it and was still working hard at it on his way to the audition.  With his head down buried in the script, he bumped into a fellow NYC pedestrian as often happens.  And whom did he bump into?   Tom Hulce, the star of "Amadeus."  Paul explained what he was doing and where he was going.   Tom asked, "Do you live here?" Paul said he was thinking of it.   Tom said, "Well, you should."   And Paul answered, "OK, I will."   And that's typical story for so many guys.   We'll do anything; we just want to be told what to do.
Once at a summer job, I was asked to add up ten numbers.  I did it no problem.  The guy said, "You should be an accountant."   Do you have any idea how much weight that carried?   I was inches away from changing my major in college from 290UND to Accounting.  (290Und was an undeclared major).  

"This Is 40" – it opens this Friday at a theater near you.  

ACT 4:
Hey, let's check in to see what's up with the Santas.  We take a look outside to see the collection of Claus's are heading into Flashdancers.   I would think they'd be tired of people sitting on their lap. As we lingered on the shot, we see a guy in a business suit walking . . . walking . . . uh oh . . . is he?  Nope.  He doesn't enter Flashdancers.   He may have saved himself a lot of trouble. Which reminds me of a game I used to play.  From the 12th floor office down the hall, I can see Flashdancers.  I like to pick out a pedestrian and guess whether he will walk into Flashdancers or continue past.  In the summer I usually went with the guy in a short sleeve buttoned shirt wearing a tie.   He'd be carrying a briefcase.  If he were balding, even better.   I would usually pick that guy.  

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: Visit cbs.com/Late Show to watch Alicia Keys Live on Letterman   Alicia Keys' exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand.  Also, The Robin Hood Foundation is providing relief to people affected by Hurricane Sandy in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut.  You can help.   Visit Robin Hood dot org slash RH Sandy and make a donation.  Thank you  

ACT 6:
ALICIA KEYS
Wow!  The super talented Alicia Keys.   I always heard she was a great talent but didn't realize it until the 121212 Concert last week.  She's the real deal.   And her 30 million albums sold is proof of that.    She's married to tatted music producer Swizz Beatz and they have a two-year-old son, Egypt.    Why the name ‘Egypt'?     Alicia says she went to Egypt several years ago and came away in awe of the amazing things of that country.  It made her realize that man can accomplish anything, that we are capable of so many things.    There is no limit to what we can achieve.  She says it was a life-altering experience.   Years later when she was considering a name for her baby boy, husband Swizz suggested Egypt.  He said, "Egypt was such an important time for you and life-changing, and having a baby will, too."  Alicia will be going on tour in March and will be taking Egypt along.   She knows it'll be a totally different experience with a young one in tow.   She is looking forward to seeing the world through his eyes.

ACT 7:
ALICIA KEYS: From her new #1 album in the country, "Girl On Fire," Alicia Keys performed "Brand New Me."  

And that was our show for Tuesday December 18, 2012.


     I wanted to stick around for the Alicia Keys webcast after the show but had an appointment to see my daughters inducted into the National Honor Society.  Very proud dad.  And the best part was the charity bake sale after the event in the school cafeteria!   Yeah!  Let the holidays begin!  

The first Department Store Santa was . . . . . well, there seems to be some confusion.   I came across three claiming to be the first:
Edgar Department Store in Brockton, Massachusetts.
J.W. Parkinson's Dry Goods in Philadelphia
Macy's Department Store in New York City.  

The claims:
- In December 1890, James Edgar dressed up as Santa Claus to entertain the children of shoppers, thus becoming the first department store Santa.[1
- J.W. Parkinson's store in Philadelphia did featured  a St. Nick climbing the store's chimney as a publicity stunt in 1841
- Rowland H. Macy, back in the 1860s, to popularly coin the name and link it to an in-store creation.  

Parkinson's in Philadelphia in 1841 seems to be first, but the "character" was not yet named Santa Claus.
It was Macy's in 1860, searching for ways to increase traffic in their toy department, who hit upon the "Santa Claus" name, basing it on the New York City term "Sinterklaas" (in turn, based on the Dutch "Sint Nicolass").
There is no mention of "Santa Claus" in the Clement C. Moore poem, "Twas The Night Before Christmas."   Nor does Charles Dickens refer to a Santa Claus in "A Christmas Carol."
That's something for you for around the Christmas dinner table  . . .  . some info against your know-it-all brother-in-law.  

My submissions for tonight's Top Ten Department Store Santa Pet Peeves
- "The jingling bells . . . those damn, non-stop jingling bells.
- "The Jets last night against the Titans. Did you see that game?!"
- "10-minute bathroom breaks.   Come on!  Really?!"  

Hugh Hefner, 86, is about to be married to his fiancée, Crystal, 26.  It's a May/February wedding.  

"Flashdancers" is called a Gentlemen's Club, because when you think of strippers, you think of gentlemen.  

So, Josh Hamilton signs with the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles.  Baseball fans are aware of his awful drug addicted and dependent background and worry that the California lifestyle may tempt him back into that lifestyle, one that may not have been present in the Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas area.  But this got me to thinking.  I always look and try to explain away the obvious and accepted.   I think Los Angeles and New York may be the BEST place for a guy like Josh Hamilton!   The real demons are inside Josh Hamilton. They are not floating around in the ether waiting to pounce on him.  Places like Los Angeles and New York have an extraordinary amount to offer. There is so much to do.   The social and cultural cornucopia can keep his lurking inner demons at bay.   I would be more worried for Josh spending too much time in a city without such offerings.   A lot of "nothing to do" can lead him to something he shouldn't do.  New York and Los Angeles can keep a guy like Josh busy and occupied.   Los Angeles will work fine for Josh Hamilton.
And that's a memo.  

Even Harold Camping doesn't believe the world will end on Friday.  

Shouldn't "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" be titled "Sinking Low With The Kardashians"?  

I agree with the founding fathers and the 2nd Amendment.   We should be allowed to own as many muskets as we want.  

Coming up later this week, Marilyn Sargent's "'Twas My Night at The Late Show -2012 Edition."  Look for it in Thursday's Wahoo, seen on Friday.  

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It was her birthday on Sunday, Ramapo High School alum from Pomona, New York, it's Jennifer Wallack
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER  

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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Stupid Human Tricks
Ted Danson
Andrew Norelli

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Wednesday, November 19
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