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Wednesday, December 19, 2012 Dave test drives this year's hottest new toys for the holidays.
Show #3778
New Holiday Toys, Seth Rogen, and John Witherspoon.
PLUS: the sneezing monkey singing Christmas Carols, and the Mayan Apocalypse,

" . . . . and now, mint condition in the original box . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-"I was named Person of the Year by 'Waste of Time' magazine."
-"The world ends on Friday. The pre-game coverage starts at 10 A.M."

Ahh, once again, it's the sneezing monkey singing Christmas Carols! We see the monkey sitting in a chair waiting his cue. We hear "The First Noel." The monkey sits . . . and wait . . . like the "kaboom" guy in the "1812 Overture . . . . the monkey waits . . . and then sneezes, I think, on the last syllable of "Israel."

And the monkey's got more. Not everybody celebrates Christmas. Here we watch and hear the sneezing monkey performing along with "The Dreidel Song." We hear "I Have A Little Dreidel" and watch the monkey sit and wait. And then sneezes right on cue. Impeccable performance.

Hey, hear this new Mayan Apocalypse announcement? The end of the world is Friday, but there is a lot leading up to the end of the world. It's like Super Bowl Sunday . . . it's not just a football game anymore.
ANNOUNCE: "To warm everyone up for Friday's Mayan Apocalypse, the main event will be preceded by several mini-apocalypses. The fun begins at dawn, with a Mayan Alpaca-lypse, (alpaca blasted to smithereens), followed by a Mayan Chewbacca-lypse, (earth exploding), and the Mayan Stephanopoul-ocalypse. (a light drops on the "Nop").
"The Mayan Apocalypse: A Merv Griffin Production."

And we shouldn't think the apocalypse is all doom and gloom. There are some good things about it. We take a look.
ART CARD: "Good Things About the Mayan Apocalypse"
ANNOUNCE: "After the Mayan Apocalypse, there will be no more commercials that feature talking mucus."
We see a clip from a Mucinex commercial of a talking mucus.
ANNOUNCE: "Thanks, Mayan Apocalypse."

You thought we were done with it, but we have one more Christmas carol from the sneezing monkey, accompanied by the sneezing baby panda.
We watch a split screen of the duo. To "We Wish You A Merry Christmas," the monkey sneezes, soon followed by the panda sneezing.

It's really beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

ACT 2:
It's the newest holiday toys with toy expert Shannon Eis. Dave laments the pressure Christmas brings. You always want to do just a little bit better than the year before in the gift buying. It's even expected. Dave says, "We should have Christmas like the Olympics . . . . every four years."
What are some of the new toys?
RoboFish Zuru - they are little plastic tropical fish that run on batteries.
They look and act just like the real ones! And the sell for $15 each.
Unfortunately, when they die you shouldn't flush them down the toilet. That's not good for the environment.

John Deere Monster Treads Radio-Control Tractor. It's one of those Remote Control (RC) cars that the kids love. Dave demonstrates. He makes it go forward and back, left and right, and then it tips over. Dave rights it and starts it going again. The monster truck finds a camera and starts to mount it . . . and continues to mount it. Now there were a million ways to describe what the monster truck was doing, but Dave found the perfect way. To the band, or maybe to Shannon, he wonders, "Is it me or did you just see a miniature tractor having sex?" Very funny. Goes for $$100.

Attacknid: These are six-legged crab-like spider-like robots. One control and command a thousand of them. Dave demonstrates. We see a score of "Attacknids "dancing" to Paul's music. If you are unfamiliar with an Attacknid, think of the spider in the opening sequence of "Johnny Quest." $100

Hoverdisc - it's a helium filled flying saucer about 3-feet in diameter. It can slowly and softly float across the sky. I've seen these and they are mesmerizing. $15.

Air Hogs Heli Cage: it's a helicopter in a cage. It always lands upright and is virtually indestructible. Dave tries his best to destruct it.

Hot Wheels Urban Shredder - it's a little electric go-cart that can zoom to 5 mph. Dave struggles to get in the car and immediately heads for the Late Show Christmas tree. He bangs into it once, then twice. The lights on the tree go out. And then rams it a third time and the lights come back on. Dave was unsuccessful in toppling the tree. $300 - My first car cost $300.
And that's some of the new toys for 2012/2013.

ACT 3:
SETH ROGEN

I like Rogen, maybe because his name sounds like Rogaine. He was married this past October. He says it's a good thing because she takes care of him. Guys tend to need that. He says his wife made an appointment for him to see a dermatologist. He's never felt a need to go to a dermatologist but when you become married, you become amazed at how many things you "need" to do. Seth says he had something hanging on his back that looked like a croissant that needed to be clipped. But on his visit he got the full treatment. A full body inspection was conducted. Photos were taken of every inch of his body. Now do you see why guys don't like to go to these things? Seth wasn't sure what he was supposed to do when photos of his groin region were to be taken. Was he supposed to pose? Anyway, he's proud to say that in 11 more visits he'll have a calendar.
Seth co-stars in the new film, "The Guilt Trip," with Barbra Streisand. In the film, Seth and Barbra travel by car cross country. She agreed to do the film if the entire film could be shot in Malibu. Oh, that Malibu Barbie! What Barbra wants, Barbra gets.

Seth is a fan of the weed. Is he high right now? He says he usually is, adding, "I'm rarely at zero." He does the doob at home and plays the video games. Dave wonders if you can do the doob and still play video games. Seth informs Dave that Seth's generation is pretty accustomed to being stoned and playing video games. Dave continues with his curiosity with today's weed. It's a lot stronger than back in the day, isn't it? Seth says it is and will often warn oldie/newbies to be careful. Dave asks a lot of questions about buying it, where you buy it, and how you smoke it. He then asks, "And if you planned on buying a 'lid' . . . .?"
Seth says, "Well, first you'd have to get a time machine."
And it's not a real Dave Letterman conversation about marijuana until he asks about "primo" weed. I love when Dave uses the "primo. People always had primo weed back in the day. I was never much of a weed user. Very infrequently. I was more than happy to stick to the beer.

"The Guilt Trip" - in theaters today.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: Visit cbs.com/Late Show to watch Alicia Keys Live on Letterman Alicia Keys' exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Also, The Robin Hood Foundation is providing relief to people affected by Hurricane Sandy in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut. You can help. Visit Robin Hood dot org slash RH Sandy and make a donation. Thank you
ACT 6:
JOHN WITHERSPOON:

Long time friend of the Late Show, you can see John as Alvin on TV's "The First Family."
John grew up in a big family with a small income in Detroit. There were 11 kids; 9 boys and 2 girls. He remembers going to school with two left boots. One of his siblings who went to school earlier in the day likely had two right boots. And when a kid goes to school with two left boots you know he's got a lot of teasing ahead of him. Even worse, one of the boots had a high heel. John says he often would end up walking in circles due to the two left boots. At Christmas time, students in class would pick a name out of a hat. You would then have to buy that person a present. When it was John's turn to pick out a name, the entire class would cringe, hoping John would not pick their name. The price limit for the gift was $1. John only had 30 cents. He picked out the name of Gertrude. She let out a wail of "Noooooo!". John ended up getting her a ribbon for her short hair, a Baby Ruth bar, and a bar of Ivory soap. 60 years later he ran into Gertrude again. He asked her if she remembered him. She let out a wail of "Nooooooo!" John took that "Nooooooo" as a yes. "The First Family" - in syndication.

And that was our show for Wednesday, December 19, 2012.

Looking to waste some time . . .you must be, you're here . . . check out Mt. Everest with 2 million pixels. The photo is so much better than what I get from my disc camera.

Congratulations to my girls for being inducted into the National Honor Society. It's a club of do-gooders who work to better themselves and society. And it hasn't cost me much money, yet, so I'm very happy for their inclusion.

From The December 23, 2004 Wahoo Gazette - regarding the 2nd W.Bush inauguration:
"Oh, and to my friends at the White House . . . When planning your big inauguration party, don't forget we have a war going on. Before spending each dollar of the $40 million, ask yourself, 'Should this dollar go to our gala, or should this dollar go to our men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan?' Yeah yeah yeah, I know you realize the many needs of the armed services, so why even have a party? Leave it alone and just go about your business, especially since this is an inauguration for a re-election. You're not newcomers"

I know the money for the party is coming from private donations, but shouldn't that money go to something better than a big bash of a party? I admit I feel this way because I'm not invited but I think the inauguration ball for the re-elected should be toned down. You know, show some leadership.

A lid?A "lid"? A "lid" of marijuana? I never heard of that. At first I thought Dave meant a "brick" but then realized a "brick" has to do with firecrackers. I'm unfamiliar with the drug culture and language. A "lid"? Back in the day, I rarely went into those stores that had black lights. I preferred the bright neon "Schaefer" sign in the window.

Schedule's tight. Gotta go. Tune in tomorrow for Marilyn Sargent's "'Twas My Night at The Late Show -2012 Edition."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
In Meriden Hospital with a sprained wrist, it's Bob Shriver
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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