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Wednesday, January 9, 2013 The Beltway Bunch perform their latest political parody.
Show #3785
Brian Williams and Morrissey.
PLUS: The Duct-Taped Passenger; the New Crisis in Washington; a Top Ten List; and The Beltway Bunch.

" . . . . and now, he's always first and goal . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
- "Did you hear about the drunk IcelandAir passenger who became so out of control that he had to be duct-taped to his seat? That's an airline I want. That's entertainment!"

And that leads us to "What's the IcelandAir Passenger Duct-Taped to Today?"
ANNOUNCE: "A telephone pole."
We see the guy duct-taped to a telephone poll along what looks like Route 66.
ANNOUNCE: "We'll see you next time on 'What's the IcelandAir Passenger Duct-Taped to Today?' "

Is the fiscal cliff crisis over? Not sure. The newspapers have stopped headlining it so that means it's not that important anymore. Everything may be the same, but since the newspapers have stopped covering it, it's no longer a big deal. But the next financial crisis coming to Washington is the debt ceiling. Dave saw a fascinating report on the national debt. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "In the coming weeks, Congress will once again grapple with America's spiraling national debt, currently around $16 trillion. The exact figure is calculated constantly by the National Debt Clock, an ultra-sophisticated computer connected to a vast network of financial data sources, costing nearly $4 billion per day to operate. The National Debt Clock is the cause of most of the national debt. More after this."

Going into commercial, we see and hear a promo for the Chevy Chase Show:
ANNOUNCE: "Coming up on 'The Chevy Chase Show,' actress Valerie Bertinelli, pop singer Taylor Dane, actor/singer Michael Damian, and 'News Update.' Stick around!"

ACT 2:
Coming back from commercial, we hear Paul and the band playing "Hound Dog." It's Elvis Presley's birthday today . . . . 78 years old. I believe he's currently living in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Big night in America. Yes, tonight, Americans have the choice of three nearly identical television late night talk shows. Dave welcomes Jimmy Kimmel to the late night landscape.
That's right! THREE! This is exactly what Yakov Smirnoff was talking about!

Dave is a big fan of the song parodies, particularly political song parodies. Tonight on the show we have a fun group of kids who do that very thing. They have a new CD entitled, "Filibuster? I Don't Even Know Her!" Dave introduces our favorite satirical song parody group, The Beltway Bunch!
The four energetic and "Up With People"-type enter. The sing their latest political song parody.

"Washington, Adams, and Jefferson: dead.
Madison, Monroe, Quincy Adams: dead.
Jackson and Van Buren: expired.
Harrison and Tyler: they're extremely retired.

Polk, Taylor, and Fillmore: dead.
Pierce, Buchanan, and Lincoln: dead.
Johnson and Grant: goodbye.
Hayes and Garfield: no longer responding to stimuli.

Arthur, Cleveland, Harrison: dead.
McKinley, Roosevelt, Taft: dead.
Wilson and Harding: rigor mortis.
Coolidge and Hoover: guess what the report is.

And though Ronald Reagan is dead,
Now we'll quite while we're ahead."

Dave thanks them as they trot off.

Hey, who gave Tony Mendez the night off?

You heard about Al, right? In a morning interview on the "Today" show, he revealed that he had . . . . an "accident" . . . . at the White House. Al had a procedure where they removed his stomach to battle his uncontrollable weight gain. Dave applauded the effort. He has a new book detailing his life. In the book, he shared that he sort of . . . "let go" . . . without meaning while at the White House. Embarrassing? Of course. We have some other Al Roker revelations.
10. Big "One Direction" fan. --- Dave says when he was younger that was the only fan you could get; a fan that would only shoot the breeze in one direction. Now you can get the oscillating fan.
7. Gets his forecast by watching the Weather Channel.
4. Regularly takes a leak in Matt Lauer's dressing room.
3. Gained 200 pounds to land heavy-set weatherman gig.

ACT 3:
The anchor and managing editor of the "NBC Nightly News" and star of "Rock Center with Brian Williams."
Dave has learned that Brian is just back from a vacation out west. Williams says, "the current Mrs. Williams and I" went away to Utah and stayed away from everything. The weather? Says Brian, "Cold as hell wouldn't have it, but I know how to take care of the little lady."
During the segment, to get back to the story at hand, Brian said, "So, anywho . . . ." I laughed. It's not funny, but people say it trying to be funny. Williams said it because he knows it's what unfunny people say to be funny. Williams, a funny guy, said it and therefore it was funny. If an unfunny guy said it we would just roll our eyes.
While in Utah, Brian telescoped the skies with a huge instrument and was amazed at the sights seen in the unlit sky. Brian promotes we all should grab a telescope and follow the travels of the international space station. You can even see it with the naked eye. Google it and input your zip code to find where it is in the night sky. The moons of Jupiter are mentioned and Dave quizzes Mr. Williams to name them. Brian fumbles around and starts to name the Pep Shop Boys, and then the Beatles. Dave, with confidence, names the quartet of prominent moons of Jupiter. This is important to know if you like to do crossword puzzles.

Dave asks Brian about this Al Roker thing. Brian says he knows Al quite well but not that well. He adds, "That kind of thing hasn't happened at the White House since Nixon discovered the tapes."

Conversation turns to guns in America. Both Dave and Bill have spent a lot of time out west and the culture is quite different than it is back here in the east. The use of guns in the west is common and useful and a way of life. While on vacation, Bill was reading a magazine called "Farm and Ranch" and came across an advertisement that is very commonly found out west. We take a look at the ad that has a photo of a high-powered firearm which reads: "Peace of Mind: Out To 1200 Yards." No one out west would find this at all unusual. In the urban east it is something we are stunned by. Dave is all for gun ownership but wonders about the need of a gun that is shown in the ad. 1200 yards? Brian Williams says many use if for target shooting and sport. He has shot many guns and finds it exhilarating. It's a messy issue with both sides making strong points.

To finish up, Brian Williams does his Regis Philbin impression. It may be the best one out there. Isn't there anything this guy can't do? He's one of my favorites.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us tomorrow as Dave welcomes Josh Brolin, Kathryn Bigelow, and Ray Wylie Hubbard. If you'd like to be a member of the Late Show studio audience, visit and click on 'tickets.' See you soon."
During the shot of the audience, we see an audience member duct-taped to his seat.

ACT 6:
There are 300 million people in America. Dave figures Jimmy should get 100 million, Jay a hundred million, and Dave a hundred million. It's only fair. It's the American way.

Dave appreciates Brian Williams for being here, especially since Brian has to rush back to the NBC studios to do his little news program. He has little time to spare to get from here to there. We have a shot of his leaving the theater right now. We take a look.
We see Brian Williams walking east on 53rd towards Broadway. Time is late so he decides to hail a cab. Unfortunately, someone is ahead of him. It's someone else's taxi cab. But since Brian Williams is a celebrity, Brian decides the cab should belong to him. Brian pushes the fare out of the way and hops in the backseat. The guy tries to nudge his way past Brian but Williams will have no part of it. He again pushes the guy out of the way. And he's off. Such is life in the big city.

ACT 7:
You know him from "The Smiths," Morrissey is about to begin his North American tour in Brookville, Long Island tomorrow. Morrissey performs "Action Is My Middle Name."

And that was our show for Tuesday January 8, 2013.

How come when the NFL takes a week off before the Super Bowl, experts are concerned the teams will be out of synch due to the layoff, but college kids are expected to perform at their peak in the championship game following a 6-week layoff?
I'm not sure which was greater in the 1st quarter of the BCS Championship game: missed Notre Dame tackles or missed calls by the officials.

I took down the Christmas decorations this weekend. Sad. Last year I put a Giants jersey on my plastic illuminated Santa Claus that sits atop a ten-foot pole. The neighborhood made me keep it up until the Giants were out of the playoffs . . . which never came. Santa stayed up well into February. This year Santa came down the first week of January.

I was watching a thrilling Notre Dame/UCONN women's basketball game this weekend. There is a player on Notre Dame named Ariel Braker. Her number is #44. With a name like Braker, how can she not have the number 19?
Yeah, that's the stuff I wonder about while watching sports on the TV.

And this is what I do while listening to the scores on sports radio. When there is a long list of games, I like to listen for the synonyms of "beat" by the reporter. The Knicks beat the Nets, the Lakers over the Clippers, Pistons trounce the Pacers, the Heat over the Magic, the Thunder upend the Nuggets, the Super Sonics defeat the TrailBlazers, the Celtics bury the Kings, the Bullets rout the Hornets, etc. etc. etc. I consider this fun.

The family and I have a new game. Whenever we sit in front of the TV to watch a Netflix video we got in the mail, we try to guess at what minute the DVD will get stuck.

I went grocery shopping on Sunday. I know I've said this before but I think there should be a law preventing Seniors from grocery shopping on Sundays. The place is always packed jammed. If you're retired, there is no reason you should be in the grocery store on a Sunday. I think I'll bring this up at the next Town Board meeting.

It's his birthday today, from Tupelo, Mississippi, it's Jesse Garon Presley
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, May 18
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Saturday, May 16
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Thursday, May 14
Tom Waits, Dave and what's-his-name.
Wednesday, May 13
Julia and Dave squeeze in one last hug.
Tuesday, May 12
Adam Sandler performs a musical ode to Dave.