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Wednesday, January 16, 2013 Kim and Kourtney Kardashian join Dave, but where's Khloe?
Show # 3791
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, and Buddy Guy.
PLUS: the debt ceiling; Lance on Oprah; Super Bowl Fun Facts; a Top Ten List, and the head of the CDC offers advice and a warning.

" . . . and now, full-service gas jockey . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-"School Bus strike here in the city. I can still remember mom putting me on the school bus every day . . . which was strange since I was home-schooled."
-"Lindsay Lohan was in court again yesterday. She's on the witness stand so often she brings her own bible."

Is the fiscal cliff crisis over? Not sure. The newspapers have stopped headlining it so that means it's not that important anymore. Everything may be the same, but since the newspapers have stopped covering it, it's no longer a big deal. But the next financial crisis coming to Washington is the debt ceiling. Dave saw a fascinating report on the national debt. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "In the coming weeks, Congress will once again grapple with America's spiraling national debt, currently around $16 trillion. The exact figure is calculated constantly by the National Debt Clock, an ultra-sophisticated computer connected to a vast network of financial data sources, costing nearly $4 billion per day to operate. The National Debt Clock is the cause of most of the national debt.
More after this."

Oprah has a big interview with Lance Armstrong coming up. We take a look at a promo for the very revealing discussion between the two. We take a quick gander. Ooh, Lance . . . he looks ancient.
Steroids are fine, but you have to keep taking them once you start or else . . . you age quicker than a precocious child star

Going into the commercial break, we see only half of Alan Kalter at his perch. After billboarding tonight's show, he apologizes for the misaligned camera shot.
Ducking to get in view of the camera, Alan says, "Sorry. Camera guy went home with the flu."

ACT 2:
It's Wednesday. You know what that means. It's time for Super Bowl Fun Facts.
- Approximately one-third of Americans bet on the Super Bowl.
- 1.25 billion chicken wings were consumed during last year's Super Bowl.
- The Minnesota Vikings have been in four Super Bowl and have never held the lead.

OK, get ready. This is where the fun begins!

- Super Bowl II was actually a rerun of Super Bowl I.
I noted that the first two Super Bowls were not called the "Super Bowl" at the time. That didn't start until Super Bowl III. In retrospect, the first two games are now referred to as Super Bowl I and Super Bowl II.
- Fran Tarkenton holds the record for most Super Bowl appearances by a player with a woman's name.
- After winning Super Bowl 36, New England coach Bill Belichick was doused with a piping-hot tub of clam chowder.
- No referee has ever won the Super Bowl.
- On Super Bowl Sunday, the average American gains 27 pounds.
- Steve Young is the only Super Bowl MVP to share a name with a Late Show writer. We then see a split screen of 49er QB Steve Young and the Late Show ID of writer Steve Young
- John Elway is the only player in NFL history to win a Super Bowl MVP and a Daytime Super Bowl MVP.
- The pregame show for next year's Super Bowl has already begun.
- At halftime of Super Bowl I, Vince Lombardi entertained the crowd by dropping his pants and firing a rocket.
- Last year on television, Super Bowl was beaten in the ratings by reruns of "Storage Wars Texas. "

Dave notices a warning that came with the pile of Super Bowl Fun Facts. It reads: "Do Not Resuscitate"

- Weeb Ewbank is the only Super Bowl coach to be enshrined in the Football Hall of Weebs.

And that seemed like the best one to get out on. I now feel as if I know a little bit more about the Super Bowl. Quite a history.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: WORDS THAT KIND OF SOUND LIKE "ACHOO"

My informational blue card included:
- a million-and-a-half people on America are expected to get the flu this cold and flu season.
- The word "achoo" was first used to represent the sound of a sneeze in the late 19th century.
My other blue card, the one I was hoping would be used, read the following:
"'Achoo' is an onomatopoeia for a sneeze."
It was my hope that Dave would read that quickly and go right into the list. I would suspect Paul would then interrupt for an explanation for "onomatopoeia." Fun ensues. BUZZ!

TOP TEN WORDS THAT KIND OF SOUND LIKE "ACHOO"
10. Cashew
9. "The Chew"
8. (Treasury Secretary Nominee) Jack Lew
7. J. Crew
6. Kinkajou
5. Machu Picchu
4. Depardieu
3. Kazoo
2. Moo Shu
1. Kardashian

KIM AND KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN
Dave comments on Kim's shoes. He says they look like spats but not exactly. Hey! That's another word that kind of sounds like "achoo" . . . . "good shoes." Which reminds me of a story.
Back in the old neighborhood growing up, we would have a horseshoe tournament in the backyard. Neighbors and friends and family would come over for beer, horseshoes, and beer. None of us were all that good but it was great fun. And while we were tossing the shoes, whenever somebody got a ringer or an important point, the teammate would say, "Good shoe." To which I would respond, "Gesundheit." Oh, the laughs we had!
Now back to our show.
Where's Khloe? We have Kim, we have Kourtney . . . where's Khloe? We learn that there's a rumor floating that Khloe isn't really a Kardashian. What?! But it's all just a joke.
We see a photo of Kourtney's family at the beach, with her squeeze Scott Disick. Scott is wearing an eyepatch, either to play a pirate with the kids or it's a fashion statement. The eyepatch has the initials "LD" for "Lord Disick." If it is a fashion statement, I could just imagine the statement.
Dave asks, "Now, Kim, you're married to two guys, right?" There's basketballer Kris Humphries and singer Kanye West. It's hard to keep up with the Kardashians without a scorecard.
You can see Kim and Kourtney on their new E! program, "Kourtney and Kim Take Miami," premiering this Sunday at 9:00 PM.

ACT 4:
It's a really bad flu season, but just how bad is it? Should we be worried? We invited the head of the Centers for Disease Control, Dr. Arnold Scanlon, to the show to explain and assist in our fight against the flu. Dr. Scanlon enters.

DR. SCANLON: "Thank you, Mr. Letterman. Yes, it's a bad year for the flu, but there's no cause for alarm. We suggest getting the vaccine, if you haven't already. And if you do get the flu, stay home and follow your doctor's advice, and you'll be fine.
I'd like to take this moment to speak directly to the flu virus itself."
Lights lower. Dr. Scanlon gets very serious, almost threatening, as he addresses the evil flu virus.
DR. SCANLON: "You think you're smart? You're not smart. We know who you are . . . . and we're gonna catch you and put you in a whole world of hurt. And don't try to tell us, 'Oh, I'm just a little random mutation. It's not my fault.' You know exactly what you're doing. We're coming after you, Sally. Mark my words."

Lights come back up. Dr. Scanlon lightens.
DR. SCANLON: "Thanks for having me, Dave!" Exits.

ACT 5:
The crowd outside is festive and eager to see the night's celebrities. Signs are held:
"We Love You, Kim"
"Kourtney Rocks!"
"Tomorrow on the Late Show"
"Jeremy Renner"
"and ‘Jungle' Jack Hanna."

ACT 6:
BUDDY GUY

He's a fellow Kennedy Center Honors recipient, joining Dave at the White House on December 2nd. The great bluesman was a huge influence on so many guitarists today. He didn't realize his popularity until the Brits came over the pond back in the 60s and 70s. They told him how they loved his work and what he was doing. And all Buddy could think was, "What was I doing?" He says his style of play was stolen from here and borrowed from there. Growing up, he would find anything he could that could make "music." It could be stretched rubber bands or even metal "strings" from a screen door or window. After the ruination of too many screens, he managed to get his own guitar.
If you're in Chicago, check out his club "Buddy Guy's Legends." He's currently performing a month-long residency. How often do you get to see a real treasure?

From his most recent CD, "Live from Legends, "Buddy Guy performs "Damn Right I've Got The Blues." And then sticks around for another song. Great great stuff.

And that was our show for Wednesday, January 16, 2012.

The decision has been made. I've been looking for a theme for 2013. I've decided it's the year I learn the blues. Gettin' me some Buddy Guy and BB King for starters. After that, a hat. Gots to love the blues.

Dr. Scanlon . . . recognize him? He played the guy from Boston in the Avis commercial. He's a new hire at an office. Before being introduced to his fellow employees, we see two or three guys lamenting last night's Yankee loss to the Red Sox. (This may be a regional commercial.) The Yankee fans are glum and moody. Enter "Dr. Scanlon" with a guy from the company who is introducing the new guy. The guy introduces him with trepidation. And then "Dr. Scanlon" says a pleasantry in his Boston accent. His "hello" is greeted with stone silence from the Yankee guys. Dr. Scanlon feels very awkward and doesn't know what to do with himself. We stay on the shot for a few beats. And I LOVED this commercial. The way "Dr. Scanlon" presented his awkwardness was spot-on perfect. I made my way to the green room before the show pretending I needed something. I had to tell him how much I enjoyed his performance in that commercial. He's like a hero of mine.

Icy conditions Wednesday morning resulted in a 2-hour delay to the start of school for my girls. I was getting ready for work and my daughter Dominique got up to keep me company. We're usually up together in the morning but she was up on her own today. It was nice. We chatted, ate breakfast, got to know each other a little better. It was a sweet bonding for us. She then looked down at her phone. She bellowed, "A two-hour delay! We have a 2-hour delay?!" I told her I thought she knew.

This news was followed by happy/angry "givls" and "djoys" and "What the hell am I doing up? I'm going back to bed! Later, dad." And off she went without looking back. Turned out it wasn't meant to be such a sweet moment.

Do you let your kids swear in the house? I try not to but Denise and I decided to pick our fights. Cursing in the house is one we've decided wasn't worth the fight.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Of "The Georgia 5," its bassist David Baron. See them Saturday at Joe & Joe's in Pearl River, New York
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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