CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Tuesday, February 5, 2013 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick cleans the field after the Super Bowl.
Show #3800
Eric Stonestreet, Chris "Mad Dog" Russo, Brandon Bennett, and a Bicycle-Riding Dog.
PLUS: Kaepernick, the Day After; Dave in Sideburns; the Farmer or the Ladder; a Top Ten List; and Elvis Tribute Artist Week Continues.

" . . . and now, you asked for it . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "The lights went out at the Super Bowl in New Orleans for 35 minutes. Heckuva job, Brownie."

The Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl on Sunday and as you can imagine, 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick had a much different day on Monday than winning QB Joe Flacco. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "Yesterday, after the Super Bowl, Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco led a parade at Disney World, and appeared on the 'Late Show with David Letterman,' while Colin Kaepernick, keeping with Super Bowl tradition, cleaned up the Superdome confetti."
We see Mr. Kaepernick vacuuming the confetti from the field at the Superdome.
This message brought to you by Hoover. It beats. It sweeps. It cleans."

Dave makes a plea for the Super Bowl to be a part of a 3-day weekend. Congress is getting involved and wants to make Monday a day off. They must have gotten the idea from reading the Wahoo Gazette for the past 10 years. I explain how this can easily be done, and how it will stimulate the economy. Check the Wahoo archives.

We hear a "whoosh" and Elvis hair and sideburns appear on our host, Dave.
ANNOUNCE: "It's Elvis Tribute Week on the 'Late Show!' All week, the world's best Elvis tribute artists. It's now or never, little sister. You'll be all shook up, and you won't want to return to sender . . . . . . . . . Clambake!"
Dave wants the Elvis-look off him.

Did you hear? Pakistan wants to turn the Osama compound in Abbottabad into a theme park. Kids in the balcony scream with delight . . . 4 times.

Pat Farmer enters. No one screams. Pat his holding a ladder.
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Pat. Ladies and gentlemen, it's one of our stagehands. Pat, how you doing?"
PAT: "Good, Dave."
DAVE: "May I help you with something?"
DAVE: "Yes, Dave. The guys backstage said you needed a ladder."
DAVE: "Uh, no, Pat, I don't need a ladder."
PAT: "Yeah, they said you'd say that."
DAVE: "I'm serious. I really don't need a ladder. I'm sorry."
PAT: "They said you'd say that, too."
DAVE: "Pat, you know what's happening here. I think somebody backstage is playing a little joke on you."
PAT: "This is really embarrassing. And on my birthday, too."
DAVE: "On your birthday?"
PAT: "Yup. On my birthday, Dave."
DAVE: "I'm sorry to hear that. You know, since this is your birthday, why don't you go ahead and keep the ladder!"
PAT: "Really? Thanks, Dave. Things are really turning around now."
Pat exits. With his new ladder.

The Grammy Awards will be held this Sunday. You may not know this but three United States presidents have won Grammy Awards. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "Bill Clinton won for Best Spoken Word Album, for 'My Life.'" We hear a piece of his reading.
"Barack Obama won for Best Spoken Word Album, for 'Dreams from My Father.'" We hear a piece of Obama reading from his book.
"And Franklin Delano Roosevelt won for Best R & B Performance."
We hear Mr. FDR reciting the lyrics to "Brick House"
FDR: "She's a brick . . . house.
Aw, that lady's stacked and that's a fact.
Ain't holding nothing back.
She's a brick . . . house."
ANNOUNCE: "This concludes 'Presidential Grammy Winners.' "

ACT 2:
Sitting in with the band tonight, Jimmy Cliff. You heard his new song, "C'mon Get Happy," on the Volkswagen commercials during the Super Bowl. You're familiar with the "C'mon Get Happy" from David Cassidy and the Partridge Family. He got permission to cover the song from Reuben Kincaid.

Dave admits to being a bit of a Rastafarian and with the reggae legend Jimmy Cliff on the show, and so much more, Dave has spent much of the day smoking a spliff.

TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU'RE A BAD ELVIS PRESLEY TRIBUTE ARTIST
- It's Elvis Tribute Artist Week here at the Late Show.
10. Only resemblance to Elvis is your cholesterol.
9. Your tribute --- a 90-minute power point presentation.
6. The real Elvis had teeth
3. You do Elvis's sneer by lifting lip with finger
2. Entire act consists of adjusting your jumpsuit.

ACT 3:
ERIC STONESTREET
He's from the one of the best sitcoms on TV today, "Modern Family." He's also starring in the new film, "Identity Thief."
Eric is very excited to be here for Elvis Tribute week. Eric's very first "acting" experience was in the 1st grade when he did an Elvis impersonation. With accompaniment from Paul, Eric sings a bit of "Blue Suede Shoes." The 1st graders must have loved it. Eric knew he was born to do Elvis when he learned he was able to do the Elvis lip-curl.
Did the other kids enjoy Elvis? Didn't matter. Eric enjoyed it and that was enough. Eric then shares that he remembers where he was when he learned Elvis died. He was about 6 years old and saw his mom and her friend crying. And if I were there, he would have found me crying, too. August 16, 1977. I didn't actually cry, but dang, I was bummed. Really upset. Elvis was 42. I was 19. Super Bowl was yesterday. Eric has the size to be a football player. Did he play as a kid? Eric says he did, and repeats he did, and repeats it again. Sounds like he was trying to convince us, and himself. After a knee injury, Eric went into track and field and went into the shot put and discus. He received a scholarship to throw in college but a sleep-walking incident caused him injury that curtailed that career. Falling down some steps resulted in his tearing his rotator cuff. The only other sleep-walking incident found Eric throwing his clothes into the toilet and peeing into the hamper.
Eric's new film, "Identity Thief," gives us the opportunity to see Eric's naked ass. He didn't think much of it when taping the scene but now realizes he will be getting hundreds of pictures of his naked butt in the mail for him to sign. I don't know . . . would you want your assistant to do that or would you want to take care of that yourself?

"Identity Thief" - it opens this Friday.

ACT 4:
It's time! Dave introduced Karen Cobb from Canton, Georgia and her dog Norman, a French herding dog. Karen and Norman were here on February 24, 2011 for Stupid Pet Tricks. Norman rode a scooter. This is how I described it:
Trick: Norman will ride a scooter. Norman, a big hairy fella, gets up on his hind legs and puts one leg on a scooter. He holds onto the handlebars as he pushes with the other leg. Very impressive!
We later found out that Norman was merely an intern in a dog costume.
Well, the appearance was a life-changer for Norman. He parlayed that visit into a national tour and a new show, "Who Let The Dogs Out" on the Hallmark Channel. On my TV, I can find the Hallmark Channel right before the channels that are in Spanish. Norman stars alongside Tillman, who is billed as the World's Most Famous Dog.
OK, time for Norman to do his stuff. Karen helps Norman onto a bicycle and Norman rides it across the stage, and then back. I'd like to see Tillman do that!
What, no helmet? What is Norman teaching the other dogs?
Very impressive, Norman, and good luck on your new show.

ACT 5:
Music by Jimmy Cliff, Paul, and the CBS Orchestra.

ACT 6:
CHRISTOPHER "MAD DOG" RUSSO
You can find his Mad Dog Sports Channel on the Sirius/XM, channel 86.
The Super Bowl - Chris says it was saved by the power outage. Before the blackout, it was a 28-6 rout. A blowout was in the making. The power outage took the momentum away from the Ravens, the tide turned, and the game became a classic.
Dave brings up the Notre Dame/Alabama championship game. Dave knew 'Bama would beat Notre Dame even though he was pulling hard for the Indiana Irish. He based this on the Notre Dame game against Pitt back in October. ND won in 3 overtimes against the mediocre Pittsburgh. That was enough for Dave to question Notre Dame.

The Yankees - yikes. A-Rod . . . . "how idiotic is A-Rod?" questions Chris. His alleged new involvement with more performance enhancing drugs has created a circus within a circus. Dave wonders if maybe the Yankees "dropped a dime" on A-Rod to get out of paying his huge contract. Chris is unfamiliar with the "drop a dime" term. Did the Yankees tip somebody off, make a phone call, that A-Rod is taking the 'roids? Was he set up? Oooh, now there's an angle that will be fun to follow. And it's something I quietly considered.

Look for Mad Dog's Satellite Contest beginning on February 11th. I think the contest consists of trying to find some information on it.

Chris Russo . . . . I see a lot of Kreskin in him.

ACT 7:
BRANDON BENNETT
He currently stars as "The King" in the Chicago production on the Tony-award winning musical, "Million Dollar Quartet." Tonight, Brandon Bennett performed "Hound Dog" just as Elvis did on this very stage in October 1956, over 56 years ago.

And that was our show for Tuesday February 5, 2013.


Three Dog Night! Remember them? Well, we had that here tonight: Norman, the bicycle-riding dog, Chris "Mad Dog" Russo, and "Hound Dog."

Growing up, there was a kid down the block, Richie, who was a huge Elvis fan. A bit of a nut, he would get up on the school cafeteria table and belt out an Elvis tune, gyrations and all. He would burst out in Elvis at parties and non-parties. He was very entertaining and I guess out of respect for him, we all became Elvis fans as well. And we all developed our own personal Elvis twist or turn. While Richie was impersonating Elvis, we would never try to duplicate the King. We weren't worthy, but we would impersonate Richie. Jump ahead to my college years. It was my freshman year at SUNY Cortland. I was scared, nervous, intimidated, lonely. College was a tug-of-war between great fun and fear. Meanwhile, The Gong Show was a big hit on the TV at the time. The dorm decided to put on their own Gong Show. I decided to sign up. I would do Elvis. I made up some sideburns and did up my hair. I got me some dark sunglasses. The darker the better. If the sunglasses were dark enough, I wouldn't be able to see the faces. I supplied my Elvis record and had the DJ play "Hound Dog" as loud as he could. The louder the better. If it was loud enough, I wouldn't be able to hear the silence. I was set. And then I did my Elvis in front of my dorm mates who were still trying to figure out the strange guy who lived at the end of the hall. Even though I was gonged, it was a great breakthrough. I now felt comfortable in my new college environment for the first time. And I had Elvis and Richie to thank for that. My Elvis was requested at many of the parties that followed and I would agree after ample imbibing. It was all in good fun.

And then that summer . . . August 16, 1977 . . . Elvis died. When I returned to college a few weeks later, friends offered their condolences. They thought of me when the King had passed. And that's me and Elvis.

Watch "King Creole" and "Love Me Tender." Although his movies were silly and simple, these two early Elvis films show he wasn't a bad actor. And, c'mon, "Viva Las Vegas" . . . Elvis and Ann Margret . . . yowza!

Something new: "The Daily Joke From a Wahoo Reader." Tonight's installment is from Mark Lloyd Smith.
- "Today is National Pancake Day. Or as Chris Christie calls is.... Tuesday. "
This concludes the premiere installment of "The Daily Joke From a Wahoo Reader"

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It was his birthday yesterday on the 4th, from Pomona, New York, it's Chino Labrado Cayco!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Steve Carell
Martha Stewart
OK Go

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, December 20
Let the holidays begin!
Wednesday, December 17
Willie Nelson gets a bad batch of brownies.
Tuesday, December 16
Dave presents a furry gift to Charli XCX.
Monday, December 15
Emma Stone and Dave go nuts with the selfies.
Saturday, December 13
Jamie Foxx and Dave partying together? That'd be dope.