Joel McHale, Amy Sedaris, and Justin Shandor.
: shredding jokes; This Day In Elvis Tribute Artist History; a new action film; Biff at the Super Bowl; a Top Ten list; and what happens at the Late Show
when the lights go out.
“ . . . and now, dot-com entrepreneur . . . . . . . . David Letterman!”
-“It’s Fashion Week in New York City. Have you seen those super models? They’re painfully thin . . . like this material.”
-“The remains of King Richard III from the 1400’s were uncovered under a parking lot in England. Forensic experts reconstructed what King Richard actually looked lie. It was so successful they’re going to try it with Kenny Rogers.”
After one monologue joke, Dave decides to take the cue card and put it through a nearby shredder. As if it was the cue card’s fault. Dave then does it to another joke on a cue card. Can it shred a 60-minute videotape?
HEY! HEY! None of that! Stop it!
It’s Elvis Presley
Tribute Artist Week here at the Late Show
, which is a good time for this: “This Day in Elvis Tribute Artist History"
ANNOUNCE: "On this date in 1959, Ron Burton sang "Don't Be Cruel" in full costume, becoming the first documented Elvis tribute artist. He was arrested for identity fraud and given a 30-year sentence. Ron Burton died in prison.
This has been 'This Day in Elvis Tribute Artist History,' sponsored by Inflatable Things You See Outside Car Dealerships."
Shouldn’t that piece have been titled, “This DATE in Elvis Tribute Artist History”? English majors?
Football’s over, baseball ain’t here yet, it’s cold and miserable outside. Only thing left is movies. Have you seen the action thriller coming out this week? We take a look at a trailer.
ANNOUNCE: "Tom Cruise. Bruce Willis. George Clooney. Together in the biggest action-adventure thrill ride of the year."
We see each in action scenes; each crawling through overhead ceiling ductwork
ANNOUNCE: "’Guys Crawling Through Duct Work’. Starts Friday."
This Saturday marks the anniversary of the Beatles
performing on this stage for the very first time. The songs that night:
“All My Loving”
“Till There Was You.”
“I Saw Her Standing There”
“I Want to Hold Your Hand”
Dave introduces Biff Henderson
. Biff spent last weekend in New Orleans for the Super Bowl. He came with his report from Super Bowl 47.
We are all familiar with the Harbaugh brother vs. brother in the Super Bowl, but Late Show
has a brother on our biggest rival, too. We cut to Stu Henderson reporting from the Super Bowl for the Tonight Show. He looks just like Biff . . . 1974. But did Stu land on the front page of the New York Times celebrating the Ravens victory? No, but Biff did.
TOP TEN: “Things House Plants Have to Say”
10. Watching you eat salad is creepy.”
9. Please ask your dog to stop watering me.
7. Your wife is sleeping with the UPS guy.
1. Your cactus is a real prick.
After the Top Ten, I received a call asking if we ever used the word “Prick” before. We weren’t sure if it was a sensitive area for the censors. I went into my prick database and came up with 6 instances. It was later announced in the control room, “Prick is in.”
Joel is in the NBC series, “Community,” now in its 4th season.
Joel is a dad to two boys who are becoming the age where they can hurt daddy. They are very rough, rugged, and flirt with danger. It’s Joel’s job to keep them, and himself, alive. But Joel understands this. He was that way when he was a boy. He remembers shooting bow and arrows at his brother, and vice versa. Joel once shot an arrow straight up into the air and sensed that its descent would come very very close to his brother. He kinda yelled out for him to duck, which when you think about it, only made the target bigger. His bro ducked and the arrow landed between his arm that was covering his head and his head. His brother looked up and said, “Duck? Why?” And that scene was being re-enacted all over the country in families with two boys or more.
Joel is an avid skier but doesn’t get out as much as he used to. He suffered one injury in his teens on the slopes when he took a huge “header.” He fractured his skull. Back then, nobody really was concerned with concussions. I think Joel put a band-aid on his head. His parents were to attend a big party that night and had to cancel to attend to Joel. The host convinced them that Joel could wait. “Bring your injured child!” they exclaimed. At the party, Joel asked his dad if he could borrow the turtleneck his father was wearing. And then came back a half-minute later asking again if he could borrow it. Joel’s dad found great humor in this. Who cares if Joel had a concussion, he was hilarious!
“Community” – Thursday nights at 8:00 PM. You can see him on the Talk Soup, now called “The Talk” I think.
Back from commercial, Dave makes some small talk. Suddenly, the lights go out. Dave soon figures out what is going on.
DAVE: “Oh, I see what this is. It’s a little skit referencing the Super Bowl power outage. That’s cute. Turn the lights back on.”
The lights come back. We then hear a blood curdling scream. The camera widens to find a guy in a tuxedo sprawled across the guest chair with a knife sticking out of his back. A woman in an evening gown is panicked. Another nattily-attired gentleman steps forward to check the body.
MAN: “He’s dead! This was no accident . . . . . (to another camera – tense music) . . . this was a murder!!” Freeze/sting.
DAVE: (not impressed) “So, is that the end of the skit?”
MAN: “Yeah, I guess.”
WOMAN: “That was all of our lines.”
DAVE: “OK, that was fine. You can all leave now.”
The man and woman exit. The guy with the knife in his back exits behind them.
Dave says we got a little extra funding this year to put on this skit.
It was way too long. Sally Field, John Harbaugh and Elvis Tribute Artist Shawn Klush are on tomorrow’s show. The rest had to do with a view poll referencing back to the ACT 1 bumper tease.
The wild and the wacky, Amy enters to “Strange Brew” from Paul and the band. Amy hasn’t been here in a while but was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by. She was up this way to see if the crane was still dangling.
Amy is a Godmother and has loads of fun with her 15-month Godson. She plays “Operator Voice” with him by pinching her nose and sounding like a telephone operator. Ask your parents what that is, kids. And she’ll put a chapstick to on her upper lip to look like a one-toothed chipmunk. And she has fun with a sound machine that makes the sound of laughter, a missile, a cash register and lots more.
Amy has been busy with her new fabric business. She had worn a dress on the show that featured Presidents that caught the eye of a designer. Once again, dreams come true on the Late Show
Named the Ultimate Elvis Tribute Artist in 2010 by Elvis Enterprises and is currently on tour with his show, “The Ultimate Elvis Concert.” Tonight, Justin performed the ballad, “Can’t Help Falling In Love.” Dave asked for an encore at the end. Great job by Mr. Shandor. Damn, I’m enjoying Elvis Week!
And that was our show for Wednesday, February 6, 2013
If the blackout at the Super Bowl happened in the first minute of the halftime show, would Beyonce have been canceled? Or would the NFL wait for the power to come back on and continue with the halftime concert. Discuss.
While looking up some info on Elvis, I came across this:
In an episode entitled, “All Shook Up” in the TV show ‘Sledge Hammer’ Hammer (David Rasche) investigates a string of Elvis impersonator murders by participating in a contest as one.
I loved Sledge Hammer. Naturally, it lasted all of two seasons. I once wrote an episode for “Sledge Hammer” – it was canceled the day I finished it.
Oh, and I loved “Slap Maxwell.” Gone after one season.
This is getting embarrassing. The recycle guy comes around every Wednesday morning really really early, like at 5:30 AM. Every time he stops at my house he does what he has to do, which is to empty my recycle bin into his truck. The clinking and clanking of beer bottles wakes up the whole neighborhood. Every Wednesday morning! I don’t know . . . . cans? Should I go to cans?
ELVIS FUN FACTS
-Elvis was a black belt in karate
-His favorite board game: Monopoly and Yahtzee
-Favorite sandwich: peanut butter and banana sandwich
I’m really enjoying Elvis week. The tribute artists are excellent and if you try you can almost pretend it is Elvis himself on stage. Strange thing, though. The tribute artists are very close to the Elvis height of 5’11” to 6-foot tall . . . but, they all seem smaller than that. I think it’s because when I think of Elvis I think of a giant, someone bigger than life, a titan, a colossus. The tribute artists seem too . . . . human. In real life, I’m sure Elvis looked just as they do on stage, but in my mind The King was beyond that, bigger than the rest of us, with powers and abilities beyond those of mere mortal men. Elvis.
I dropped out of one gym and joined another. This new one isn’t as nice but it’s closer and more convenient. It’s close enough where I can jog there to use the treadmill.
Something new: “The Daily Joke From a Wahoo Reader.” Tonight’s installment is from Mark Lloyd Smith
New York City is forecast for a big snowstorm Friday, but Mayor Bloomberg is already banning snowflakes larger than 16 ounces
This concludes another installment of “The Daily Joke From a Wahoo Reader
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s her birthday today, singer and multiplatinum songwriter, from New York City by way of Ramapo Senior High School, it’s Dana Calitri
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee