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Tuesday, February 12, 2013 The head behind the head of Kim Jong Un gets recognized.
Show #3805
Bruce Willis, Kate Upton, and Little Big Town.
PLUS: A Message to the Westminster's Best in Show Dog; Problems with Yesterday's Sports Illustrated Cover Unveiling; Kim Jong Un Drops By; the Asteroid Drops By; and a Top Ten List with a Sponsor.

" . . . and now, inventor of the slapshot . . . . . . . . David Letterman."

ACT 1:
MONLOGUE
- "The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is taking place at Madison Square Garden. The winner gets a beautiful blue ribbon and a toilet filled with champagne."
- "Pope Benedict is stepping down. Apparently he's tired of working every Christmas and Easter."
- "Lent starts tomorrow. Are you giving up anything? The Pope is giving up Poping."

The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is taking place down the road at the Madison Square Garden. Dave delivers a message for the Best in Show winner.
Art Card: "Late Show Message to the Best in Show Winner"
Cut back to Dave who is now inches from the camera. He gushes, "Who's the big doggie? Who's a big doggie? Who's a big puppy? Who's a big puppy?"

This close up of Dave and his "Who's a good doggie" will go in my Odd Dave file for possible future use.

The North Koreans tested an atomic bomb the other day. Leader Kim Jong Un is very proud. In fact, he's here in the audience tonight probably to gloat. We take a look at Mr. Jong Un. He waves amidst the audience members. And hey, how about the actor who played the body of Kim Jong Un?! Let's give him a hand. We go back to Kim Jong Un in the audience. The head behind the head leans out from behind the KJU head to be recognized.

Were you here last night? We unveiled the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue on the side of the Ed Sullivan Theater Office Building. Unfortunately, problems occurred. We take a look.
We see the covered billboard. The drape is dropped to unveil S.I. cover. Fine so far, but then the huge 55'X35' billboard crashes down onto the Late Show marquee below. Worse yet, the catastrophe set off an annoying car alarm

ACT 2:
Uh oh. Did you hear the news about the asteroid that is coming our way? It's 3-times the size of the Sports Illustrated billboard outside on our building. Apparently, that can cause a lot of problems. Dave wants us to be prepared so he had his buddies down at some space lab create a dramatization of just what the asteroid will look like when it flies by later this week.

Dave grabs hold of his desk as the lights dim. We hear the rumbling of the approaching asteroid. Slowly . . . very slowly the roar grows louder. Dave is humbled and awed by the power the asteroid holds. And then . . . then . . . THERE! A crumbled piece of loose leaf paper is thrown and seen flying across the cityscape behind Dave. Ta da.

TOP TEN: Tonight's Top Ten comes with a sponsor!
ALAN: "Tonight's Top Ten list is brought to you by Sink Plugs. Buenos tardes. I'm celebrity Alan Kalter. You know, you work too hard all day to come home to a sink that won't fill up. It wastes time, wastes money. With Valentine's Day right around the corner, take a tip from Alan Kalter. Pick up a Sink Plug for your sweetheart today. Sink Plugs, and they also work for tubs. Back to you, jughead."

TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU'D MAKE A BAD POPE
While explaining tonight's topic, Dave delivers a dog show-type message to the Pope: , "Who's the big Pope? Who's a big Pope?"

9. Religion isn't really your thing.
5. You think "Papal" is an online payment website.
4. Only want the job as an excuse to avoid sex with your wife.

ACT 3:
BRUCE WILLIS
Bruce enters wearing a tall Pope hat. He wants to be in the consideration for Popedom. He rises and blesses the audience. The hat? Well, you are supposed to dress for the job you want; not the job you have.
Bruce received two great honors recently. He was awarded the Commander of Arts and Letters in Paris, France, and just yesterday his "Die Hard" character was honored in Japan with a life-size facsimile made entirely in chocolate. We then take a look at Bruce's newest child, 10-month-old Mabel. Bruce takes pride in his diaper changing, holding the world record with a diaper change in under 6 seconds. This, of course, is with disposable diapers. Dave asks about the cloth and safety pin diapers of yore. About being diapered in cloth and safety pins, Dave asks Bruce "You got the scars?" Bruce mishears and asks, "Do I have cigars?
Bruce says he spends all day trying to make baby Mabel laughing. It's one of the great pleasures in life. Bruce shows some of his antics that make Mabel laugh. First, Bruce mumbles and blubbers and funny noise, and then he speaks with a mouthful of water. Baby Mabel finds that hilarious. And it works on Dave, too!
It is the 25th Anniversary of the first "Die Hard" movie. Dave has a quick "Die Hard" quiz for Bruce. He scored about a 60, which I think is passing in today's schools.
We watch a clip of Bruce's new film, "A Good Day To Die Hard." It opens on Valentine's Day, a great date movie!
I haven't seen any of the "Die Hard" movies. Will I need to watch the first 4 to enjoy "A Good Day To Die Hard"?

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Swing back around tomorrow for Dave and his guests Medal of Honor recipient Former Staff Sergeant Clinton Romesha, and Robert DeLong. Hey, ladies at my nail salon Great job the other day. I've been getting a lot of nice comments about my cuticles. Back after this."

ACT 6:
KATE UPTON
Kate is the cover model on the 2013 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. It is one of the highest, most prestigious honors in modeling.
What about the controversy about the leaking of the cover of the magazine. Kate says she found out on Twitter. Who? What? Why? No one knows yet. A lot of the photo-shoot took place in Antarctica. Yikes. Why? Yes, that's what Kate would like to know. It was summer down there, but Antarctica's summer is 22 degrees, 1 with the windchill. She would like to go back when she doesn't have to wear a bathing suit.
What did Kate learn about Antarctica? There are no polar bears there.
Dave has a problem with the S.I. swimsuit issue. On the cover you can clearly see the word "Swimsuit." You read "Swimsuit" throughout the magazine, BUT . . . Dave shows a photo of Kate wearing nothing but a scarf. No swimsuit in the swimsuit issue! Uhh, and Dave has a problem with that?
This is the 2nd year in a row of Kate gracing the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Very few have ever gone back-to-back. Answer below.
What animals are found in Antarctica? What she saw were penguins, whales, seals, and birds.
The model who was on the cover more than anyone else?
Elle Macpherson.

ACT 7:
LITTLE BIG TOWN
From their most recent album, "Tornado," the Grammy Award winners performed "Tornado."

And that was our show for Tuesday February 12, 2013.


158 days till kickers and punters.

After Elvis Tribute Artist Week, I put on some Elvis at home while shoveling the driveway on Saturday. I always have the music going whenever I'm doing a chore, along with a beer. I enjoyed the Elvis more than I expected. The beer at 9:30 AM was good, too. This got me to thinking . . . . how about an Elvis party at the house? I'd get the Elvis in Hawaii concert DVD and show it in the basement with the surround sound and the huge TV projection on the wall. Campy, cheese . . . . sure, but it's February and nothing's going on. We're all looking for an excuse to do something. I know my high school crowd would be more than happy to pretend to be happy with the idea. I'm going to put out some feelers. Elvis in Hawaii concert party. "Viva Las Vegas" will be the pre-concert warm-up. All I need is two specific guys to say yes and the rest will take care of itself.

Dave said while with Bruce Willis, "Dress for the job you want." Tomorrow I'm coming to work dressed as a football player.

My daughter asked me to list my 10 favorite movies. She wanted to compare them to the list of her science teacher. This was a minute before she had to leave for school so I had little time to think. The first thing I had to consider was whether or not I've seen 10 movies. I then quickly jotted down:
"Godfather," "Casablanca," "Rocky," "Great Escape," "Dirty Dozen," "Cuckoo's Nest," "Annie Hall," "Grapes of Wrath," "It's A Wonderful Life," and mostly for my own amusement, "The One and Only," a wrestling movie with Henry Winkler and Herve Villechaize. I was satisfied with my list. And then I realized the most recent movie besides "The One and Only" was . . . what, Rocky? Annie Hall? Cuckoo's Nest? These are from the mid-70s. Could it be I haven't seen a really good movie since '77? I'm thinking hard but I don't think I could come up with a list of my 10 favorite movies from the past quarter century. I'll have to think about it and come up with a list tomorrow.
This is worse than I thought. "The One and Only" is from 1978. And here I thought it was kinda recent. Wow. My 10 favorite movies since 1980. That gives me 33 years.

Time once again for "The Daily Joke From a Wahoo Reader." Tonight's installment is from Mark Lloyd Smith
"Controversey today at the Westminster Dog Show when a labrador in the Working Dogs group tested positive for Performance Enhanced Biscuits."
This concludes another installment of "The Daily Joke From a Wahoo Reader

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
My high school wrestling coach, Tom Canty.
And that concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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Emma Stone
Nathan Fielder
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