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Thursday, February 14, 2013 Supervising Producer Kathy Mavrikakis takes care of some Pope business.
Show #3807
Jerry Seinfeld, Dave Grohl, and The Sound City Players, with Stevie Nicks.
PLUS: The Carnival Cruise Ship; the Pope Position is Open; the Asteroid Taken Care Of; Happy Birthday, Florence Henderson; Another Rubio Speech; Valentine's Day Cards; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, Cupid's henchman . .. . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "It's Valentine's Day . . . .and this is the best you could do?"

The Carnival Cruise ship, "Triumph," has been adrift for days in the Gulf of Mexico without water, without power, with toilets backing up and sewage seeping into everything. We take a look at the ship coming into harbor.
We see a scene from the 1925 "Ben Hur" of galley slaves rowing hard to make transport.

Hey, it's Supervising Producer Kathy Mavrikakis. What's she doing here?
DAVE: "Oh, look, it's Supervising Producer Kathy Mavrikakis. What can I do for you?"
KATHY: "Well, Dave, you may have heard Pope Benedict is stepping down. I was going to post this memo about the open position, but I figured it'd be easier to just read it."
DAVE: "You know, now isn't really a good time. . . . "
KATHY: (ignores Dave - reads memo) "Congratulations to Pope Benedict XVI who will be moving on to other endeavors. Candidates interested in applying for Pope should be proficient in Microsoft Word, good at answering phones, and strong people skills. Please see me or Janice Penino by the end of the day Friday."
DAVE: "Great. I might throw my name in for that."
KATHY: "I'll be sure to pencil-whip that through." Kathy exits.
Dave turns and yells to Kathy, "Give my best to Manny."

The Pope is already acting like he's on vacation. We take a look at Mr. Pope. His pope hat is a pin cushion for a slew of fishing lures.

Worried about the asteroid headed for Earth? This announcement will set your mind at ease.
ANNOUNCE: "Do not fear the approaching asteroid. The nation of Iran has solved the problem. We have launched our monkey back into space, where it will deflect the asteroid with a coconut." We see the asteroid change course from the coconut.
ANNOUNCE: "Iran. Relax, we got this one."

Do you like celebrity birthdays? Happy Birthday to Florence Henderson, Mrs. Brady. Let's take a look to see what Florence Henderson has been up to.
We see a news anchor with this report: "Florence Henderson says she got crabs in the 1960s after a one-night stand with New York City Mayor John Lindsay."

ACT 2:
Did you enjoy Marco Rubio's speech the other night? He was so slick how he got himself a sip of water without our barely able to notice. For this and this alone, this guy has got Dave's vote. Did you see Senator Rubio's speech today? More of the same. We see the Senator making a speech. He again reaches for some water but this time we see the trouble he had the night before. To get to his water, his hand has to search through some chips and some dip and some party snacks until he finds his water. And you thought all he had to do was pick up the water. NO! He had to find it first.

Hey, it's time for Valentine's Day Cards. Dave went to Duane Reade, then CVS, then Walmart, then Walgreen, to pick up some Valentine's Day Cards.
- "You are my Valentine, at least until my hour is up"
- "I love you more each day as my other options diminish"
- "You're already my cell mate; you might as well be my Valentine."
- "I remember Valentine's day this year so you'll
- "Forget the envelope, I licked the whole card."
- "You're #2 at Al Qaeda, but #1 in my heart."
- "Be my Valentine? If no, give this card to your sister."
- "As a token of my love, I booked you a cruised on the Carnival Cruise ship."
- And finally, "See you tonight for joyless, once-a-year sex."

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: LEAST ROMANTIC THREE-WORD PHRASES - The most romantic, of course, is "I love you."
LEAST ROMANTIC THREE-WORD PHRASES
10. "It really itches"
7. "Those weren't edible."
6. "Turn and cough"
3. "Welcome to Denny's"
2. "It's me, Dave."
1. "Oops, we're related."

JERRY SEINFELD
Mr. Seinfeld enters and does a few minutes of stand-up.
What is annoying him these days? Hydration. He doesn't understand everyone's tremendous concern about hydration. We can't go down the block without hydrating. Sounds like Mr. Seinfeld has been reading the Wahoo.
Beer. Can we ever get it cold enough?
Do we really need a separate Gatorade to prepare, to perform, and then to recover?
The movies want us to pick up after ourselves? There is an unwritten deal we all have with the movie people: they rip us off; we don't have to pick stuff up.

Dave is a new fan of Jerry's web series "Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee." Dave pitches to be on the show. And Dave wonders why Jerry isn't here more often. He's a local! He lives right up the block. How long's it been? Jerry says "a year ago." Dave is incredulous, "A year ago?!" Jerry advises after a sigh, "But I don't need this." He has a point.
Dave would like to be on Jerry's show. Dave would have a lot to say, especially after they get the coffee. Dave says now that he's getting older, "I have less to say, but I can't stop talking." Dave saw a recent episode of Jerry and Michael "Kramer" Richards going out for coffee. And they didn't go out in just any car. They went out in a VW flatbed bus. After a minute it became obvious to me that Dave was more interested in the VW flatbed bus than the actual show. Dave suspects that Jerry buys these great cars and then writes it off on his taxes as a business expense. Jerry again sighs and says, "I don't have to do that anymore." True words.

"Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee" - you can find on the eponymous website and also on Crackle. And that means nothing to me.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We've got it all figured out for tomorrow: Dave welcomes Helen Hunt, comedian Jeff Caldwell, and The Maccabees. In case we all get killed by the asteroid tomorrow, I just want to say 'I love you.' Well, most of you. Keep it here, Senate Majority Leader."

ACT 6:
DAVE GROHL
Of the Foo Fighters! And the multi-talented musician also directed a new film, "Sound City," about the recording studio on southern California. "Sound City" has been around since the 60s and really hit its hey-day in the 70s. Grohl recorded there in 1991 when he was with Nirvana. They chose the studio because it was cheap, like $600 a day. And when they got there the place was a dump, like a burned out Chi Chi's. Recording there for 16 days changed Dave Grohl's life. And two years ago "Sound City" closed down. Grohl saw the place as a museum. Everything in Sound City was huge. Now everything is digital and small. The digital technology cuts out a lot of mistakes, but it is the mistakes that give music personality. We should use the technology as a tool and not as a replacement of something or used to refine the music. Today's technology makes music sound too correct.
"Sound City" - for someone who doesn't know much other than to say "I like it" or "naah," this movie is for me. There's a whole lot of learning to be had.

ACT 7:
THE SOUND CITY PLAYERS, WITH STEVIE NICKS
The album is the soundtrack to the documentary "Sound City," Dave Grohl, Stevie Nicks, and the Sound City Players performed "You Can't Fix This."

And that was our show for Thursday February 14, 2013.

I did an experiment. I wanted to find out if you could reuse those Kreuger coffee pods. After using one pod, I ripped off the top, emptied the used coffee, and filled it with fresh coffee. I then reinserted it into the Kreuger coffee machine. Did it work? No.
I'll have to buy that reusable plastic pod I saw on the TV for $10. Or I can continue to drink Instant.

After tonight's show, I went to a Darlene Love concert. She's got a great voice. And I think she may have been wearing the same red and white outfit tonight for Valentine's Day as she wore for her Christmas appearance on the Late Show. I'll have to check the tapes. I was a bit surprised to find that Denise and I were the youngest in the crowd. It felt like one of those concerts I see on WLIW Channel 21. BUT, what a great show! The kids are missing something! Finished with my favorite: "Mountain High, Valley Low." Darlene gave a quick shout-out to Paul Shaffer. To lead into a song, she said "Paul Shaffer said this was the first song he ever bought." She then went on to sing "He's A Rebel."

I put on a button shirt the other day. Everything was fine until I got to the last bottom button. Where every other buttonhole was vertically cut, the bottom hole was horizontally cut. It was odd trying to button it. I brought this up to our wardrobe supervisor Sue Hum. She seemed somewhat disinterested. Why was I more intrigued by this than she? Is the horizontal button hole something new? Or has it been around a long time and I just never noticed? Have you come across the horizontal button hole?
The vertical vs. horizontal button hole . . . fascinating stuff.

I'm not sure if I love the Honda Presidents' Day Sale Event commercial with Washington and Lincoln singing or if I hate hit. Right now I'm on the side of loving it but I doubt that'll last much longer.

The only thing worse than being on that Carnival Cruise ship would be if it were one of those Kathie Lee Carnival Cruise ships.

And now, the Daily Joke from a Wahoo Reader
Connie Bryant: admitting it's an old one - "What did the cannibal say to the other cannibal after he ate the clown?"
- "Did that taste funny to you?"

Oh, about the Darlene Love concert. Hey, guys, I bought the tickets before Christmas and I gave them to my wife for Christmas. And then we used them on Valentine's Day. You see what I'm getting at? Right! It doubled as a Christmas present and a Valentine's Day present. It's genius!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely Denise and my girls Dominique and Danielle.
And that concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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