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Friday, February 15, 2013 Dave kicks the phony Weekend Late Show crew to the curb.
Show #3808
Helen Hunt, Jeff Caldwell, and The Maccabees.
PLUS: the Daily Double; Carnival Cruise positive spin; Iconic Kisses; George W. Bush Hacked E-Mails; a Top Ten List; and a confrontation on the set of the Weekend Late Show.

" . . . and now, Carnival Cruise ship captain . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONLOGUE

-"Baseball spring training is underway. The Yankees may go with a 5-man rotation . . . . just like Taylor Swift."
-Opening yesterday was the Bruce Willis movie, "A Good Day To Die Hard." I thought it was a movie about Hugh Hefner's wedding night."

What was that? We hear the familiar "Jeopardy" Daily Double swoosh SFX. Dave looks at Tony's cue card and sees he is holding a Daily Double cue card.
DAVE: "Oh, it's the Daily Double. I can wager on the next joke and double my money, right? Tony?"
TONY: "No."
DAVE: "But it says Daily Double."
TONY: "It's just a stupid joke. It doesn't mean anything. Forget it."
ANNOUNCE FROM ALAN: "The Late Show, repurposing elements of other television programs since 1993! The Late Show is not affiliated with Merv Griffin Enterprises."
DAVE: "Know the jokes I've got, I probably would have lost my wager."

It's Presidents Day Weekend. Have you seen this celebration? We see the members on Mt. Rushmore in party hats.

There's some trouble on a Carnival Cruise ship which has been stranded in the Gulf of Mexico for days without power or water. They're trying to put a positive spin on it. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "Need a vacation? There's no better time to take a Carnival cruise. Forget the stress of civilization with our ‘Back to Basics' package. Get away from that annoying electricity, running water, and air conditioning. Take in romantic nights under the stars in our makeshift ‘Tent City.' Enjoy new activities . . . (we see two people fighting over a can of tomato sauce) . .. and you'll be swept away by the majesty of our flowing sewage waterfall. And look! A tugboat! Carnival Cruise Lines . . it's a carnival . . .it's a cruise . . . It's a Carnival Cruise."

Since yesterday was Valentine's Day and everyone is still in the romantic spirit, Dave thought it would be fun to look back at some "Iconic Kisses Throughout History."
Roll vt – we see a Rick/Ilsa kiss from "Casablanca".
We see the kiss from the film, "From Here To Eternity."
We see a kiss between a guy and his car from the reality show, "My Strange Addiction."

Last week, it was reported that George W. Bush's email account had been hacked. We were able to get our hands on the emails in question and thought it would be fun to take a look at some.
We follow the type output of a George W. Bush post
Reading aloud as it's typed: "DEAR MICROSOFT, SOMEHOW I'VE TURNED ON THE CAPITAL LETTERS AND NOW I CAN'T TURN THEM OFF. WHAT'S THE SECRET? W." ANNOUNCE: "'George W. Bush's Hacked E-mails' have been brought to you by Hormel."

ACT 2:
Time now to look in on what's in store tomorrow on the "Weekend Late Show" with Bruce and Linda.
We come upon the familiar Weekend Late Show desk adorned with seasonal flowers.
LINDA: "Thanks, Dave. It's Presidents' Day Weekend and here in our studio, we're going to meet Connie Harrison, second cousin to the Oscar-nominated star of ‘Lincoln,' Daniel Day-Lewis."
BRUCE: "Honest Abe, that'll be fascinating. Hey, when was the last time you updated your encyclopedia?"
LINDA: (laughing) "I probably have the same one I used in college."
BRUCE: (teasing) "I bet those are valuable antiques, now. Tony Gertz, our Late Show personal shopper, will show us the latest . . . . ."
While Bruce is responding, Dave enters from the skyline behind.
LINDA: "Hi, Dave! What a surprise!"
DAVE: "Just a couple things. One: the show is phony. We know the show is phony, there's no Weekend Late Show. And two, people don't like you, so let's just get out of here, okay? C'mon, get out. Kinda now. Look, thanks for everything. Okay, we'll see you later."
Bruce and Linda awkwardly embarrassed take their stuff and leave.
DAVE: (to the camera) "Back to you, Dave."

Back LIVE to Dave: "You know, I forgot that happened. I should be embarrassed, but I'm OK with it."

TOP TEN: THINGS PASSENGERS SAID AFTER GETTING OFF THE CARNIVAL CRUISE 10. "Not the worst Carnival Cruise I've taken."

ACT 3:
HELEN HUNT

She's an Academy Award nominee for Best Supporting Actress for her work in "The Sessions." Helen says she is naked in a lot of scenes in the film. She really liked the script when she read it, liked doing the film, but didn't realize until after it was over that people would see her naked. The worst part of appearing naked in a film is when people don't mention anything about it. It's bad when they say something but worse when they say nothing, as if it is no big deal to see her naked. Did she use a Privacy Patch? What's a Privacy Patch? It's a flesh-colored covering to cover your areas you want covered. It puts up a barrier between you and those on the set. All of us in AFTRA and SAG have them. I usually refuse it when offered, but then those on the set make me.
Up against Helen in this year's Academy Awards for Best Supporting Actress: Sally Field – "Lincoln"
Jacki Weaver – "Silver Linings Playbook"
Amy Adams – "The Master"
Anne Hathaway – "Les Miserables"

"The Sessions"- now on Blu-Ray.

ACT 4:
We take another look at one of George W. Bush's hacked e-mails. The e-mail starts out fine.
EMAIL: "Dear Jeb, Are we still meeting up this weeglfh bibvlkjt qptkwpk tpdjkinc . . . . . sorry, fell asleep on the keyboard. W."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Monday, the entertainment juggernaut continues with David Spade, military dog trainer Kenny Licklider, and Aaron Neville. Looks like we survived the asteroid. Damn! Now I really have to do laundry. Stay here.

ACT 6:
JEFF CALDWELL

You can catch Jeff at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase in . . . Ann Arbor, Michigan, March 14th through the 16th. Tonight, Jeff talked about his artsy wife, drinks, cell phones, eyeglasses, and Sacagawea coins.

ACT 7:
THE MACCABEES

From their album, "Given To The Wild," The Maccabees performed "Pelican."

And that was our show for Friday, February 15, 2013.

Oooh, one more favorite movie from the past 30 years: "Best In Show"

Getting old. I know I'm getting old. I was in Puerto Rico a while back sitting around the pool. It was Bingo time. I wasn't playing . . . I'm not THAT old, and I was talking to my sister-in-law about Bingo numbers. I told her that the first time I ever played, I won. I-26. I had each of the first 5 I's called. I was just out of high school and was playing at St. Joseph's School. I had no money. All of a sudden I had 20 bucks. I giggled like a guy with no money who just won $20. My friend Ann and I took that twenty over to Perruna's for some beer. We spent it all back when $20 was a lot of money. As per usual at Perruna's, they did not buy one back. My sister-in-law Nancy remembered her first winning number, G-56. I asked if the caller calls, "Ohhhhhh 69"or simply O-69. Nancy said this caller goes with a simple O-69. Do people go "quack quack" on I-22? Yes, because the 2s look like ducks. Nancy says she likes playing Bingo in Puerto Rico just to hear B-11, which in Spanish sounds like Beyonce. And following B-4, do people say "And after"? "Sometimes" says Nancy. I-21? "Some people will respond, ‘I wish,' says Nancy.
Yeah, so on my vacation I didn't play Bingo, but I did spend time talking about Bingo numbers.

My new favorite TV show: America's Test Kitchen – you can actually learn something about cooking, and there isn't a race or a competition or a contest with food. It's just about cooking and talking about utensils.

Fab Faux fans: Next Saturday, February 23, the Fab Faux will be performing the album "A Hard Day's Night" at The State Theater in Easton, Pennsylvania.

I'm off this weekend to look at colleges with my girls. College of New Jersey, University of Delaware, and some colleges in DC and maybe Maryland. Penn State is a future look-see and maybe Pitt, as suggested by a Wahoo reader. I'll try to put of Pitt for the summer so I can go to a Pirate game Rhode Island is a maybe, we'll do the Boston Bunch, and then New York.
It's not like when I was deciding where to go to college. I made a 200 mile circle on a map around my house and picked the college that landed the line. 200 miles was close enough and far enough away. Turned out to be SUNY Cortland. There was none of this visiting stuff.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It was his birthday yesterday, from SUNY Cortland, it's Martin Buddy McDonough.
And that concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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