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Tuesday, July 22, 2014 Naked daters and their disgusted chairs.
Show #4062
Ricky Gervais, Taylor Schilling, and Eli Young Band.
PLUS: The Star of "Hercules"; "Dating Naked"; Prince George's First Birthday; and Dave Angles for a Couple of Cars.

" . . . and now, barbecue editor of 'Texas Monthly' . . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Celebrity birthday . . . the world's oldest ham is 112 years old today. I always thought I was the world's oldest ham."

"Hercules" opens this week. If you're wondering who's in the movie. All you need to do is watch this trailer.
ANNOUNCE: "The strength of a God . . . . the suffering of a human . . . . if fate is tempted, can the world be saved by Hercules? Starring The Rock (BUZZ), Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson (BUZZ), Dwayne 'The Johnson' Rock (BUZZ), John 'The Dwayne' Rockson (BUZZ), Rayne 'The Jock' Dwohnson (BUZZ), Dwayne's 'Rocky' Johnson (BUZZ), Johnsonville Brocks (BUZZ), Johnny Rockets (BUZZ), Rock-a-Bye Dwayney (BUZZ).
'Hercules': in theaters Friday."

Dave is getting a bit tired of these "reality" shows. There's one where naked people walk across Africa. Dave isn't proud to admit it but he wouldn't be too upset to see them eaten by lions. Now there's a new dating show where the couple meet on a date . . . . naked. It's called "Dating Naked." Thank goodness there have been complaints about this naked dating show. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "We would like to register our complete and utter disgust with the new VH1 show, 'Dating Naked.' It is, without a doubt, the most heinous, morally offensive show ever to be aired on television, and we will do everything in our power to see that production ceases immediately.
A message from chairs."

Happy birthday, Prince George! The Royal baby is one year old. We have footage of the big birthday event with the Royals. We take a look. We view footage of a baby George water skiing. Finally, talent in the Mountbatten-Windsor family.

ACT 2:
Decided just before the show, Dave wants to chat about an e-mail he recently received. A week or two ago Dave mentioned an old car he once owned, a Volkswagen Golf GTI. He loved how it handled. Had plenty of torque, which to Dave, is more important than speed. And now Volkswagen is coming out with a new one. Deeder von Strausser, the CEO and President of Volkswagen, North America, says they will send him a car. Dave's all excited. But now Ford is all upset and cranky that Dave is hawking VW. Dave is getting a free car and that upsets Ford? Don't worry, Ford. Dave says he is more than willing to accept a free car from Ford, too. We take a look at the Ford Mustang GT. That's very nice of Ford, though they don't know they are giving Dave a free one yet. Two cars for one person? Sure, a lot of people have two cars. Dave says he will test drive both cars and then after that, he'll give 'em away to the audience, or better yet, raffle them off for charity. It's great free publicity for both VW and Ford. All it'll cost them is the price of one of their cars. Dave places his order for one VW Golf GTI (manual transmission, 5-speed) and one Ford Mustang GT (manual transmission, 6-speed). Dave looks over to make sure this all can be taken care of during the 3-minute commercial break.

ACT 3:
During the break, Dave hears from the Control Room. The suits who sit in during the show are angry. They feel these big automakers are getting all this free publicity and Dave and the show are getting nothing in return. All Dave is doing is trying to do good, but all that's happening is he's making people angry. He can't win.

RICKY GERVAIS
Dave lauds Ricky's "The Office." It was the funniest show on TV. There have been other great shows, like "Seinfeld" and "Raymond" and "Mary Tyler Moore" but they all come in second behind "The Office." It changed the face of television. Now all the actors stop in mid-action to address the camera. It's a staple in today's TV. To this day, Dave will go through his VCR library to watch "The Office" to remind him of its greatness. And great news! It's coming back!

Dave's retiring? How awful! Ricky is against this. It's a terrible idea. Dave says he's retiring because he keeps making people angry. Yeah, well wait until you're home all day. Ricky says his family at home has a set routine. "You're just going to be in the way," explains Ricky. This is the advice Dave gives everyone who says they plan to retire, wondering if they discussed the decision with their family. Ricky pictures Dave being delegated out into the yard, hanging out in a shed, trying to fix things, but basically just staying out of the way. He'll be with the family for meals and things, but that's about it. That's just about all any family wants with the man of the house. Right now, Dave is doing pretty good coming to work to listen to people talk. When he retires, he'll still have to listen to people talk . . . but he won't be getting paid for it. Geez . . . where was Mr. Gervais back in April?
Ricky says he and Dave have very much in common; most important is that they both hate people. He adds that with Dave, it's just much more obvious. And the beauty of work is you can always use it to get out of stuff, like visiting people. "Sorry, I'd love to but I have to work" . . . and when you retire, what will you use? Me? I'll simply say I can't afford it.

Back from commercial, Dave wants to hear more about "The Office." How did that get off the ground? How did Ricky get that green-lighted? Ricky said he had to make a demo. He knew it wouldn't read funny on paper. It had to be seen. (It's probably true about the Wahoo Gazette, too.)
Ricky's current project is "Derek" seen on Netflix. Ricky is nominated for an Emmy for the show. Ricky has two Emmy at home, but says he's lost a whole lot of times . . . so many more times than his two wins. Even if he were a baseball player, his average of success in Emmy nominations would be dismal.

So, what's Dave to do in retirement? Ricky suggests the two of them get in a car and "Thelma and Louise" it. Drive down the highway throwing money out the window. What could be better?

Yeow, that was fun. I went and looked at the show notes for Ricky's segment. A producer will conduct a pre-interview to go over stuff the guest wants to talk about. Questions are then put on paper for Dave to help lead the discussion. I've always said the hardest guest segments require all the questions on the sheet to be asked. The best and easiest are the ones that don't follow the sheet at all. As I perused, I found not one question on the sheet being asked. What we saw was just two guys chatting, teasing, having fun. It's a rarity.

ACT 5
ANNOUNCE: "Join Dave tomorrow as he welcomes Eric Stonestreet, New Summer Toys with Shannon Eis, and Brody Dalle. It's the kind of show that will make you say, 'This is one happenin' planet!'"

ACT 6:
TAYLOR SCHILLING
From the hit show on the Netflix, "Orange Is The New Black," the fetching Ms. Shilling is nominated for an Emmy. "Orange is the New Black" is a prison comedy/drama based on the memoir of Piper Kerman. Taylor plays Piper, who spent time in the ol' gray bar hotel. Dave says it was too bad that Piper had to go away. Taylor responds in a sing-song way, "Too bad for her and not too bad for me!" Dave is curious about prison life. He and Taylor agree that there are many people in prison who don't quite belong there. Sure, they have to pay the price for their crime, but someplace other than prison may do more good for the individual and for society. Keeping someone penned up costs the taxpayer money. Dave suggests an Adopt-a-Prisoner" program. Not a bad idea if you get a Taylor Schilling .

"Orange Is The New Black" - it finally got me. I'm a fan. The family watched the entire first two seasons together. I admit there were scenes where I thought this would be a good time to go to the fridge. Plus, much of the show is shot in my Rockland County in New York. It's fun to see local scenery on the TV. The exterior of the prison scenes are where I would take Danielle and Dominique when they were learning to drive. Their friend is excited because the show will be shooting a scene at the deli where she works. I watch because I like to support local.

ACT 7:
ELI YOUNG BAND
From their new CD, "10,000 Towns," Eli Young Band performed "Dust"

And that was our show for Tuesday July 22, 2014.

"Orange is the New Black" makes me think of Crayola Crayons when they announced "Peach is the New Flesh"

This "Dating Naked" show . . . we did that joke about chairs being upset. It reminded me of a place the family would go on vacation in the Berkshires in Massachusetts. "Eastover" was the name of the place. Pay one price and everything's paid for. It was almost like a cruise on land. Lots of activities for the kids while the parents lounged around the pool sipping drinks. We would go with a big group. While we were there sitting by the pool on the plastic chairs, someone mentioned that there is a "Nudist Week" at Eastover every summer. We all said at the same time, "After us, I hope!" We quickly looked for disinfectant wipes for the beach chairs. It was soon discovered that "Nudist Week" was the week following us. not the week before. We were relieved. I admit that on Saturday morning I did take my time packing to go home.

Free car? Dave's getting two new free cars? I could use one! My Honda Civic is on the verge of hitting . . . . .. 200,000 miles. That's right, 200,000 northeast city miles through all kinds of weather, through all kinds of pot-holed streets. 200K! I know what you're thinking . . . "You're driving a car with 200,000 miles? But you're on TV! You must be rich!" Ha ha ha! Good one!

Hey, Ford and VW, send me one of your cars and I'll give you each a cameo mention!

By the way, Dave says he wants his VW and Ford Mustang with manual transmission. Good idea. A stick is the best protection against having your car stolen, even better than The Club. If you have a stick and someone does steal your car, you'll probably find it 20 feet from where you left it.

Happy Pi Approximation Day! July 22 is called "Pi Approximation Day because when the date is written European-like, dd/mm, it reads 22/7, the fraction that is a common approximation of pi. So there is another day for you to celebrate, math nerds . . . . of which I'm one.

This is what I don't get about prison. Let's say all you want to do is read, get away from the rat race, and be free of the pressure of making ends meet. Why wouldn't you want to do "something" to be place in jail for a year? You could rent your place out while you're away. Now you got time to read, to write, and you have that rent money waiting for you when you get out. Something to think about.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
No Cameo Mention today. Reserved for Ford and/or VW.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Eric Stonestreet
Summer Toy Demo with Shannon Eis
Brody Dalle

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Tuesday, July 22
Naked daters and their disgusted chairs.
Monday, July 21
The Late Show turns into "MacArthur Park" for one night.
Friday, July 18
Intern Todd has fun at the 2014 All-Star Game.
Wednesday, July 16
Emma Stone sees dead quarters.
Tuesday, July 15
Liv Tyler pumps gas during her cross-country RV road trip.