CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Monday, February 18, 2013 Abraham Lincoln gets real with the people of New York City.
Show #3809
David Spade, Kenny Licklider, and Aaron Neville.
PLUS: a ghost in the rafters; the Carnival Cruise; the meteor; the new Pope nominations; the President's golf outing; a visit from the CEO of Carnival Cruise; an Abraham Lincoln Top Ten; and a word from Martin Van Buren.

" . . . and now, old Rough and Ready . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONLOGUE

-"Washington's Birthday . . . no garbage pickup. The streets look like Carnival Cruise buffet."
-"The Academy Awards are this Sunday. Lincoln has 12 nominations, so I think he has a good shot." Groan . . . . . "Too soon?"

What's that? We hear something from off to the side; someone trying to get Dave's attention. It sounds eerie . . . ominous . . . spooky.
GHOST: "Mr. Letterman . . . . Mr. Letterman . . . . . "
DAVE: "Yes? What is it?"
GHOST: "I am George Washington, Father of Our Country. Shame on you for not giving your staff the holiday off!"
DAVE – searching left and right, up and down. He spots from where the "ghost" is hiding. It's not a ghost at all. In the rafters is stagehand Gene Szymanski. "Oh, it's Gene. It's Gene Szymanski, one of our stagehands. I can see you, Gene."
GHOST/GENE: (continuing in his spooky voice even though we can see him) "No. I am George Washington!"
DAVE: "No, you're not. Gene, I'm looking right at you. I can see you up there."
GHOST/GENE: "Give the staff the holiday off!"
DAVE: "Gene . . . . you're not George Washington."
GHOST/GENE: "Listen to George."
The ghost then disappears as if he were human.

I bet you're glad you weren't on that Carnival Cruise. We have footage of what it was like on the last days before they made landfall.
We see a clip from "Mutiny On The Bounty." Much fighting among the staff and passengers. That's a normal scene during any cruise buffet that includes shrimp.

I'm glad you're reading this because that means you survived the asteroid. But what about that meteor that plopped down in Russia? How did that manage to find its way to earth? NASA put together this simulation that should pose more questions than it answers. We take a look. We see Earth between two other planets that I imagine to be Mars and Venus. The meteor passes by earth. As it slowly flies through space, Mars quickly moves to block the meteor. The meteor caroms off Mars and reverses direction. It again passes earth and Venus intercepts its path. Venus caroms the meteor back towards Mars, much like Pong. Kids, ask you parents about Pong. This goes on back and forth a few times until the meteor crashes into earth. Why it didn't crash into Mars and Venus goes unexplained by NASA.

Wondering who will be the new Pope? Everyone is curious. Well, the choices have been narrowed down. We take a look. Wow! It's just like the Academy Award nominations announcement.
ART CARD: "266th Papal Nomination Ceremony, Vatican City, Rome"
ANNOUNCE: "And the nominees for the next Pope are: Cardinal Peter Turkson, Cardinal Mark Ouellet, Cardinal Francis Arinze, Cardinal Angelo Scola and Richard Dreyfuss."

Richard Dreyfuss? He can't be Pope! He was Duddy Kravitz!

Did you hear the President went out golfing with Tiger Woods this weekend? The media was shut out from covering the event but we managed to get some exclusive footage. As we see, the President is quite a competitor.
The President lines up a 20-foot putt. He shoots and the ball rolls towards the cup . . . rolls towards the cup . . . and then rolls past the cup.
Suddenly, a drone overhead flies by and shoots down at the course, creating another hole just past the original hole. Obama's putt drops in. I imagine there were quite a few eye-rolls on the course after that.

ACT 2:
There has been a lot of attention regarding the Carnival "Triumph" fiasco. Here to address the situation is CEO of the Carnival Corporation, Jim Keyes.
Jim Keyes enters and stands center stage. He is wearing a sea captain's hat. JIM KEYES: "Ahoy, mariners! I'm Jim Keyes, CEO of Carnival Cruises, the fun ships. Well, as you may or may not have heard, we had a little trouble in the Gulf of Mexico, but a few urine-soaked carpets and sandwiches later, I'm happy to say we've all got a story to tell. Even with this unfortunate mishap, Carnival Cruises is proud to be dysentery-free for five straight years! No scurvy, either. And to show our customers we're serious about smiles, we're offering this coupon for $12 off your next Carnival Cruise . . . . valid through Sunday. We're also going to re-route all of our future cruises to be no more than 1,000 feet from shore at all times. Safety first! So come sail away with us, but not too far away. (laughs) That's an order from me, Captain Jim. See you all on the high seas!"
Salutes and exits.

TOP TEN: TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM A GUY DRESSED AS ABRAHAM LINCOLN.
"For Presidents Day, we sent a guy dressed as Abraham Lincoln to mingle with New York City pedestrians." I wrote that just to hear Dave say "mingle." I don't picture him liking the word "mingle." I giggled when he said it. I was the only one.
TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM A GUY DRESSED AS ABRAHAM LINCOLN
10. "How about you and I form a more perfect union?"
6. "Damn, girl, you make Mary Todd look like Ulysses S. Grant"
4. "Wow! And I thought my clothing was outdated."
1. "Hey, jackass, you gonna thank me for the day off?"

Abraham Lincoln? That was our stage manager/associate director Eddie Valk!

The Abraham Lincoln's in the balcony enjoyed that.

ACT 3:
DAVID SPADE

Dave has some photos of David Spade from his high school days, but before showing it, Spade has a story to tell. David says when he was a kid, 1st grade thru 8th, he was a smart kid with few friends. Hmmm, 1st thru 8th . . . Catholic School? He admits to being a bit of a nerd. When he got to high school, things changed. Spade didn't change but his image did. His older brother was one of the cool kids in school and by association, David then became cool. He admits to turning on his old nerd friends. He had new friends now. How ‘bout the girls? Spade says he was suddenly popular with the girls now, too. He worked up the nerve to ask this one girl top the prom even though he was told that she only dated college guys. But she said yes! On prom night, David got all spiffed in his tuxedo and went to her house. Ring the doorbell . . . . knock on the door . . . knock some more . . . . nothing. All of a sudden he hears a speeding car breaking out in front of the house, shooting up gravel and stuff into his face. He can see his prom date making out with some guy. She gets out of the car and sees David by the front door. She blurts, "Oh, my God, that's tonight?!" The rest of the night didn't go too well, but he did get a photo out of it. We take a look at the prom date photo. Sweet.
David saw her not too long ago when he visited back home. She said he looked good. David shot back, "Too late!"

David Spade – you can see him on "Rules of Engagement," now in its 7th season on CBS, Mondays at 8:30 PM.

ACT 4:
In honor of Presidents Day, we borrowed an interactive exhibition from the Martin Van Buren Historical Society in Kinderhook, New York to learn more about this often overlooked President. We raise the scrim to get a look at the animatronic 8th President, President Martin Van Buren.
Dave has a button at the desk. When he presses it, Martin Van Buren recites a fact that enlightens us to his life.
1. "Hello, I am Martin Van Buren. I was one of the key founders of the modern day Democratic Party."
2. "I'm not the President who died in the bathtub."
3. "I had four children: Abraham, John, Martin, and Kanye"
4. "I don't appreciate being confused with Mario Van Peebles."
5. "This Martin Van Buren Interactive Exhibit is a Mark Goodson/Bill Todman Production."
6. "In 1837, I became the first President to win a People's Choice Award.

That was very educational.

Going into commercial, hey it's something from the Backstage Photo Club!" It's Dave wearing his trail-map tie. I'm not sure what this is about.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:

"Hope to see you again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Michelle Williams, Chris O'Donnell, and Von Grey. Here's my TV show idea: ‘Popestronaut!' (shot of the Pope as an astronaut) Call me, Les Moonves."

ACT 6:
Before out next guest, Dave wants another look at Martin Van Buren. We raise the scrim . . . but he's not there. What happened to Martin Van Buren? We cut to a shot out on Broadway. Old Kinderhook was out hailing a cab.

KENNY LICKLIDER
He's a military and police dog trainer who can be seen on the Nat Geo Wild's "Alpha Dogs." he's also the owner of Vohn Liche Kennels in Denver, Indiana and operates kennels in California, Arizona, South Africa, Turkey, and Holland. Kenny comes out with his dog, Daisy, a Belgian Malinois. Kenny became familiar with dogs and policing while in the military. There he trained dogs to detect bombs, sniff out drugs and cadavers, and to track people. Kenny likes the Malinois and Shepherds because they are known for their longevity, their drive, their strength, and their smarts. . How does Kenny train the dogs? Easy. With a tennis ball. Kenny matches a tennis ball with the scent desired and the dog is rewarded whenever it uncovers the hiding place. The dogs figure out the "game" rather quickly. Want a dog to find explosives? Get the tennis ball to smell like the explosives and there you go. Hide it; the dog finds it; the dog gets a treat. The dogs can pick up the scent from hundreds of yards away. Kenny and Daisy then demonstrate. Dave was concerned that if Daisy picked up the scent of a cadaver, it could be just the show. "Alpha Dogs" – on Nat Geo Wild – Fridays at 9:00 and 9:30 PM.

ACT 7:
AARON NEVILLE

From his new CD, "My True Story," Aaron Neville performed "Gypsy Woman." His upcoming concert special can be seen on the PBS on March 2nd.

And that was our show for Monday, February 18, 2013.

Let me get right to this. As you know, the first draft of the Wahoo is the final draft, therefore errors do slip through. I made a pretty big blunder the other day.
Last Wednesday's Cameo Mention:
"It's their 52nd wedding Anniversary, my mom and dad, Jean and Jack McIntee." Well, if I'm 54 and I have two older brothers . . . . yikes! Mom and Dad have been married 62 years, not 52. I know it probably only seems like 52 years but I was wrong.
Thanks for reading, Mom!


The dog trainer . . . I took psychology in college and learned that dog training has to do with behavior modification through conditioning and reward. Get yourself a pocketful of broken biscuits and you can train a dog to do just about anything.
Did you watch the Downton Abbey season finale Sunday night? No spoilers here, but at the end for the first time I felt as if I was watching a TV show. I was able to "see" the writing. I hope this isn't a Fonzie/shark thing. And what happened to Carson's gait? I used to love how he walked, slightly at an angle, his body facing north while he walked northeast. And his hand . . . he always walked with one hand knuckles up. He doesn't seem to do that anymore. I miss that.

Martin Van Buren Fun Facts:
-He was the first President who was born an American citizen. All previous Presidents were born before the American Revolution as British subjects. -The term "It's OK" is credited with him. MVB grew up in Kinderhook, New York. His nickname was Old Kinderhook, which got abbreviated to OK. When talking about MVB, people would ask "Is it OK?" Okay was derived from this. -There is no mention of his wife in his autobiography.

The family and I went to visit the University of Delaware and Loyola University in Baltimore this weekend to take a look at colleges. Next up: Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York. We're open to anything, preferably in the northeast. One likes business and/or finance, the other is still undecided. I tell my undecided daughter not to worry because I'm still not sure what I want to do when I grow up either. All I can offer is when opportunity knocks, be ready . . . . . . don't get ready. You have to BE ready.

When college kids have to write a paper today, do they e-mail it home or maybe send it to a "professional" to proofread before handing it in? I'm not talking about buying research papers off the internet, but simply having a parent or friend or someone who's better at it than you look it over first. It must be done all the time. College has changed since I was there. We would actually hand in papers handwritten. No, not with a quill pen, with a Bic.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday today, it's Ramapo High School alum, Mike Klotz.
And that concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Thursday, October 30
A rare appearance by former Associate Director Pete Fatovich.
Wednesday, October 29
Jim Carrey, now lickable!
Tuesday, October 28
Showbiz bling: Paul wears a jacket made of real gold!
Monday, October 27
The legendary Jerry Lee Lewis can't stop singing.
Saturday, October 18
Do Alan and Foo Fighters' Pat Smear have something going on ?