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Monday, February 25, 2013 Cardinal Dolan wants to be your next Pope!
Show #3814
Alec Baldwin, and Emmylou Harris and Rodney Crowell.
PLUS: First Time Applauding; the Academy Awards too long; our Tony Mendez; a Top Ten List; and Cardinal Dolan does some stumping.

" . . . and now, the brick and mortar of the industry . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"The Academy Awards were last night. It ran so long, the audience was begging Daniel Day-Lewis to free them."

Time now for something different. From the Academy Awards, it's "First Time Applauding?" We cut to a scene from the Academy Awards. There in the front row, just a few seats over from Jack Nicholson, is a woman clapping with her purse.
Maybe her purse fell asleep?
I apologize for that.

Did you think the Academy Awards went on too long? Well, apparently the audio guy thought so. We see one of the producers of "Argo" . . . the good-looking one . . . . about to start his "thank you" speech. The audio guy from the Oscars enters, takes the microphone stand, and breaks it over his knee. He then storms off. The audience is stunned silent.
Don't worry. That audio guy will be fine. He's union. Probably forced to skip his meal.

Congratulations to "Argo" for winning Best Picture. It was the story about a CIA agent named Tony Mendez. That Tony Mendez helped a handful of Americans escape Iran who were holed up at the Canada Embassy. Coincidentally, our cue card guy is named . . . Tony Mendez. We cut to our Tony Mendez who makes the daring move of helping a handful of Late Show audience members escape the Late Show. Tony leads the members to safety out the back of the house. The CIA Tony Mendez used guile, courage, and brilliant tactics to help them escape. Our Tony Mendez used over-acting.

ACT 2:
The Academy Awards is a celebration of the films greatest films and performances. Dave recaps the winners and gives a quick critique of each. The Award is something that separates the winners from all others. But what separates the Late Show from all other late night talk shows? We take a look.
It's the Late Show Vibrating Desk! It's compelling . . . . and therapeutic! You can usually watch the vibrating desk infomercial at 4 AM on most any cable channel.

TOP TEN: POPE BENEDICT ACHIEVEMENTS – his last day on the job is Thursday. What has he achieved in the past decade? We take a look at this audio-visual Daily Double.
It's ten clips we've prepared for the Late Show. Enjoy it on the Late Show website, still in existence after all these years!

ACT 3:
ALEC BALDWIN

Dave thanks Alec for participating in Dave's big day when he received the Kennedy Center Honors. Dave says it made him look good in front of his family, something he never was able to do on his own.
Trouble for Alec lately? Dave read something in one of the local newspapers. Alec says he is on a mission and a campaign to get the Pulitzer Prize for the New York paper, the New York Post. The Post recently came out labeling Alec Baldwin a "racist" for his encounter with a pest with a camera. Forget the past 25 years of Alec's good deeds and the work he's done. Nope. Forget all that. According to the New York Post, Alec is a racist. Dave wonders if the Post lies in wait for Alec to bait him into a confrontation. That's awful, but it sells newspapers. Congratulate yourselves, people! Dave feels the situation was fabricated . . . created . . . entrapping. One guy has a camera and shoves it in Alec's face. Another guy off to the side videos the encounter. Ta da! Ka-ching! The racist comment? In all the video shown, none was heard, none was found. If he did say something untoward, it would have been seen and heard by all by now.
Alec and his wife are expecting a newborn. Being around a pregnant woman is quite something. Alec calls it . . . "thrilling." You want to be a good husband but it's not always easy. There is no "normal." You just try to keep up, to be helpful, to keep sane. It's a thrill-a-minute ride.

Alec promotes a book put out by his friend called, "Eye Rhymes." It's a reader for new readers that looks much more interesting than "Tip and Mitten." And Alec is now working on a Broadway play entitled, "Orphan," with performances beginning March 26th. Tickets are now on sale Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre on West 45th

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Be sure to join us tomorrow as Dave welcomes Joan Rivers, Daytona 500 winner Jimmie Johnson, and Kendrick Lamar! And now, Let's Wake Up Dozing Home Viewers!"
Live shot of Alan: Alan crashes cymbals together.
Announce: "We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
Pope Benedict is stepping down at the end of the month. Archbishop of New York, Cardinal Timothy Dolan has asserted himself as a potential replacement. We heard that he may be here tonight. Is he here? Dave looks for affirmation. Is Cardinal Dolan, a possible future Pope, is Cardinal Dolan here? We cut to the guest entrance. Cardinal Dolan enters with an armful of "Dolan For Pope" t-shirts. He glides through the audience tossing t-shirts to the adoring throngs. He picked up a few votes, I'm sure.

ACT 7:
EMMYLOU HARRIS AND RODNEY CROWELL

From their new collaborative album, "Old Yellow Moon," Emmylou Harris and Rodney Crowell performed "Dreaming My Dreams."

And that was our show for Monday, February 25, 2013.

I missed tonight's show. I was in New Jersey attending the funeral of my dear Aunt Josephine, age 96.

It's very strange not to be here during the taping of the show. I got home late Monday and sat down to watch the show on the TV at 11:30 PM. But I fell asleep during the news. I came to work Tuesday morning and watched it on the internets. You know what? When you watch on the TV or the computer without being there during rehearsal, the show is very funny, too. I enjoyed it. It felt very odd, a bit weird, but it was fun. It felt new . . . . different.

How would the show have been different if I had been there . . . . oooh, it's like "A Wonderful Life." If I was there for the show on Monday, I would have made this suggestion for the Vibrating Desk. I would have suggested that Dave's mug be filled to the near-tippy-top so we could have seen the water splash out onto the desk. Or, better yet, have it filled with coffee so we could see the splash better.

My Aunt Jo was born on March 19th, St. Joseph's day. That is why she was named Josephine. She once lamented to me that she wished she were born two days earlier on St. Patrick's Day so she could have gone through life as Patricia. She wasn't much the fan of the name Josephine.

And speaking of St. Joseph . . . my Uncle Frank, Jo's husband, died some 15 years ago. He was a great believer in St. Joseph and would corner us kids . . . most of us in our 30s and 40s at the time, for just a minute every visit to preach of his great powers. We kids would listen politely and take in his words. One of the last times we talked he told me of the appearance of St. Joseph on his upper arm. He said the image of St. Joseph was on his arm, formed by freckles and moles and various old-man markings. Uncle Frank said you could only see it while looking at it in the mirror. We walked to the nearest mirror and he lifted his shirt sleeve. I politely told him I didn't see it. He said, "No, you have to look at it in the mirror." I was preparing how to tell him I still didn't see St. Joseph when I looked in the mirror at his arm. Holy mackerel! There on his arm was . . . . . I don't know what St. Joseph looked like, but there was the face of someone on my Uncle Frank's arm! It was remarkable. He told me he just noticed it recently. Said he never saw it before.

I keep looking for a saint on my arm but all I can find is the remains of a smallpox vaccination shot.

Seth McFarlane . . . I liked his performance as host of the Academy Awards. He didn't have the reverent awe the event is supposed to have on mere mortals. I liked that, but I imagine many didn't. What surprised many was his ability to sing and dance. For that alone he will be back. "Oooh, we can mold him into a Billy Crystal!" The Academy believes singing a joke is so much funnier than simply telling it. If Seth had only sang, "The actor who really got inside Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Boothe" the audience would have loved it. And if he sang it with a little soft-shoe thrown in . . . . genius!

Oh, I lost the Late Show Oscar Pool. I was in it up to the Supporting Actor category.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From MacDougall Settlement, New Brunswick, Canada, it's Dave Ross.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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