Tina Fey, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and Solange.
Plus: the new Google Glasses; Pope Benedict’s new job; Dave on the phone with Hillary Clinton, a Top Ten List; and we learn how Tina Fey saved Dave’s life.
“ . . . and now, drummer for the Herman Hermits . . . . . . . David Letterman!”
-The Senate approved Chuck Hagel as Secretary of Defense. His first order is to return the troops from Afghanistan. The bad news is he’s returning them on Carnival Cruise.
Google has unveiled Google Glasses, virtual eyeglasses that can give you directions, take photos and videos, and perform various other tasks. Dave saw a commercial for the prototype earlier today. Luckily, he had his TIVO running. He brought it in.
We see the POV from the Google Glasses of the wearer eating a sandwich and attending to daily errands. We then see the POV of the wearer looking into a mirror. The prototype of the Google Glasses is a cumbersome, clumsy, over-sized contraption with a laptop strapped to the guy’s head. Even still, I’m sure there will be long lines in front of the store days ahead of time to buy the thing.
It’s the Pope’s last day on the job tomorrow. What’s he gonna do now? Well, he’s already got himself a new job. We take a look. It’s Pope Benedict working the hibachi grill at Benihana’s. We look at him tossing shrimp into his big hat. Oh, that Pope.
Pope Benedict --- he puts the Bene in Benihana.
It’s been two weeks since Hillary Clinton left her post as Secretary of State. We thought we’d give her a call to see what she’s up to. We have Secretary Clinton on the phone.
DAVE: “Secretary Clinton, are you there?”
HILLARY: “David Letterman!”
DAVE: “Nice to talk to you. So, how are you?”
HILLARY: “I’m doing great.”
DAVE: “Any linger effects from your recent health scare?”
HILLARY: “There are a lot of things I don’t remember from yesterday.”
DAVE: “OK. How have you been spending your time since stepping down?”
DAVE: “Do you watch television with your husband, Bill?”
HILLARY: “The only TV he ever saw was ‘Baywatch’ and ‘World Wide Wrestling.’”
DAVE: “Really? Well, did you watch the Academy Awards?”
DAVE: “What did you think of Jennifer Lawrence’s little tumble?”
HILLARY: (laughs) “The President and I had a good laugh the other night.”
DAVE: “You don’t have to worry about tripping when you wear pantsuits, right?”
Dave is proud of his little joke.
DAVE: “Now, finally, I’m going to ask you a question you probably don’t want to hear.”
HILLARY: “Don’t you dare.”
DAVE: “I’m sorry, but I have to ask. After this period of rest and relaxation, have you thought about what your next move will be?”
HILLARY: “Sliming fish.”
DAVE: “I’m sorry? Sliming fish? Is that like cleaning fish?”
HILLARY: “It is cleaning fish. It’s exhilarating.”
DAVE: “Well, I don’t want to keep you. Thanks very much for taking the time to speak with us.”
HILLARY: “Thank you and Happy Holidays.”
She hangs up. And that was Hillary . . . or something like that.
TOP TEN: AMISH-THEMED TELEVISION SHOWS – the Amish have become a very popular subject on the ever-growing field of reality television.
AMISH-THEMED TELEVISION SHOWS
10. “Churn Your Enthusiasm”
9. “Not-So-Modern Family”
8. “Cash Buggy”
7. “That 1870s Show”
6. “I Dream of Electricity”
5. “Battlebarn Lancastica”
4. “Win, Lose, or Plow”
2. “How I Met My Second Cousin”
1. “Two and A Half Mennonites”
Before introducing Tina Fey, Dave takes a moment to explain how she once saved his life. It was a few months ago when the mistake was made of awarding Dave a Kennedy Center Honors. It was a great night. There was Dustin Hoffman being honored and there was a tribute to him and all his great movies. Then there was the ballerina Natalia Makarova. Such elegance. Buddy Guy was next and his tribute was incredible. The performances blew the roof off the place. The theater was at a fever pitch. And then it was Dave’s turn. Dave broke out in a cold sweat. He knew he was no match for those who preceded him. The night was about to come to a screeching halt. And then Tina Fey came out to open Dave’s tribute. Dave realized then and there that the great Tina Fey saved his life. She made everything wonderful. Dave actually felt as if he maybe did belong.
There was talk of next year’s Academy Awards being hosted by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They did a great job in Double-A ball doing the Golden Globes earlier this year. Is Tina interested? Tina says that just the number of dress changes she’d have to go through during the night would make it impossible. As if she were on the panel of “Shark Tank,” Tina says, “I’m out.”
Tina just completed a tremendous run on “30 Rock.” She says she keeps up on the goings-on of the staff and crew threw Google Alert. Whenever anyone’s name pops up in the newspapers, Google alerts her. I bet “Baldwin” overloaded her message board last week. After being on the set at “30 Rock” for 18 hours a day for years, Tina is now unsure how to act in public. It’s like she’s been set free from prison. She finds she snaps at everyone. It’s a defense mechanism she’s picked up in the pokey . . . I mean, on “30 Rock.” She has been training herself to reverse her reaction to people and simply get nicer and nicer whenever she senses a confrontation. In New York City, that’s gonna get old quick.
Tina is the mom to girls, a 7-year-old and a 19-month old. And she thought spending the day on “30 Rock” was hard. And in December Santa Claus brought them a dog. Why? “Because Santa Claus hates me.” The 7-year-old wanted it and was relentless in her plea. Tina tried the “I’m allergic” but it didn’t quite work. (It worked for me!) Tina and husband thought of toning it down a bit by going for a gerbil or hamster or guinea pig but she learned they stink more than a dog. Santa decided on a small poodle for the family.
Tina’s new film, “Admissions,” opens March 22nd. I’ll be going to see this. It’s about parents trying to get their children into the right college.
ANNOUNCE: “All you need to know about tomorrow is that Dave’s got Charlie Sheen, Phil Simms, and Jose James.”
See photo of Pope Benedict XVI
ANNOUNCE: “A shout out to Benny, my brother from another mother! You had a great run, bro. Thanks for keeping it real. Back in two.”
JESSE TYLER FERGUSON
He’s the red-head on the super popular and funny, “Modern Family.” Jesse was on the show before soon after the Concordia cruise ship ran aground off Italy. His aunt was on it and she became a bit of a celebrity among the cable news shows. She gives great interviews, mostly due to her ability to embellish. Jesse says his aunt is kinda mad she wasn’t on the Triumph Carnival Cruise. She fears the market for her is now gone and those on the Triumph are the “go to” crowd for quotes and opinions on cruise travel.
Dave asks about Jesse’s tie-ware. Jesse is sporting a bow tie, one he helped design and produce. Jesse and his fiancé have launched on online haberdashery called, “Tie The Knot” which specializes in bowties. All the proceeds from “Tie The Knot” will go directly to the “Respect For Marriage Coalition” which works to end the Defense for Marriage Act and promote marriage equality. You can check out the bowtie collection at www.TheTieBar.com.
Dave is curious about Jesse’s bow. Can he tie his own? Dave says he ran into trouble recently when he attended an affair where he had to wear a bow tie. Dave admits he had to call for the hotel’s tie concierge to come to his room to tie it for him. Can Jesse tie his own tie? Jesse says he is not sure. He quickly undoes his tie and tries to tie the bow. The little confidence he had quickly disappears when he has much trouble. A cry of “I don’t have a mirror!” will be his excuse.
Jesse Tyler Ferguson – you can see him on “Modern Family,” Wednesday nights at 9 PM on the ABC.
SOLANGE – From her new EP, “True,” Solange performed “Don’t Let Me Down.” Solange is Beyonce’s sister.
And that was our show for Wednesday, February 27, 2013.
While Dave was talking about Dustin Hoffman, he tried to come up with some of Dustin’s movies. One film that crashed into his mind was “My Son Billy.” Has anyone ever heard of “My Son, Billy?” There’s a book out with that title about the late pitchman Billy Mays, but I think Dave was thinking of “Billy Elliot,” the movie about a dancing kid. The youthful Dustin Hoffman when he played Benjamin Braddock in “The Graduate” made Dave think of the young boy in the Billy Elliot movie. Yes, it’s a stretch but that’s how I connect the dots. The young Benjamin Braddock to the young dancing Billy to My Son Billy, with “young” drawing Dave’s thinking to “son”
The movie poster you saw in the bumper . . . we made that up.
I know it’s early but I’m going with Wisconsin and Michigan State to make it to the NCAA Finals. Now I just have to come up with a reason.
I don’t want to rush it but I’m starting to get the itch. I want to bring out the charcoal grill this week. I love the smell of burning lighter fluid on my meat.
New New York Yankee Kevin Youkilis got some heat the other day from New Yorkers after he admitted, “I’ll always be a Red Sock.” Good for him!
Oddly, even though Youkilis considers himself a Red Sock and he’s been in a Yankee uniform for only a week, I see him more as a Yankee than I do Alex Rodriguez.
New York is gonna love Kevin Youkilis. I mean, c’mon, how can they not? He’s old, bald, fat, and Jewish. You can’t get more New York than that.
And now, the upcoming previously viewed Late Show programs.
THURSDAY: From 1/14/013; #3789 – Charlie Sheen, Phil Simms, and Jose James. Plus: Small Town News
FRIDAY: From 2/14/13; #3807 – Jerry Seinfeld, Dave Grohl, and The Sound City Players with Stevie Nicks. Plus: Valentine’s Day Cards
MONDAY: From 2/12/13; #3805 – Bruce Willis, Kate Upton, and Little Big Town.
TUESDAY: From 1/16/13; #3791 – Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, and Buddy Guy.
WEDNESDAY: From 1/28/13; #3794 – Melissa McCarthy, David Morrissey, and David Byrne and St. Vincent. Plus: Tony Mendez and his new news show, “Noticias Actuales.”
THURSDAY: From 1/15/13; #3790 – Jennifer Lawrence, Alan Zweibel, and A$APRocky.
FRIDAY: From 1/31/13; #3797 – Al Pacino, and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Plus: Charts and Graphs, and a walk-on by Kevin Spacey.
Check the Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly.
My goal for the week: create a life plan for my next 55 years. And clean the garage.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s his birthday on March 4th, we call him “Spike,” it’s Ramapo High School Alum, Vinny Fucci
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee