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Monday, March 18, 2013 Selena Gomez and Dave bump to their Bieber bond.
Show #3822
Selena Gomez, Bob Sarlatte, and Killer Mike.
PLUS: Papal Inauguration 2013; Dave and his brackets; Ovation of the Night; the extinct frog; Sully's weekend; a Top Ten list; and Dave bids at an auction.

" . . . and now, your go-to bracketologist . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:

-"Are you watching the History Channel's series ‘The Bible'? Apparently it's based on a book."
-"A 100-page report by the Republican National Committee found that their Party is too old and too white. They needed a 100-page report to figure that out?"

It's big! It's here. It's what you've been waiting for! It's the Papal Inauguration 2013 graphic and sting!

Dave takes a moment from his daily routine. He says, "Uhh, Gonzaga . . . Duke . . . . let's go with Michigan State. . . . and how about Cincinnati?" He then says to cue card guru Tony Mendez, "You know what, Tony, I think we'll have to finish this later."
We cut to a shot of Tony. He is holding up a huge NCAA March Madness Bracket which Dave is filling out but will complete later.

Do you like ovations? Hope so, because tonight we have "Ovation of The Night."
We see Senator Kelly Ayotte (AY-Yott) (R-NH) at the Conservative Political Action Conference. She is making a fire and brimstone speech: "But make no mistake . . . . Al Qaeda is very much alive."
She pauses to wait for an applause that comes from no one except perhaps one friend in the audience. We get a clap clap and that's it.

Have you heard what these crazy scientists are up to now? They've cloned an extinct frog, and not just any extinct frog, but one that give birth from its mouth. We have some exciting footage of the God-like creation.
We see a frog. We see her burp up a baby frog. And then we see the same frog eat the baby frog. And that's why they became extinct.

ACT 2:
Dave reads from a list. It's sort of like $10,000 Pyramid."
DAVE: "Vole . . . skunk . . . honey badger . . . . Canadian goose . . . ."
Paul jumps in with the answer: "Things your dog has snapped the neck of, and killed."
Dave finishes the list: 3 chickens, a deer, and this weekend, a groundhog. Yes, Sully got himself a ground hog to put on his wall. Sully grabs it by the neck and gives it a quick jerk, snapping its neck. It's the way of the wild. Could the ground hog have been saved? No. Well, maybe, but you never see a ground hog wearing a neck brace, so we'll go with no.
For my ODD DAVE file. During the telling of the story, Dave growled and barked like a dog. He also hissed and clawed like an angry ground hog.

TOP TEN: CARNIVAL CRUISE SHIP NAMES – Carnival Cruise has had a tough month. Four of its ship ran into be problems greatly inconveniencing the passengers and putting them at risk. The Carnival ships had majestic names like Triumph, Elation, Legend, and Dream. Since the troubles, Carnival Cruise has come up with some new names for their fleet.
10. Carnival Coli
9. Dyspeptic Princess
8. Poseidon's Outhouse
7. Hepititanic
6. S.S. S.O.S.
5. Quarantina
4. HMS Litigation
3. Costco Concordia
2. Peptotania
1. Q.E. Ewwwwww

ACT 3:
Back from commercial, we see a ground hog in a neck brace.

I've seen her grow up! I have 17-year-old twin daughters and they were big fans of Selena's "Wizards of Waverly Place." She's now starring in the new film, "Spring Breakers" about spring break. It was directed by the oddly nutty Harmony Korine. Selena says Harmony is indeed nuts, but he cool and responsible and professional . . . and he's a dad. Also in the film is James Franco who plays a drunk and drugged rap artist. He stayed in character the whole time, even when off. Selena was creeped out by Franco . . . in a good way.
Is Selena dating? Nope. She's single. Recently, Selena was linked with Justin Bieber but that's no more. Says Dave, "Now, the last time he was here we got into a conversation and he said something and then I said something and then he said something and then I said something and I made him cry." Selena thinks a moment and says matter-of-factly, "Well, then that makes two of us."
BINGO! Boy oh boy, she can live on that line for a long time. Nice going, Selena.
"Spring Breakers" – it's in theaters nationwide this Friday.

ACT 4:
Dave takes a moment. He needs to do something. He holds up a paddle and says "$30,000." We cut to an ongoing auction. A very non-auction-like auctioneer is hawking something. I guess he's supposed to keep it low key.
AUCTIONEER: "'30,000 . . . 32,500 back with me. 32.500 with me . . . 35 . . . 37.5 back with me . . . .
DAVE: "40,000."
And this goes on until Dave's bid of 55,000 goes unmatched. Dave is gleeful in what he has bought.
What did he buy? Some antique doll furniture for the house.
At a price like that, I imagine it's American Girl Doll furniture.

ACT 5:

"It's all happening here tomorrow as Dave welcomes Bill Cosby, U.S. skier Mikaela Shiffrin, and Garbage. And now, What They'd Look Like If They Looked Like Dennis Farina."
We cut to a shot of Dennis Farina.
ANNOUNCE: "Matt Damon! Back in two."

ACT 6:

He's coming up on 30 years as the field announcer for the San Francisco 49ers. He has two daughters, age 29 and 28, and as the field announcer for the 9ers, he's been getting requests to attend weddings to announce the bridal party. "Our next bridesmaid is standing at 5'8" and 140 pounds. She's a high school graduate . . . . and on and on."

Bob says he's noticed something new at restaurants that really bother him. The waiter will come back after serving your meal and ask, "How are those first bites tasting?" Very annoying. He feels like giving a recap of bites 1-5 and then 6-9 and on and on. Another thing that's eating at Bob's craw is wine being described as "it's a very drinkable wine." I don't know. Is that really a high recommendation? The wine? " Oh, it's easy to get down."

Bob also keeps busy with coaching basketball. College? No. High school? Nope. Bob is the head coach of the 6th grade St. Stephen's Cougars. The proud coach has footage of the championship team earning another trophy.

Bob will be performing at the Throckmorton Theater in Mill Valley California on the 26th.

Fun Fact: Bob Sarlatte was the announcer for Dave's daytime show back in 1980.

ACT 7:

From his current album, "R.A.P. Music," Killer Mike, along with special guests Scar and El.P, performed "Untitled."

And that was our show for Monday, March 18, 2013.

Snow is in the forecast. Northeasterners are getting a little annoyed with the cold and the snow with Spring just a day or two away. The drive home was quite precarious after the taping and Tuesday morning I had to shovel out wet heavy snow at 6:00 in the morning. The kids had another two-hour delay for school. I don't remember having two-hour delays when I was in school. And there were very few snow days. We were expected to get to school, and the teachers were expected as well. I haven't seen a bus with chains on the tires in, like, forever. Do they do that anymore? Not in lower New York they don't. I would have to figure those in the snowbelts still do it.

I think I used up one of my 9 lives this weekend.

Have you filled out your NCAA March Madness brackets? If the LaSalle Explorers lost their play-in game Tuesday night, I always like to see who will be the first to say, "Damn! I had LaSalle to make it to the Final Four!"
And speaking of LaSalle, here's something only I remember. Back on August 5, 1997, I wrote the following:
"After much research, The Wazoo Gazette has decided to adopt a college football team. Throughout this vast country, I have decided on a Pennsylvania school which will be celebrating its first season since 1941. Good luck and welcome back ……………… the Explorers of LaSalle University! First game is September 6th against powerhouse Fairfield."

Yes, for quite a while I thought the Wahoo Gazette was the Wazoo Gazette. Somehow I didn't realize the Wahoo was named after the home office of Wahoo, Nebraska.

Of course I'll have to root for LaSalle Tuesday night against Boise State and then again on Friday against Kansas State. When they get past Kansas State, they'll likely run into the team I'm picking for no reason to win it all, Wisconsin. I think that's where LaSalle will finish their season.

Oh, and when you're talking to friends about their picks, ask them if they can name 3 players. They probably can't but they are sure they are going to do well in the pool.

From the New City Flames and, according to the Journal News, once one of the best softball hitters in the county, it's Tommy Gilbride.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, May 18
Hovering! with Tom Hanks
Saturday, May 16
Oprah and Dave indulge in a selfie.
Thursday, May 14
Tom Waits, Dave and what's-his-name.
Wednesday, May 13
Julia and Dave squeeze in one last hug.
Tuesday, May 12
Adam Sandler performs a musical ode to Dave.