Chelsea Handler, Ross Bennett, and Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
PLUS: Annoying Comedy Moment; the Bieber Monkey; World Leaders and Binoculars; Changes in Late Night; North Korea Update; CBS Plans to Keep it Fresh; a Top Ten list; and a George Clarke Tour of the Office Building.
" . . . and now, getting jiggy with it . . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
- "It's Final Four weekend. No surprise here . . . . John Boehner is rooting for the Syracuse Orangemen." I liked that joke a lot more than I probably should have.
- "Archeologists in Turkey discovered what they say is the 'Gate To Hell.' They found the key hidden under a fake rock."
- "There is a store in Australia that charges you $5 just for looking. There is already trouble. Yesterday, a guy walked in, looked around, and then ran out without paying."
The Auto Show is in town over at the Javits Convention Center. That's the inspiration for a new segment called, "Late Show Annoying Comedy Moment." I'm kinda surprised that's in the singular.
This week is the New York International Car Show.
Next week is the New York Car Alarm Show.
We hear a car alarm blasting for much too long. Very annoying.
Dave holds his finger up to his ear. He is receiving a live update. Who knew his finger picked up reception? He is being notified that we have a live feed from Germany. Apparently, Justin Bieber's monkey has escaped and is on the run from police. We look in.
We see a frantic car chase with Mally, the Bieber Monkey, at the wheel. He crashes through the police gate and continues onward. Police helicopters join in the chase, taping Mally from above. It doesn't look like it'll be a happy ending for the Bieber Monkey as we see the vehicle careening through Los Angeles-looking German streets.
North Korea has released several photos of Kim Jong Un and many show him looking through binoculars. This brings us to a new segment, "World Leaders and Binoculars."
Photo of King Jong Un looking through binoculars --- Ding!
Photo of Vladimir Putin looking through binoculars --- Ding!
Photo of President Obama looking through binoculars --- Ding!
Photo of George W. Bush looking through binoculars, with the lens caps still on --- BUZZ!
And while we're at it, let's take a look at GW trying to open a locked door.
There's so much change going on in the world lately that it's hard to keep up. We prepared the following in hopes of helping you keep up.
ANNOUNCE: "After a successful reign as the world's favorite dictator, Kim Jong-Un will step aside next year to make way for 'North Korea with Kim Jong-Jimmy.' But until then, you can still enjoy all of Kim Jong-Un's hilarious bits, like Headlines, Kim's Garage, and the Dancing Itos. Plus, Rickey Minor and the Yodok Prison Camp Band.
'North Korea with Kim Jong-Un' and 'North Korea with Kim Jong-Jimmy.' Then catch Pak Pong-Ju!'"
It's a very exciting time in late night television. There have been a lot of changes lately, so we've prepared this helpful roundup.
ANNOUNCE: "ABC revitalized its lineup by moving Jimmy Kimmel to 11:35. NBC is rejuvenating the Tonight Show by replacing Jay Leno with Jimmy Fallon. And CBS is keeping the Late Show exciting by randomly changing Dave's medication every night."
We cut to a six-shot of Dave acting oddly. Yes, these shots came from my "Odd Dave" file.
ANNOUNCE: "The Late Show: A Merv Griffin/GlaxoSmithKline production."
TOP TEN: LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT HELL - The poisonous gas-filled Gate of Hell, believed in ancient times to be the portal to the underworld, was discovered in southwestern Turkey.
9. Loosely modeled after Kennedy Airport's Delta Terminal.
4. Considering ban on large sodas
2 Waiters are extra-chatty.
During the presentation of tonight's Top Ten list, Dave quips, "I didn't say they were funny, I said they were little known facts."
She's the host of her very own show, "Chelsea Lately," and star of the comedy series "After Lately." She likes hosting her s. Chelsea was unaware such things existed and therefor appeared in her altogether. Sandra told her to cover it. Chelsea also appeared in a shower scene with Conan O'Brien. He didn't know about the cover-ups either, or if he did he decided to go without. And then Chelsea called Dave a small man. I don't know if the topic of a nude Conan brought this on. Chelsea tried to clarify by saying Dave is a small town guy. Dave mumbles something about Indianapolis having a population of a million-plus, but that's beside the point. She again tried to smooth over the bumps by adding, "You're very dainty for a man." Ahh . . . . "dainty" . . . . how every man wants to be classified. Dave counters with, "And you're kinda hefty for a broad!" Chelsea says she's not hefty; she's German.
Chelsea has authored a number of books and is hard at work on her next project. She has a title and a cover idea, but no content yet.
I wonder . . . . if you write an autobiography, do you need to include an "About The Author" page?
"Chelsea Lately" - weeknights at 11:00 PM on the E!
"After Lately" - Mondays at 10:30 PM on the E!
The Late Show offices take up just a few floors of the historic Ed Sullivan Theater office building. Our building engineer, George Clarke, has prepared something to show you folks what's on other floors. We take a look.
ART CARD: "George Clarke's Tour of the Ed Sullivan Theater"
We see George operating the freight elevator. The elevator comes to a stop. George opens the elevator door.
GEORGE: "9th floor . . . . operating room."
We see a surgery taking place on the 9th floor.
Back to Dave: "I know what you're thinking . . . . was it really worth it?"
ANNOUNCE: "Check us out Monday as Dave welcomes Jeremy Renner, and Jack Hanna. Reminder: Electricity will be off all weekend throughout the U.S. due to routine power plant maintenance. Please plan accordingly."
Making his network debut, Ross Bennett performs regularly at the Comic Strip right here in New York City. I got a couple good chuckles over his finding a parking space in Manhattan. Out of towners may not relate, but I'm still talking about a parking spot I got over 20 years ago.
"Hello. This is my fiancee . . . . . Beyonce!" Hey-O!
And the trouble of discovering that you have a Canadian quarter.
I liked Ross. I picture him in a sitcom working a deli counter, or maybe a manager at a fast food restaurant.
YEAH YEAH YEAHS
From their forthcoming album, "Mosquito," Yeah Yeah Yeahs performed "Sacrilege."
And that was our show for Friday April 5, 2013.
Ross Bennett . . . followed by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' album "Mosquito" . . . . made me think of my friend's old Yankee "Bat Day" Bat autographed by Yankee outfielder Ross Moschitto.
Ross Bennett . . . Mosquito . . . . Let's look up Ross Moschitto.
Ross Mosschitto played a combined 110 games for the Yankees in 1965 and 1967, only 14 in '67. That's right, I still remember him. Oh, and in those 110 games he got up 39 times. He was basically a late-inning pinch-runner for Mickey Mantle and was aptly nicknamed, "Mantle's Legs". I probably used a Ross Moschitto bat more than he did.
He was with the Yankees in '65 and '67. Where was he in 1966? Where many in their early 20s at the time could be found. . . . fulfilling his military obligations.
The Baylor Bears won the NIT basketball championship Thursday night. Some call the NIT the Not Invited Tournament, reserved for those teams not included in the NCAA March Madness. After their big win, Baylor fans were heard chanting, "We're #69! We're #69!"
On the TCM the other day I watched the 1971 movie, "La Mans," starring Steve McQueen. Boy, would I love to see the script to that film! There must have been about a page-and-a-half of dialogue from start to finish. Lots of racing footage, none of it computer generated. Good movie? I don't know that I would say that but it had a real "you are there" feel to it, almost like a documentary. Dave is a big fan of Steve McQueen and likely a fan of the movie, too. And while watching, I couldn't help but think Dave modeled his '70s hairstyle after Steve McQueen in Le Mans.
The NCAA March Madness Final game is on Monday, pre-empting the showing of a new Late Show. Filling in for an original Late Show will be:
From January 17, 2013; #3792 - Jeremy Renner, and Jack Hanna. Plus, Dave's Super Bowl Promo
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Behind the plate and catching for your 1976 Rockland County High School Baseball Champions, Bobby O'Neill.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
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