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Saturday, May 4, 2013 "And down the stretch they come...!"
Show #3844

Nathan Lane, Joe Matarese, and Kasey Musgraves.
PLUS: Martha Stewart: Desperate For Love; The Bible Sequel; Stooge of the Night; a Top Ten list; and Dave Johnson with His Iconic Call of the Kentucky Derby, "And Down the Stretch They Come!"


" . . . and now, a decided longshot . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE - "It's spring in New York. It's the opening of the slow-walking, fat tourist season."
- "'Iron Man' is getting older. This is odd. He has to take iron supplements."
- "This year for the very first time, the Kentucky Derby includes an openly gay horse."

Martha Stewart is on the lookout for a man. She's using Match.com to assist in her search. This brings us to another installment of "Martha Stewart: Desperate For Love."
ART CARD: MARTHA STEWART: DESPERATE FOR LOVE We see Ms. Martha on her show crafting something with two co-hosts. Martha: "Mom taught me how to knit. This is much easier than knitting, believe me."
We then see what she is working on. It's a man made of yarn, rags, and miscellaneous items found around the house.
Co-Host: "It's a project you can do together, too, because it's a way for moms to inspire the young ones."
ART CARD: MARTHA STEWART: DESPERATE FOR LOVE

The History Channel is already working on a sequel to their hugely successful miniseries "The Bible." We take a look at the promo.
ANNOUNCE: "Twelve million people tuned in for the History Channel's epic miniseries, 'The Bible.' And now, the saga continues when the newly risen Christ takes on three new disciples who are pious, loyal . . . and furry!"
We cut to the Chipmunks from the "Alvin and The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked"
JESUS: "Yes."
ANNOUNCE: "'The Bible 2: The Squeakuel'"
JASON LEE: "Alvin!"
ANNOUNCE: "Coming soon."

ACT 2:
Hey, it's time for "Stooge of the Night."
DAVE: "Montana Senator Max Baucus was one of five democrats to vote 'NO' on gun control reform, despite the fact that 79% of the voters in his state are in favor of background checks. Less than a week after the vote, Senator Baucus announced he was retiring.
'Hi, I'm Max Baucus. I'm voting 'NO' so Dave will make me 'Stooge of the Night.' Look at the glow at the top of my head.'
It's Max Baucus, our 'Stooge of the Night'"

TOP TEN: SIGNS YOUR ICE CREAM TRUCK DRIVER IS NUTS
My FYI blue card to explain:
"In the upstate New York town of Gloversville, two 'Sno Cone Joe' ice cream truck drivers were arrested for harassing and stalking a competing driver for 'Mr. Ding-A-Ling.'
The feud was over territorial control."
I typed the card at least 5 times to get it the way I wanted. I try to get as much information in there as I can but keeping it as short as possible. I wanted to get "Mr. Ding-A-Ling" in there. If I put in "Mr. Ding-A-Ling" I felt I should include "Sno Cone Joe" especially since they were the ones arrested. I also liked the information, "The feud was over territorial control." Territorial control is something you'd think about with the mob, not ice cream. And since I included 'territorial control' I felt I needed to name the town. My original "a town in upstate New York" wouldn't do. Wasn't specific enough. So the above is what I had on the blue card. Each bit of info there for a reason. It was longer than I like, but I thought there was stuff there that Dave could use leading into the Top Ten. He enjoyed saying "Mr. Ding-A-Ling," like I thought, which made "Sno Cone Joe" necessary. And Dave referred to organized crime when he read "territorial control," something you wouldn't equate with ice cream. What I did miss on was after his mentioning "territorial control" I thought he would repeat the name of the town, Gloversville (BUZZ). He didn't. Still in all, I'm glad I included "Gloversville."
SIGNS YOUR ICE CREAM DRIVER IS NUTS
8. Only works winters
6. Keeps ice cream scoop warm in his pants.
4. Price of everything is 'How much you got?'

ACT 3:
NATHAN LANE
Nathan has just been nominated for a Tony Award for his work in the new theatrical production of "The Nance," now playing at the Lyceum Theater here in New York City. Although very busy with 8 shows a week, Nathan was able to get to the dedication of the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum. They serve Pinkberry yogurt which Nathan believes is what is bringing in the crowds. Nathan's Tony nomination is up against Tom Hanks in "Lucky Guy." Even Nathan's brother thinks Tom will win. When Nathan wondered why, his brother said, "Because he's Tom Hanks!"
And congratulations to Nathan for being nominated for the New Jersey Hall of Fame. He's up against Aaron Burr. Not sure why Aaron Burr is nominated since he shot and killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel. Good luck, Nathan! And following "The Nance," Nathan plans on the lead role in the theater production of "Rocky." Nathan will be adapting his "Henry Kissinger" impersonation for Rocky. The two are close actually. For Rocky, Nathan will soon be taking the steroids to bulk.
And another "and" . . . . And Nathan is starring in the new film, "The English Teacher," alongside Julianne Moore. It opens May 17th.

ACT 4:
DAVE JOHNSON
- The 139th Running of the Kentucky Derby is tomorrow, May 4th.
- The Late Show is the only place you will hear the iconic race call by Dave Johnson, " . . . and down the stretch they come!" And this is Dave Johnson's 13th year doing it for us over the phone.
How did all this start? From the May 7, 2001 Wahoo Gazette:

THE KENTUCKY DERBY: Dave's favorite part of the Kentucky Derby, mine too, is hearing announcer Dave Johnson at the final turn scream out, "And down the stretch they come!" Dave kicked back Saturday evening for just that. As the race came down the home stretch, what did we hear? Nothing. Where was it? Where was "And down the stretch they come?" Well, Dave Johnson works for ABC Television. This year, NBC bought the rights and so Dave Johnson was relegated to radio. That's why we did not hear "And down the stretch they come." Not hearing the traditional call ruined Dave's Saturday. What to do? Dave did what any man in his position would do. He called Dave Johnson and had him announce "and down the stretch they come" over the phone.

And now you know a little bit more of the rest of the story.

Once again, Mr. Johnson sends chills up the spine

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "You'll be glad when it's Monday! Dave's got John Krasinski, Kerry Washington, and James Blake."
Shot of Alan.
ALAN: "Check it out. I've spruced up my area with an accent table." (camera widens to show Alan's upgrade) "Slick."

ACT 6:
JOE MATARESE
Joe has his own web series, "Fixing Joe," on the officialcomedy.com website.
Joe is 45 years old; not old, but the beginning of old. Joe says he first realized he was getting old when he walked into a bar that was completely empty and he said, "I love this place." I love it when a guy makes a "bar" joke and you know immediately he goes to bars. Yup. My favorite bars are empty, too.
Another sign that Joe is getting old is he joined an Over-40 Softball League. Joe didn't mention this but the way you can tell an Over-40 Softball team is when they have 12 guys on the team and 11 of them say they are a first baseman.

ACT 7:
KACEY MUSGRAVES
From her current album, "Same Trailer, Different Park," Kacey Musgraves performed "Blowin' Smoke."

And that was our show for Friday May 3, 2013.

I was reading some old Wahoos the other day . . . . . . what, like you don't? . . . and I came across something I wrote about hot days in New York City. I wrote:
"When it is this hot in New York City . . . 100+ . . . . . it is literally like an oven."
Does that make any sense? Can it possibly be proper to say "literally like"?
But the more I think about it, I think I purposely wrote "it is literally like an oven" just to see if anybody caught the oddity of it.

The Kentucky Derby is Saturday. I'm thinking of having a 2-hour Derby party. 2 hours for 2 minutes. I watched it last year on my big screen projector in the basement with a picture measuring 14 X 8 feet. Very cool seeing life-size horses rumbling across the wall. My picks! Yes, that's why you're here . . . for my picks.
First off, I immediately go to the 5-3 exacta. My father-in-law, Jim Dooley, enjoyed betting the ponies and May 3rd would have been his birthday, so in honor of him, I always bet the 5-3 whenever I'm at the races. This year's 5-3 in the Derby looks to be an actual good bet, especially since the 5 horse is named "Normandy Invasion" at 12-1. I like betting horses between 10-and-20 to
1. The 3 horse is "Revolutionary" at 10 to 1.

Some years ago Denise and I went up to Saratoga, up past Albany not too far from Gloversville, to take in some races. We got there a few minutes before the first race. I could have run up to place a bet but I hate to be rushed and decided to settle in and relax first. The race went off. #5 wins, #3 comes in second. Just our luck, the 5-3 exacta and I didn't bet it. I pictured Denise's dad looking down at us from heaven and laughing at our incompetence. As Denise and I argued over who was to blame for missing the bet, the second race went off. Yeah yeah yeah, you know the story. Again, the 5-3 exacta came in. Now I'm sure Jim was ticked off. Once is funny, missing twice is not. Come to think of it, that may be backwards. Jim probably was mad we missed the first race but found it hysterical we missed the second. Yeah, I think that's how it went . . . . mad first, laughing second. "Hey, Peter, you see my son-in-law down there? Yeah, can you believe it?!" I lost the next 8 races betting the 5-3. And I deserved it.

Beautiful weekend of weather coming up. Makes me wish I was in college again.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From the 4-0 precinct, the Bronx, it's Jim Dooley. Happy Birthday, Jim.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, April 9
How does Lindsay Lohan like her scrambled eggs?
Tuesday, April 8
Dave guarantees his retirement with a signature.
Friday, April 4
LiV Warfield raises the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
Thursday, April 3
Dave and Intern Todd enjoy racing fun at the Grand Prix.
Wednesday, April 2
Bill Murray handles crowd control on 53rd Street.