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Thursday, May 9, 2013 An exciting scene from "Star Trek Into Darkness"
Show #3848 Jack Hanna, and Benedict Cumberbatch.
PLUS: Weekend Preview; Daytime Emmy Award Nomination; What's On Chris Christie's Mind; a CBS News Special Report; the Cicadas are Here; Stooge of the Night; a Special Top Ten List; and Jack Hanna's Arrival.

" . . . and now, the mediocre Gatsby . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "The Cicadas are coming back. After 17 years they are making their return. The first thing they said when they came back was, "Boy, Letterman got old!"

Big weekend coming up. It inspired us to do this:
ART CARD: "WEEKEND PREVIEW"
ANNOUNCE: "Sunday is Mother's Day. It's also 'Guys Who Date Elderly Women Day.'
We see footage of a restaurant scene, a 20-something guy dining with a 40-something dame.
ANNOUNCE: "Have fun guessing when you're at brunch."

This was exciting for shut-ins, the Daytime Emmy Award nominations were announced the other day. We take a look at the announcement of this nominee.
ART CARD: "THE DAYTIME EMMY AWARD NOMINEES"
ANNOUNCE: "Outstanding Achievement in Hairstyling for a News Program: Mary Matalin on 'This Week with George Stephanopoulos.'"
We cut to Mary Matalin on "This Week with George." Her staticky hair looks as if she just rubbed a balloon on it.
ANNOUNCE: "See you at the 'Daytime Emmy Awards!'"

You've heard about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie getting the lap-band surgery to lose weight. Well, we aren't going to let that go by so easily.
We came up with this.
ART CARD: "WHAT'S ON CHRIS CHRISTIE'S MIND?"
Quick shot of Chris Christie: "Dairy Queen
ART CARD: "WHAT'S ON CHRIS CHRISTIE'S MIND?"

How about another one?
ART CARD: "WHAT'S ON CHRIS CHRISTIE'S MIND?"
Quick shot of Chris Christie: "Hot dogs."
ART CARD: "WHAT'S ON CHRIS CHRISTIE'S MIND?"

Thankfully, the show is interrupted by a CBS News Special Report.
ANNOUNCE: "This is a CBS News Special Report. Pfizer has announced they're now selling Viagra online. News of the decision spread quickly, as loyal customers raced to their computers to place an order."
Cut to a shot of Dave at the desk working on his laptop twitter machine.
ANNOUNCE: "This has been a CBS News Special Report."

ACT 2:
Dave is very intrigued with the impending cicada invasion and is amazed at how precise the cicada experts are at predicting their arrival. In fact, they are due any second. We sit and wait . . . and then . . . we hear the familiar chirp of the cicada, the very chirping we heard 17 years ago. And then they begin to swarm Dave at the desk. Dave vehemently waves them away, scatting them. When the cicadas are gone, we hear a scream off camera. It is Cue Card Master Tony Mendez. He is covered in cicadas! It was like he was back in Cuba! Screaming in fear, Tony runs out with hundreds of cicadas attached to his body. Dave then calls Tony back for a curtain call, as well as the person in charge of placing the cicadas all upon Tony, costume designer Susan Hum. They both enter, and bow. Wow! What a night! Who says Broadway is dead?!
More on this below.

Hey, Alan, what time is it?
The Stooge of the Night tonight is Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia.
DAVE: "Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss voted 'NO' on gun reform legislation despite the fact that 91% of voters in his state are in favor of background checks for gun buyers. He has an A-plus rating from the NRA. In his spare time he sells ammo door-to-door."
Dave then does some Saxby impersonation, daring Dave to come down to Georgia to say that to his face.
It's Saxby Chambliss, and he is our 'Stooge of the Night.'
Alan?
ALAN: "Hey, fans, see you next time on 'Stooge of the Night.' 'Stooge of the Night' is brought to you by Patsy's. Before the theater or after a mob hit, enjoy the old world charm of Manhattan's famous celebrity ristorante, Patsy's. If Sinatra was alive, he'd be here!
Back to you, Dave!"

TOP TEN: Top Ten Reasons I Decided To Become A Teacher
- we invited 10 brand new teachers from "Teach For America" to present tonight's top ten list. "Teach for America" recruits recent grads and mid-career professionals to teach in high-need communities.
Paul plays the new teachers with "Hot For Teacher" which Dave thought was unnecessary.
10. Zach Smith: "I hope to live up to the teachers who inspired me -- like Ms. What's-Her-Name"
9. Symone Williams: "It's no fun saying the pledge of allegiance every day by myself"
8. Alexa Rodriguez: "Honestly, I didn't pay much attention the first time through school"
7. Andrea Gardner: "Kids need to know the moon landing was faked"
6. Madeline Boder: "If I could make a difference in just one student's life -- well, that wouldn't be a very good average"
5. Eric Parrie: "The glamour"
4. Sarah Chen: "You work long hours, but at least the pay is bad"
3. Hogat Aryoubi - "Hoping to teach in an all song-and-dance high school, like on 'Glee'"
2. Trevor Wallace: "In the summer, I can watch all you losers go to the office"
1. Juan Estrada: "I want to help kids talk good"

ACT 3:
JACK HANNA
1. Water Monitor Lizard - the 2nd largest lizard in existence - big, long, nice to look at when it's inside a cage
2. A scorpion that glows in the dark - it's venomous! Or at least the box it came in is.
3. Baby jaguar - adorably cute black jaguar - possesses the greatest jaw-crushing power of any of the cats. Dave almost finds out.
4. Sandhill crane - large bird, well behaved bird. Was left unattended while Jack and Dave played with the next animals.
5. Baby owls, crows, and woodpeckers - they came in large egg carton-like boxes. Dave and Jack feed the hungry aviary dwellers.
6. Penguin - this one's from South Africa - more feathers per square inch than any bird in the world.
7. Lynx - wow, so darn cute! Almost makes me want to have a cat, but then I remember it's a cat.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We've got what you need tomorrow as Dave welcomes Chris Pine, Tom Dreesen, and She & Him. That's really what they're called. Look, I know I've let you down in the past, but this one's legit."

ACT 6:
It's always fun when Jack Hanna visits. And it's very interesting how Jack transports these live wilds from the zoo to the big city. It's pretty interesting how Jack gets here, too. We see footage of Jack's arrival. Handlers open the back of the Hanna van and pull out a large crate. They open the door to the crate and the limber Jack oozes out.

ACT 7:
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
He's in the new Star Trek film. This is his first big role in a big movie blockbuster. When he first started out, like any newbie he took any job available. He auditioned for James Bond, not the movie character, but for a video game.
Benedict plays Sherlock Holmes in the British series, "Sherlock." A fan of the show noticed something about Benedict. In many instances on the show, he'll look like an otter. We take a look at 3 facial expressions by Benedict alongside a very similar facial expression of an otter. Some people have a whoooooooooole lot of time on their hands.
Benedict and friends took off a year from school and went hiking through Nepal. I always wondered what Europeans do to make their parents angry. American kids take a year off from school to hike through Europe. Europeans, I guess, take a year to hike through Nepal.

"Star Trek Into Darkness" - it opens May 16th, a Thursday! Benedict is the mysterious villain, John Harrison.

And that was our show for Thursday May 09, 2013.

- MONOLOGUE JOKE: "The Cicadas are coming back. After 17 years they are making their return. The first thing they said when they came back was, "Boy, Letterman got old!"
A friend of mine who "went away" for about 10 years told me when he came back that those who were 20 when he left and were now 30, didn't change much.
Those 30 and now 40 didn't change much.
Those 40 and now 50 didn't change much.
Those 50 and now 60 . . . . . . those are the ones who went through a lot of change. That's the decade. I guess the cicadas are right about Dave.

When it was discussed at the morning meeting that Tony would be attacked by cicadas, it was scripted that Tony would exit his usual exit of screams and tossed cue cards. I pointed out that this would take place at the beginning of the ACT 2, which would then be followed by Stooge of the Night and the special Top Ten. Stooge of the Night requires cue cards for Dave and Alan, and the Top Ten would need cue cards for Dave's intro and for the teachers. As hard as it is to imagine, we would need Tony during the ACT 2. I suggested Dave call him back for a curtain call following his screaming exit. And if you noticed, Tony did not throw his cue cards when he left. He needed them for when he returned. If he was to leave and not come back, he would have tossed the cards.

Oops, I forgot to supply the answer to yesterday's James Bond trivia question:
James Bond trivia:
There have been 23 James Bond movies. Only 4 do not have the letter "O" in the title.
Name them.
Answer:
1. Thunderball (1965)
2. Live and Let Die (1973)
3. The Living Daylights (1987)
4. Skyfall (2012)

Benedict Cumberbatch - I think being named "Sue" would have been easier

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
55 today! Took me to my first Islander game, vs. the Rangers, 1975. Billy Smith let in 3 easy one and Chico Resch became the #1 goalie the rest of the year. That's the way I remember it, anyway. From Mid-Island Electric Supply, it's the great Alan Reznik!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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