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Friday, May 17, 2013 If the show feels off, it may be that the host is bleeding.
Show #3853
Barbara Walters, Jeff Eisenberg, and MS MR.
PLUS: New Show on NBC; an Idea for "American Idol"; the DOJ Was Here; The New CBS Show "Police Cops"; Stooge of the Night; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . . and now, knows the difference between compost and mulch . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Hot out today. Earlier today I was sweating like President Obama at a press conference."

The television networks are all announcing their new shows for next season. Some go; some arrive. We take a look at a promo for one of the new arrivals.
ANNOUNCE: "He's taken you behind the scenes at 'The Newsroom', 'Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip', and 'Sports Night' . . . . and now Aaron Sorkin goes backstage once again for a dramatic look at the brilliant but tortured writers who think up the puzzles on 'Wheel of Fortune'.
We cut to the writers conference room at the "Wheel." You can smell the creativity.
HEAD WRITER, SHECKY: "The category is 'Places.'"
We see the team of writers at a loss. Eventually, one speaks up.
WRITER: "Uhh . . . . . .Kansas City?"
They all seem satisfied with that. The writers up and leave . . . . probably for lunch.
ANNOUNCE: "'Behind the Wheel' . . . . Coming this fall."

Have you heard about the shakeup at the "American Idol"? Yup, it's still on. It inspired us for this attempt. It's a segment called, "Just A Thought."
We see your typical "American Idol" action.
ART CARD: "JUST A THOUGHT"
ANNOUNCE: "Faced with plummeting ratings, 'American Idol' is looking to replace all four of its judges . . . . . (we see a split of four anonymous home viewers) . . . . How about the four people who still watch the show?"
Just in case the joke isn't funny, we add some odd sound effects.
ART CARD: "JUST A THOUGHT"

Dave makes a joke about the trials and tribs of President Obama this past week. On to the next joke . . . . huh? Dave is confused, and rightly so. We cut to Tony and his cue cards. Tony's card reads: "THIS CARD HAS BEEN SEIZED BY THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE." It includes the logo of the Department of Justice.
Tony is equally confused. He flips to the next joke, and then the next. We see that each joke has been seized by the Justice Department. A frantic Tony Mendez frets, "Dios Mio! They're on to us!" Tony finally comes to a card that has a joke intact. He signals Dave to continue. A smiling Dave takes a moment to lead an ovation in recognition for Tony's performance, asking him to reprise his memorable line. Tony obliges: "Dios Mio! They're on to us!"
Remember when Tony used to have that Tony Mendez Show?

Time now for the "House Judiciary Committee Highlight of the Night." Yeah, they are investigating something. Take your pick to the scandal they may be investigating. It's kicking off the Summer Scandal Season.
We see Congressman Howard Coble out of North Carolina. We found this clip on the hilarious C-SPAN.
HOWARD COBLE: "Uhhhh . . . . now I'm having a senior moment. I forgot what I was going to ask you . . . . but it'll come back to me in due time. Uhhhh, well . . . . well, maybe it won't!"
Your tax-dollar at work! I think Coble needs a Radar O'Reilly.

If the show seems a little off tonight, there is a good reason. Dave is losing blood a lot of blood at this very moment. He takes off his jacket to reveal blood seeping through his white shirt at the elbow. Exclaims Tony, "Dios Mio! They are on to us!"

ACT 2:
Dave is very proud of this. CBS unveiled their new slate of shows for the fall and Dave is thrilled to have a small role in one of the new shows. We take a look at the preview shown at this week's Upfronts.
We see exciting police action drama footage.
ANNOUNCE: "Coming to CBS, it's the gripping new police drama that everyone will be talking about. Two hot-shot detectives who refuse to play by the rules take on criminals, corrupt politicians, and their gruff, demanding police chief."
Cut to a live shot of Dave at the desk. His jacket is off. He is standing, leaning forward, both fists on the desk. He plays the part of a gruff, demanding police chief.
DAVE: "You two idiots better get your act together, or you'll be directing traffic in Schenectady!"
ANNOUNCE: "Freddie Prinze Jr., Ving Rhames. David Letterman. 'Police Cops' . . . this fall on CBS."

Hey, you know what time it is . . . that's right, it time for "Stooge of the Night."
Tonight's Stooge: Republican Senator Rob Portman of Ohio.
DAVE: "Ohio Senator Rob Portman voted 'NO' on gun reform legislation despite the fact that 83% of voters in his state wanted background checks for gun buyers. Senator Portman has received $1.3 million in contributions from pro-gun lobby groups. 'Hi, I'm Rob Portman. Why not send the wife over for a free cup of ammo?"
There he is . . . Rob Portman. He's putting the 'O' in Ohio.
Rob Portman. He's our Stooge of the Night.

TOP TEN: THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE RETIREMENT HOME BROTHEL - yeah, a prostitution ring was found operating out of a senior citizen home in New Jersey. Dave correctly wonders aloud, "When you find this out . . . . do you call the cops . . . or just look the other way." He's kinda right. Seniors . . . if not now, then when?

THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE RETIREMENT HOME BROTHEL
9. "Talk dirty and loud"
7. "This time you be the Kaiser."
3. "Care to join me on the plastic slipcover?"
2. "Teeth out is another twenty."

ACT 3:
BARBARA WALTERS
According to Barbara, this is her 27th visit to the Late Show. She says she's been on so often because she's on the call-list for when a guest cancels and Regis can't make it. It may sound true, but it's not. Regis can ALWAYS make it.
Barbara is concerned about Dave's bleeding elbow. What happened? Dave explains that just before the show he was leg wrestling in the dressing room and things got out of hand. Not sure if he won or not. My guess is Dave lost, because if he won he would have said so. Barbara's career stretches over 53 years. She was one of the early "Today" show girls. She says they were known as the "Today Girls". She had it written into her contract that they would be referred to as co-hosts and not as "Today Girls." And they've been called 'co-hosts' ever since. She is very proud of that accomplishment. Over her career, Barbara has interviewed many who have changed the course of the world. She's interviewed all the Presidents since Nixon, Anwar Sadat, the Shah of Iran, and Monica Lewinsky. You can laugh at Monica being mentioned with the above, but Barbara's interview with Monica was seen by 74 million people. Says Dave, "That's Super Bowl numbers!" Barbara says that everyone who was involved in that scandalous affair has been able to move on except for Monica. She says that's unfortunate. Barbara hopes to interview her once again before Barbara retires next year. Who else does she hope to get? She would love to interview the Queen, and the Pope. Dave exclaims the Pope was here just the other day, on Tuesday, on the show. He was here to promote the Latin mass.

Barbara Walters - 53 years at this. I'm sure she'll be back at least once again before she hangs up her clipboard and pen.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "More top-shelf entertainment tomorrow as Dave welcomes Will Arnett, comedian Trevor Noah, and Kurt Vile. Okay, gang, for tomorrow read chapters 9 through 13, and study for the quiz . . . miserable little punks.

ACT 6:
JESSE EISENBERG
He's not the guy who invented Facebook; Jesse's the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook. Jesse's new film is entitled, "Now You See Me." His character is a sleight-of-hand magician who, along with other magicians, pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audience. Also in the film: Woody Harrelson, Mark Ruffalo, Michael Caine, and Morgan Freeman. Jesse tried his best to learn some sleight-of-hand to prepare. He worked at it for four months but was playing a guy who had been at it for his entire life. Naturally, Jesse couldn't match the greats.
Dave has a deck of cards and has Jesse show off some of what he learned. Jesse fumbles through his first attempt but rebounds well on his second try. Truthfully, though, during the trick when Jesse told Dave, "Don't look at my hands" . . . well, that cost him some "sleight-of-hand" points.
Jesse Eisenberg --- l like him. Takes a joke, gives a joke, can throw a joke at himself.
"Now You See Me" - opens May 31st.

ACT 7:
MS MR (Miss Mister): From their album, "Secondhand Rapture," making their network television debut, MS MR performed "Hurricane."

And that was our show for Thursday May 16, 2013.

TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE RETIREMENT HOME BROTHEL . . . damn! I would have lost a bundle if I made this bet. I thought Dave would definitely toss in on his own this one: "Dios Mio! They're on to us!" BUZZ.
C'mon, it could have been slipped in there at #4 instead of "Clear!" And if I thought of it before the Top Ten instead of during the Top Ten, I would have suggested it.

Jesse Eisenberg as a sleight-of-hand magician will probably be able to fool many, but I imagine the trained eyes of experts will see many faults. It's natural. For instance, I probably won't notice his shortcomings. But Anthony Perkins as a baseball player in "Fear Strikes Out" . . . yikes. Perkins' attempt at baseball was like coming up a mile short in a half-mile run. Hopefully, Eisenberg comes closer to the real thing than Anthony Perkins.

"Stooge of the Night" - someone has to remind us where the loyalty of our Senators lie.

How big is the Powerball? Bill Gates was seen waiting on line to buy a ticket.

You never know what you're going to find. I picked up a Diunna Greenleaf and the Blue Mercy Band CD, "'Crazy' but Live In Houston." Had no expectations. Simply liked the cover and looked to be some strong blues. Wow! It's a great listen! I'll be playing this while pulling on weeds and pulling on a beer this weekend. And I'll be looking for some more Diunna.

The FBI raided the offices of a nearby local town supervisor this week. Many wondered when this would finally happen. The fallout should provide some fun summer entertainment.
Local Town Board meetings . . . the next great entertainment discovery.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
As seen on RLTV's "Second Act," it's Jeff Hysen
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Tonight's Guests

Courteney Cox
Jimmie J.J. Walker
Christina Perri

Wahoo Gazette Archive

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Friday, April 4
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Thursday, April 3
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Wednesday, April 2
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