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Thursday, June 13, 2013 Members of your U.S. Army present the Top Ten list.
Show #3865
Harry Connick Jr., Dylan Moran, and a Top Ten List with United States Army Soldiers.
PLUS: Bloomberg Fixing the City; Father's Day Preview; Justin Bieber an Astronaut; Superman Villains; and a Call from the FCC.

" . . . and now, Tiffany's security guard . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "The new Superman movie opens tomorrow. Much of the movie is his complaining about having to fly friends to the airport."

Mayor Bloomberg announced a $20 billion initiative to protect New York City from storms and flooding caused by climate change. We take a look at this simulation.
We see the skyline of New York City. We hear the ratcheting of a car jack. Slowly, the city begins to elevate off the ground. We see the jack supports under the city. Hey, not bad for $20 billlion.

Sunday is Father's Day. Here now is a new segment called, "Father's Day Preview."
ANNOUNCE: "President Obama is looking forward to Father's Day. He already knows exactly what gifts he'll receive, thanks to the NSA." We see a four-way split-screen of gifts for the President: cologne, golf balls, Churchill biography, and an electric razor
ANNOUNCE: "Have a great day, dads."

We didn't see it but I imagine the President when receiving the Churchill biography said, "Love it . . . . do you have the receipt?"

The Virgin Galactic company has announced plans to send Justin Bieber into space. Here's the report from CNN.
ANNOUNCE: "Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic has reserved a spot for Justin Bieber on one of its upcoming private space flights. We caught up with Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin to get his reaction to the news."
We cut to a shot of Buzz Aldrin and a CNN reporter.
CNN reporter: (we dubbed in this line as if spoken by the reporter) "Mr. Aldrin, what do you think of Justin Bieber becoming an astronaut?"
Buzz Aldrin stops, turns, and punches the reporter right in the mouth.
ANNOUNCE: "Gil Vernon, CNN, Los Angeles."

ACT 2:
The new Superman movie comes out this week, so we thought it would be interesting to take a look at the greatest villains in the history of the Superman franchise. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "Lex Luther" (see a clip of Lex Luther)
"General Zod" (see a clip of General Zod)
"The Jeffersons" (see a clip of George and Weezie Jefferson with Superman on "Lois & Clark" TV series)
ANNOUNCE: "'Superman' is a Desilu production"

This would have worked better if we were able to tell it was an actual scene from the 90s Superman TV series. Superman and The Jeffersons were never in the same shot.

TOP TEN: REASONS I LOVE BEING IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY - Friday, the United States Army celebrates its 238th birthday. The Continental Army was first formed on June 14, 1775.
And here with tonight's Top Ten List, ten soldiers from your United States Army.
10. "You haven't lived until you've eaten rehydrated beef brisket."
9. "Get to visit exotic places, like Trenton, New Jersey."
8. "No can opener? Just run over the can with a tank"
7. "Sir, you're never unsure how to begin and end a sentence, Sir."
6. "Cutting-edge technology, like our machine that controls the weather."
5. "I really, really, really enjoy push-ups."
4. "In an Apache helicopter, you tend to have the right-of-way."
3. "Always have an answer when someone says, 'You and whose army?'"
2. "Camouflage brings out my eyes"
1. "Working among the most talented men and women this country has to offer . . . .and the free haircuts."

ACT 3:
HARRY CONNICK JR
We know Harry's a junior, but who is the senior? Harry says his dad and mom are still going strong. Dad was the head district attorney in New Orleans and his mom was a judge. Harry admits it was difficult being a fun-loving teen with those two waiting at home
Harry is the dad to 3 girls, aged 17, 15, and 10. His oldest will be a senior in high school next year and is already planning on a "gap year," meaning taking a year off before going to college. Hey! Here's my chance to use the same joke I used on Tuesday!
"I took a gap year before attending college in earnest. Unfortunately, my gap year was also my freshman year."
Did Harry take a gap year? He says he's still in it. His daughter's plan is to buy a hippie van and ravel through Europe. After doing some research, Harry learns a hippie van is a VW bus. Shows a little how I'm different from today's kids. If I were to take a gap year, my dream would be to hike through Europe. Today's kids want a van. Does it break Harry's heart knowing his daughter is about to leave the house for college . . . or Europe? He quickly says, "No." Some could think he said "no" a bit too quickly. He knows the excitement that lies before her and he knows her head is in the right spot. And they'll continue to talk every day.

Harry has sold over 28 million albums. His new CD is entitled, "Every Man Should Know." He's also written a song, "Love Wins," now available on iTunes which the proceeds will go to the family of a member of his band. The saxophone player lost his 6-year-old daughter in the Newtown, Connecticut tragedy six months ago. You can read about the angel at www.anagracefund.com.

ACT 4:
Phone call! Phone call for Mr. Letterman! Dave picks up the phone.
DAVE: "Hello?"
FCC: (very inebriated) "Mr. Letterman, I'm calling from the Federal Communications Commission. We need you to answer a few questions to renew your talk show."
.DAVE: "I've never heard of this before. What do you need to know? How can I get you off my phone?"
FCC: "Just answer a few questions. Let's start with your name."
DAVE: " . . . . . Pat Sajak."
FCC: "Nnnn.... Nnnn....Nnnn....Network affiliatiation?"
DAVE: "I'm on CBS."
FCC: "Spell that, please."
DAVE: "That's C . . . .B . . . ."
FCC: "Ddd....Ddddd.....D as in dog?"
DAVE: "No, B as in bee."
FCC: "B"
DAVE: "S"
FCC: "Hold on. Damn computer froze." (calling off phone) "Hey, Grandma, get out of the sink!" (back on phone) "Okay, last question. Can you please tell me I'm pretty."
DAVE: "No, I'm not going to do that. Get your grandmother in the sink to tell you you're pretty."
FCC: "Look, Bud, you can make this easy, or you can make this hard."
DAVE: "Well, I think that's the last thing I want to do . . . . OK, fine . . . you're pretty. Are we done now?"
FCC: "I'll send your license and a lock of my hair. If you need anyone in the meantime, call Zorro."

The FCC guy hangs up.

I think even Forster Brooks would have told that guy, "Whoa, fella, you need to ease off a bit."

I pitched this idea. After the guy hangs up on Dave, and then Dave hangs up, does once again picks up the phone. We would hear President Obama say: "Nobody is listening to your phone calls." Dave would respond, "Can't really blame them." BUZZ. No sale.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "You're in for a treat tomorrow as Dave welcomes Jack Hanna, and Benedict Cumberbatch. Remember! All U.S. streets, roads, and highways will be closed this weekend for repairs. Sorry for any inconvenience."

ACT 6:
DYLAN MORAN
He's an award-winning comedian kicking off his first North American Theater tour on Friday at the Park West in Chicago as part of the TBS Just For Laughs Festival. He's not used to America. Everything and everyone is going 100%. In Europe, people are giving about 14%. And it's hard to be healthy in the United States because we have everything here. And lots of it. It's hard to say no to yourself when there is so much.

ACT 7:
HARRY CONNICK JR.
From his new CD, "Every Man Should Know, Harry performed . . . .oh, damn . . .I'm at jury duty and I don't have the song he performed on me. How about "Being Alone." Maybe it was that.

And that was our show for Thursday June 13, 2013.

Have you seen the diamond heist here in Manhattan the other day? There's video of a guy at Tiffany's being shown two necklaces worth a combined $100,000. Some are saying it's an inside job. You think so? I would say "fer sure." In the video, we see the guy leaning on the counter eyeballing the two unattended necklaces. He quickly snatches them up and off he goes, never to be seen from again.
Couple things: would you really put out $100,000 worth of jewelry in front of a customer and then walk away? And would you ever really display the jewelry on the counter with the door to the street right behind the customer? In the clip that's exactly what we see. The necklaces unattended; the door right behind the guy. He snatches them and three steps later he's out on the sidewalk and he's gone. Either it was an inside job or the merchant responsible will get fired, hopefully getting a decent cut of the heist when he gets home.
I'm getting old, and so are my neighbors. There's a new supermarket that just opened and we're talking way too much about it; rating the produce section and the deli section and the parking and on and on. I think there is not nearly enough parking. Others disagree. We all agree it's very clean.

The local neighborhood bar is about to reopen. Years ago, the bar up the street was a dive. It was exactly how I liked it. It was there for people who like to have a beer and maybe enjoy a salty snack. It suddenly closed down and reopened four months later. I was excited back then until I saw through the window white tablecloths being put on the table. The day before it opened, flower centerpieces were also put on the tables. None of us asked for that. When the place opened, we soon realized it wasn't really for us. Many returned for a drink but felt out of place. We returned but now we tucked in our shirt before entering. Still, it wasn't the same. The place was a food-first place, not a beer-first place. The food was real good but too expensive for the old crowd. Eventually, our crowd had to find another place. Some went over there, others went over there, some lost touch. And then this new place closed down. Hopes were raised that a new new place would come in and be like the old place. There was an article in the newspaper this week about the new place that would be replacing the new place. Quoted in the article was the chef. A chef? We didn't want a place with a chef. We'd maybe accept a cook, but not a chef. Nope, it's not going to be like the old place at all. And then when I read in the article the chef talking about gruyere cheese . . . . forget it. Hopefully, the eventual new new new place will be like the old place.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday today, the 13th, from Johnson City, New York, it's bro Tim McIntee.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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