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Tuesday, June 18, 2013 Yes, that monologue joke is that old.
Show #3867
Don Rickles, Nick Cannon, and Tom Keifer.
PLUS: More NSA Scandal; an Old Familiar Joke; Special Effects in "Man of Steel"; the G8 Summit; Dave's Summer Blockbuster; and a Top Ten list with U.S. Open Champion Justin Rose.

" . . . and now, man of tin . . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "The new president of Iran, Hassan Rowhani, is a moderate and a progressive. He plans to boldly lead his nation into the 14th century."
- "Vladimir Putin stoles a Super Bowl ring. This guy is evil. Today he also walked off with Cyndi Lauper's Tony Award.

Just when you thought the NSA scandal couldn't get even more shocking, another bombshell report is released. Did you see this? We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "White House officials are scrambling to contain damage from the NSA scandal. Now word comes that the spy agency has not only been monitoring your telephones and computers . . . . but your toasters, as well."
We see a list of names and what they prepared in their toaster.

GRAPHIC: NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY TOASTER SURVEILLANCE PROGRAM
Name / Prepared Item
Leo Brooks / Toast
Ella Cooper / Toast
Ashley Holden / Toast
Lori Heler / Pop-Tart
Amelia Maxwell / Toast
Jack Avery / Toast
Grace Ronin / Toast
Charlie Eck / Waffle
Lily Raphael / Toast
Hugo Southworth / Toast
Marilyn Levy / Bagel
Jay Hannah / Toast
Heather Lawrence / Toast
Adam Craig / Toast

ANNOUNCE: "Suzanne Malveaux, CNN."

Heh heh heh. I like how the writer decided to go with "bagel" for the person named "Levy," although I don't think we got that far down the list on the show.

Says Dave: "It was so hot today, so humid, that you can tell it's summer. In fact, it was so hot today, on my way to work today through Central Park I saw a squirrel rubbing sunblock on his nuts."
With that, a guy in a lab coat enters. He must be a doctor of some sort because he is wearing a lab coat. He walks past Dave to Tony's cue cards. He shuffles through the deck to find the cue card for the joke Dave just told. It is extremely old and dusty and worn. The doctor brushes the cue card with a small hand broom, examining it closely.
DAVE: "Excuse me . . . . sir? . . . . . "
DOCTOR: "Hi. I'm Dr. James Donnelly from the U.C. Berkeley Archeology Department."
The doctor goes back to studying the ancient cue card. He blows dust from off the card. He then exits with the old, yellowed cue card in hand.
DAVE: " . . . . That joke's not that old!"

Have you seen the new Superman movie? The special effects are amazing. We take a look at one scene that offers a great example of what they've accomplished in the movie.
We see some action shots from "Man of Steel." Superman tells Lois Lane to step back . . . to step back even farther. He then bends and takes off . . . in the wrong direction. Instead of soaring into the sky, Superman blasts down into the earth.
SUPERMAN: (not seen --- muffled): "Sorry . . . . . I had it in reverse."
He then rights himself to fly off to save the world.

Excited for the G8 Summit? They are accomplishing a lot. The world leaders are getting things done. But it's not all work. Did you see what they were doing yesterday?
We see four leaders standing in front of their podiums . . . . I mean, lecterns. We see their names printed in front:
HERMAN (European Council President Herman Van Rompuy)
BARACK (Barack Obama)
JOSE (EU Commission President)
DAVID (David Cameron)
We hear a question from the host: "When making Cajun pork stew fricassee, what cut of meaty is most commonly used? . . . . . Mr. Rompuy."
ROMPUY: "The backbone."
?HOST: "That is correct."
SFX: DING
ANNOUNCER: "'World Leader Trivia Showdown' will return in a moment.
GRAPHIC: "WORLD LEADER TRIVIA SHOWDOWN"

I think they got the idea from one of those IRS junkets.

ACT 2:
Here's something to get excited about. Dave is in one of those huge summer blockbuster movies. The humble and bashful Dave is almost embarrassed to show a clip of his part in the film but he is so proud he can't help himself. We take a look at the huge, big budget film to hit theaters this summer. It's so big I think it may open on a Wednesday! We watch.
Big action sequence.
ANNOUNCE: "When a megalomaniac unleashes a devious plot to steal the world's water supply, billionaire industrialist Bryce Colton must turn into his masked alter ego to stop him. By his side? Intrepid reporter Tori Tate who must shield his true identity from her cantankerous editor." Cut to live shot of Dave standing at his desk, jacket off, leaning forward, cigar in hand. He angrily warns: "I want photos of this kook by 4 P.M., or you'll all be writing obituaries in Muncie!"
ANNOUNCE: "Gosling, Biel, Dreyfus, Letterman: 'Super Captain Action Man.' Coming soon."

But not coming soon enough.

TOP TEN: QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK ME ABOUT GOLF - The U.S. Open was this weekend and for the first time in 43 years it was won by an Englishman. And here with tonight's Top Ten List, your 2013 U.S. Open Champion, Justin Rose.
9. "Why don't all balls have dimples?"
7. "Ever get tired of Jim Nantz whispering?"
5. "How often do you slap your caddy?" (Dave asks if that is an English euphemism)
3. "Can you get me an autograph from PGA Honorary President Allen Wronowski?"

ACT 3:
DON RICKLES
Mr. Rickles and offers sweet bon mots to all around. Don wonders aloud, "How did Paul get on the marquee?" Dave says Paul is an integral part of the show and we couldn't do the show without Paul. Says Don, "That says a lot about your talent," later adding, "It's good to be on a show that's not catching on." Don will be performing with his pal, Regis Philbin, in the near future. Don calls it "a mercy mission" describes Reege as a lonely pain in the ass." Don's friendship with Bob Newhart stretches back decades. They and their wives travel the world together. It's mostly Bob muttering and stuttering to Don, "I wouldn't do that."

Don is a Navy man, joining the club at the age of 18. He joined the Navy rather than the Army under the advice of his father. His father told him, "It's cleaner in the Navy." When meeting his superiors, Don told his strengths are comedy and impressions. Don then did his Barry Fitzgerald and Clark Gable impressions. The audience may not have been too impressed but their grandparents at home enjoyed it immensely. In the Navy, Don learned how to shoot a 20-millimeter gun on a PT boat . . . and how to duck.

Any stories about Frank Sinatra? Don thinks a moment and decides against sharing, offering, "Well, the family is still alive." Don adored Frank and was one of the few who could give Frank a hard time. Frank got a kick out of it. Don decided to stop the teasing when he came home one night to find his cousin on a hook in the living room.

Before saying goodnight, Dave praises Mr. Warmth for all he's done in show business and how kind he's been to Dave over the years. He considers Don a cultural icon, surviving the test of time, and truly unique in the world of comedy.

I like how Dave sits when Mr. Don Rickles is on the show. He sits like a gleeful little school boy in awe of the visiting Cardinal. Big grin, hands under table, slightly intimidated, afraid what is about to be thrown at him.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "More top shelf entertainment tomorrow, as Dave welcomes Jeff Daniels, Ken Jeong, and Jim James. Announcement from Mayor Michael Bloomberg: Effective immediately, jokes about how Mayor Bloomberg likes to ban everything are forbidden.
Thank you."

ACT 6:
NICK CANNON
He's the host of the NBC talent competition series, "America's Got Talent." Is there a lot of talent in America? Nick assures us there is, though a lot of it is rather odd talent. Howie Mandel is one of the judges on the show. What's his deal? Nick says Howie is a bundle of energy and shows great enthusiasm. Dave teasingly wonders, "Is he the best person to judge talent?"
Nick got his start in show business doing stand-up comedy at a very young age. His father was a minister and Nick would open for him. Nick remembers being very inappropriate in front of the congregation. It's not hard to be inappropriate when doing Richard Pryor. Hard to do Pryor without cursing. By the time Nick was 15 he was a regular at the Improv and the Comedy Store. He let it be known that he was a huge huge giant fan of Mariah Carey. He always considered her his dream girl. Luckily she didn't think he was a stalker and the opportunity leant itself to their meeting. He willed it to happen. And they eventually got married. Not the parents to two-year old twins. That's a lot of work. Dave asks who runs the house. Nick says with a bit of hurt and mild anger, "I do! C'mon, Dave! I run the house . . . . she pays the bills, but I run the house."
Howard Stern is also a judge on AGT. His problem is he is a bit too honest. Dave recalls that Howard made a young kid cry on the show because of his brutal honesty. Howard has since learned how to soften his criticism depending on the target. Although it's important to be honest, Dave knows when it comes to children, it's more important to lie.
"America's Got Talent" - Tuesday nights at 9 PM on the NBC.

ACT 7:
TOM KEIFER
Best known as the lead singer of the band Cinderella, Tom Keifer performed "Solid Ground" from his debut solo CD, "The Way Life Goes."

And that was our show for Tuesday June 18, 2013.

The four golf majors?

I don't know much about basketball but you can't have your best player . . . your center . . . . sitting on the bench when a rebound will win you the NBA championship. And when you have the ball and are down by one point with 9 seconds left, you can't have your point guard sitting on the bench. The San Antonio Spurs would be NBA champs right except for a missed foul shot and allowing two offensive rebounds in the last minute.

I got a barbecue grill for Father's Day; half gas/half charcoal. On Saturday, I told Denise I was going to go to a garage sale to look at a Weber grill. She told me not to. She didn't want a used grill. But we looked at a used Weber before. Why not now? She told me because she ordered a new grill. If I wanted I could pick it up at Sears where it was waiting. I picked it up and spent the rest of my Saturday putting to it together. And on Sunday we cooked a rib eye on the gas grill. I'm looking forward to using the charcoal. Ever watch a newbie on a charcoal grill? Most have no idea what they are doing, which is understandable since they probably grew up using gas. The neophyte will pile up the charcoal briquettes a mile high and then douse it with lighter fluid. They then grab for a match . . .. this is the best part . . . and then burn their eyebrows when the lighter fluid bursts into flames like an explosion. And then about 30 seconds later with the flames still burning high, the grill master will put on the slab of meat. Mmm, I guess they really like the taste of lighter fluid.
The right way to do it is to let the charcoals burn until white hot. No flame at all. Not till then do you put on the meat. I'm no expert but I'm learning. I'll be experimenting with the indirect heating, and the dry rubs, and the mesquite. I have a charcoal starter that doesn't require lighter fluid. Although this is the best way to do light the charcoal, I miss the smell of the lighter fluid. It's the fluid that really makes it feel like a BBQ. And I have a rotating rotisserie I bought at a garage sale some years back.
I'll have to give that a go, too.

Once again, The David Letterman Show The Day They Were Born
Nick Cannon was born October 8, 1980
So, what happened on The David Letterman Show the day Nick Cannon was born?

The David Letterman Show, October 8, 1980 (#80): Lowell Ponte, who discusses Vitamin C, Today Show co-host Jane Pauley, and Dave chooses an audience member to direct the show.

And that's what happened on The David Letterman Show the day Nick Cannon was born

The show was kicked off the air two weeks later.

Thank you, Arthur Donzarelli.

The four golf majors: The Masters, The U.S. Open, The (British) Open; and the PGA Championship.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's a few days late, but Happy Birthday to Big Rob Klotz Sr.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

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Tuesday, December 16
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Monday, December 15
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Saturday, December 13
Jamie Foxx and Dave partying together? That'd be dope.