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Thursday, July 11, 2013 Dave shares his bucket list for summertime must-do's.
Show #3877

Kevin James, Shaun White, and Darius Rucker.
PLUS: Eliot Spitzer on the "Morning Joe"; Eliot Spitzer on a Voter; What NASA is Hearing; the "Pacific Rim"; Dave's Summer Checklist; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, conniving sous chef . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Twinkies are coming back! They will now be made to have a longer shelf life. Twinkies are packed with preservatives. They have the same filling as Vladimir Lenin." Not sure why I liked that one so much . . . maybe because you would never expect to find Lenin and Twinkies in the same sentence.
- "George Clooney and his girlfriend broke up. In a statement, he said he wanted to spend more time with his next girlfriend."

Eliot Spitzer is running for New York City Comptroller, although Dave isn't sure he's ready for the job. Dave picked up a little something from this morning's interview of Eliot on the "Morning Joe."
PUNDIT: "If you win this position, will you ever lie to the public once elected?"
SPITZER (laughing): "Sure!"

Eliot Spitzer has entered the race to become New York City's next comptroller. We found some exclusive footage of his canvassing to gather signatures to get him on the ballot.
We see his bare legs with only his black socks sticking out of a car window. The car rocks slightly.
That's our former Governor, ladies and gentlemen, just doing some polling.

NASA recently announced that, for the first time, it has discovered four distinct bursts of radio waves from beyond our own galaxy. We have some footage of the moment the transmissions were received.
We see Mission Control buzzing with activity. The technicians listen closely to their headsets. The frequency suddenly changes. We hear "Brick House" by The Commodores.
We cut to Mission Control in celebration. Who knew the outer space creatures had the funk?

Are you excited about this new movie, "Pacific Rim"? It opens tomorrow. It's about robots versus monsters. Dave saw a trailer for it last night and shares it here.
ANNOUNCE: "This summer, the epic battle between robots and monsters is on . . . . "
Cut to a clip of dog barking and attacking a vacuum cleaner.
ANNOUNCE: "'Pacific Rim.' Coming soon!"

ACT 2:
A new version of the popular video game "Grand Theft Auto" is coming in September. We take a look at this commercial.
ANNOUNCE: "'Grand Theft Auto' is back! It's a bigger, wilder new world of action and drama: 'Grand Theft Auto 5.' Available September 17th!
But if you can't wait until September, try 'Grand Rent Auto.'"
Cut to a clip from the new "Grand Rent Auto" game.
CLERK: "I've got you down for a mid-size, sir. Do you want the optional insurance?"
ANNOUNCE: "'Grand Rent Auto!' In stores now!"

Dave's SUMMER CHECKLIST - Dave likes to make a bucket list throughout the year. It helps keep focused to achieve his goals. He has a list for the winter and for the summer. This is his Summer Checklist.
- Using dozens of foam pool noodles, make a giant pool noodle (DING)
- Memorize lyrics to every 'One Direction" song (DING)
- Get bitten by tick and develop iconic bulls-eye rash (DING)
- Demand CBS give my staff an extra week of summer vacation (BUZZ)
- Tell Abdul from Philadelphia: "I'm not leaving" (DING) (joke stemming from pre-show Q&A)
- Naked yoga (DING)
- Water Edward Snowden's plants (DING)
- Find out what "YOLO" stands for (BUZZ)
- Buy a cowboy hat to avoid detection by drones (DING)
- Give every audience member $10,000 (DING) - big applause from audience. Unfortunately for them, we did that last night)
- Repair my strained relationship with Ryan Seacrest (BUZZ)
- Design my own line of heart necklaces for Kay Jewelers (DING)
- Urinate in the slop sink (DING)
- Give tonight's show everything I've got, because, by God, America deserves it. (long BUZZ)

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: SIGNS YOUR COUNTRY IS TOO FAT - according to the United Nations Food and Agricultural Organization, Mexico has replaced the Unites States as the World's Fattest Developed Nation.
SIGNS YOUR COUNTRY IS TOO FAT
10. National bird is the fried chicken
9. Motto on currency reads: "You gonna finish that?"
4. You're the only country drilling for olive oil
3. National pastime: labored breathing
2. It's illegal to yell, "Free cookies!" in a crowded theater.

KEVIN JAMES
How's he been? Kevin says he's been great. Just got back from Mexico. Hey-ohh, nice pick up, KJ.
What's with the beard? Kevin says his character in "Grown Ups 2" had a beard so he decided to continue with it. Plus, it adds the aura wisdom. Kevin has Dave ask him a question. Kevin thinks for a moment, then strokes his beard. It impressed many, but Dave wasn't buying it. Dave tells Kevin, "It does nothing." Kevin is a dad and likes to do the dad things. He and his wife are keeping a book on the early years. It's a lot of "filling in the blanks," such as "I like . . . ." Kevin will write in: "I like your smile." It's not as easy as it seems, especially since it requires a daily entry. After just a few days, Kevin is already writing stuff like, "I like how you sit down at dinner." Dave says that's what writers are for. Kevin should hire some writers.
The energy of his kids is amazing. They wake up at 100 mph. Kevin says he knows he's old when simply getting out of bed in the morning requires a game plan. I laughed. I recognized some of me in that. Kevin has a continued battle with his weight, a battle he is currently losing. He laments his wearing black didn't quite fool Dave. His weight can cause even the simplest of routines to be an effort. He has to go for a pedicure because it takes too much to clip his own toe nails. He knows he's too fat when his first move to clip his toes is back . . . . and then forward. The tilt back is to take a deep breath. You can't breathe when you are down there. Very funny, Kevin James. He stars in the new "Grown Ups 2," opening Friday.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:
"Swing by tomorrow to catch Dave with Melissa McCarthy, Idris Elba, and Dale Watson. Reminder: Please don't spoil our magnificent wilderness regions. Dump toxins and pollutants only in heavily populated areas.
Thanks."

ACT 6:
SHAUN WHITE
Two-time Olympic Gold Medal winner in snowboarding, six consecutive X-Games Superpipe titles and arguably the greatest snowboarder of all-time. He's the Flying Tomato! And he's prepping for next year's Winter Olympic Game in Sochi, Russia. For these games, Shaun will be competing in the halfpipe, which is has earned Gold in the last two Olympics, and in the new event, the Slopestyle. Does any of this make sense to you? It will in 2014 in Sochi.
Shaun is among the best in the world, if not THE best, in snowboarding and skateboarding. Which does he prefer? Shaun prefers whichever one he is doing at the time. One helps him relax and get a breather from the other. It's sort of like that when I travel upstate: the New York Thruway or the Palisades Parkway?
Shaun is one of the seasoned veterans competing now, which Shaun finds kind of odd. He's always been one of the youngest to compete. Not anymore. One of his chief competitors this year is a 14-year-old kid from Japan. Shaun only has himself to blame for that for making the sport as popular as it is. The kid was born when Shaun just turned pro.
You can see Shaun in the X-Games and in next year's Winter Olympics. And you can see his new "Shaun White Apparel" now on sale at Target. Check out the back-to-school sales, already in progress.

ACT 7:
DARIUS RUCKER:
From his most recent CD, "True Believers," the member of the Grand Ole Opry performed "Radio."

Darius Rucker is playing in my home town of Rockland County at Provident Bank Field Friday night. And I'll be there.

And that was our show for Thursday July 11, 2013.

Kevin James attended SUNY Cortland. He couldn't make it through like I did. Too much time at the Dark Horse is my guess.

Uh oh. I'm getting old. I had one of those "why are we here" moments the other night as I was lying in bed. Never had one of those before; never quite cared about the "why". But I wasn't thinking about "we" as in people, but "we" as in everything. Why is there a universe? Why planets? Why does even a rock exist? Why is there anything? And, no, there weren't any mushrooms involved when I was asking myself these questions. I guess it didn't concern me too much because I was asleep in seconds. My wife hates me for that. She hates how I can fall asleep seconds after my head hits the pillow. She's right. Even with the question of "why are we here" occupying my thoughts, it couldn't keep me awake for too long. The questions ended the way most things end that I don't understand: "Ah, who cares?"

Another sign of getting old is when you're at a party and you find yourself asking the same question: "Why am I here?" I never asked that when I was in college. Now it happens all the time, party or not.

Melissa McCarthy is on this week's previously-viewed Friday night show. She stars in "The Heat" with Sandra Bullock. I went to see "The Heat" over the break during a rainy day at the beach. I wasn't expecting much from the comedy but, hey, it's got me laughing good, and I'm not much of a laugher at the movies. Nice work and well done. Melissa is good; very good.

One thing I learned . . . when you are in a beach vacation town and it is raining, the movie theaters are packed. It seemed like a lot of the moms drove the kids to the theater while dad stayed back to take care of things in the room . . . . meaning, to check out the bar he passed on the way in. I was at the movies because I had already done that.

I was watching a movie on the DVD the other night, "In the Bedroom" (2002), starring Sissy Spacek and Marisa Tomei and Tom Wilkinson. The reviews were pretty good but it was a bit too slow for me. At one point in the film, husband and wife Tom and Sissy were having an argument in the kitchen. On the kitchen wall was a clock. I love seeing a clock in the background in a movie. My eye goes right to it and stays on it until the scene is over. The first I saw the clock it was at 6:40. As the argument continued, the clock later showed 6:18. Oooh! Continuity mishap! After the movie, I spun the DVD back to the 1:28 mark to share with the family what I saw. They were unimpressed. They simply said the scene was shot in multiple takes and used out of order. Yeah, but . . . . shouldn't somebody have caught that? Shouldn't somebody on the set have been aware of the clock in the background? Am I the only one fascinated with clocks in a movie? They barely looked up from their multi-tasking of their head buried in their iPhone and ignoring me.
The other thing that kept me preoccupied during the film was who Tom Wilkinson reminded of . . . or, of whom did Tom Wilkinson remind me? It came to me late in the movie . . . . Harrison Ford. They don't look alike except I kept seeing Harrison Ford's mouth and eyes on Tom Wilkinson. Same mannerisms, too. I'm going to Google "Wilkinson" and "Harrison Ford" to see if anyone else agrees. Be right back . . . . . .

Nope, but I did find one guy who wrote he wishes Harrison Ford was more like Tom Wilkinson.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
The wonderful and glamorous Janna Giunta. Happy Birthday, Janna.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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