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Thursday, July 18, 2013 Dave enjoys that miracle of nature, the coffee geyser.
Show #3881
Liev Schreiber, Adam Newman, and Cold War Kids.
PLUS: a New York City Heat Wave Tradition; an Apple Response; an Al-Jazeera Infomercial; Snowden Seeks Asylum; a Top Ten List; What's a Comptroller?; and New Product Slogans.

" . . . . and now, with electric stuff. . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- 'You can tell it's summer in New York. At St. Patrick's, the nuns had a charity bikini car wash."
- "Edward Snowden has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Right now, it looks like it's between him and the team that brought back Twinkies."
- "44 years ago this weekend, America first landed on the moon. Sadly, we still have 50,000 troops there."

The heat is nasty, but it lets New Yorkers enjoy a beloved tradition. Every year when there's a heat wave, one of the local TV stations runs this around the clock. We take a look.
We see a close-up of an air conditioner. We hear Christmas Carols, much like the Yule Log.
DAVE: "It's not quite as good as the Yule log, but we enjoy it."

A Tennessee man is suing Apple, claiming the company did not do enough to restrict him from accessing inappropriate content on the internet. Apple has responded. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "In light of a recent lawsuit accusing Apple of not doing a good enough job restricting access to adult content on the internet, Apple is introducing a new ling of MacBooks with absolutely none of the keys needed to enter an inappropriate search. That's right, no F X C B J O K L W P N I S.
And to be extra cautious, we're also removing any suggestive looking symbols. (%)
Apple. That oughta hold you little bastards."

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed designed a vacuum cleaner. We've seen something like this before. Remember this infomercial that used to run on Al Jazeera? We take a look.
We see Ayman al-Zawahiri speaking in his native tongue. He's pitching "The Ayman Al-Zawahiri Sandwich Press." For only $29.95!
Infomercial audience applauds.
And that's just ONE easy payment of $29.95, not four!

Edward Snowden is hoping Russia will give him asylum. In case that doesn't work out, there are several other countries that have offered to take him in.
Here's one possibility.
We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "Skull Island."
We see a hollering Edward Snowden in the clutches of King Kong
ANNOUNCE: "Good luck, Ed."

ACT 2:
It's Thursday night, so you know what that means!
New Product Slogans!
- CAMPBELL'S CHUNKY SOUP - Don't ask what makes it chunky!
- EASY CHEESE - The most depressing way to eat cheese.
- WITE OUT - You no longer need this product
- MANWICH - You don't have to be gay to enjoy it.
- DENTAL FLOSS - So your houseguests will think you floss
- BOX OF BAND-AIDS - Here you go, Bleedy
- HUNGRY MAN DINNER - Also known as Lonely Man Dinners
- JOHNSON & JOHNSON - Sometimes, one Johnson isn't enough
- MORTON SALT - The only salt anyone's heard of, so kiss our ass.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE BUYING A URINE-POWERED CELL PHONE
Yes, scientists in the United Kingdom have devised a way to recharge a mobile phone using urine.
Dave imagines that every other problem in the world has been solved. This can be the only reason why scientists would spend any time on such an invention as the urine-powered cell phone.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE BUYING A URINE-POWERED CELL PHONE
8. "Can it also tell me if I'm pregnant?"
6. "What's the return policy?"
5. "If I want to use a urine-covered phone, should I just go to Penn Station?"
3. "Can you hear me urinating now?"

LIEV SCHREIBER
From the Showtime series, "Ray Donovan."
Dave tells Liev that he always looks more scary in the movies than he does in real life. In real life, he looks almost approachable. He's always had that look and blames it on his arched eyebrows and Slavic fat cheeks, or as he describes it, his "homicidal chipmunk cheeks."
Live's . . . . dang it! Every time I try to type his first name, Liev, autocorrect switches it to "Live." When Liev first started out in the acting business, he had the desire of every beginner of "the more lines the better." Now that he's well along in his career, he finds the fewer the lines, the better. His title character in "Ray Donovan," is a menacing, snarling guy. What attracted Liev to the character is the menacing, snarling Ray has only about 8 lines an episode. His character is a guy who takes care of things for the rich and famous in Hollywood, stuff that falls outside the legal bounds. He's a "fixer" of sorts. If something needs to be done for a Hollywood big shot, such as a message needing to be sent, the fixer takes care of it. These "fixers" were prevalent in the 30's and 40's, but not so much today . . . . wink wink. Now we have lawyers. Liev is the dad to two boys; 4 and 5 years old. They are best friends and the worst of enemies . . . meaning, they are brothers. We see a photo of Liev with his two boys. The boys are dressed as a prince and princes; Liev dressed as a leprechaun. And, no, it wasn't Halloween. Parents will do anything for their kids, won't they?

Liev Schreiber . . . he reminds me of Hymie on "Get Smart."

"Ray Donovan" - Sunday nights at 10:00 on the Showtime.

ACT 4: Look out! It's a coffee geyser!

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:
"Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Johnny Depp, Marc Maron, and Dawes.
Words of Wisdom: it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice and extremely important.
Back in two."

ACT 6:
ADAM NEWMAN
Making his network television debut! You can see him this weekend at the Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria, Illinois, and look for his comedy CD "Not For Horses" available on the iTunes.
I liked his take on skydiving with a dog. How can you explain to your dog that this isn't a suicide mission?

ACT 7:
COLD WAR KIDS
From their recent album, "Dear Miss Lonelyhearts," Cold War Kids performed "Miracle Mile."

And that was our show for Thursday July 18, 2013.

The urine-powered cell phone . . . what do they call it, the P-Phone? Hey-Ohhhhh!

We had a loose fly on stage during Liev's appearance. He swatted at it a few times but the Siphonaptera escaped capture. Yup, it's even too hot outside for the flies.

Congratulation to LATE SHOW Director Jerry Foley for his Emmy nomination for Outstanding Director For A Variety Series. This was for show #3749 from October 29, 2012.
(Check the Wahoo Archives)
Foley had the Emmy voters at the opening announce.

I'm off on my annual canoe trip this weekend down the Delaware River. My college pal from Tolentine in the Bronx has being going on this trip for 40 years. I've jumped on board for the past 6 years or so. It's a great weekend and it's tremendous to see these friends getting together like this. It is really special. And, oh, what fun. The drinks are plentiful, and so are the drinks. With the sun blazing at 95+ I may have to bring along a parasol as I paddle, though the canoe trip down the river is more of a drift.

Last year I built a bar for the camping portion of the canoe trip. I had an old piece of plywood that I decided to use for something before throwing it out. I cut off a foot-and-a-half off each side for the side support and the remaining five feet for the front. I found another old piece of wood in the garage for the bar top. The bar made of rotting wood was a big hit. I disassembled it and brought it home and kept it under the back deck. I reconstructed it this weekend, making it bigger and better. I've included three beer taps . . . hooked up to nothing . . . to make the bar look authentic. I like making something out of nothing. I find it very Wahoo-like.

Have you ever thought what you would do if the Wahoo Gazette went away?

On this year's menu for the canoe trip: pickled eggs, slim jims, and bacon chocolate chip cookies.

Time for This Date In Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention History
From July 18, 2000: "Aaron White. Good luck with the new cat."
This concludes another installment of This Date In Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
On his birthday, Ol' swivel hips from Club Maximus in New City, New York, it's Richie Lea.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Emma Stone
Nathan Fielder
American Authors

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, July 30
A visit from Dave's pool boy.
Tuesday, July 29
"Guardians of the Galaxy" looks like a sure-fire hit.
Monday, July 28
Things turn ugly when Spider-man meets Elmo during Dave's monologue.
Friday, July 25
From an ad in a newspaper... "Click here"?
Wednesday, July 23
The PonyCycle gets put out to pasture.