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Monday, July 22, 2013 Pope Francis enjoys some Brazilian beach time.
Show #3882
Cate Blanchett, Aisha Tyler, and Franz Ferdinand.
PLUS: a surprising CNN report; the Queen reacts to the birth of her great grandson; Pat Farmer chats with Dave; Dave gets a Tweet from Geraldo; the Pope in Brazil; "Seriously?"; the royal lineage of the monarchy, and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, served on a fresh bed of lettuce . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"Batman and Superman are teaming up. It's great for me. Instead of not going to two movies, I only have to not go to one movie."

Congratulations to William and Kate on the birth of their son. For some reason, Great Grandma the Queen didn't seem all that excited. We take a look. She's taking a smoke out on her balcony. Maybe the white smoke exhale was to signal we had a new Royal Baby.

Time now for CNN: The Most Trusted Name In News."
ART CARD: "CNN: THE MOST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS"
We see a split screen with a CNN reporter and an interviewee about climate change threatening a species in the Amazon Rain Forest in Brazil. Says the reporter: "Now, extinctions, I don't have to tell you, have been part of the natural world for millennia. Man-made extinctions have even happened before. I guess we hunted the dildo into extinction. Ummm, but . . . . . ."
ART CARD: "CNN: THE MOST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS"

Following the CNN report, we find stagehand Pat Farmer standing alongside Dave.
PAT: "Hi, Dave."
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Pat."
PAT: "I gotta say, you've lost a lot of weight."
DAVE: "Thank you."
PAT: "I mean, a lot of weight. For a while there, you really looked huge."
DAVE: "Can I help you with something?"
PAT: "Yeah, did you see that movie ‘RIPD' tanked at the box office?"
DAVE: "Oh, that film about the murdered cop who comes back from the dead to fight crime. Yes, I heard it didn't do too well at the box office. I did see that."
PAT: "I guess you can say it was . . . . ‘Dead on Arrival.' (Pat laughs) Get it?"
DAVE: "I get it."
PAT: "Cause it's about dead people. Let's see if we can think of another one." Pat and Dave stand there saying nothing.
DAVE: "Pat, we really must do the show."
PAT: "Oh, I got one. ‘RIP-DOA'" (Pat laughs)
DAVE: "Get out."
PAT: "OK, Buddy, catch you later."
Pat hugs Dave before leaving.

Dave senses he's getting a text message on his iPhone. It may have been one of those instagram things. Dave takes out his phone and gives it a look-see. He looks at it in disgust.
DAVE: "Ugh . . . Geraldo!"

Pope Francis plans to attend several major events in Brazil this week. Earlier today, he took advantage of some down time at the beach. We take a look.
We see the Pope in his Pope hat and thong jogging along the beach. I think we all would agree that this Pope is more on the liberal side of things.
It could have been worse. I could have been Benedict.

ACT 2:
Congratulations to Late Show director Jerry Foley. He received a Primetime Emmy Nomination late last week for Outstanding Directing In a Variety Series, his 12th such honor, and his 20th overall.

Just before the taping of the show, we received word of the birth of the Royal Baby. Dave then tries to reconstruct the lineage of the monarchy. After much confusion, he remained confused. Dave looked over to writer Bill Scheft for edification. Bill tried his best to get Dave up to speed but it wasn't working. Paul, a subject of the Monarchy, wondered why Dave would be asking a guy who is more comfortable betting on a horse. Paul says Bill knows more about OTB than he does about the Royal Family. Dave defends Bill, reminding us he is Ivy League educated and a published author. Before leading on to something else, Dave asks Bill if he has a tip for the 5th race at the Aqueduct.

And now, time for something called, "Seriously." We watch a clip from "How It's Made" of a guy making tequila. This is why you need friends. The hair piece on the guy, well, someone should have told him. It's obvious. Seriously?

We open the Top Ten and following the animation, a sponsor.
ALAN: "Tonight's Top Ten List is sponsored by East End Easels." (we cut to a shot of the easel which is used to announce the birth of the Royal Baby.) "For over 200 years, East End Easels has been the official purveyor of easels to the royal family. Hand-crafted by skilled artisans, East End Easels are the only easels Her Majesty trusts for displaying important notices. This week only, mention the promotion code, ‘Royal Baby' and get 10% off any easel. East End Easels! We're in the bloody phone book.
Back to you, Guv'nor."

TOP TEN: THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH PEOPLE'S MINDS UPON SEEING THE GERALDO PHOTO
-We take a look at Geraldo's nude selfie. Geraldo included the text: "70 is the new 50."
10. "Does this mean he's running for office?"
2. "Not much in Capone's vault, if you know what I mean."

ACT 3:
During the Top Ten and the commercial break, I went back into the shack to find something that could clearly explain the proper family-tree lineage of the monarchy. I quickly copied something off the computer that was not as good as I had wished but it was the best I could do under the rushed circumstances. I slip it to Bill during the break, who passed it on to Dave with an explanation. It was a bit of a mangled mess but if you spent time on it, it would have made sense. The secret is you have to follow the bloodline, with a concentration of the first born. In the early 1900s, we had King George V. His first born son was Edward. He's the one who abdicated to marry the divorcee American. George VI, the stutterer then became King. He was married to Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, who was known as the Queen Mum, for, I guess, mom of their first born, Elizabeth who became Queen in 1952 and remains so today. The Mum couldn't become Queen because she married into the family. She didn't have the monarchy blood. Prince Charles is next in line to be King, followed by his first born, William, who will be followed by the new Royal Baby.

CATE BLANCHETT – accent on the second syllable, blan-CHETT Cate is in the new Woody Allen film, "Blue Jasmine," and Dave raves that Cate took his film and made it her own. A Woody Allen film . . . . made it into a Cate Blanchett movie. She was that good! Dave says her performance was "straight up the real deal." What is Woody Allen like as a director? Dave's heard he is often asleep on the set. Cate says he is a great director, but his real genius is in his writing. Much of his directing is in his writing. When Dave read that Louis CK and Andrew Dice Clay were in the movie, he, well, he wondered if they were a right choice. But they turned out to be fantastic, both of them.
Cate is from Australia and Dave seemed to be angling for a trip there and to New Zealand. He quizzed her about the distance and weather to Down Under. She was up to the task and then reminded Dave of the wonder of Wikipedia. He can get a lot of information from there. Dave then learns about the endangered quoll. I listened in on the Control Room and they were quick on the look to find a photo of the quoll. Dave calls for the photo but we hadn't found it yet. Instead, the Emmy nominated director, Jerry Foley, threw up a photo of the naked Geraldo Rivera. Oh, if only he were really endangered. "Blue Jasmine" – it opens this Friday in New York and Los Angeles. Great! I have a movie to go to!

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "It's all coming together tomorrow as Dave welcomes Hugh Jackman, Lisa Kudrow, and Jason Isbell. Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch Franz Ferdinand Live on Letterman. Franz Ferdinand's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand.
You have no idea when I'm capable of."

ACT 6:
AISHA TYLER

She's the co-host of "The Talk" on CBS along with Julie Chen, Shirley Underwood, Sharon Osbourne, and Sara Gilbert. It's been compared to "The View," but I compare it to "The Other Half."
Aisha is always working, always busy. Why is that? She says it must be from her upbringing of hard work in a working class family will lead to success and the fear of failure. Isn't everybody like that? Dave laughs. Obviously, we aren't.
Aisha recent visited the White House and the President. It's exciting, but very nervous. You don't want to embarrass yourself by doing or saying something stupid. It's a lot of pressure. The most pressure was trying to refrain from stealing some of the china with the White House seal on it.

The busy Aisha also has been hawking her 2nd book, a memoir, "Self-Inflicted Wounds." It's a New York Times Best Seller. It's about her failures in life that made her a success. Aisha says "Success is persistence through failure. People will come up to her and say they want to be a standup comedian like she is, but are afraid they might fail. She tells them, "You WILL fail." There is no doubt to that. But what you do with that failure is what's important. You gotta bounce back and use it and learn from it.
Aisha Tyler – she's all over the place. Turn on your TV and you'll likely find her.

ACT 7:
FRANZ FERDINAND

From their soon to be released album, "Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action," Franz Ferdinand performed "Right Action."

And that was our show for Monday, July 22, 2013.

After the taping of the show, Denise and I went across the street to the Iridium Theater to catch Jose Feliciana. He's been on Denise's bucket list of those to see in concert. Next up: Tom Jones. Great show, fun show. Right up close, no more than ten feet away. And on drums? Maybe you've heard of him . . . . Anton Fig. That was a bit of a surprise. The Iridium is where Les Paul used to play all the time. I saw a Les Paul special on the PBS sometime back and the same Les Paul trio, without Les, was there to accompany Mr. Feliciano. Missing from the song list, which I can't really blame him, was "Feliz Navidad" and the National Anthem. And at the concert, I met Unsteady Freddie. Check him out on Facebook under Unsteady Freddie, Man About Town. He already has photos up from the show. He's a bit nutty and eccentric, but damn interesting and entertaining.

Hey, Geraldo, 70 may be the new 50, but we didn't want to see you naked at 50 either.

This was awkward. Superman and Batman were discussing the possibility of working together.
SUPERMAN: "I think we can make this work.
I can bend steel in my bare hands,
I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and I'm
more powerful than a locomotive . . .
plus I can leap tall buildings.
What do you got?"

Early Report: the Royal Baby has Kate's eyes and nose, and William's hair.

Back from the Rolston Rowdies 40th Canoe trip down the Delaware River. These guys and gals from Tolentine Parish in the Bronx have been making this trip since the Nixon Administration. This year's crew numbered over 60 people and the food and grog and laughs were plentiful throughout the 4-day weekend. I've jump on in the past 6 years or so through an invite from by pal from college, Martin. As always, my wife Denise asked what is new with Buddy and his family. My answers were short. I had little to offer. Though we talked throughout the weekend, we mostly talked about nothing. I did learn that Martin would be having a colonoscopy on Wednesday. Hoo boy, after the weekend we had I can't imagine what will come out during the cleanse.
When I got home I emptied the car and put my dirty clothes in the hamper. Later, Denise called out, "Where's your laundry?" I said I put it in the hamper. She said it wasn't there. I got up to check. I looked and told her, "Yeah, it's right here." She shook her head and said with a bit of disgust, "Two shirts and a pair of shorts? That's it?"
Yeah. That was it.

I tried a new beer this weekend, Pork Slap. Of course I did. You gotta try it with a name like that. I wonder if Ruby's Bar and Grill on at 44th and 9th serves the Pork Slap?
Have you ever tried the Pork Slap? The beer, I mean.
Time once again for "This Date In Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention History." July 22, 2002: From Houston, Texas, it's Jennie Lee
This concludes another installment of "This Date In Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention History."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From San Francisco and a huge Giants baseball fan, it's Mary K. Hayden
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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