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Monday, July 29, 2013 The audience claps along to Alan Kalter's pointless clap along.
Show #3886
Denzel Washington, and James McCartney.
PLUS: Obama desperate?; Mayor LaGuardia; the Pope in Brazil; a Top Ten list; a CBS/Time Warner announcement hurts Dave's feelings; and Alan Kalter in "Come On, Everybody!"

" . . . . and now, he can save you 16% on your car insurance . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

President Obama gave a big speech about the economy last week, and Dave thinks he may be getting a little desperate for help. Did you see the speech? We take a quick look.
ART CARD: PRESIDENT OBAMA: DESPERATE?
We find the President at a podium . . . I mean, lectern. He orates, "What are your ideas?"
ART CARD: PRESIDENT OBAMA: DESPERATE?

We're not done with it yet. When Dave mentions Anthony Weiner/Carlos Danger, Paul quickly chimes in with the "Carlos Danger: Gaucho of Love" jingle. Last week, Dave originally mentioned "Carlos Danger" here and there in an attempt to catch Paul off-guard and unprepared. Now I think Paul is turning the tables and presents it whether Dave wants it or not.

You know, this isn't the first time a New York City Mayor candidate has engaged in questionable behavior. We take a look at this archival footage.
Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia presenting a special gift to nurses – November 9, 1938. LaGuardia: "I, Fiorello LaGuardia, do hereby affix my signature and present to you an autographed photo of my ‘bleep.' Call me if you want to get wild. You too, Phyllis."

Pope Francis is back from Brazil and has announced he would not judge gay priests. Wow, that must have been some trip to Rio! The Pope's announcement was met with a big jubilant reaction from the bishops. We see a clip of their reaction. The bishops are dancing with joy to the tune of "It's Raining Men."

ACT 2:
I was busy during most of the first ACT as I was typing up a card transcribing a recent CBS/Time Warner announcement concerning a dispute between the two. Dave says it may be just an oversight but his feelings have been hurt. He laments, "They think I am just a duck in a suit," and nothing but a goon. We take a look at the announcement put out by CBS:
ANNOUNCEMENT: "Time is running out, and Time Warner Cable is not listening, and that means very soon you will not see your favorite CBS shows. No ‘Under the Dome,' no ‘Big Brother,' no ‘NCIS,' no ‘Big Bang Theory,' no NFL or PGA championship or U.S. Open tennis. No ‘Judge Judy.' No ‘CBS-2 News.' No ‘60 Minutes.' Say ‘NO' to Time Warner Cable.
Call 1-888-TW-CABLE and tell them you want to keep CBS-2."
Back on Dave who sits in silence. While typing up the announcement, I knew Dave would comment on "Judge Judy" specifically. The other shows could be forgiven. But "Judge Judy"?

It's Monday, so you know what that means . . . . SMALL TOWN NEWS -"The Bay Beacon" - Niceville, Florida: photo of two young girls jumping in the ocean/bay water. Caption reads -"Here Comes the Sun." Right next to the photo is another story with the headline: "58,000 gallons of sewage spills into bayou"
-The Westerly News - Ucluelet, British Columbia: Police report: "RCMP received a report alleging high-pitched screams were coming from inside a residence. Police arrived at the location and a woman inside the residence advised she had been singing."
-The Buffalo News - Buffalo, New York: from the police blotter: "A thief walked into the 7-Eleven store --- and heisted 29 boxes of condoms, along with two packages of bacon. " Dave reads the rest of the article and points out the last paragraphed: " The culprit wore a white, striped polo shirt, white sneakers, a blue ball cap and a smile on his face." Yes, everyone loves bacon.
-The Tucson Weekly - Tucson, Arizona: Police report: "An intoxicated man on the streets hopped up and down in front of a deputy and then became hoity-toity with him when arrested." You can't be hoity-toity in Tucson.
-The Des Moines Register - Des Moines, Iowa: An advertisement: "50% Authentic Indian Cuisine"
-The Flathead Beacon - Kalispell, Montana: from the police blotter: "A small bald man on Mountain Meadow Road was screaming at another man who was attempting to tell him what to do."
- The Madison County Record - Hunstville, Arkansas: from the Sheriff's office: "A caller at Edgewood Place reported that there were two dogs in her yard ‘stuck together.'"

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: THINGS ANTHONY WEINER HEARS ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL
– his campaign manager quit and Weiner's approval rating has dropped 20 points, but he ain't giving up.
Dave doesn't want anyone with a nickname running for Mayor. If he or she attains a nickname while mayor, then that's fine. But not before. And Dave admits to his share of discrepancies in life, he's done some stuff he's not proud of, but not once did he ever think of taking a photo of my ‘vpvl'. Hey, that was a new one!

THINGS ANTHONY WEINER HEARS ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL
8. "Mind if I skip the handshake?"
4. "Hey, your fly's up . . . "
1. "Put that away!"

DENZEL WASHINGTON
He's got the shaved head. It's shaved for a film he's making. I'm getting close to the shaved head . . . . without having to shave it, actually. And when I get my head shaved, I'm going to get one of those hats Denzel wears in "2 Guns." I'm just afraid people might mistake me for Denzel.
Dave plays the weight-guessing game, eyeing Denzel at about 170. I figured that was too light. Denzel has too much shoulder to be only 170. Denzel says he weighs in at 190, five pounds over what he would like to be. His high was 247. The secret to dropping all that weight? Exercise. Yup, exercise. Who knew? He should write a book!
What kind of exercise? Denzel likes to box to drop the pounds. He picked up the sport while shooting "Hurricane." When boxing, it's just like the real thing except no hitting in the head. Everything is from the shoulders down. Denzel learned to do this the hard way. When training and sparring for "Hurricane," he would get banged around the head quite a bit. Denzel told heavyweight champ Michael Spinks, who was a trainer/advisor on the set, that he was getting dizzy and silly and forgetful. Michael told him, "Oh, yeah, you'll get used to that. Denzel quickly decided that he never wants to get "used to that." Since then, no more head-hitting . . . unless he is losing. Dave says Denzel is one of those guys where women want to be with him, and men want to be him . . . though Dave didn't quite say it that way. Dave admits that he, too, wants to be with Denzel . . . in a just hanging out kinda way. He wants Denzel to be his famous friend. Denzel agrees the two of them could take a walk down the street . . . . some day. It's in early negotiations but right now it's scheduled for one day a week.
Denzel Washington – his new film is entitled, "2 Guns." It opens this Friday.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Write yourself a note so you don't miss Dave tomorrow with Bryan Cranston, Amanda Seyfried, and Michael Franti and Spearhead. Anyone else having trouble with the vertical hold on their microwave oven? Back in two."

ACT 6:
Back from commercial, Dave makes some small talk with Paul. Alan Kalter breaks in with something he thinks will energize the show.
ALAN: "Hey, folks! It's time for a fun new Late Show segment called, ‘Come On, Everybody!'
Dave is confused. This wasn't on the schedule. Alan gets up from his perch and stands in front of the audience with great enthusiasm
ALAN: "Come on, everybody! Clap along!" (the audience begins to clap along) "Yeah, that's it! Everybody! Keep it going! Come on, everybody! Yeah, that's it! You got it!"
DAVE: "Alan . . . .
Alan continues and ignores Dave. The audience continues to "come on."
DAVE: "Alan!"
Alan pays no mind.
DAVE: "Alan, does this segment have an ending? . . . . "
Alan continues to play to the audience. The audience continues to "come on" and clap along.
Dave knows when he is beaten. He throws to commercial.

ACT 7:
JAMES MCCARTNEY

From his debut album, the singer from London performed "Wisteria."

And that was our show for Monday, July 29, 2013.

Denzel mentioned working with heavyweight champ, Michael Spinks. And now, my Michael Spinks story.
Growing up, the two greatest sports titles were Olympic Decathlon Champion and the best, the Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World. Michael Spinks was that heavyweight champion for some time. And I ran into him at the Hard Rock Café here in Manhattan on 57th Street on a midweek afternoon. I rarely rarely ever approach a celebrity to introduce myself. I know they don't want to meet me and I've found it's easier to just tell friends that I did meet them. But I was walking in to the Hard Rock just as Michael Spinks was walking out and I figured I could get a handshake without breaking stride. Our eyes met and I gave a quick, "Hey, Champ!" and stuck out my hand. The champ smiled and shook my hand, slowing down just enough to make me feel somewhat important. And then he was off. And I stood there looking at my hand in disbelief. The heavyweight boxing champion of the world gave me the weakest, clammiest, dead fish handshake I have ever received. It was nothing. How disappointing! I tried to chalk it up that a boxer's hands are sensitive from all that training but he hadn't had a fight in months and one was scheduled for months. I decided to let myself think that a boxer's hands are like the hands of a violin virtuoso. Their hands are incredibly valuable and are the tools in which they make their living. This is why Michael Spinks, the heavyweight boxing champion of the world went soft on the handshake. He didn't want to tax his mitts.

I saw the trailer for the "Two Guns" movie. Denzel is with Mark Wahlberg. Denzel casually tosses a hand grenade and a big explosion follows. Neither Denzel nor Mark flinches. Not a bit of a reaction from the great blast. This seems to be common in big action movies. There is always a shot of the hero walking away . . . . and then we see a big explosion behind him. The hero doesn't react, doesn't flinch. It's like, "Yeah, I did that" and "Danger? I'm not afraid of danger." The shot is a bit overdone.

This Date in Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader History July 29, 2002 - Possibly my oldest daily reader, it's 83-year-old Joel Bradbury. Today marks his 3rd anniversary of being a Wahoo reader.

This concludes another installment of This Date In Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Bellvue Senior High School in Washington, on this her birthday, it's Danielle Thomson
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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