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Monday, August 19, 2013 The return of red-headed Dave.
Show #3890
Olivia Wilde, Dean Norris, and John Mayer.
PLUS: A-Rod Getting' It Done; Do It Like The Durb!; Presidential Vacations; Dave, TV, and Time Warner; a Top Ten list; and the new Lee Daniels' movie.

" . . . and now, biological conundrum . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"Lindsay Lohan was interviewed by Oprah last night. Oprah didn't go easy on her, asking Lindsay all the tough questions; such as, "Is that my necklace?"
-"Lee Daniels' The Butler" is the number 1 movie in the country. It's about a man who gets coffee for the President . . . . it's based on Joe Biden."

Did you watch the Yankee/Red Sox game Sunday night? The Boston threw at and hit turbulent Yankee 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez. It inspired us to put together this: "Alex Rodriguez Gettin' It Done"
We see footage of A-Rod during some down time in the dugout, in the batter's box, and in the field spitting sunflower seeds. He eats these seeds like they are PEDs.

And while we're at it, how about some "Senator Dick Durbin Setting a Good Example"
We see a clip of the U.S. Senator from Illinois speeching: "I take a multivitamin every day..."
ART CARD: "DO IT LIKE THE DURB!"

President Obama is back from a well-deserved vacation. His job is known to be a bit stressful. Where did he and the family go? To Martha's Vineyard.
We take a look how other U.S. Presidents spent their vacation.
ART CARD: "Presidential Vacations Through the Years"
2013 --- We see Barack and his wife Michelle riding bicycles in Martha's Vineyard.
1946 --- We see Harry Truman in a bathing suit in Bermuda.
1863 --- We see Abe and Mary Todd Lincoln walking nude on a beach at the Juniper Woods Naturist Camp.
ART CARD: "Presidential Vacations Through the Years"

ACT 2:
I've been away for two weeks and was surprised to see that this Time Warner Cable/CBS battle is stilling going on. You can't see the CBS here in New York and in some other locales. Plus, I get the Cablevision so the blackout doesn't affect me yet, so I'm not all that concerned. It's sort of like the all-volunteer army. Since my children aren't involved in the war, my concern isn't as high as it should be about our involvement in the fight. If there were a draft . . . if everyone's children were forced to enter the military . . . . then the whole country would be demonstrating in the streets every day to end the thing. The Time Warner Cable/CBS blackout is just like that.

Having two weeks off gave Dave time to waste in front of the television. One thing that he's learned that he would like to share: There is no Amish Mafia. Although there is a show on TV that suggests there is, Dave assures us there is no such thing. The Amish are more likely to create their own space program before they have their own mafia.

And the goons over at Time Warner are being ridiculous. Dave only wishes he knew more about what was going on. All he knows is that he can't get his CBS at home. Moments before the show, I was asked to type something up on a blue card about Time Warner. With mere minutes to work with, I scampered to the computer and printed out 18 pages of Time Warner info off the Wikipedia. This had to be condensed onto half a blue card. One bit of information I came up with is that Time Warner Inc. is comprised of 4 divisions. One of those divisions is HBO. And that was enough for Dave spew his thoughts about the HBO. Years ago the HBO produced a movie about the late night TV wars. At the time, Dave and Paul had been putting on a show every night for 16 or so years. One hour every night for 16 years. And somehow, HBO thought it would be a good idea to portray Dave as a guy with red hair. They plopped on the actor who played Dave a red wig. And then they decided to place Dave in his backyard throwing softballs at an archery target. A red wig? Softballs at an archery target? None of that is true. It was as if HBO wanted Dave to appear peculiar. Dave isn't sure but he thinks the guy who played Jay Leno was Jay himself. During Dave's soliloquy, the control room was scurrying here and there to find a shot of John Michael Higgins, the guy who played Dave in "The Late Shift." When they find something, the control room throws it up on the monitor. Dave gets a big chuckle out of the guy in the red wig chomping on a cigar who was supposed to be him.

TOP TEN: THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH ALEX RODRIGUEZ'S MIND AT THIS MOMENT. We see a clip of Sunday night's Yankee/Red Sox game where Ryan Dempster plunked A-Rod with a pitch in the second inning.
THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH ALEX RODRIGUEZ'S MIND AT THIS MOMENT
9. "Hey! My injection arm!"
6. "More than anything, that hurt my feelings."
5. "I could really go for some popcorn." We see a clip of Cameron Diaz feeding the A-Rod some popcorn at the Super Bowl, February 2011.
4. "Didn't feel a thing . . . . thank you, steroids."
1. "I'm going to need a massage." We see a clip of a shirtless Biff giving a shirtless Alex Rodriguez a massage.

ACT 3:
Dave complains about another show he saw on the TV. It's about a couple who are walking across the continent of Africa completely naked. Dave admits the only way that show would interest him is if they were both eaten by lions.
I make a note. If the couple do indeed get eaten by lions, we should not repeat this program.

OLIVIA WILDE
The lovely Olivia says she has learned two things tonight.
1. There is no such thing as the Amish Mafia.
2. Alex Rodriguez has bigger breasts than she does.

Olivia is engaged to be married to funny man Jason Sudeikis. When? She ain't saying. We see a photo of Olivia and fiancé Jason lounging by their pool. Eagerly sitting with them is magician David Blaine. He was showing the couple some of his tricks. One trick he wanted to perform was holding his breath for 15 minutes. He wanted Jason and Olivia to hold his head under water for 15 minutes and to keep it dunked under no matter how much David thrashed and kicked and struggled for air. Olivia and Jason didn't think it was a good idea. Why was David there by the pool with Jason and Olivia? He's going to be doing magic at the wedding reception. I love and I hate magic. I love it because when I see it, I'm amazed and wonder, "How did he do that?" I hate it because I become confused and wonder, "How did he do that?"
Olivia's new film, "Drinking Buddies," opens this Friday. It takes place in a brewery. She was required to do a lot of drinking . . . . suffering for her craft.

Tonight's "Backstage Photo Club" featured Associate Director Jessica Santini.

ACT 4:
The new Lee Daniels' The Butler movie is the #1 film in the country. He had to be titled that way because there was fear that people would mistake it for the 1916 movie, ‘The Butler." The 1916 "The Butler" is a Warner Brothers film . . . . of Time Warner. So successful is Lee Daniels' The Butler, that Lee Daniels is already working on his next movie. We take a look at this trailer.
ANNOUNCE: "From acclaimed producer Lee Daniels, who brought you ‘Lee Daniels' The Butler,' comes a new film, chronicling the vibrant career of filmmaker Lee Daniels. Lee Daniels stars as Lee Daniels in ‘Lee Daniels': The Lee Daniels Story: a Lee Daniels Film.' Coming soon."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We've got the show you want tomorrow with Dave and his guests Louis C.K., humanitarian and activist Hugh Evans, and John Legend. Visit CBS.com/LateShow to watch John Mayer Live on Letterman. John Mayer's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Go ahead . . . . demand it!"

ACT 6:
DEAN NORRIS

The guy's got it going on! He's in the hit CBS series, seen everywhere but on Time Warner, "Under the Dome," and he's in the very popular "Breaking Bad" on the AMC. What does Dean think of Time Warner? He's so mad at them that he's returned his Time Warner cable box.
Dean and Dave are both Hoosiers. Dean grew up in South Bend, Indian, famously known as the home of the Fighting Irish, Notre Dame University. (My daughter Danielle wants to go to Notre Dame. She says she want to visit the campus. I told her there is no need to visit. If accepted, she's going. There is no need to look.)
Did Dean go to Notre Dame? No, he went to a small college here in the east . . . . Harvard. But he did do some acting at Notre Dame. He started acting as a youngster and whenever they needed a kid to perform in one of the University productions, there he was. He knew he wanted to become an actor at a young age, but when Harvard calls on you, you have to go. And then after college Dean motorcycled across Europe and then attended the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London. I swear, it's like I have a twin! And now he's in two of the biggest shows on TV!
Dean pays Dave a high compliment. Back when Dean was at Harvard in the early 80's, he was teased a bit about being from Indiana where all they have is corn. Dean calmly responds, "And David Letterman, mother ‘givl'er."
"Breaking Bad" – on the AMC, Sunday's at 9:00 PM.
"Under the Dome" – on CBS, Mondays at 10:00 PM.

ACT 7:
JOHN MAYER

From his Tuesday release CD, "Paradise Valley," John Mayer performed an enjoyable "Wild Fire."

And that was our show for Monday, August 19, 2013.

I say this every time he's on the show . . . I like the song by John Mayer . . . . and I have to get some of his CDs.

Dean Norris would boast in college that Indiana had more than just corn; they had David Letterman! But during the 80s, Indiana was also the home of basketball's best Larry Bird, baseball's best Don Mattingly, music icon John Cougar Mellencamp, the top college basketball team and coach Bobby Knight, and Vice President Dan Quayle.

This isn't about sports . . . .
A-ROD! I'm enjoying the heck out of this. Baseball and the Yankees used to be very special to me, but now I use them both purely for entertainment. I am no longer emotionally involved in how the Yankees do on the field. The behavior of baseball and the Yankees toward the fans has been awful for years, so I'm now out . . . emotionally, at least. I just want to be entertained, and yes, OK, I am more entertained when the Yankees win. I've never been much of a fan of Alex Rodriguez but now I root for him hard because I know how much it bothers everybody. I root for him to strike out, to get hit by a pitch, and to hit a home run. Either outcome puts people in a tizzy. And I like that. With A-Rod up at the plate, baseball suddenly turns into professional wrestling. Emotions fly sky high. He's a bit of a pathetic, but so are the Yankees and Major League Baseball. They all go perfect together and deserve each other. Bring it on! Give me more! And adding lawyer Joe Tacopina into the mix is exactly the right flavoring. It's all so pathetic!

Baseball and the Yankees used to bring tears to this one-time teenager, both happy and sad. Now, it just brings belly laughs for me . . . contemptible and disgusted belly laughs at this once fine game.

What is going on with Alex Rodriguez and the Yankees and Major League Baseball isn't just about sports. It's entertainment for everybody. It's "Dallas," it's "One Life to Live," it's "Friday Night Lights," it's "Flamingo Road." Don't be afraid to follow it, non-sports fans. Watch it like a TV drama; watch it like reality show. This week's new episode has Alex Rodriguez suing the New York Yankees, the team paying him $25 million a year, for medical malpractice. The story line is just so juicy! Yes, I admit it's all a bit farfetched and hard to believe, but c'mon, it's TV. It's all make believe.

Yippee! We got a mention. Maybe I simply haven't seen it in the past but USA Today on Monday made the Late Show Live on Letterman web concerts a "What To Watch: Our Top Picks" for the week, with photos and all! The John Mayer web concert can be seen starting Monday at 8:00 on the Late Show website, and John Legend on Tuesday at 8:00 PM. ‘Bout time!

My girls were up early today to go to the first day of high school cross country practice. Double sessions. They are officially high school seniors.
Yikes. How did that happen? The years went fast, though many of the days went long.

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History August 19, 2002: "From Chapel Hill, North Carolina, it's Aimee Peden." This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

I like to count the empty seats behind home plate at Yankee Stadium, the best seats in the house.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Andrews High School in Andrews, South Carolina, and with a catheter up by his deal, it's Brian Howle.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, July 28
Things turn ugly when Spider-man meets Elmo during Dave's monologue.
Friday, July 25
From an ad in a newspaper... "Click here"?
Wednesday, July 23
The PonyCycle gets put out to pasture.
Tuesday, July 22
Naked daters and their disgusted chairs.
Monday, July 21
The Late Show turns into "MacArthur Park" for one night.