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Monday, August 26, 2013 German Dave: “Wuz you ever in the nuthouse?”
Show #2894
Patrick Dempsey, Amy Sedaris, and Laura Marling.
PLUS: Late Show Backstage Tennis Championship; Alan with a buffer; an odd commercial during the VMAs; Dave's traffic accident; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, with a hint of hazelnut . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"Anthony Weiner was involved in a minor car accident. Awkward moment when he emailed his insurance company the wrong photo."

The U.S. Tennis Open is here in New York City. Time now for our annual Backstage Tennis Championship. Take a look at how it's going. We see two tennis players taking part in a vigorous game in the Green Room. It looked like something Bobby Riggs would challenge someone to on a bet. Even though Isner is losing to Smith in the Green Room, I wouldn't bet against Isner, especially with that serve of his.
(First seen: 9/08/11 – didn't see it last year, so I'm not sure why we call it our "annual" Backstage Tennis Championship.)
Do you hear that? Dave hears something odd and isn't sure what it is. No, it's not laughter . . . it's . . . it's . . . it's something coming from Alan Kalter's area. We take a look at Mr. Kalter to find him buffing his shoes with one of those spinning shoe duster/polishers.
DAVE: "Alan! Hey. Alan! What're you doing over there?"
ALAN: "You shut up! I'm shining my shoes. Why don't you call Helen Reddy?"
DAVE: "What? Why are you making that noise? Please stop."
ALAN: "I don't care what you think, duck lips. Nobody keeps Big Red from looking his best!"
DAVE: "Uhh, OK. Sorry about that."
ALAN: "Yeah, I'll bet you're sorry, you pathetic sack of wet cheese." Alan then turns to another camera and winks. And he winks three more times just in case we didn't catch it.

By the time on his watch, Dave sees it is time for the "Local News Highlight of the Night"
We see a clip from WFXT-TV Boston. Your basic male/female anchor team is at the desk. The male anchor throws to Melissa Mahan on the scene in Brockton, Massachusetts.
We cut to Melissa. She is unaware she is on. She looks up and softly questions, "What?" Still not sure, she repeats, " What?" Reality starts to set in. "Right now? Oh, hi. Good evening."
Congratulations, Melissa . . . national TV!

Good news! I missed the MTV Video Music Awards Sunday night. During the show, Dave saw a very odd commercial. Luckily he had his TIVO operating, and he brought in the clip. We take a look at the peculiar commercial. It has to do with a pharmaceutical.
ANNOUNCE: "Every day is a struggle, and every day you pray for things to get easier."
Music turns upbeat.
ANNOUNCE: "But now there's help. If you're one of the millions of Americans who suffer from Restless Tongue Syndrome, there's a wide range of treatments that might be right for you."
We cut to Miley Cyrus "performing" at the VMA's. She is working her tongue like a deer on a saltlick.
ANNOUNCE: "Consult your physician today, so we never have to see this again. A message from the Restless Tongue Syndrome Institute."
Only one other place have I seen tongue-action like that . . . . . George "The Animal" Steele.

ACT 2:
A story! I love Dave's stories!
Last night he was driving through the city and found himself to bumper-to-bumper traffic. Dave passed the time by chomping on an apple. He bit too deep and bit the apple in half. The core broke off and fell in his lap. He then looked down to find the core when he bumped into the car in front of him. Dave's immediate worry was, "License? Registration? Insurance?" Did he have everything? He checked his glove compartment and found his needed papers. If Dave is a typical guy, they were put there by his wife. The damage to the car in front of him, a BMW, was minimal. The damage to Dave's Volvo was negligible. Even so, the short-wearing, cigarette smoking, German fellow wanted to make out a police report. The police were called and they eyeballed the damage. They weren't sure what the fuss was all about. Did the guy really want a report? Yes. He wanted a police report. While the info was being exchanged, Dave came up with a brilliant idea. The guy was driving a BMW . . . . Dave knows people at BMW. In fact, Dave knows the head of the North American BMW Racing Program . . . . . Bobby Rahal! Dave dropped the name and, unfortunately, it fell to the floor. The guy never heard of Bobby Rahal. All he was interested in was a police report . . . . soon to be on sale on eBay.

Odd Dave? Dave smokes a cigarette and speaks in a German accent, "Wuz you ever in the nuthouse?"

TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU'RE ATTENDING A PHONY UNIVERSITY – The New York Attorney General is suing Donald Trump for $40 million for operating a phony "Trump University" that steered students to expensive and mostly useless seminars.
A 3-day seminar cost $1,495. The "Trump Elite" course package could run as high as $35,000.
SIGNS YOU'RE ATTENDING A PHONY UNIVERSITY
8. On your first day, you're asked to chair the Physics department.
7. To graduate, you need 32 credits or 32 Mountain Dew twist-off caps.
6. Upon closer inspection, you see it's called "Harvarb"
4. Lectures have a two drink minimum
3. Dean is just a guy named Dean.
1. President of the University? This guy. (we see a clip of Donald Trump clotheslining Ed McMahon on one of those Wrestlemanias.

ACT 3:
PATRICK DEMPSEY

Ten years on the super successful, "Grey's Anatomy" as Dr. McDreamy. How much longer will the show, and/or he, remain? Patrick says it all depends on the negotiations. And now he's in the 4-part documentary miniseries, "Patrick Dempsey: Racing Le Mans." It's on the Velocity network and premieres this Wednesday at 9:00 PM.
My wife loves the "Grey's Anatomy." Me, not so much. It always seems the staff is terribly concerned about relationships rather than the patient on the operating table. But I've developed a real appreciation for Dempsey. On one of his visits he revealed he was an accomplished skier, juggler, unicycler, and car racer. A very talented man. And he probably does a lot of other stuff because he is obviously a "do-er." And he's lost a lot of weight. He lost a lot for his participation as a race driver. Weight is the enemy of speed and he wants to be lean. How much did he lose? Patrick says, "About 17 pounds." Now, do people usually use "about" when referring to "17 pounds"? Wouldn't they say "about 15 pounds" or "about 20 pounds"? 17 pounds seems to be pretty specific.
Dave is very interested in Patrick's documentary about Le Mans. The race is a full week event, with the car inspection, practice, and parades. Le Mans is a 24-hour race and Patrick drove about 6 to 7 hours for his team. Patrick would hit 185 mph. . . . at night. Going that speed keeps you pretty focused. Dave is familiar with the 24 hours of Le Mans and asks questions that none of us would be aware of, such as "Did you ride the Ferris wheel?" Apparently, there is a Ferris wheel near by the race course. Patrick says he did not ride the Ferris. Dave laughs and says that's where they are different. Dave would make sure he rode it when he was done with one of his driving shifts.

Other actor/racers were Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, and James Garner. The best racer of those three? Patrick guesses Paul Newman. It came natural to him; he worked hard at it, and was a fierce competitor. The best actor of those three? Patrick sidesteps the question, saying it probably depends on the role.

"Patrick Dempsey: Racing Le Mans" – it starts this Wednesday on the Velocity at 9:00 PM.

ACT 4:
AMY SEDARIS

Amy has been on vacation. She took the ferry to the Rockaways. The ferry is great because you can drink on the boat. Amy is old school. She uses baby oil while soaking up the sun at the beach. I think baby oil has an SPF of negative-30. As per usual, conversation with Amy tends to be scattered, fast, and furious. Many topics are sprinkled about and touched upon but never staying around too long. Amy's side-comments are always a hoot and unexpected, though we've come to expect the unexpected from Amy.
Amy likes to spend time with her Godson and she can often be seen babysitting the two-year-old boy. She shows a photo of her giving the boy a bath. He is sitting in a sink full of water with a phone up to his ear. Nearby is Amy's plugged-in hairdryer. In the background, a young boy's arm's length away, is a bevy of sharply honed cutlery.
The photo was so cute that Amy sent the photo to the boy's mom. The mom was over to the house in minutes. Now when Amy babysits, she needs to be supervised. Yes, the supervisor needs supervision.
Amy recently had a tooth pulled. She's not happy about it. For three years the dentist tried to save the tooth. The dentist would raise Amy's spirits in hopes of saving it but at the end it had to be yanked. Amy wonders why they didn't just yank it three years ago. She admits to having little attachment to the tooth. Yank away! She can fill the hole with a little marshmallow.
And that‘s Amy Sedaris. She reminds me a bit of some friends of mine. When I get home, Denise will ask, "So, what did you talk about?" I answer always the same, "Nothing, but we didn't stop talking."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Make yourself happy and catch Dave tomorrow with Anderson Cooper, Olivia Munn, and Robert Randolph and The Family Band."
Live shot on Alan.
ALAN: "I can't like to you. I look fabulous today. It feels good to tell the truth."

ACT 7:
LAURA MARLING

From her new album, "Once I Was An Eagle," Laura Marling performed "Master Hunter."

And that was our show for Monday, August 26, 2013.

I made pasta e fagioli this weekend from a recipe I found on the Facebook. It was billed, "Just like Olive Garden!" I don't know. Is that a good thing? Came out good. Heavy on the chop meat, so how can you go wrong with that?

Wahoo Question of the Night:
What was the last album you ever bought? Garage sales and 2nd-handers don't count. I think mine was Bonnie Raitt's "Takin' My Time."
Whoa! I just checked and the Bonnie Raitt "Takin' My Time" album came out in 1973, her third album. I'm sure I didn't buy it back then, but somewhere in the 90s. I remember liking her version of "You've Been In Love Too Long." She took a blues-ish tune and popped it up a bit. I was wanting some Bonnie at the time and I had heard this song either on the radio (WFUV-Fordham) or on TV. "Takin' My Time" – Bonnie Raitt – the last album I ever bought. What's yours?

It's nice to have two sports teams in your hometown. In football, I root for the New York Giants and watch the New York Jets for the comedy. The Jets run into a lot of misfortune, but it's always their own doing. If they were the only team in town, it would be miserable having to root for them.

I saw it the other day on my way home. I was on 57th Street on my way to the West Side Highway. I was stopped in front of the CBS building. There were demonstrators and supporters holding signs on the sidewalk. About 30 people were holding signs in support of Eliot Spitzer for New York City Comptroller. Another 30 people were holding signs in support of Scott Springer. Out of these 60 people, I would bet $1,000 not more than 2 of them could pick Spitzer or Springer out of a lineup. They were obviously paid to look as if they knew what a comptroller is and that Spitzer or Springer was their man. But that's showbiz.

Old Joke: Trump University – how to be a millionaire . . . . 1. First, get a billion dollars.

A few months ago I watched Steve McQueen's "Le Mans." I would love to see the scripts. Couldn't be more than 4 pages. All racing; little dialogue.

Congratulations to Will Lee. His new CD, "Love, Gratitude, and Other Distractions" is now available. Google it. Check it out. And check out some of Will Lee here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSXwLv0vt3Q

I have his new CD right alongside "Oh!"

And now it's time for "This Date in Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader History"
From August 26, 2003: On his 44th birthday, its little John, John DelRegno.
This concludes another installment of "This Date in Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader History"

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
On his 54th birthday, it's Little John, John DelRegno.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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