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Wednesday, September 4, 2013 Time For A Biff Henderson Rosh Hashanah Classic.
Show #3899
Tim Robbins, Herm Edwards, and Passion Pit.
PLUS: a Biff Henderson Rosh Hashanah Classic; Late Show: Miami; Now That You Mention It, Yes; a stagehand asks to leave early; how the CBS/Time Warner Cable dispute ended; Mayor Bloomberg on the phone; a Top Ten list; and the Late Show Audience Giveaway.

" . . . . and now, with his latest attempt . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:

-"President Obama came out today and said he never mentioned the "red line" in the sand about Syria. Well, it's taken him 5 years to learn how to bull-‘djoy.'"
-"A couple was arrested for having sex in a Home Depot. Finally somebody found what they were looking for at a Home Depot."
-"When they were discovered having sex at the Home Depot, somebody yelled, ‘Hey, why don't you two build a room?!'"

It's Rosh Hashanah, and that calls for a "Biff Henderson Rosh Hashanah Classic." From October 3, 2005, we see Biff reporting from Times Square. The chilled Biff exclaims, "You can feel the electricity surfing through the air, as we usher in the Newish Jew Year." Boing!

The Late Show kicks off a new season, and this year we will be solving crimes. We're calling it, "Late Show: Miami."
A "Late Show: Miami" graphic flies in with a heavy metal sting and a screech from Will Lee.

Do you love the new segments? Earthworms do, and so do many of the Late Show viewers. Tonight's new segment is entitled, "Now That You Mention It, Yes."
We cut to a commercial. A spokeswoman for a pharmaceutical product asks, "Does your mouth often feel like it lacks enough saliva to keep it comfortably moist?" ART CARD: NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, YES.

Back from the clip, we find Late Show stagehand Gene Szymanski standing by Dave.
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Gene. How can I help you?"
GENE: "I'm just letting you that I'm leaving early, to celebrate the Jewish High Holiday . . . Rush Limbaugh."
DAVE: "Well, uhh, you know, Gene, I didn't know you were Jewish, and, and I don't think . . . It's not Rush Limbaugh."
GENE: "Rumspringa?"
DAVE: "No."
GENE: "Shenandoah?"
DAVE: "No."
GENE: "Benihana? . . . . . . Honolulu?"
DAVE: "Yes, that's it! Honolulu. Happy Honolulu, Gene."
GENE: "Thanks, Dave." Gene exits, happy to get the rest of the night off.

Next week, Gene will be asking for "Young Kippers" off.

Finally . . . . . finally the CBS/Time Warner Cable dispute has come to an end. The result of the confrontation and how it was settled will echo for years among tv content and providers. It was monumental. And we have a clip of that moment that Time Warner Cable and CBS came to the agreement. We see just how the blackout came to an end.
ART CARD: "How the CBS Time Warner Blackout Ended"
We find a CBS video tape editor in the tape room. He is reclined, reading a newspaper. We hear over his intercom: "Alright, Jimmy. We're back on."
Editor Jimmy Alkins slowly lowers his newspaper. With a slight lean forward, he presses the PLAY button on one of the many machines in front of him. We see a CBS logo come on a small monitor with the announce, "This is CBS." Jimmy goes back to reading his newspaper.

ACT 2:
There is nothing like a New York City mayoral race . . . thank goodness. To get us up to speed on the current developments, we have the current Mayor of the great City of New York on the phone, Mayor Michael Bloomberger. Dave picks up the phone.
DAVE: "Hello, Mayor Bloomberg. Thank you very much for taking the time."
BLOOMBERG: "Thank you for having me."
DAVE: "Mayor Bloomberg, what do you think of the candidates currently in the race for your job?"
BLOOMBERG: "They have done very little."
DAVE: "I take it you're displeased with the candidates. Is that right?"
BLOOMBERG: "I'm not going to take it anymore. And if the voters like it, they'll re-elect me. And if the voters don't, at least I'll be able to look myself in the mirror."
DAVE: "But you're not allowed to run again. You've had three terms as the mayor. There's term limits . . . ."
BLOOMBERG: (responds in indecipherable Spanish)
DAVE: "That's great, Mr. Mayor, but I don't speak Spanish. If we could just stick to one language . . ."
BLOOMBERG: "You have to do both."
DAVE: "Fair enough. Have you thought about what you might want to do next when you leave office?"
BLOOMBERG: "You know, maybe the president of a book club . . . something like that."
DAVE: "Great. Well, Mr. Mayor, thank you very much. We're just about out of time. Is there anything else you'd like to say?"
BLOOMBERG: "No container should be bigger than 16 ounces." A quick hang up and dial tone.

TOP TEN: JOHN MCCAIN EXCUSES – He was seen playing video poker during the Senate debate over what to do with Syria.
8. "Relax, it's just a war hearing."
3. "Someone has to win back our $17 trillion."

Two of my submissions:
-"I wasn't playing poker. I was looking for ‘Late Show: Miami'" BUZZ.
-"I didn't know how to change the channel." BUZZ.

ACT 3:

Tim is now a California kid. His bike riding and gardening has done him good. He's looking great. He hasn't mastered the surfing but he's getting there. But what about the hockey? Is there hockey in California, I mean since the California Seals left? The ice hockey is no more for Tim these days, but roller hockey is big. It's just like the ice hockey, fights and all.
Tim has been keeping busy with his theater company, "Actors Gang." The company has been together for 32 years now and part of what they do is working in prisons, doing theater with the inmates. The prisoners take part for a number of reasons, and what they learn can help tremendously when on the outside in dealing with the day-to-day. It's shown great success and a benefit to society.

Tim's new film, "Thanks For Sharing," opens September 20th. It's about sex addicts, with obsessions to alcohol and food and drugs mixed in. For help, they should check out

ACT 4:
Back from commercial . . . . . .
DAVE: "Hey, Alan, what time is it?"
ALAN: "Dave, it's time to play ‘Late Show Audience Giveaway!'"
DAVE: "And what is tonight's ‘Late Show Audience Giveaway'?"
ALAN: "It's 100 dollars cash!"
ALAN: "Now, audience, who here tonight has a hundred dollars cash on them?" (camera pans the audience – one guy stands and waves with excitement) " You, sir! Yes, you. Let's see the hundred dollars."
The audience guy reaches into his wallet and counts out 5 twenty dollar bills.
He waves them over his head for everyone to see.
ALAN: "OK . . . . now, give it away!"
Audience guy looks confused and a bit angry
ALAN: "That's right! Just give it away. Give it to the audience member in front of you!"
The audience guy reluctantly hands over his 5 twenties. He is not at all happy.
ALAN: "Great! Now, get out of here!" The guy exits.
ALAN: "And that's how we play ‘Late Show Audience Giveaway!'"

At least the guy got to leave early.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Find your way back tomorrow to catch Dave with guests Queen Latifah, Jake Johnson, and TV On The Radio. Plus, visit to watch Passion Pit Live on Letterman. Passion Pit's exclusive online concert form the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. My self-esteem is soaring!"

ACT 6:

The former head coach of the New York Jets and Kansas City Chiefs is now an NFL football analyst for ESPN. Herm did pretty well with the Jets, leading them to the playoffs two years. Herm says the NFL all has to do with the quarterback. Chad Pennington was the quarterback for the Jets when Herm was the coach, and he says "When he was healthy, I always had a job." Dave wonders if a great quarterback can make any team a playoff-caliber team. Edwards points to Dave's team, the Indianapolis Colts. With Peyton Manning at the helm, they were a perennial playoff team. When he got hurt and was out for the year, the Colts had a record of 2-14. They drafted college QB sensation Andrew Luck and the team goes 11-5, so, yeah, quarterback does make a huge difference.
Dave wonders about the size of today's football players. They are up to 300 . . . 325 . . . even 350 pounds. How do they get so big? Herm Edwards says, "a lot of seconds." Herm adds that it is a lot of the training and muscle they build from the year-round work. Dave weighs 170 pounds. Could he get up to 300 pounds if he followed the NFL training regimen? Herm eyeballs Dave and says he could get him up to 180, maybe.
(Me: when I watched football as a kid, the only 300-pound lineman I can remember was Sherman Plunkett of the Jets. Everyone remembers him for being 300 pounds. Now it's common place for a lineman to be 300+)
And speaking of weight, Herm has a diet plan for most Americans . . . . eat only with your left hand. Yes, it's silly . . . . but it would work. For righties, you would eat slower and eating wouldn't be so simple. Not a bad idea, Mr. Edwards.
Herm Edwards – a lively guy with an interesting look on things.

ACT 7:

From their current album, "Gossamer," the band from Boston performed "Constant Conversations."

And that was our show for Wednesday, September 4, 2013.

President Obama is now saying he didn't set a "red line" on Syria against using chemical weapons. I think . . . . I think the President is trying to pull a George Costanza.

Grownups! I want grownups to be our leaders! They shouldn't be playing video games when attending a debate on whether to send our men and women into harm's way to kill Syrians.
How many here would be fired if they were caught doing the same at a meeting of such dire consequences?

Biff's "Newish Jew Year" from October 3, 2005 – Wahoo Gazette:
Before the show, our stage manager Biff Henderson asked Dave if he could say a few words. Being a longtime and loyal Late Show staffer, Dave allowed the request.
We find Biff LIVE via satellite from Times Square. It is night time and he is dressed in a warm winter coat. He is holding a CBS microphone.
Biff: "Thanks, Dave. I'm standing here in Times Square in honor of Rosh Hashanah. You could feel the electricity surging through the air as we usher in . . . the . . . newish Jew Year." Biff immediately realizes his mistake. Paul howls with laughter as does Dave and the audience. Obviously, "newish Jew Year" is not what Biff meant to say. He edits himself right in the middle and advises he is going to start all over. He tries it again.
Biff: "Thanks, Dave. I'm standing here in Times Square in honor of Rosh Hashanah. You could feel the electricity surging through the air as we usher in the Jewish New Year." (applause from the audience) "The crowd is still a little thin, but pretty soon this place is going to be packed with people waiting for the big ball to drop. Back to you, Dave."
Dave asks about Biff's coat. Dave: "It looks newish."
Dave: "They don't drop the ball for the Jewish New Year. Times Square only drops it on January 1st."
Biff: "Hey, new year's is new year's." Biff takes a swig from a bottle of Champagne.
Dave: "Biff Henderson, ladies and gentlemen."

Herm Edwards was the Philadelphia Eagle who picked up the New York Giant fumble with seconds left in the game and ran it in for a touchdown. 1978, I believe. The Giants had the game sewn up and all they had to do was for the quarterback to take a knee and run out the clock. As Herm remembers it, this was before the "taking a knee" came into existence to kill the clock. The Giants fumbled the simple handoff and Edwards was there to scoop it up. He ran it in for a touchdown and the team went on to make the playoffs.
Giants QB Joe Pisarcik DID take a knee before the fumble, but the Eagles rushed hard and a bunch of guys fell on Pisarcik. Fearing injury, the Giants called for a handoff to Larry Csonka for the next play. Csonka barked that he wasn't going to take the handoff; that Joe should just take a knee. There was disagreement in the huddle and when the Giants went to the line, no one was quite sure what the play was. The fumble ensued, and the rest is history. Giant fans were so outraged that the team's losing was no longer acceptable. The Giants management, who seemed complacent and satisfied with the weekly sold-out stadium, was forced into action. Coaches were fired that week. In the fallout, the Giants hired a new General Manager, George Young, and a new coach Bill Parcells. And you know the rest.
I had friends at that Giants game. Their family were long long time Giant fans. He tells me that following the fumble, the fans sat in stunned silence. They couldn't believe how the Giants found a way to lose this game. The silence was then followed by a chorus of boos from all around the stadium . . . . followed by laughter . . . . loud and prolonged laughter. The once-proud Giants had become a national embarrassment and deserving of ridicule. Even their most loyal fans had had enough.
And that was The Fumble . . . or the Miracle at the Meadowlands, depending on who you were rooting for.

Happy birthday Ann Wolfstedter Dooley
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, May 18
Hovering! with Tom Hanks
Saturday, May 16
Oprah and Dave indulge in a selfie.
Thursday, May 14
Tom Waits, Dave and what's-his-name.
Wednesday, May 13
Julia and Dave squeeze in one last hug.
Tuesday, May 12
Adam Sandler performs a musical ode to Dave.