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Monday, September 9, 2013 Dave's "Dancing with the Stars" audition tape surfaces.
Show #3902
Ricky Gervais, Rahm Emanuel, and Janelle Monae.
PLUS: Dave's dance moves; Miley and magazines; Memorable Presidential War Speeches; and Victoria Azarenka Talks To Animals.

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"Another war? Are we about to enter another war? Americans are afraid of a long involvement. . . . . like George Clooney."

The Dancing With The Stars show has named their celebrity dancers for this season, and Dave is more than a bit upset. What will it take for them to pick Dave? Have they even looked at his audition tape? We take a look. We see Dave rasslin' with himself at the monologue, getting himself in a headlock. Even Elaine Benes would feel embarrassed for him.
Best guess: the clip was from 2/22/13; show #3813 – as I wrote then: " Dave opened the monologue with some Odd Dave stuff for my files . . . he twisted himself into a pretzel-like headlock. Hey, it's his show. He can do whatever he wants."

The Miss Miley Cyrus has been met with some bad news today. "Vogue" magazine has dropped plans of putting her on their cover due to her antics at the Video Music Awards. But you knew someone would jump at the chance to slam her face on their cover. Did you see who picked her up? Not surprising, it's "Tongue Muscle & Fitness" magazine. Lots of articles about tongue stuff.

Are we on the verge of war with Syria? Looks like Obama is hoping so. He's speeching about it to drum up support. It gave us the idea for this piece for non-peace, "Memorable Presidential War Speeches." We take a look.
FDR: (from 12/08/41) "December 7th, 1941 . . . a date that will live in infamy." REAGAN: (from 6/06/84) "Democracy is worth dying for because it's the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man."
GW BUSH: (from 2/12/01) "America needs a military where our breast and brightest are proud to serve."

Did you enjoy the women's finals at Sunday's U.S. Tennis championship? Serena Williams defeated Victoria Azarenka of Belarus. It was Serena's 5th U.S. Open title. But there is one thing that Azarenka has over Serena . . . . Azarenka can talk to the animals. We take a look.
ART CARD: "Victoria Azarenka Talks to Animals"
We see a long volley between Azarenka and Williams. Ms. Azarenka likes to grunt when she returns a volley. Her grunts sound a lot like that of various animals. We couple her grunt with various noises from many animals, such as a wolf, a goat, a lamb, a seal, a frog, and more.

ACT 2:
RICKY GERVAIS

Ricky evenly splits his time here in the U.S. and his home of London. But aren't the taxes crazy in the U.K. Ricky says, unlike Dave, he likes to pay his taxes and give back.
Dave noticed that Rickey shook with his left hand when greeting Dave. He's got a bad shoulder problem. He calls it a "frozen shoulder." Dave is very familiar with the "frozen shoulder." Dave knows what Ricky will be going through. There will be some "dumbass" injecting cortisone into Ricky's shoulder. Ricky eyes grow wide and he says, "Yes! Twice already!" Dave gives Ricky his jacket to put on. Ricky can't do it. Same thing happened to Dave. Dave says Ricky will have the problem for two years and then it will go away. It will reconcile on its own in two years. Stop the shots. It won't help. And it may be psycho-somatic component. Dave says Ricky can get rid of the problem in six weeks by following this simple routine. Dave calls for a towel. Dave uses the towel to stretch his arms over his head and around his back. Ricky can barely lift his arm over his waist. But it's a start. Do this for six weeks and slowly but surely it'll be remedied. Ricky whinnies like a ninny, afraid to do any more harm to his arm, but mostly afraid of the pain he knows will result from any kind of stretch. After much objection, Ricky convinces Dave that he's had enough.
They sit back down and Dave mutters, "OK, tell us about ‘Derek.'" It's time for the business end.
"Derek" – it's Ricky's new show available now on Netflix. Well, available come Thursday. It's quirky, but then, what else would it be with Ricky?

ACT 3:
MAYOR RAHM EMANUEL

The 55th Mayor of the great city of Chicago! Dave loves Chicago, but wonders if it is too violent now. That's what's been reported in the news. Mayor Emanuel says the violent crime is down 25%. And recently, a worldwide study named Chicago as one of the top ten cities for economic growth, the only city in North America to be cited.
Dave remembers being a kid from Indiana and always remembers the big juggernaut Daley regime to head Chicago politics. The Daley's are still involved in Chicago politics and continue to benefit the city. Dave Rahm enjoy being the Mayor? Mayor Emanuel says it is the best job he's ever had in public life. Rahm Emanuel was the Senior Advisor under Bill Clinton and the Chief of Staff at the beginning of the Obama Administration. At first, Rahm didn't want to be Obama's Chief of Staff. His home life and professional life was going great. Why would he want to mess with that? After some thought, he realized that when the President of the United States asks something from you, you accept the challenge.
A new documentary on Discovery will air Wednesday and Thursday night entitled, "The Presidents' Gatekeepers," about the job of Chief of Staff. The two-night, four hour special will examine the responsibilities of the position and features all 20 living White House Chiefs of Staff.
What kind of problems did Obama and Rahm face during his time at the White House. He says on Day 1, the President faced 2 wars, an economy in collapse, the auto industry in shambles . . . and that was waiting for them in the In Box on their very first day.
Working for Clinton and Obama was quite different. Rahm learned that to get a "YES" out of Clinton, all you had to do was wait for the NCAA basketball March Madness and look for him to be doing the New York Times Crossword Puzzle. When Clinton is involved with those two things, that's the time to go in to ask for something. He'll be too involved to quibble.

"The Presidents' Gatekeepers" – this Wednesday and Thursday at 9:00 PM on the Discovery Channel.
Chicago – open 24/7.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Get more of what you like tomorrow with Dave and his guests Billy Crystal, and Sheryl Crow. Science gets enough bodies. I'm leaving my body to entertainment. Do with it what you will. Stay here."

ACT 6:
JANELLE MONAE

From her new album, "The Electric Lady," the electric lady performed an enthusiastic "Dance Apocalyptic." She even danced on the furniture! I like her energy. Got to find out if Janelle Monae is on my daughters' radar. Hope so.

And that was our show for Monday, September 9, 2013.

Today is primary day here in New York City. And great news, the election board has decided to go with the old lever voting machines instead of the computer scanners. Yeah! Makes me almost want to vote illegally here in the city. The new, 21st century computer machines have run into problems; problems not faced with the old clunky reliable machines.
I don't like computerized voting. Something to do with "hacking." You know, hacking . . . how the computer can be violated and infiltrated to give us results that are not based on fact. Yeah, for reasons like that I don't like computer voting. Oh, but I know what you're thinking. You mean the 84-year-old women working as election officials wouldn't be able to fix the computer if something goes wrong?
Anyway, welcome back, lever voting machine!

I'm wondering if the Ryan Seacrest "Million Second Quiz" commercials shown during the NFL football games will bring in more viewers or chase them away.

A tradition continues. Come football season, on Monday mornings I log on to a local sports radio show whose team had the worst loss of the day. This morning, I listened to Tampa Bay's WFAN. To the first one to e-mail me, I will send him or her a signed one-dollar bill. The Bucs lost when they were called for a late hit with 15 seconds left in the game. The 15-yard penalty put the New York Jets in position to kick the winning field goal. Oh, the pain . . . the pain.

How was it that the New York Giants had a chance to win Sunday night vs. the Dallas Cowboys?
I'm more comfortable when the Giants are 3rd and 8 than I am when they're 3rd and 1.

Time for This Date in Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader History
From September 9, 1998: Tom McGonegal of Boston, MA.
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
On his birthday, it's Brady Cox.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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