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Monday, September 23, 2013 Dave puts on The Ritz's robe.
Show #3907
President Bill Clinton, and Tired Pony.
PLUS: Congress finding common ground; something from the Late Show Costume Designer; Rootin' Tootin' Putin; and Dave gets a letter and a robe!

" . . . . and now, providing a reason to believe . . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"Did you watch the Emmy Awards last night? For the first time in ten years I was not mentioned in the dead actor montage."

Congress can't seem to agree on anything. If only the Republicans and Democrats could find common ground on something . . . anything . . . maybe that would be the start to their working together to get things done. Here's what we found; something we call "United States Congress Finding Common Ground" ART CARD: "UNITED STATES CONGRESS FINDING COMMON GROUND" We see reps and senators on the floor of the Capitol.
Representative Leonard Boswell (D-Iowa): "I love horses."
Representative Louis Gohmert (R-Texas): "I love horses"
Senator Dick Durbin (R-Ohio): "I love horses."
Representative Steven Latourette (R-Ohio): "I love monkeys" – BUZZ ART CARD: "UNITED STATES CONGRESS FINDING COMMON GROUND"

We come back LIVE on Dave to find Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum standing next to Dave. She is holds a tuxedo.
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Sue. It's Late Show costume designer, Sue Hum. How're you doing, Sue?"
SUE: "Try on this tuxedo. If it needs alterations, we only have a few days left."
DAVE: "A few days left to get it altered . . . For what? A few days left for what?"
SUE: "Your big trip to the Emmys!"
DAVE: "Oh, I see. But the Emmys were last night. I won't need it. The Emmys were last night."
SUE: "Oh, no! What did you wear?"
DAVE: "I didn't go."
SUE: "Then who accepted the award?"
DAVE: "We didn't win anything. We weren't nominated for anything."
SUE: "Wow! That's jiggy!"
DAVE: "Yes, it certainly is, but I appreciate your concern in having your pulse on the finger of entertainment news."
SUE: "Well . . . . Should I still have the tuxedo pressed?"
DAVE: "Sure, I would. I'd have it pressed."
SUE: "You got it! And . . . . congratulations!"
Sue exits.

It's MOM night on CBS, so we thought this would be something nice for the ladies. You like the Putin? Well, here he is without his shirt on. We see a montage of nearly a dozen Putin shots without his wearing a shirt. Are you like me? Wouldn't you rather see Vladimir Putin on a shirt? Get it? Put-in on a shirt. Putin, instead of "putting". You can use that with your friends and you don't even have to credit the Wahoo. Pretend it's your own. In fact, after you use it I'd rather you not even mention the Wahoo Gazette. I would prefer distance between the Wahoo and that . . . "joke".

ACT 2:
A few weeks ago we had Serena Williams on the show just prior to the U.S. Open, which she won. Serena now spends a lot of time living in Paris. Dave saw that as an opening to mention his staying in Paris with the family some time back. Now, Dave makes a living coming up with snarky comments and throws them out willy nilly without even thinking sometimes. Serena says she lives in Paris, so Dave, wanting to sound all Parisian and French, says he spent a holiday at the famed Ritz Paris hotel. The Ritz Paris is THE Ritz, the Ritz every other Ritz tries to be. Dave, being Dave, says to Serena that he thought the Ritz Paris was a bit of a dump, adding that they treated him as if he was delivering meat. It was something to throw out there to see if the tennis great had a return. Well, anyway, Dave got a letter this week from the Ritz Paris. He holds it up to show off the letter head.
The letter read:
"Dear Monsieur Letterman,
With great disappointment (I imagine many letters to Dave start this way)we witnessed on your show on August 22nd that you did not have the best of stays at the Ritz Paris. However, we are still big fans of your show and will continue to watch with enthusiasm."
Dave stops and says, "This show is not seen in France."
Dave continues with the letter.
"We hope that you will accept our sincere apologies and this monogrammed bathrobe until our grand re-opening in 2014."
Dave realizes his problem with the Ritz Paris is that he probably stayed there when the place was closed.
"With best wishes form Place Vandome,
Christian Boyens and the Ritz Paris team."

Dave picks up a Ritz Paris shopping bag and exits behind the skyline. He puts on the monogrammed Ritz Paris bathrobe off camera. With great anticipation, we wait for the big unveiling. Dave then steps back into view wearing a fine-looking blue bathrobe. It looks mighty comfy.

If I slammed the Ritz Paris, I wouldn't get a robe. I'd probably get a cease and desist. But if I do get a Ritz Paris bathrobe for mentioning it here in the Wahoo . . . . "MM".

ACT 3:
PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON

Boy, it's hard to get him to open up. The President is looking thin and dapper. It's hard to lose the weight; even harder to keep it off. Dave and Bill have each had the heart surgery. Bill says 50% of the people have to go back to have the surgery within 15 years. Bill is eating right because he doesn't want to go through that again. Dave agrees. The bypass surgery is like being hit by a bus.
President Clinton is in town for his annual meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative. The mission of the CGI is to turn ideas into action by bringing together global leaders to create and implement innovative solutions to the worlds' most pressing challenges. Clean drinking water is one of the biggest challenges in the world today. One billion people today do not have access to clean water. One of the goals of the Clinton Global Initiative is to get water to those around the world in dire need. He credits Coca Cola, with one of the world's greatest distribution programs, with their input. And Proctor & Gamble has come up with a 10 cent packet that you can drop into a vat of dirty water which will clump the dirt to the top which can then be scooped out or run though a simple filter to be made drinkable. A 10-cent packet could create enough water for a family of four for a week. Progress is being made, but as always, so much more needs to be done.

Back from commercial, talk turns to terrorism and what we can do, and what we can't do. Can we stop it? Bill says we've stopped many terrorist attacks, but you have to be perfect. You can't miss one. And you don't really get the "credit" for preventing an attack; it's the one you don't stop that has the long-lasting and life-changing affect. An armed conflict with Syria for their use of chemical weapons was averted almost by accident. Secretary of State John Kerry was conversing with Russia's Foreign Minister and they happen to stumble into a solution. How successful this solution becomes is yet to be seen. Bill points out that this is one of the benefits to talking and negotiating. You can sometimes fall into a solution that you didn't foresee simply by sitting down and talking.

Hillary? Is she the next Democrat candidate for President? Bill says it is too early to tell. He doesn't know; Hillary doesn't know; Chelsea doesn't know . . . . .But . . . . WE know. Bill is right, though. Obama hasn't even completed his first year of his second term. It's way too early.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Check us out again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Cher, and Lizzy Caplan. My three ‘desert classic discs':
-A grinding disc, a sanding disc, and a buffing disc. Back in two."

ACT 7:
TIRED PONY

From their soon-to-be-released album, "The Ghost of the Mountain," the collection of musicians from diverse bands collaborated to perform "All Things All At Once."

And that was our show for Monday, September 23, 2014.

Here's something. I started the Wahoo Gazette during the very start of Clinton's 2nd term. Yeah, it's been around that long. The Wahoo was a blog before there was a word for it. It was once cutting edge. Now it's on the edge of being cut. I'm thinking of shortening it a bit and putting it each night on Twitter.

A message from Pedro Martinez to the New York Yankees: "Who's your daddy?" Yes, the Boston Red Sox are the Yankees daddy. The Beantown Bombers destroyed the Yankees in 6 of 7 games earlier this month. Each time I looked up during the two series there seemed to be two Red Sox on base and one of their bearded hitting a double. If I weren't bald, I'd tip my hat to the BoSox. Great great season. MLB fans kept waiting for them to falter but they never did.

I went to the Hamptons this weekend. My friend Buddy bought a house out there and invited the guys for a men's retreat. We all charged to the retreat head first. It worked out perfectly for me. Originally, he invited us down for the weekend of the 27th. I couldn't make it since the weekend of the 27th is Denise and my 25th wedding anniversary. That's right, a quarter century. I remember my parents' 25th. They were so old, yet they were younger than me now. I'm still not sure how that could be. So I told Denise that Buddy was inviting me down to his new Hampton place for the weekend but I wouldn't be going. She insisted I go and that we could celebrate our special day a week later. She sure sounded believable but I certainly wasn't going to take the chance. I ran it through my mind time and again but each time it came up that I better not go. And then Buddy e-mailed all of us to apologize. He got his dates mixed up. He wanted us to come down this weekend, not next weekend. I could go! Plus, I get credit for turning it down because of my anniversary. What a great turn of events!
Write that down, fellas. Pretend to turn down a great invite because you want to spend time with your wife on a special weekend. Then reveal that the date has been changed. What a great idea! It looks like you're willing to sacrifice!
And don't forget my other genius move. For Christmas, buy your wife tickets to some big event that'll be held around Valentine's day. Bang! It's a Christmas present, and when February rolls around, it's a Valentine's Day present! Bang Bang!
Thank me later. We gotta stick together, guys.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History. From September 23, 1999: "Theresa and Lou Buttafuoco."
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Reading this on his birthday, from Exit 100 off the Garden State Parkway, it's Bruce Springsteen. (Just in case . . . . just in case)
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Thursday, July 31
Costume Designer Sue Hum not bothering Dave.
Wednesday, July 30
A visit from Dave's pool boy.
Tuesday, July 29
"Guardians of the Galaxy" looks like a sure-fire hit.
Monday, July 28
Things turn ugly when Spider-man meets Elmo during Dave's monologue.
Friday, July 25
From an ad in a newspaper... "Click here"?