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Tuesday, September 24, 2013 The one and only Cher is Dave's guest for the entire show.
Show #3908
Cher
" . . . . and now, higher standards at lower prices . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Cher is on the show tonight. You have to give her credit. She's come a long way. She was born in the wagon of a traveling show. Her momma used to dance for the money they'd throw. Papa would do whatever he could."
- "Cher and I have a special connection. We are both gay icons."

Dave says the United Nations General Assembly is in session. Today was Angela Merkel Bobblehead Day. The response from the audience was tepid at best. Dave wonders, "Would That Joke Be Funnier in Turkish?"
ART CARD: "WOULD THAT JOKE BE FUNNIER IN TURKISH?"
We hear the Turkish National Anthem. Back on Dave, we find he is standing next to a Turk. The Turk repeats the joke Dave just told, in Turkish.
TURK: (in Turkish) "The United Nations General Assembly is in session. Today was Angela Merkel Bobblehead Day.
ART CARD: "WOULD THAT JOKE BE FUNNIER IN TURKISH?"

We have a minute so we check in to see what's happening at the United Nations General Assembly right now.
We see the goings on. We hear this announcement: "Now it's time to honor those who are no longer with us."
Slowly, an "In Memoriam" tribute is presented. We see:
- Hugo Chavez of Venezuela
- Jorge Rafael Videla of Argentina
- Jean Stapleton of 704 Hauser Street, Astoria, Queens
- Fidel Castro of Cuba. Even though he is not dead, he's close enough to make the list.

Dave is all excited about the new Ron Howard race car movie that is coming out, "Rush." We take a look at the trailer.
ANNOUNCE: "Ron Howard brings to life the incredible true story about how professional racing was forever changed by one man." We see a close up of one of the drivers in the race car. It is Rush Limbaugh. He bellows into his walkie-talkie/race helmet to racing HQ: "We're certainly not going to eradicate poverty by creating dependency!"
ANNOUNCE: "'Rush.' Coming soon."

We have a little more time so we take a look at yesterday's opening ceremony at the United Nations General Assembly.
ANNOUNCE: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 68th annual United Nations General Assembly. And now your host, Neil Patrick Harris." We see NPH rising from under the stage to ovation from the Assembly.

ACT 2:
I missed the pre-show Q&A but I imagine a guy in the audience came to New York City just to try our pastrami sandwiches. Just before stepping on stage, Dave sent Biff out to pick up a pastrami sandwich for the guy. Biff picked it up at the Hello Deli for a mere $8.45. At the Carnegie, it would cost twice to three times as much . . . . but it would feed a family of four for a week. The guy is very pleased with his meal. Still, even though it was free, it deserved a tip. But the guy was from Canada, so what do you expect?

Oh, boy. Here it is, September in New York and the sports team the city is depending on for excitement is . . . . the Jets? The Yankees are out of the playoffs; the Mets are the Mets; and the Giants are 0-3. The surprising New York Jets are 2-1. Dave witnessed the excitement the Tebow-less team is creating when he saw a guy with a Jets logo shaved into this scalp. Our announcer Alan Kalter is equally excited and went to his assistant earlier in the day to have the same thing done. Alan turns his head to show his shaved-scalp Jets logo. We take a look at the back of Alan's head. It's no Jet logo. It's the word "ASSHAT." A proud Alan, who cannot see it, thinks it's a Jets logo. Oh, Alan.
Were you like me? At the end of this piece did you scratch your head and wonder, "Alan has an assistant?"

TOP TEN - following the Top Ten opening animation, we see tonight's list has a sponsor.
ALAN: "Tonight's Top Ten list is sponsored by Foreigner Earphones . . . specially designed for foreign ears . . . clear reproduction of both English and languages spoken by foreigners. Foreigner Earphones . . . available at Radio Shed.
And now, here's Gene Rayburn!"

TOP TEN: NEW FAST FOOD PRODUCTS - Burger King has come out with a dietary French Fry called Satis-fries.
7. Handful O'Beef
6. Week-old Hello Deli Pastrami
4. Abestoast
2. Oil Meat Flap
1. One-Inch Sub

ACT 3:
CHER
It's the great and powerful Cher!! Only Cher can make an entrance such as this: With lights and smoke and triumphant patriotic music, she descends from the rafters upon a swing. So thrilled was the audience, they almost got up to give a standing ovation. Surprisingly, Cher had little trouble getting out of the harness. Dave lauds how well Cher is looking and compliments her on the "little number" she is wearing. Cher is thankful, but laments that it's a bit littler than she thought. She asks how Dave has been. Dave says, "Lousy. I feel as if I've been hit by a truck." Why? Dave finishes, "Because I fell off a skateboard." Cher is very impressed and expresses how fabulous that is. Dave is bewildered by this. Cher clarifies, "Because at YOUR age you fell off a skateboard." ZINGER! "It's not like you fell off your Hoveround." She has a point. And she's given me a new reference. I had to look up what a Hoveround is. Most of my readers already k now. This is her first album in over ten years. Why the wait? What happened? She simply explains, "I forgot." And then one of her managers started haranguing her to back in there and record. He kept at her and at her until she said, "Leave me the 'givl' alone." But the manager won out and she is back! Dave and Cher are near the same age and Dave wonders if she knew or worked or befriended some of the music greats. Friends? Peers? Acquaintances? Janis Joplin: Cher didn't really know her but at the time the two were the "bad girls" of music. They were the first women of rock to get tattoos. Does Cher remember what her first tattoo was? After some thought, she says it was on her butt and it read: "Hi, Sailor." On her other cheek read, "New in town?"

Jimi Hendrix: nice, sweet, boyish, pleasant, polite, gentle. Was he the greatest guitarist of all time? Cher says there are so many great guitarists out there, but he was so different. He stood out from all the rest. There will never by another "him". His career was short, but so explosive. Dave wonders what Jimi would be like today if he were still around. And Janis Joplin. So great then and they probably would still be great today. What would the by like today? Cher says, "I don't know, but sometimes the best thing you can do for your career is die."
(Dave should know . . . . he dies every night during the monologue. Hey-O! . . .. I am so glad he doesn't read this!) More talk about the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and Brian Wilson. When Sonny & Cher started out, they were hated. The kids liked them, the parents not so much. They didn't really make it big until they went to England. She adds that the music in the 60s was all about breaking everything up, and then putting it back together in a new way. And music now . . . . "we're still here. We don't leave." Kids coming in today are welcome, but "we're you're not getting over me."

Twerking? What's the deal with that? Will we be seeing any of that when Cher performs later? Cher tells Dave that he'll have to come over to her place if he wants any of that. Dave then tries to ignite a twerking vs. humping discussion but Cher's not interested.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We'll see you again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Robin Williams, from "Masters of Sex" Lizzy Caplan, Icona Pop, and a special Top Ten List with opera singer Renee Fleming! When we come back, helpful tips for getting ballpoint pen ink out of bloodstains."

ACT 7:
CHER: From her first album in over 10 years, "Closer To The Truth," Cher performed "I Hope You Find It." The album is in stores today.

While Dave is saying goodnight, someone yells out, "We love you, Cher!" Glad the lights were down so no one could see it was me.

And that was our show for Tuesday September 24, 2013.

Lizzy Caplan of Showtime's "Masters of Sex" was scheduled for tonight but we ran out of time. She will be here Wednesday night. And looking ahead to Wednesday's show, we're packed!

Solar panels. I'm kicking around the idea of getting solar panels for the house. I've seen that the best place to put solar panels is on the south side of your house up on the roof. The guy who pitched us says the south side of the house AND the northeast would do well. And he said this after he eyeballed our house. Hmmmm. I'll be doing my due diligence. I was watching Gore and Clinton with Charlie Rose and they made a good promo for solar energy. But like the huge cell phone Michael Douglas used on the beach in "Wall Street," I'm wondering how compact and inexpensive solar panels will be in ten years. Will I be buying huge and expensive when they will be tiny and cheap in ten years?

Mariano Rivera's last game at Yankee Stadium is Thursday night. The Stadium will be packed with fans to see his final appearance. Here's what I'm hoping for on Mariano Rivera's last game ever at Yankee Stadium . . . . whoever is the starting pitcher . . . I hope he has a no-hitter going into the 9th. Manager Joe Girardi will have a dilemma on his hands. Should he take out the starting pitcher for Mariano to finish?

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History. From September 24, 1998: "Rose Rita Petersons of Bedford Village, New York"
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Ballard's Country Store in Clark County, Kentucky, it's Bertha Stevens Ballard Black. May you Rest In Peace.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Mike Myers
Bonnie McFarlane
John Fullbright

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, September 13
Is George Clooney having second thoughts?
Thursday, September 11
Billy Eichner and Dave enjoy a screaming match.
Wednesday, September 10
Dr. Phil gets the Big Red treatment.
Tuesday, September 9
Dave & Michael Strahan and their mutual admiration society.
Monday, September 8
Dave and Vladimir: Just a couple guys talking about Dairy Queen.